Stimulate positive energy

Chapter 16 Transform Negative Energy and Boost Positive Energy

No one is perfect, everyone inevitably has weaknesses, and bad emotions will come out to make trouble from time to time.Their influence on people is "a hundred harms but no benefit".However, weaknesses can be overcome through learning and training, and negative emotions can also be self-regulated in a reasonable way, so that the transformation of negative energy into positive energy can be realized and positive energy can be enhanced.

anger is manageable

Anger is a negative feeling state, an irrational behavior that drains energy.Anger is a tense and unpleasant emotion caused when our wishes are not fulfilled or our actions to achieve our goals are frustrated.When angry, some people yelled, some showed obvious hostility, some threw things, and some glared and remained silent.In short, in life, we can often see people angry - from mild irritability to anger, to serious snarls and rage.

Anger is more than boredom or anger, it's inertia at its core.Anger creates inertia, often caused by an unrealistic expectation that the world will be as you want it to be.When things don't go the way they want, they get furious.Specifically, there are many reasons for people's anger.For example, people who have unmet needs as children often become irritable as adults; people become irritable when they are stressed and tired;Also, much of the current anger stems from past disappointments, trauma, or other causes.Unfortunately, people rarely realize the real reason for their anger.

There was a young farmer who was rowing a boat to deliver his own agricultural products to the residents of another village.The weather was extremely hot that day, and the farmer was sweating and miserable.He rowed the boat impatiently, hoping to complete the delivery task quickly so that he could return home before dark.Suddenly, the farmer found that another small boat in front of him was coming down the river and heading towards him quickly.Seeing that the two boats were about to collide, but the boat didn't have the slightest intention of avoiding it. It seemed that it was deliberately trying to overturn the farmer's boat.

"Get out of the way, get out of the way! You idiot!" the farmer shouted loudly to the opposite boat. "If you don't get out of the way, you're going to run into me!" But the farmer's roar was completely useless. Although the farmer frantically tried to get out of the waterway, it was too late, and the boat hit his boat hard.The farmer was enraged, and he reprimanded sharply: "Can you drive a boat? You bumped into my boat in such a wide river?!" When the farmer looked at the other boat angrily, he was surprised to find that there was no one on the boat .He yelled and scolded an empty boat that had broken free from its rope and was drifting down the river.

Although this is just an ancient fable, the enlightenment it gives us is profound.It tells us that in most cases, when you blame and yell, your audience may just be "an empty boat".In other words, your anger is useless.Since it doesn't work, why don't we choose not to be angry?Besides, anger doesn't do any good to people's psychology.Anger makes people depressed and inert.From a pathological point of view, anger can lead to high blood pressure, ulcers, rashes, palpitations, insomnia, sleepiness, and even heart disease; from a psychological point of view, anger can destroy loving relationships, hinder emotional communication, and lead to feelings of guilt and depression.In short, it makes you unhappy.You might not believe this, because you've probably heard that losing your temper is better for your mental and physical health than sulking.Yes, it's much better to vent your anger than to keep it inside, but there's an even better way to get angry than to get angry—not to get angry at all.That way, you won't have to worry about deciding whether to lose your temper or sulk.

However, you will say that it is impossible, or very difficult, not to be angry.Yes, this is indeed an easy task.But no matter how difficult it is, it can be controlled.Think about it, when the leader criticizes you, do you usually accept it humbly or get angry?You just don't accept it humbly, but you won't be so angry.Why is that?This is because you know that you are likely to lose your job if you lose your temper with your boss, and you control your anger by considering the consequences.From this we can see that we can completely control our anger.

Master Cheng Yen, a famous monk in Taiwan, has a famous saying: Getting angry is punishing yourself with the mistakes of others.

Mistakes should be punished, but it is not necessary to be angry. Since the fault lies with others, why should you be angry?When someone else makes a mistake, and you get angry, isn't it just punishing yourself for the mistake of others?
So, we have to do:
(1) Learn to be humorous and self-deprecating: If you can take a step back and view life as a play, you will find that many situations in life are absurd.Try to laugh at life, humor can reduce your stress.If you had a mirror in front of you when you were angry, you'd be sure to see the guy in the mirror, steaming from both nostrils, and it was ridiculous.

