my old life

Chapter 1804 Start all over again
The mute drove the car intently, Da Bing and Huben were resting beside him, and Xiao Ke and the others were in the car behind.

The interior of the car was dim, with only a faint light on the instrument panel and a cigarette butt flickering in my hand. At this moment, instead of relaxing, I felt extremely depressed inside!
The second uncle once said that in a relationship, if you are lazy and don't do things, someone will always do it for you!
So, you lose the value of existence.

When I can't bring benefits to my friends, there is always someone who can bring benefits to them. In a narrow sense, I lose the value of being used...

At this moment, I suddenly understood the words of my second uncle, especially at this moment when I was out of danger!
Even if the soldiers came to help me again and again without asking for anything in return, I still feel sorry for myself. After all, everyone has their own work and life, and it is impossible to go through life and death for free every time!
I used to boast that I saw interests so thoroughly, and I used to boast that I saw human nature so thoroughly...but I fell on such a simple and easy-to-understand truth one after another!
At this moment, I can't say anything, I can only smoke quietly by myself, the silence is because I don't want anyone to see my sadness.

The car was speeding all the way on the dirt road, and there was a smell of gunpowder in the car, which reminded me of the last time we met in the Little Mengla Casino...

Many people who touched me last time did not show up today... I don't expect everyone to care about me, but I know that some feelings are gradually fading!

I used to be a cheater, a cheater who walked into the casino and won money easily!I am generous with my friends and never mean to my friends. I am indispensable to everyone!
At that time, I had my second uncle's Laoqiantuan as my backing, and those old Jianghu were all my support!No matter what kind of trouble is encountered, whether it is my trouble or the trouble of friends...

I used to take all my friends to fight in all directions, I racked my brains for the benefit of my friends, I took care of each of their needs and inner thoughts, and I have a clear conscience for all of them!

I used to regard feelings as more important than any interests. I never abandoned my friends because of interests, and I never betrayed or betrayed any of them!Never!
But now I boast that I have quit the rivers and lakes after washing my hands, and that I will no longer enter the casino and gamble... For many people, I have lost the value I should have, and the value I had originally!
At this moment, I understood a lot, I understood why Su Yurong left me, I understood why Fatty betrayed and joined Chen Longxiang... I also understood why someone would betray my news.

In the final analysis, the reason is the loss of value, and it has nothing to do with how deep the relationship was, or whether there is a life-threatening friendship...

How can we have more friendship?That was just the gathering of Eli in the past!Feelings and interests are like oil and water, they can never get together across everything!
In this society, it is not that if you are kind to others, you will definitely be able to get others to be kind to you!Sometimes it may be exchanged for more powerless demands...

Once Shiliu's family was in decline, she needed the help of her friends and didn't care what her friends did. It would be great if she was a gangster.

Once Hulizi was killed while gambling on a boat, what she needed was a reliance to support her in the rivers and lakes, and this reliance had to be strong enough to protect her safety.

Once Fo Qianxiao's family was split, what she needed was a capable person who could take over the family business. This person must be of the same age and able to provoke the leader.

At this moment, I understood what they wanted. Xiong Sanming, who had wandered around in the rivers and lakes, could bring them what they wanted, and it could even be said that they could meet their requirements.

But what about Xiong Sanming now?Living in a foreign country is uncertain about life and death, withdrawing from the rivers and lakes no longer has ambition and power, and becomes like an ordinary person...

No!Xiong Sanming who quit the arena is not even comparable to an ordinary person!Because ordinary people don't need to hide from XZ!

It's hard to find a three-legged toad, but is it hard to find a two-legged man?Isn't it hard to find a man with network resources and power?

In fact, I can understand everyone, I can understand everyone's demands, I will not blame or hate, at this moment my heart is unexpectedly calm.

The Buddha said karma retribution, good fortune and misfortune depend on each other.

I firmly believe that the path of life is taken by myself, every choice is made by myself, and every life is chosen by myself... I can't blame others at any time!
Whatever the reason, there will be the result, and what kind of thing you have done will have the retribution. Whether it is a blessing or a curse, it is a part of life.

Smoking one after another, I kept silent and pretended to be exhausted, but in fact I just didn't want people to see my embarrassment at this moment.

I was the one who obtained everything with my own hands in the rivers and lakes, and I was the one who destroyed it all with my own hands. Now that the dumb and the soldiers are still by my side, it is the greatest luck for me!

I know that feelings cannot withstand the consumption again and again, and I also know that feelings cannot withstand the test of interests again and again. From this moment on, I will seize the last chance!

I'm not reconciled to being defeated like this, I'm not reconciled to being reduced to mediocrity like this!Maybe someone can understand the truth in a few minutes, but I paid a huge price!
My second uncle used to say that what is more precious than money in this world is the sublimation of thought, which cannot be bought with any amount of money, nor can any amount of social experience replace it!
I don't know how long it took for the car to arrive at Xiaomengla. All the lights on the streets at night have been turned off, and there is a dead silence everywhere.

Looking at the luxurious casinos on the distant mountains, each casino is like a landmark building, and the resplendent lights illuminate the night, and they also seem to illuminate my way to 'go home'.

I felt this way when I first saw a casino. Although my cheating career was not as long as decades, it also made me go through the vicissitudes of the world.

In this world, I don't know how many people have been harmed by gambling, and how many wives and families have been ruined by gambling, but gambling is the way to achieve what I used to be!It used to be, and I think it will be in the future!

I will no longer have the idea of ​​quitting the arena, because where there are people, there will be a arena. Once a person chooses a line and is good at it, how can the experience, relationship and connections in it be easily let go?
This moment reminded me of the conversation I had with my second uncle. At that time, I didn't understand the embarrassment on his face, nor his relieved expression.

Now it seems that I was so naive at the beginning!Those scenes were so ironic, I was the one who forced my second uncle to quit the arena, I was the one who forced him to let go of everything he built with his own hands...

The big deal in life is to start all over again, this sentence is easy to say, but it is not easy to really start all over again!
Everything can be done again at my age, because I have time and youth, and I have the energy to rebuild everything that used to be.

But what about the second uncle?
How can he rebuild everything at his age?He taught me a lesson in the way his years of building relationships and relationships went up in flames!
At that time, the second uncle said that I would understand one day, but today I understand, but it is so sad to understand!
The car stopped in front of a small two-story building, the upstairs window was lit, and the mute turned off the car and got out.

"Sanming, are you okay? Why do you feel that something is wrong?" Da Bing asked curiously, and Huben also looked at me curiously.

"I'm fine. I haven't slept for several days and nights, and my spirit is a little low." I prevaricated and forced a smile on my face.

"Let's take a break here tonight and leave here tomorrow."

"No! There is no news from Bai Xingchen yet, I will call him later! If you want to see a person, you want to see a dead body!"

"OK! Leave everything to me." The mute gestured at me, and I nodded without saying anything.

"Bing, you guys have a good rest, see you tomorrow!"

It's too late to say thank you now, I just want to be alone and let myself feel sad in this dark night.

I turned my head and entered the room, I don't want anyone to see my expression, I don't want anyone to see the pain in my heart!
I locked the door and lit a cigarette in embarrassment, all the bitterness in my heart turned into a raging wave, engulfing me in an instant...

I don't know where all the stars are going tonight. The dark sky is extremely depressing, and people can't see any hopeful stars... I know this is another long and suffocating night.

Before dawn tomorrow, I will definitely adjust my state!I am still the same me I used to be, and I will take back everything I lost with my own hands!
(End of this chapter)