the most beautiful time

Chapter 45

That year she went to Beijing to study, and her father went north with her to work.

She never visited her father, nor could she find out where he worked.She only vaguely knew from her father that he was working as a migrant worker in a newly developed construction site, and that after receiving the money every month, he would call it to her card regularly.She also thought about going to him and leading him around the school like other students did, even if it was just a simple meal in the cafeteria.But Beijing is so big, it seems that to go to any place, it seems that you need to transfer on the bus and subway, so she thought, maybe it is difficult for them to meet each other in Beijing.

She knew that she was in her heart, but she didn't really want her father to come to see her.Although she was in awe of him since she was a child, she never felt embarrassed or embarrassed because of his humble status.But when she came to the bustling Beijing, she always felt that she was like a helpless grain of sand, being stepped on at will by pedestrians on the beach, and at any time, she would feel panic and dazed of being swept into the deep sea by wind and waves.The girls in the dormitory are busy dating, dancing, or going to various art exhibitions.She is the only one who comes from a lonely village and is clumsy with words. While others have quickly jumped on the noisy and lively train, she is stranded at a lonely small station, watching the train carrying the group of laughing people, going to The blooming flowers that she can no longer reach, and she doesn't even have the strength to call.

She is also envious of the roommates who often receive packages or phone calls from their parents, watching them make a fuss deliberately, showing her beautiful clothes, delicious specialties, and peacocks in front of her; or listening to them On the phone, she gently acted like a baby to her parents, her voice was like a flower, she seemed extremely shy, but she stabbed her eyes with the most dazzling color.They are thousands of miles away from their parents and family, but they seem to be close at hand; while she and her father are both in Beijing, but they seem to be far away.Often, after hanging up the phone, a roommate pretends to ask her casually, when will your parents come to see you?She always replied ambiguously that they were busy.

This is also the reason her father had given her.When he came to Beijing, he only took the initiative to call her once. It was heard that he borrowed someone else's mobile phone on a noisy construction site, and he just said in a hurry that he was very busy. Remember to take care of yourself, and I will give you a monthly report. send money.Before she had time to ask about her father's situation, she heard someone shouting: "55 seconds, hang up!" After that, there was only the sound of "beep" on the other end of the phone.She remembered the boss of "Talk Bar" looking at her strangely, the clear disdain in that gaze, like a sharp knife, pierced into her body instantly.

She always thought that her father, who was tossed around in various construction sites in Beijing, would never have the chance to meet her again unless he went home.But she didn't expect that she and him would see each other in such an embarrassing way.

It was a film exhibition organized by the school club. Her roommate asked her to be at the door to help distribute the "Feedback Form" and take care of the guests.Just when all the tickets were distributed and the guests were present one by one, and she was about to go back to her seat and watch the movie in peace, there was a sudden quarrel at the door.She followed the onlookers, walked over to have a look, and saw a uniformed guard pulling a man who was obviously a migrant worker, walking outside.When they reached the steps, the guard pushed the man hard, and the man staggered and fell heavily beside the flower pond under the steps.A group of migrant workers in the same mottled clothes immediately rushed forward and pulled the guard down.Amidst the chaotic yelling, she gradually figured out what happened. It turned out that the group of migrant workers on the school construction site rushed over after hearing that there would be free movies in the auditorium at night; the migrant worker who was pushed into the flower pond , Hypothetically looking for his own daughter, trying to sneak in to see.Of course the guards saw through their tricks, and after several disputes, the scene she saw first occurred.

The lights in the auditorium gradually went out, and she turned to leave, when a familiar voice suddenly came from behind: I am just looking for my daughter, her name is Chen Ye, she is a foreign language learner.She froze for a moment.At that moment, she felt as if she was fixed by a needle. She wanted to move, but found that all her efforts were futile, and the more she struggled to escape, the more intense the pain in her heart would be.

In the end, in the crowd, she walked away quickly without looking back.But when all the lights went out and the movie started in the dark, her tears finally flowed down.

It never occurred to her that her father was so close to her, so close that she could walk from the noisy construction site to her dormitory within a few hundred meters; Through the window, you can see migrant workers who are busy like ants on the scaffolding not far away; so close that she cooks every day, if you take a detour, you will see the construction site, sitting on the reinforced concrete in the early spring wind and sand , the group of laborers who buried their heads in eating.