(2) Lengthen the distance in time and space: ask yourself next week, next year, or years from now, is the thing that makes you angry now still important?This can help you examine and decide whether getting angry is the most appropriate response.

(3) Communicate with yourself: When you are angry, communicate with your feelings and ask yourself what happened?What do you want?afraid of what?You can remind yourself that just because you thought in the past doesn't mean you should continue to think that way now.

(4) Alleviate anger: If you know that you will react with anger in certain situations, try to alleviate it and gradually abandon it.First count from one to ten, and then slowly increase.By the time you count to one hundred, you've learned to control your reactions—you'll be able to control your anger.If you feel that someone is making you angry or controlling you with their anger, say, "Wait a minute!" This will give you time to think about what is going on.Remember, you have the right to ask for more time to think.

(5) Don't pretend to be nice: If you're in the habit of pretending to like things you don't really like, or agreeing with people you don't like at all, stop kidding yourself.You keep faking it because you don't want to be seen as a grumpy person.In fact, you don't have to be angry at everyone or everything you don't like.You can go above and beyond them, communicate with them, work with them, or ignore them at all.

(6) Recognize everyone's rights: You must remember that everyone has the same rights, and you must understand that controlling others will only increase your anger.

(7) Get a friend to help: You may find that in certain situations you want to control your emotions.Then, enlisting the help of others—for example, a good friend who gently reminds you when you are about to get angry can calm you down.You can also count numbers, take a deep breath, or get in touch with your feelings.

(8) Talk openly and honestly: If someone keeps fighting against you and making you angry, try talking to him before getting angry.Find a time for everyone to communicate calmly—maybe even find a friend who can help as a "referee".An arbitrator can defuse the situation by sharing what you're angry about and giving them a chance to tell you what they think of you so you can discuss it openly and avoid unnecessary arguments.

(9) Addressing past issues: If you notice some resentment from the past that has persisted—maybe it has something to do with a parent, other family member, teacher, or other powerful person—if you can’t or don’t want to let go, find a way to work on it. In a safe environment, discuss or express your anger, think about how long you will carry these "baggages" on your back?If possible, you can find out the reason in front of the person involved.

(10) Accept your imperfect self: You will never be perfect, so accept and love this imperfect self!Once you love yourself, you will discover that it is possible to accept others without controlling them.Accept the fact that we all make mistakes, and once you accept the fact that everyone is imperfect—including yourself, you can begin to accept the imperfections of your parents, teachers, co-workers, friends, etc., while allowing yourself to be imperfect.

It is impossible not to be angry, and anger actually provides us with a good opportunity to know ourselves.Therefore, the key is not to escape and regret, but to face it. Of course, this kind of face requires wisdom and courage.

Complaining is worse than changing

Complaining is an emotion of blaming yourself, others, and the society because of dissatisfaction in your heart.Sometimes, our complaints are not only aimed at people, but also at different life situations, expressing our dissatisfaction. "Complaining" is the most popular negative emotion, and people who are good at making excuses tend to like it the most. "Why is there always a traffic jam", "Why is he better than me", "My house is too small", "Why are prices always so high"... These are the complaints we usually hear.After complaining, look back and think about what effect your complaint has had?No - still stuck in traffic, he's still better than you, and you're still living in your tiny house...so we should realize that complaining is useless.In fact, complaining is the most useless behavior that consumes positive energy. The result of complaining is: first, you are really getting weaker and weaker, because complaining consumes a lot of energy; second, you are used to seeing the negative side of things; third , you wait for pity or help from others at any time; fourth, you always feel that others should change to meet your requirements.

