Qing Chuanzhi Nian's non-stick

Chapter 59

I, Nianshi Jinyu, of course have another name, Murongxue.

I have the experience of two lifetimes, one life is rough and miserable, and the other life is happy and peaceful!
So I still prefer to be Murong Xue.Be that girl who doesn't have to think about anything, the Murong Xue who comes home from class all day and makes trouble with her family!

But God will never follow my wish, it always seems to take pleasure in teasing me.

I changed from Murong Xue to Nian Jinyu again, fell from the clouds to the bottom of the sea, and my life became a cup on the coffee table again!
Thinking of my life, I loved so foolishly that I was paranoid. I didn’t understand what was so good about that man, but I just felt that all the people combined were not as good as him, so I was willing to pay for him in that life. all.

But now I regret it!
I couldn't help but ask myself, are you going to live your life like that again?

No, no, I will never, and I never want to live my life like that again!
I don't understand why God always treats me so cruelly. I can't deny the sins I did in that life, but isn't this kind of punishment too deep? The kind of cruelty that hurts to the bone is all for her!

The children died one after another, and even Yinzhen had to deal the most painful blow to himself before his death, and there was no peace after death.

I will never forget that when I got used to Murong Xue's life, the first book I read was Qing History Draft, and seeing that brother who doted on her so much ended up like that, my heart ached so much at that time that I couldn't help it. Breathe, that's her brother, if not for herself, how could her brother get involved in those things?It was me who was blinded by love at that time, causing my brother to end up like that!
Yinzhen, how could you treat me so cruelly?

I clearly remember my last words before I died.

"Tell me, Yinzhen, have you ever loved me, even just for a moment!"

"No, never!" I still remember that cold voice, which is no longer like the tenderness of the past.

At that moment, I suddenly thought that it would be good to just die like this, at least I don’t have to think about Yinzhen’s ice-like voice and the indifference in his eyes, the beautiful funeral after death, the title of imperial concubine, I want to laugh when I think of it in future generations , that is a maze, it is used to confuse my brother and the people of the world.Everyone in the world knows that Yongzheng dotes on Concubine Nian, but only I can understand that what is doting, at most it is like a pet. As for love, I also want to ask Yinzhen, do you have love? ever?

I asked myself countless times, Nian Jinyu, you were so smart and confused for a while, how could you ruin it in the most vain love?
I have been reborn countless times in the later life, I am glad that I am reincarnated in the later life, there is no Yinzhen here, there is no all her past, I only cherish my family, sometimes I think it is good to live my life like this, but I still come back up.

Even though I did a lot of bad things in the name of love in that life, I never regretted it. In this big dye vat, I would not harm anyone, I would be the one who was killed, not to mention that I carried the most beloved reputation.

What an ironic name!

In this life, I decided to abandon love and Yinzhen. I only live for the birth of my children.

I kept telling myself not to love in this life, you can't afford it!But the nostalgia in his eyes and the free and easy expression on his mouth couldn't conceal his longing.

I was asking myself, Nian Jinyu, what exactly are you longing for?
At the beginning, I still struggled to think, all this is happening again, whether Yinzhen will be different, but Yinzhen beat me back to the original shape, Yinzhen's indifferent voice, indifferent eyes, at that moment I just I understand, such a man is destined not to be bound by love.

I persuaded myself to give up, and tried to focus on the door of my heart.

It worked, I got my cheap love and cravings under control.

I didn't really understand until this moment.

God closes a door for you, and will open a window for you.

In Jinyu, I no longer expected to get anything here, but God gave me an extra gift, is this a reward for me?

It's really funny to say that, even though I've started cultivating, my biggest request is to watch my children grow up and grow old.So for this goal, I started to hold the idea of ​​hugging my thighs and currying favor with Lord Kangxi.I know that I can only please the Lord Long Live so that he can protect me and the children. No one is more aware of Lord Kangxi’s protection than me at this moment. Peeping into this scene, I knew that Lord Kangxi had feelings. I knew that if he cared about me, even a little bit, he would definitely protect me. To be honest, even the sense of security brought to me by cultivation is not enough. Not as big as imperial power.