However, her father never came to her until that night, after he drank some wine and was bullied by security guards, he finally called out her name at the entrance of the auditorium under the instigation of a group of migrant workers.

She and her father were originally people without courage.However, her cowardice is due to her humbleness; while her father's dodge is due to his deepest love for her.

She is always unwilling.Ever since she was a little girl, she was unwilling to live in a small town.

She rarely communicates with me, even though I'm only three years younger than her.But the distance of three years separated us thousands of miles.She doesn't call me sister, and I don't call her sister.She thinks I'm just a worthless girl, and I'm not even qualified to be her follower.Every time when her parents quarreled, she would ask her neighbors to help persuade the quarrel, and I cried all the way behind her, always frightened by her indifferent gaze when she inadvertently turned around.I don't know if she would be afraid of her parents' quarrel, if she was hesitant and timid when she was walking in the alley.The expression on her face is always calm and indifferent, without fear or hope, the world is just a wall in her heart, if she crosses this wall, she can go to the beautiful world outside.

But it's just a dream.Her plan of trying to get out of the small town was ruthlessly crushed by her parents and external forces time and time again. At 16, she fell in love with an older man and tried to run away with him.But I have always suspected that her intention of loving that man is just to use him to reach the outside world.She is not so much in love with him as in an unknown psychedelic bliss.Her strength is too weak to climb the walls of the small town and walk into the colorful colors; so she needs to find someone, a man to be precise, to help her through.

Such a plan, of course, ended in failure.I remember that summer night, the people enjoying the shade had already gone home to sleep with their cattail fans, and the sound of footsteps could not be heard outside the window, and even the dog’s panting was faint. Her parents suddenly opened the door and came in, and lifted her quilt. A slap woke her up from a drowsy sleep.But they didn't scold her loudly or humiliate her as usual, they felt ashamed, and although everyone in the town was asleep, they kept their voices extremely low.I slept next to her, pretending to be in a dream, but there was a needle in my ear, which was piercing up and down, and it hurt very much.I wanted to hug her and give her some warmth, even though it was summer and the mosquitoes were too hot to have any strength.But I still saw her trembling shoulders, the fear that there was nowhere to escape.The palm print of shame not only hit her face, but also her heart.She used all her strength to prove her innocence, but in the end, she got nothing more than harsher criticism from her parents.

Her lip gloss and earrings were all thrown into the town's stinky ditch by her mother.The body she was proud of was still blooming and growing, but her heart was bound by a marriage negotiated by her parents a few years later, and she no longer had a chance to breathe.

When she got married, I happened to be admitted to university.I found an excuse not to attend her wedding.I heard from my mother that when she left home, she didn't shed a single tear, and she was still smiling, as if she was going to a home that could protect her dreams.But I know that she is not satisfied with that man, she just thinks that she can live temporarily, away from the control and reprimand of her parents.Or, as a springboard into a future full of abundance.

Such unwillingness doomed this marriage, without love and without hope.She supported herself in confusion, gave birth to a child, and gave all three years to a dull and boring family. Then one afternoon when she was sending her child to kindergarten, she stood at the gate of the crowded school and suddenly felt The mediocrity and sorrow of a life so consumed.The mother said that she left without warning.But I understand that since she was 16 years old, from the moment her mother threw her lip gloss into the sewage, she has already planned this escape.As a result, her heart became cold and hard, and she didn't even have to give up her daughter.

When she called me to ask for money, I didn't know how to refuse, but I also didn't know how to talk to her, and what to say.We haven't communicated for a long time. We are in the same family, but we are like two women who are strangers to each other.She just said something in a low voice but firmly: lend me 2000 yuan, and I will pay you back.I still don't even call my younger sister, but there is a warmth in my heart that comes from the blood relationship.Just like, that night many years ago, I used a nervous heart to accompany her through the inescapable sadness of growing up.

I didn't ask where she went.Perhaps from the very beginning of her escape, she deliberately wrote down my mobile phone number, knowing that only I would help her, knowing that the gap between us for many years is actually a disguise, knowing that the only way to escape is to study all the way. Only I in the small town can understand her unwillingness and escape.

(End of this chapter)