The root of complaints is dissatisfaction, and dissatisfaction stems from non-acceptance.We live in this world, and there are only two most convenient means for any unsatisfactory things: first, accept; second, change.In fact, when you complain, you have lost the opportunity to change this matter.Will Bowen, the famous American spiritual mentor who is famous all over the world for launching the "No Complaint Movement", proposed the magical "No Complaint" movement in "A World Without Complaints".The book says: "There are only three things in the world: my affairs, his affairs, and God's affairs. Those who complain about themselves should try to learn to accept themselves; those who complain about others should try to turn their complaints into requests; People who complain about God, please try to ask for your wishes through prayer.” This also tells us that complaining is useless, and it is better to change than complaining.

If we study Ma Yun's life, in the first 37 years, his life is full of two words: failure. After the age of 37, he suddenly took off. The secret is four words: never complain.Anthony Robin is the number one successful mentor in the world today, and a world-recognized top potential master. At the age of 26, he was still living alone in a single apartment with an area of ​​less than 10 square meters.At that time, he was poor, the bathtub became a sink, and his clothes were scattered in a corner... Life was a mess, interpersonal relationships were bad, and the future was very bleak.However, he later miraculously reversed his life by relying on his own power, which is "don't complain, change yourself".So, spending time improving and changing instead of complaining is the secret to success.

So, how to replace complaining with change?First, figure out what "benefits" you get from complaining.Complaining is a manifestation of inner weakness. Complaining is nothing more than wanting to gain sympathy from others, to prove one's innocence, and to gain psychological balance. After thinking about it, it is very empty.Second, think about what it means not to complain.Not complaining is not giving yourself an excuse to indulge, and learn to take responsibility independently.Third, picture yourself as strong as you are in making action for change.You will feel that you have the most positive and optimistic attitude, you can take responsibility for yourself and the reality, you have enough wisdom and action to solve things easily, you will gain the dignity of life because of this self-reliance and self-improvement, and you will be full of yourself confidence.In the end, describe your powerful self repeatedly in your heart, keep describing, and then act, and do it immediately, your complaints will stop, and you will replace complaints with changes.

Well-known American spiritual teacher Will Bowen said in an email interview with "China Science Daily": "Complaining is like bad breath. You can feel it when it comes out of someone else's mouth, but when it comes out of your own mouth, you will feel bad breath. But I don’t realize it. Everyone wants to get a better life, but they don’t think about how to really improve it. It’s hard to change the world, but it’s relatively easy to change yourself. Only when you regard yourself as a source of positive energy can you attract more Positive, healthy people and things. The most important thing is to cultivate your heart so that you can become a person who spreads joy and light."

Therefore, the most important and effective way to eliminate complaints is to cultivate yourself and make yourself truly strong, so that you will not complain about yourself, others, prices, the weather, etc., because your Positive energy makes you a positive person. At the same time, you also have the immunity to resist negative energy, that is, the suffering of "listening to complaints", and you will pass on positive emotions to others. At this time, you have become a person who has nothing to do with complaints. people.

turn jealousy into motivation
Jealousy is what we usually call "pink eye disease", "jealousy", "sour grapes when you can't eat grapes", etc. The "Psychological Dictionary" says: "Envy is a complex emotional state composed of shame, anger, resentment, etc. when compared with others and finding that one is inferior to others in terms of talent, reputation, status, or circumstances." Of all the emotions humans can express, jealousy is one of the most common and disturbing.Because it is a poison for the soul, not only harming others, but also harming oneself.Jealousy is always associated with dissatisfaction, annoyance, fear and many other negative emotions.No matter how jealousy is expressed, it is harmful to our life, and it makes our life full of negative energy.

In a sense, jealousy is the root of all evil, a weakness of human nature, and an instinct that almost everyone has.However, it is a very disgraceful behavior, which cannot be discussed on the table openly. People will always hide it as an ulterior "crime", and it will enter people's subconscious over time. Like a raging dark fire burning people's hearts.

Shakespeare said: "Beware of jealousy, it is a green-eyed monster!" People who love jealousy are abominable. They cannot tolerate other people's happiness and excellence, and will use various means to destroy other people's happiness. Use gossip to slander, and some use despicable means to attack; people who love jealousy are poor, they have low self-esteem and darkness, they live in a dark world, cannot enjoy the beauty of sunshine, and cannot appreciate the joy of life; love jealousy It is sad for people who are jealous. This "spiritual disease" of jealousy will spread to all parts of the body, causing adverse reactions on the body. Various diseases come uninvited and will destroy humanity and health.

