my old life

Chapter 3322 Trembling in the Heart

In the past, my second uncle often said that one should follow the trend in life, deal with what you can handle, and don't resist what you can't handle.

Anything beyond a person's ability will become painful, any pain beyond a person's ability to bear, it will become a devastating blow!

Right now I'm in a terrible situation, even with friends around it's like no one's land, no one can get into my heart, and no one can share for me.

On the contrary, I want to take care of everyone, and I want to plan for their future and life safety. As a big brother, I can't lead them to the abyss of eternal doom.

A person stood quietly at the window and looked outside, and there was a heavy snowfall outside the window, as if it was going to engulf the whole world.

I wanted to light a cigarette but touched the empty pack, and somehow the cigarette was finished without me even noticing.

In fact, I am a person who cares about details, but I didn't find the details around me tonight. Through this detail, I know that I am in a bad state.

It is impossible for a person to have everything, but when a person is in a mess, everything will become different.

I don't know how long I stood at the window and watched the snowflakes. I couldn't wait for the dawn, only the heavy snowflakes were flying non-stop.

I yawned, took off my shoes and lay on the sofa, ready to take a nap to replenish my energy, my energy was already extremely low.

I think this is the trough in my fortune and also in my life, but I will not go against it or force it, I can only follow the trend.

I know the way of fortune, I know that everything has its destiny, nothing can always stand at the top, and nothing can last forever.

I have experienced countless dangers in all rivers and lakes. No matter what kind of powerful opponents I face, I have never been afraid...but this time is different.

I thought I could see through everything, I thought I had a perfect grasp of routines and people's hearts, but there are always stronger opponents in the world.

I'm fearless, but I don't dare to think about the opponent I'm going to face, I can't believe that the person I'm going to kill is always hiding by my side!

This person would even talk and laugh with me as a brother and brother, and even provide me with so-called help...

And this person can still control me, or a person who can control me, this will be an extremely terrifying thing, it is really scary!
This kind of fear pervades my heart, like a sudden loss of purpose in life, and also like a sudden loss of spiritual support, and my firm heart begins to become confused.

For some reason, I suddenly thought of the mute.

If I have him by my side to help at this time, everything will be much easier!He is a smart and wise man who always helps me a lot.

I thought of Bai Xingchen, if he was here at this time, he could help me steal anyone's information, eavesdrop on anyone's conversation, and even help me track everyone!

If there are soldiers around to protect me at this time, then I can sleep more peacefully, and I don't have to worry about being strangled or beaten to death in my sleep!
If my second uncle can be by my side at this time, then I will rest easy, because he can help me deal with anything!Because he can always plan and control everything!
If his old Qiantuan and his friends are by his side at this time, then those old Jianghu will definitely be able to advise me, and even more so, they will become my opponent's fear!
If at this time I can still be as chic and fearless as before, then I will definitely dare to fight anyone to the end, I dare to confront anyone head-on!

But now I have too many worries, I have too many worries, I have a lot more than before, but I also have a lot more worries...

In fact, I understand that people have one thing in common, that is, the more they have, the more worries they have!

The more you have, the less you want to lose it. It is human nature to be able to afford it but not to let it go. No one, including me, can escape, and no one can avoid it.

But if it can only be if, no one is by my side now, facing such a situation and such an opponent, I will not let them help.

In the past, my second uncle often said that the reason why people like to make friends is that they hope that having more friends can help them tide over difficulties when they are in trouble.

Having more friends can drive away loneliness, and you don't have to endure loneliness alone, so you can get more laughter and happiness.

If you have more friends, you will be more powerful. When anything happens, you will call your friends as soon as possible, and ask them to help you solve all the troubles...

People are all selfish and self-interested. To put it bluntly, everything people do is for themselves, and no one will give anything for no reason.

But when the true friendship reaches a certain level, when the danger really reaches a certain level, then something changes!

You don't drag your friends into the water, you don't have the heart to let them face danger with you, and you don't have the heart to risk their lives!

In fact, the root of all this lies in myself, because I want too much, because I want too much...

I want to be clean and invincible, I want to use other people as my stepping stones, and I want to meddle in other people's interests for my own purposes.

If I didn't want too much, I wouldn't be in this situation!
If I didn't want to be unfavorable to Black Shark, then he wouldn't fight back against me!

There is no conflict of interest in this world, and it will never be a conflict!Some conflicts that arise because of trivial matters are meaningless conflicts.

I don't know why when I close my eyes, I will think of those people in the past. When they can't appear by my side, other people will appear in front of my eyes!

I am no stranger to these people, I know each one of them, but they look hideous, and some are dripping with blood.

There are people whose heads I smashed open with a chair, people whose heads I smashed with an ashtray, people whose heads I smashed with a hot pot, and people who I smashed with a hot water bottle...

Those were the people I whipped with the soles of their shoes, those were the ones I knocked over with my car, those were the ones I stabbed severely with a red wine glass, those were the ones whose eyes I picked out, and those who were The person I killed for a thousand years...

There are also those who were maimed by me, those whose hands were chopped off by me, those who died by my guns and blades, all of them came to the fore!

The appearance of each of them is so clear, and the face of each of them is so ferocious, they seem to be around me like a life-threatening ghost!
I opened my eyes suddenly, I breathed heavily, unknowingly cold sweat drenched my whole body, but the nightmare did not disappear!

I found that it was still dark outside the window, I opened the curtains and pulled all the curtains to the maximum!
I have never looked forward to the dawn as much as today, I have never hoped that the long night will pass sooner than today, I have never hoped that I can become an ordinary person and get rid of all the shackles that bind me...

I have never felt the past more clearly than this moment, and I have never felt the hatred of those people more clearly than this moment!
Those gangsters with fierce eyes, those opponents covered in blood, those crazy drug dealers, those ferocious faces, those fierce eyes like knives, everything surrounded me!
Everything is constantly eroding me, bit by bit eating away my inner courage, eating away my blood, as well as my dreams and ambitions.

I don't know why I feel extraordinarily cold tonight, as if it can be cold to the bone, the air conditioner is turned on very high, and I am wrapped in a thick blanket, but I still can't feel the slightest warmth.

My whole body was completely cold, as if I was in an ice cellar, I could only keep curling up.

At this moment, I feel like I used to hide in the Internet cafe for fear of being found, just like I used to hide in the quilt for fear of the dark, just like I used to hide in that small space and dare not breathe for fear of being caught !
It's also like I used to hide in the dark and didn't dare to make a sound, and like I used to endure loneliness and loneliness when I had nothing, my whole body was shaking non-stop.

In fact, in the Jianghu, no one can warm your heart, the only one who can warm you all the time is yourself!
When I was a cheater, I was not afraid of opponents, even if our skills were inferior to others, we still dared to compete with each other!

When I was a drug dealer, I no longer had cheaters as opponents, but I was even more uneasy, because I was always worried that the people around me would betray me, and that they would be bought to kill me!
When I had a big power as my backer, I became even more uneasy. Even though I had no opponents, I touched the interests of more people!

There will be more conspiracies and more tricks waiting for me in the future. I will be fooled unknowingly, be used by others unknowingly, and lose everything I have unknowingly.

I stared blankly at the snowflakes falling outside the window, looking forward to the dawn again...

(End of this chapter)