the most beautiful time

Chapter 30 Escape from Homesickness (1)

When I first read Yu Guangzhong's poem "Nostalgia" in a Chinese textbook, I was a rebellious little girl who not only had no nostalgia for the hometown that was close at hand, but also wholeheartedly wanted to leave.For the small town that has grown up for more than ten years, I can't give birth to any feelings. I just want to quickly give birth to a pair of powerful wings and fly out.Moreover, parents, relatives and friends are always whispering in their ears, talking about those children who walked out of the small town to meet the big world, with envy on their faces, so I, who was young and not deeply involved in the world, was also told that "going out is a hero" Agitated by the concept of ", my heart is getting farther and farther away from the small town.

I remember that there was a cousin named Xuan in the family at that time, who stayed in Beijing after graduating from university, where he bought a house, got married and had children.Every time he came, he would visit all relatives, and of course he would never go empty-handed, and always brought gifts of one kind or another.I don't know if the adults are looking forward to his return to his hometown every year, but children like me always count down the date of his arrival. The urgency and anticipation are even greater than the yearning for the year.

What children look forward to is of course a gift from Beijing, the kind of candy or biscuit that has the taste of a big city. When we eat it, it is extra sweet because of our dreamlike imagination.In our hearts, Xuan represents a kind of urban melody, a kind of excitement when rubbing shoulders with an unattainable life, a kind of freshness and excitement of leaving the small town and rushing towards the big city.

At that time, I still didn't know whether Xuan Zai was happy or embarrassed when he came back. I always thought that seeing him coming home happily meant that I really wanted to return home.When presenting gifts to this or that relative, they are also sincere and careless.I looked at the past with a pair of eyes that did not contain the slightest impurities. Xuan's return was so tender and touching, so beautiful that it was almost like a simple folk song.

After graduating from university a few years later, when deciding whether to go back to my hometown or stay in the city, my whole family gave the unanimous opinion: of course stay in the city!My mother said, for nothing else, but to be able to express my breath among relatives and friends, and to stay in the big city.Because Xuan stayed in Beijing back then, Xuan's father squinted at the sky when walking in the town. He used to be responsive to his requests, but now he is like a leader who has to wait for others to give gifts and say a lot of compliments Only then are you willing to do things.And that Xuan, ever since he was promoted in Beijing, he has neglected everyone he met. Last year he came home empty-handed and walked in. I heard that your uncle didn’t even go to his house. I don’t know if it’s because he was afraid that he would be asked to do business or borrow money, or People simply look down on us poor relatives.

The younger brother of my uncle's family was even more straightforward, saying, I will stay in the provincial capital in the future, and he will be able to rely on him to pass the exam and study. After graduation, I guess I will have a little status and help him find a job.My father said, when you come back, there are endless things waiting for you to do, and some people can't afford to offend, otherwise you will have to make your reputation bad in the small town.It's nice to be in a big city, it's glorious, decent, quiet, and worry-free.

It took me a long time to understand the meaning of my father's words.At that time, I already had a good job, and I also made friends with some capable people from all walks of life who were able to do things, and because I helped my uncle’s younger brother to find a job, I became famous in the small town. When the Master saw my parents, it was as if he had seen the mayor. He insisted on going over to have a friendly chat, and said that if I go back, I must go to their house for a while. They all ran in my direction.And parents, in such praise and envy, as if they have glory and wealth, and their vanity is greatly satisfied.

But after being satisfied, endless troubles come one after another.Every time before going home, my parents will specifically explain how many gifts to buy for neighbors and relatives. The gifts don’t have to be too heavy, but they can’t be too light, otherwise people will look down on them and think our family is stingy.Of course, gifts should also be divided according to the weight of the person. For those who are far away, just take some candy. Relatives who walk around often need to pay special attention.

When I gave the piles of gifts I bought to those relatives and friends with a smile on my face according to my parents' instructions, I found that I didn't have much joy in my heart. I just let out a long breath as if I had completed a task, and said goodbye Hence the fatigue after overwork.The harvest after the visit is not the warmth of nostalgia, but the fear of this kind of over-enthusiasm. I am afraid that behind every smiling face, there is a problem waiting for me to solve; What it brings is indifferent words born out of ignorance.

It was at that time that I suddenly understood Xuan's escape and forgetfulness of the small town, the unbearable weight of nostalgia behind his generous gifts, and my father's words about the peace and peace of mind in big cities. epilogue.

It turns out that nostalgia is really a narrow ticket, but it’s me at one end, and human relations at the other end. I am in a city full of neon lights, looking at a quiet town, but I still dare not board the boat. At the end of this worldly ocean.

When I was about to graduate from university, I published a new book called "Where the Heart Can Reach".As soon as the news came out, literary friends, relatives, friends and netizens all stood up and asked me for books.I was happily harassed by congratulatory phone calls every day. At first I answered them one by one, but gradually I couldn’t do what I wanted. The number of sample books sent by the publishing house has decreased rapidly. It won’t be long before I have no more books to send, unless I Call the press and buy it for half price.In the end, when there were only ten books left, I stopped giving books to all my relatives and friends. The reason was always that there was only one book left as a souvenir.This trick really blocked all my friends from the door, and I can finally calm down and plan the most valuable home of the ten books.

The first thing I thought of was my mentor.The instructor was quite critical of my ignorance, but because of my reputation in the whole school and my active participation in the examination team, I didn't express any displeasure. When visiting, he will repeatedly mention me, a talented disciple who has given him face.Although the teacher himself is too pedantic, he not only dismisses the creation of my spiritual sketches, but also has some contempt from the bottom of his heart, thinking that this is not the literature he admires at all.But after thinking about it again and again, I decided to give him a copy, because I will be defending my thesis soon, and this is a trick to make him show mercy.

I quickly picked up the book, signed a line of words thanking my mentor for his teaching, and knocked on the door of my mentor's house.After the tutor met, he talked about my thesis in a few words, saying that the writing was really bad, and it would be difficult for him to pass it. If I didn’t revise it well, I’m afraid it would be difficult to graduate normally.I bowed my head and stayed with him, saying that I would go back and revise it carefully, and when he finished venting his expression, I took out the book hidden in the bag and gave it to him with both hands.He froze for a moment, took it over and simply turned it over, his face was still tense, but it could be seen that there was a trace of complacency and pride in his gaze.But he didn't praise me because I was his first disciple to publish a book.On the contrary, the tone became more and more serious: No wonder the thesis is not well written, time is spent on these useless things, can it produce results? !I nodded repeatedly and said yes, saying that I would promise not to waste time in the future.Afraid of further embarrassment for each other, I quickly said goodbye and left the tutor's house.

A few days later, when I was on the road, I met a junior. He came up and congratulated me, saying that the senior is really good. You don’t know how the tutor praised you in an academic report of the whole school!He said that you are the most talented student among the students he has taught. He also said that you are a rare talent even if you write your thesis well, and you are even more thorough in academics.I was on the side, blushing and smiling, and said, is it?That's all well cultivated by the instructor.After finishing speaking, he hurried away without raising his head.

(End of this chapter)