There is a man who meets God.God said: "Now I can grant any one of your wishes, but only if your neighbor will get the same double wish." The man was very happy.But he thought about it carefully: "If I get one piece of property, my neighbor will get two pieces of property; Then that bachelor will get two stunning beauties..." He thought about it and didn't know what to ask, he was really unwilling to be taken advantage of by his neighbor.In the end, he gritted his teeth and said, "Hey, go pick out one of my eyes."

It can be seen that jealousy is indeed a behavior that harms others and does not benefit oneself.There is jealousy in our lives, even celebrities.

David is a famous British scientist.One day, he received a letter and a beautifully bound 368-page book with the words: David Lectures on the cover.The content of the book is handwritten, and there are many beautiful illustrations attached.The letter wrote: "I am an apprentice in a printing factory who binds books. I love science. I have listened to your speeches four times. Now I will organize and submit my notes as a Christmas gift. If I can be supported by you, I will change my current situation , would be very grateful. - Faraday." Soon, David arranged for Faraday to be an assistant in his laboratory.Later, Faraday's achievements surpassed David's, and his reputation grew. People often say: "David's greatest discovery is the discovery of Faraday." Such jokes made David jealous of Faraday.Therefore, he framed Faraday for stealing other people's research results, and tried his best to prevent him from entering the Royal Society, which greatly affected Faraday's creative ability.It wasn't until after David's death that Faraday began his truly great creation.

David should have enjoyed the reputation of Bole, but he hindered Faraday's rapid growth because of jealousy. A failure in life.As the Greek philosopher Antisthene said: "A man who is jealous corrodes himself with his temperament as rust corrodes iron."

Since the harm of jealousy is so great, how should we eliminate this kind of psychology?
– Think about what jealousy is trying to tell you.This is an interesting and effective way to look at jealousy.Thinking about jealousy can help you learn more about yourself, such as your fears and self-deceptions.Think about what your jealousy of others reflects.Is it the fear of rejection?Or worrying about not being good enough?Or is it a fear that you will lose something, someone, or a part of yourself that you hold dear?If so, think about why you value them?Try to find a solution to jealousy through books, people, the Internet, etc.

——Cultivate a free and easy attitude.Developing a free-spirited attitude is paramount in rejecting or overcoming jealousy.Because a free and easy state of mind allows you to gain inner emotional freedom and make you more relaxed and positive.You can freely tell yourself that there are always new business opportunities, new exams, and new friends waiting for you.When you know that there are plenty of opportunities in this world, there is nothing to be jealous of.So, whenever you find yourself being haunted by jealousy again, remember to switch your focus from "lack" to "abundance" and you'll be able to cope with it.

— Conduct correct self-guidance.Where a person's jealousy is manifested, it means where his inferiority complex is.If we can realize this, regard jealousy of others as a source of motivation, and then prescribe the right medicine, strengthen learning, and constantly improve ourselves in that area, then not only will you have no time to be jealous, but you may also be jealous soon. Can really surpass each other.

- Stop comparing yourself with others.When you have a nicer car or a better job, you compare yourself to others and feel inferior to them. This comparison feeds your vanity and makes you feel good about yourself, but it's only temporary because This mentality will eventually lead you to pay attention to those who have more than you.At that point you will complain, you will become sad, you will become jealous.Therefore, you might as well focus on comparing yourself with yourself, examining your growth and gains, evaluating your efforts and gains, and thinking about your own experiences and plans.This will make you more positive and emotionally stable because you will stop comparing yourself to others and stop feeling jealous about what he has that you don't.

— Admit jealousy.When the negative emotion of jealousy has been affecting you for a while and you can't get rid of it right away, try acknowledging the jealousy.It may sound counterintuitive to stop fighting jealousy, admit it, and accept it, but when you resist an emotion, you give it more energy.On the contrary, if you accept an emotion, you can look at it casually, stop energizing it, and eventually the emotion will disappear.Therefore, if you admit jealousy, then this negative emotion will not last long.