I know what Lord Kangxi needs in his later years. I try my best to play a filial and mischievous junior, and let him find some family affection from ordinary people in me. Very good, I succeeded, I successfully hugged this heart big tree.But I never thought that Lord Kangxi would treat me like this, even the princes and princesses would not enjoy what I have now.My heart is fleshy, and I will not turn a blind eye to all this. I said to myself, Jinyu, you treat him as an elder of yours, be filial when you should be filial, and act coquettish when you should be coquettish, but you must never You can't live up to an old man's love for you.So I started to treat Khan Ama sincerely. This Khan Ama called him sincerely. I started to use the ingredients in the space and the water from the medicinal spring to recuperate his body. I don’t mind changing history. As for the ending of changing history?What does that have to do with me?I just need to be able to live with my heart, so why bother with so many things?
Sometimes I'm thinking, Khan Ama, the gift from God can make my irritable and restless heart calm and peaceful. The hatred, disappointment, and contradiction deep in the heart.Slowly getting along with Yinzhen as a bed partner, but I still overestimated my ability.

A person who loves and hates sleeping beside your pillow, how could I ignore him and treat him as a simple bed partner, I started telling myself, Jinyu has ruined your life, don’t you still Want to hitch your life again?I woke up in the middle of the night, looked at the sleeping person beside me, and I told myself, this person's heart is cold, the only thing he can see is that chair, you are just one of the women in his backyard.What he is giving you now is only for the sake of your Han Ama's fancy. When the time comes, you will have to pay back the principal with interest.

I told myself over and over again, only in this way can my restless heart cool down.Soon, I adjusted myself to become an actor, and in Yinzhen's eyes, I kept playing one of the many women who didn't fight or grab.Maybe it's because of my good acting skills. Except for the occasional special attention from Yinzhen, I am almost like the air, and I am dispensable in this backyard. Sometimes I think, if there is no Khan Ama's favor, is there anyone in the backyard? Women dare to reach out to me.Yinzhen never protected me in that life, and it is still the case in this life, but in this life, I not only received the high-standard protection of Khan Ama, but I also have my own strength.

Do not fight or grab?That's because there is nothing left to fight for in Prince Yong's Mansion!The last longing has been turned into dust and melted into this universe.

The moment I learned that Concubine De wanted to give me a red sun, I regarded Yinzhen's biological mother as my biggest enemy.I didn't kill her with a rake, I planned to keep her to play with.

Didn't she want Yinzhen to have too many children?Hehe, I wanted to contradict her, and that Niu Hulu was really an eyesore, so I made a decision.It's just that I didn't expect that when it came true, I felt sad. Seeing that man caring for that woman carefully, I was still a little bit disappointed.

Heartbroken and heartbroken, it came so suddenly, when I thought I still couldn't escape my fate, I survived unexpectedly, and I was extremely relaxed at that moment.Looking back, I realized that I was stupid enough.When I first came back, I hated it like that, but I still couldn't help feeling sorry for that man.I saw my past self struggling in love and hate. Although the past Nian Jinyu pretended nothing had happened, I still saw the struggle of that Nian Jinyu. It was that year, and I was reborn from the ashes!

So silly, isn't it?In the past, there was still a trace of expectation, silly girl, what were you looking forward to in the past?I hope that his sentence Yu'er comes from the heart, or is it his sincere words that I hope that it will be good to have a child for me?I told myself never to ruin my life again because of his momentary tenderness.

It's time to wake up, I said to myself, seeing the soft sword in my hand, I said to myself, from now on you will be like it, treat yourself as a cold sword, don't expect those illusory things anymore, your The heart should completely isolate yourself from the past, and get rid of those things that should not belong to you.

I never knew letting go felt like this.Comfortable and free, even the yard that I have always hated has become pleasing to the eye. At this moment, I realized that as long as the heart is free, the scenery everywhere is free.

It is worth mentioning that I have a girlfriend in this life.It's funny to say, I didn't have a best friend in my two lifetimes, but unexpectedly I found a non-native best friend here, this is fate.She will help me train my subordinates, she will be filial to Khan Ama with me, she will tell me the stories in the Red Mansion, I promised her that I will set her free in the future, I will never forget this, because I only have Such a girlfriend.My Nian Jinyu will never let her down!

(End of this chapter)