Qing Palace Dream Like Smoke·Moyu

Chapter 77

Outside the Linxi Pavilion, weeping willows were still in the shade, insects were chirping, and Mo Yu stood quietly by the pond, staring at the water in a daze.

She thought about the conversation with the fourth elder brother during the day, he said calmly: "I'm just sending you something." Did this sentence break her down?Thinking about it now, she still felt sad, and she couldn't tell if she couldn't stand his cold tone, or it was really because of the hairpin.

More or less, she can guess something, this hairpin must have a lot to do with her life experience, or it is really like what he said, this hairpin does not have such a complicated story.But for some reason, after he said that, she seemed unable to think about the hairpin anymore, but felt sad for no reason, and suddenly felt that the secret of the cherry blossom hairpin was not so important anymore.

Gradually, she remembered the lakeside of that day, the shadows of the trees were mottled, and the scent of cinnamon floated. She seemed to see the lights on the other side of the lake, and the crescent moon on the lake was reflected on the water. Everything seemed to happen yesterday, but she actually remembered so clear.

Thinking about it now, every time she wanted to seriously analyze her own thoughts before, whenever she touched him, even if it was just his name, her thoughts would automatically avoid, and she dared or didn't want to think about it.

Because I know what is going to happen, I just want to cherish myself, protect myself, and not get hurt, no matter what kind of hurt, including feelings, in the process of leading to the known future.

But when this painful feeling made her make up her mind to face herself, she found that it was too late. What she insisted on not wanting to pay had already been quietly handed over without knowing it, so her emotions became his every move. She cannot control herself, she doesn't know when it happened, she can't think about it, and she doesn't want to think about it, she just doesn't want to admit it or face it.

Some cold wind was blowing on her face, and his cold expression during the day came before her eyes again, as long as she thought of his faint words, the indifference in that tone lightly pricked her heart.Thinking of Thirteen said: If he likes you, he will treat you wholeheartedly.But, in his heart, she was just "it's nothing more than that". Thinking of this, the originally mild pain became sharper in an instant, making her frown involuntarily.The people and things she wanted to avoid had become a thorn in her heart. Over time, she had grown so much. The occasional touch made her understand that the pain she thought before was superficial and ordinary. None worth mentioning.

The first time I felt this kind of pain, I thought of Shishi’s injured eyes. I can only start but not end, I can only give but can’t take it back. I can’t help it but I can’t get a response. This kind of pain is really painful. The pain of the skin.

From now on, I don't have to feel guilty about you anymore, I will bear what you endured, she said to Fourteen with a slight smile in her heart, tears slipping down her face.

For some reason, I have almost forgotten my previous life, and I can’t remember how free I was before, as if what I am living here and now is the real life I have always been in.Is it just because of the time?Knowing that it is not, or not entirely, it is because there are people here who make me happy and hurt, and some things that make me happy and hurt, so I am immersed in it and cannot give up. Even the free life I most yearn for feels can give up.However, she thought to herself, even so, who would cherish it?

Suddenly, I saw the sad eyes when I was standing in front of my mother's hospital bed when I was a child. At this moment, in another time and space, I actually understood the pain and despair in her eyes, "Yu'er, love yourself well, treat yourself well." , you have to remember, only your own love will not hurt you." But I'm sorry, mom, I can't do it, Mo Yu smiled self-deprecatingly with tears in her eyes, I didn't mean it, and unconsciously, my heart hurts.

(End of this chapter)