Jealousy is a disease.People who suffer from jealousy will have no peace in their lives.They are afraid that someone will surpass them one day, and they will worry that someone will go ahead of him tomorrow. They live in a pathetic pathology all day long, and their whole body is full of negative energy.On the contrary, the truly successful people in history are ashamed of jealousy.When Ouyang Xiu, the leader of the literary world in the Northern Song Dynasty, was acquainted with Su Dongpo, someone said to him, "I am afraid that in ten years, people in the world will only know Su Dongpo but not Ouyang Xiu."Ouyang Xiu laughed it off, and still promoted Su Dongpo, and later generations respected Ouyang Xiu even more because of this.Therefore, we should understand that your value will not increase because of your jealousy, but your life will be dazzling because of your freedom and ease.Control jealousy, learn to turn jealousy into motivation, this is what we have to do.

use reason to overcome suspicion

Once upon a time there was a farmer who, when he was storing seeds in his cellar, forgot to take his ax out of the cellar.A few days later, when he wanted to use the ax again, he found that the ax was missing.He searched everywhere at home, but still couldn't find it, so he suspected that a neighbor had stolen it.So, he began to observe his neighbor carefully, and always felt that the neighbor's expression, tone of voice, and way of walking seemed to have stolen his axe.In short, the more it looks, the more it looks, and it is almost certain that the neighbor stole his axe!
After a few days, the farmer will go to the cellar to store things again.When he went down to the cellar, he found his ax that had been missing for many days was lying in his cellar.The next day, when the farmer went to see his neighbor again, he found that his every move, every word and deed, even his smile, did not look like he was stealing an axe at all.

What's interesting about this story is that the neighbor doesn't do anything throughout, but the farmer feels very differently about him before and after.This is because the farmer has a preconceived idea. He unilaterally believes that the neighbor stole the axe, so he interprets his own energy changes as the energy changes of the other party, which produces what we usually call misunderstandings.In this case, he is deceived by his own suspicious energy.

Just imagine, if the ax was not found, then the farmer would have taken measures against his neighbors.How would you feel if you were that innocent neighbor who was treated as a "thief" for no reason?Even if the truth comes out in the future, you probably don't want to associate with him anymore.It can be seen that one's own suspicion energy will emerge out of nothing, and if it is not handled well, it will lead to hostility.

The energy conflict caused by suspicion is actually a crisis of trust.Whether it's low self-esteem, over-sensitivity, or having been hurt because of credulity, it can make it difficult for people to trust others.This message of distrust of others will be transmitted to the other party through energy, so that the other party will no longer treat you sincerely.

In "The Romance of the Three Kingdoms", Cao Cao fled to Lu Boshe's house with Chen Gong after his assassination of Dong Zhuo was revealed.Cao and Lu are family friends.When Lu Boshe saw Cao Cao coming, he wanted to kill a pig to treat him, but Cao Cao became suspicious when he heard the sound of the knife being sharpened and heard that he was going to "bind and kill him", thinking that he was going to kill himself, so he didn't ask. Indiscriminate, drawing a sword and killing innocent people by mistake.

This is a tragedy caused by suspicion.Suspicion is one of the weaknesses of human nature. It has always been the bane of harming others and ourselves, and is the companion of despicable souls.

In life, we often meet some people who are very suspicious. They are suspicious all day long, make things out of nothing, and think that everyone is untrustworthy and unreliable.For example, some people will suspect that they are talking bad about him when they see a few colleagues talking behind his back;They always feel that others are speaking ill of them behind their backs, or playing tricks on themselves.People who like to be suspicious pay special attention to the attitude of the outside world and others towards themselves. A sentence blurted out by others may make him ponder for a long time, trying to find the "subtext" in it. Not good, it affects the physical and mental health of the individual, and also affects normal interpersonal relationships.

Once a person falls into the trap of suspicion, he must be nervous everywhere, suspicious of everything, so he will be unhappy and depressed all day long.Due to self-enclosed, blocking the input of external information and the outpouring of true feelings in the world, doubting others develops into doubting oneself and one's own ability, thus losing confidence in oneself and becoming inferior, cowardly, negative, and passive.

