my old life

Chapter 996
My hands were shaking non-stop, and my heart was also trembling non-stop. I tried my best to suppress my inner emotions, but the more I suppressed, the more violent the rebound became!
Like a wave of black waves knocking me down in the vast ocean, I wanted to struggle but fell into a huge vortex, swallowing me up in the endless darkness bit by bit...

Every time I use my footsteps to measure the steps under my feet, I feel strange, unprecedented strangeness, as if I have never walked the steps in my life... I think maybe I have never walked such a difficult road.

Unknowingly, there are all memories in my mind, all about the past... But this moment is destined to become a memory, but the person in the memory has been engraved in my bones, making it unforgettable!

All the beauty and emotions in my heart were ruthlessly shattered by reality, but I don't blame others, blame myself for choosing this road of no return...

At this moment, I finally understand why my second uncle has always been unwilling to start a family, because some people are destined not to survive the long night, some things are destined to be unable to take care of, and some relationships are destined to be lost to time.

I think I should be happy for Shiliu at this moment. At least she will not be alone. At least someone will accompany her to give her a peaceful life. At least someone will give her a gift when she is sick. A bowl of chicken soup...

Before I knew it, I felt really embarrassed, even more embarrassed than a dog... just because of the selfishness and greed in my heart, just because of my unrealistic wishful thinking!
I can only blame myself for everything. I don't regret going back to Shencheng. It is a good thing for me to recognize myself earlier... But the pain in my heart can't be restrained.

The words Brother Yu said to me kept coming to my mind. I think Shiliu's choice should be correct. I think I should be happy with the current result, but I can't be happy...

No matter how much I know about the human heart and human nature, I still can't escape this invisible shackle on myself, which locks me in the cage of my heart bit by bit.

Smoking cigarettes one after another, at this moment, I hope there are more steps in front of me, and I hope this road will not be finished too quickly, because I want more time to allow myself to accept the reality.

Time is really an invisible sculpture knife, which not only changes people's lives but also shapes people's hearts. Maybe everything in this world will really change, including feelings and people's hearts.

Suddenly I felt a ball of paper in my pocket, and I remembered that it was a clever trick given to me by the mute, who asked me to open it when I was desperate and desperate, but now I feel that this thing has lost its original meaning.

Nothing can change when I am really in a desperate situation, and I don't want to use my selfishness to change, because I know what is good for Sixteen!Know more about what is the greatest responsibility to a woman!

If I can't give her company and care, how can I talk about love?If I can't give her a sense of stability and a haven, how can I talk about being with her for a lifetime?
Suddenly, I felt a sharp pain in my heart, and a sense of suffocation made me curl up all over, and the stinging pain made me sweat immediately. I didn't expect that excessive sadness would cause heartache, and it turned out to be true!
"Ah!" I beat my chest desperately, the strength of my whole body was quickly drained at this moment, the feeling of myocardial infarction made me feel so painful!

My feet were weak and I fell headfirst from the stairs. I didn't know how many times I rolled over and my body hurt so badly. I felt that I might die here...

He fell heavily on the ground, but the tingling pain in his chest disappeared!Everything becomes smoother!

I lay on the ground and took a big gulp of fresh air. I put my hands on my chest and felt my long-lost heartbeat. I didn't dare to have any thoughts or turmoil. At this moment, I just wanted to calm myself down as soon as possible.

I can hear voices from around me, but no one is taking the fire stairs, I think everyone is crowding in front of the elevator, everyone is trying to squeeze the wooden bridge...

At this moment, nothing is more important than air, and nothing is more important than being alive. I think if fate doesn't kill me at this moment, it must let me live!
After a while, I called Da Bing. I didn't know what floor I was on, but I desperately wanted someone to come over and accompany me. I was afraid that something would go wrong if I was alone!
Soon Da Bing appeared panting, and his eyes immediately turned red when he saw him!
"You, what's wrong with you? Get up!" He came up and pulled me up, carefully checking my whole body.