So, how to overcome suspicion?
——Think rationally and avoid impulsiveness.When the idea of ​​suspicion arises, you should immediately find out the reason for this idea from both yourself and the other party, control your chaotic thoughts, and never easily put forward subjective and unilateral basis for your doubts.When there is no objective evidence to prove your suspicions, you should immediately stop your suspicions.

- Examine your own way of thinking.Suspicion generally always starts from a certain imaginary target, and finally returns to the imaginary target.When suspicious thoughts appear, immediately examine your own thinking methods to see if you are bound by wrong thinking methods, and expand your thinking to get out of the dead end of "preconceived ideas" and "searching for clues according to pictures", so as to promote suspicion in the absence of self-validation And it disappears by itself when it cannot justify itself.

- "Expose" your doubts.Suspicion is often caused by lack of communication and communication.When you are suspicious of others, you might as well make the guesses and doubts deep in your heart public first, or have a heart-to-heart conversation with the suspect face-to-face, so as to "expose" the doubts hidden deep in your heart, in order to communicate with each other, Trust, and then eliminate barriers, eliminate misunderstandings, and maximize suspicion.

——Improve your own psychological quality.A person with a strong heart will not be troubled by too many negative emotions.That is to say, it is necessary to strengthen the cultivation of personal moral sentiment and psychological quality, purify the soul, improve the spiritual realm, and broaden the mind, so as to increase the trust in others and eliminate the interference of bad psychology. Negative Energy.

Learn to be self-reliant, say goodbye to dependence

Ibsen once said: "The strongest person in the world is an independent person." Tao Xingzhi also said: "Drip your own sweat, eat your own food, rely on others, rely on the sky, and rely on your ancestors, you are not a good man." " These undoubtedly illustrate the importance of people learning to be self-reliant, and more importantly, knowing how to be self-reliant.Dependence, commonly known as "addiction", refers to relying on others or things instead of self-reliance or self-sufficiency.Although relying on others can put you under the protection of others for a while, you don’t have to be responsible for your own actions, and you don’t have to use your brain to figure out how to do everything. If someone else is the master for you, you can gain a certain sense of security, which seems to be obtained. Many benefits.As everyone knows, over time, dependent behavior will not only make people lose the ability and spirit of independent living, but also make people lack the sense of responsibility in life, resulting in personality defects. , will eventually be eliminated by society.

Feeling that you cannot leave your parents, or even though you have already left, you feel anxious in your heart; you always obey the arrangements of others, and never ask your own wishes; you always let others make decisions for you when you encounter problems, or you always have to ask others for their opinions. make a decision; etc.These are signs of a lack of independence.Some people confuse dependence with love, and think that marriage means that both parties have established a relationship of dependence.If you belong to this type of person, then you need to eliminate this negative psychology.In a marriage relationship, it is common for one party to dominate and one party to obey. The obedient party often feels dependent on the dominant party, so that when there is a crisis in the relationship, he refuses to leave the dominant party. Will be satisfied with a "slave" partner.

Can't dependent behavior be overcome?No, dependent behavior can be completely overcome, and the ultimate success of a person is the discovery of self-independence.One should be independent and not depend on any outside force to prove one's worth.True independence starts from the psychology. As long as you don't want or want to depend on others psychologically, it will be much easier to overcome the negative behavior of dependence.Psychological independence is complete freedom from any coercive relationship, complete absence of behavior controlled by others.This means that if there is no coercive relationship, you don't have to force yourself to do things you don't want to do.The reason why psychological independence is difficult is also because the social environment teaches us not to disappoint parents, children, lovers and superiors.

So, how can we say goodbye to dependence?
——To say goodbye to dependence, we must achieve psychological independence and get rid of psychological dependence.This means that you live independently according to your wishes.Of course, this does not mean that you cut off social interaction.If you like your current way of relating and it doesn't get in the way of your life, feel free to keep it.

——To say goodbye to dependence, we must cultivate an independent personality.Everyone needs help from others, but accepting help from others must also exert one's own subjective initiative.The German poet Goethe once said: "Anyone who cannot master himself will always be a slave." It is hard to imagine that a person who entrusts his destiny to others and relies on others to guide him in everything, what kind of big deal will he have? as.

——To say goodbye to dependence, we must enhance our self-confidence.People with dependent psychology lack self-confidence, which is often related to poor education in childhood.For example, some parents, elders, and friends often say something like "You are so stupid, you can't do anything", "Look at your clumsy hands, let me help you do it" and so on.For these words, you must first have a correct attitude, and then re-cognition one by one to gradually cultivate and enhance self-confidence.

——To bid farewell to dependence, we must establish the spirit of self-improvement.As the saying goes, towering trees cannot grow in a greenhouse.If you want to survive and develop in the fierce competition, you must adjust your mentality in time, not afraid of competition and failure, bravely face difficulties and setbacks, beat yourself in the face of challenges, and establish a spirit of self-improvement and indomitable will.

Relying on others for everything, for me, I lose a lot of life experience, and it becomes a burden for others, which is not good for others or myself.Therefore, we must learn to be self-reliant so that we will not be eliminated by society.

[Stimulate Positive Energy] Four ways to control emotions
Emotion is an important factor that affects life and physical and mental health, so we must learn to be the master of emotions, control our emotions, regulate ourselves in a reasonable way, learn to use the power of reason to control emotions, and achieve "mood and anger". .

Anticipating the consequences of losing control of emotions

Many people do wrong things because they have not anticipated the consequences, lost control of their emotions for a while, let their negative emotions vent.When he did something that made him regret or caused irreparable losses, he woke up and regretted endlessly, only then did he realize how stupid his behavior was at that time, but it was too late to regret.Therefore, when you are about to lose your temper after being greatly saddened or angry, you should quickly anticipate the consequences of losing your temper, and then consider whether it is worthwhile to do so. Maybe you will not make mistakes due to impulsiveness.

Emotional control is focused on grooming
Some people think that "people should not have emotions", so they refuse to admit that they have emotions, let alone negative emotions.You must know that people must have emotions, and suppressing emotions will bring bad results.Learn to observe your own emotions, and when you find that negative emotions break out, you must first channel them in time to relieve mental pressure.For example, if you realize that you are going to be angry with your friend for being late again and again, at this time, you can tell yourself "don't be angry, he may really be stuck in traffic", "why do I have such emotions", etc.By doing psychological counseling for yourself, you can better deal with your emotions.

boost emotions
Sublimation refers to turning the suppressed emotional impulse in the heart to other activities permitted by society after being frustrated, so that the spirit can rely on it and obtain new and higher spiritual satisfaction.For example, the famous work "The Sorrows of Young Werther" by the German poet Goethe, the masterpiece "John Christophe" by the French writer Romain Rolland and the famous painting "Mona Lisa" by the painter Leonardo da Vinci are all examples of their lovelorn or loss. The result of emotional sublimation after love.Therefore, when emotions are out of control, we can try meaningful things such as writing, painting, physical exercise, etc., so that our spiritual world can be sublimated to a higher level in these activities.

proper self-soothing

Self-soothing is also known as "sour grapes effect" and "sweet lemon effect". The "sour grape effect" comes from "Aesop's Fables", which means that the hungry fox comforts himself by saying that the grapes are sour and cannot be eaten because he cannot eat the grapes on the grape trellis.It is the practice of devaluing something by not having it or being less than it.For example, when we were not admitted to a certain key university, we said that school was not very good; when we were average-looking, we said, "What's the use of being beautiful, and it can't improve your grades"; and so on. The "sweet lemon effect" is just the opposite of the "sour grape effect". It is a practice of praising things that one is not satisfied with and counting their advantages.For example, if you are admitted to an ordinary university, you will talk about its benefits.The self-comforting method may seem negative, stupid, or even ridiculous, but it can achieve psychological balance when we are disturbed and distressed, and it has a certain positive significance for our mental health.

(End of this chapter)