"I'm fine, but my chest is tight." I took out a cigarette and lit it, and took a deep breath, feeling that the air is more precious than anything else!
"Did they do something to you? I'll kill them!" The soldier was about to leave after speaking, and I immediately grabbed his arm.

"No! I accidentally fell down, let's go!"

"Where?"

"Back to Wencheng." I said this calmly. I was also surprised by the calmness at this moment, but the feelings in my heart had been pulled out of my body abruptly, as if my soul was also taken away!
"What's the matter? Don't scare me! How come I don't know you anymore? Why did your eyes become like this? Where did that Xiong Sanming I knew go?"

The soldier kept shaking my shoulders, I could see his anxiety and worry, but I just wanted to take a big breath of air.

"Da Soldier! I'm fine, I'm really fine... Woohoo!"

I hugged Da Bing's shoulders and cried loudly. I couldn't bear the emotions in my heart anymore. I couldn't express the pain in my heart, and I could only turn it into tears.

I know I'm crying in a mess, I know I'm crying like a woman, but at this moment I don't care, I just want to cry and cry out all my emotions...

"What the hell! What happened? Did they bully you? I will seek justice for you!"

"No! Don't go... I'm really fine! Give me the last bit of dignity, please!" I grabbed Da Bing's arm and didn't let go, he started to cry angrily.

"Don't do this, can you, you make me very uncomfortable!" Da Bing held my shoulder hard, and I could feel the raging love in his chest.

"Don't worry, I'm fine. I just fell and hurt." I wiped away my tears and helped him stand up. I took a deep breath and flicked off the dust on my body.

I know that I am still that fearless Xiong Sanming, and I know that I still have unfulfilled missions. Since I have chosen this path, I will go on even if I am on my knees!

"Let's go!"

"Are you really going back to Wencheng? What's the matter? How long have you been here?" Da Bing looked at me suspiciously, his eyes full of worry.

"It doesn't matter how long you come here, peace of mind is the most important thing!" I think I have accepted this fact, no matter how painful it is, it is still true!
"What's the matter? Don't scare me! Your eyes..."

"I'm really fine. Let's go eat and drink, and book a flight back to Wencheng as soon as possible... Others are still waiting for us."

I patted my face to get myself back to normal, no matter what the feelings in my heart are, I don't want to have the feeling of myocardial infarction just now for the third time!
That feeling of suffocation is really frightening, it’s the taste of touching the edge of death, it makes people feel so close to the gate of hell, as if there is an invisible big hand dragging people into the abyss!

"Okay, but if you have something to do, don't hold it in your heart!"

"Don't worry!" After I finished speaking, I suddenly saw the ball of paper on the ground, the paper ball given to me by the mute was right in front of me, and I thought I really didn't have anything to fear at this moment.

I can accept the concerns and feelings in my heart calmly, so may I ask what else I can’t accept?No matter how painful I have tasted, what else can make me afraid except death?

I picked up the ball of paper and took a look, although there was only one sentence on it... But I understand why the mute asked me to open it when I was desperate, but this sentence is no longer important to me!
"Never give up the last sliver of hope... Who wrote this to you?" Da Bing took a look and read it out, and I threw away the ball of paper casually.

"It doesn't matter who gave it to me. If you want to have it, you must first understand how to accept it!" At this moment, I thought of the words of the old monster Buddha. I didn't expect this truth to make people so uncomfortable!
But at this moment, even if I have a chance to fight for it, I will not disturb Shiliu's peaceful life, because I know that there are some things I can't give...

I understand what is good and what is right, and I understand even more what is right. This time I used reason to overcome sensibility...

I took a deep breath and looked at the sky outside the window. This moment was like a new life!
Leaving the fire stairs of the hospital with strides, I am still that fearless Xiong Sanming... In my heart, I sincerely wish her!
(End of this chapter)