good luck

Chapter 121
Lu Jinnian who lives in Sihe:

We used to be self-willed and naive hoping that someone would empathize with what happened to us.

Those smiles or slight sighs often make us feel that there is actually someone in this world who understands me. In fact, this person once felt the same as me.We are more expecting and trusting and relying on it with confidence.

Until one day, the person who had been listening to his babbling began to be indifferent to our emotional and tearful narration.You start to suspect that he has changed and doesn't understand you anymore.In fact, he hasn't changed, it's just that you acted too realistically in this scene.I always put all my emotions into it like this and think that the listeners are bosom friends.

You never think that maybe it's just a polite reluctance to pour cold water on you to make you colder.Maybe yours is just something for him to talk about after dinner.Maybe nothing is just a wind of ignorance blowing past and blowing away.

These are all things you will understand later.

When you understand, you have learned to restrain your emotions, or you don't need to restrain them.It was just a natural silence, without even the urge to speak and stop.
-
The Park Anho You Don't Know

Lu Jinnian who lives in Sihe:

I'm wondering how to start.

As the beginning of today's letter.

So idiotically wrote the third sentence.

"The Analects of Confucius·Wei Linggong" says that what you don't want yourself to do to others, should not be done to others.Don't impose on others what you don't want to do.This is virtue.Simply put, compare your heart with your heart.But very few people actually do it.

Ask yourself, I haven't done it myself.

"To be honest, I don't think you should always impose your own ideas on others. As if you are great, you know everything, but you don't know anything." This is what I said to a self-righteous person around me a long time ago what has been said.Looking back suddenly, I found myself doing the same thing now.Jinnian, maybe the one who should apologize is me.I got a little too carried away.

I just keep asking you to understand that I want to understand that I want to know that I am unhappy but I have not actually thought about your feelings.

I'm so used to you being so nice to me.
-
The Park Anho You Don't Know

Lu Jinnian who lives in Sihe:

Just finished journaling and started writing back to you.

Keeping a diary has been a habit since I was a child. It has a long history. It started when I was about 5 years old, and my childhood memories also started at that time, and I basically forgot the previous ones.

A long, long time ago, I went to sort out the diary that was longer and longer ago, and saw this sentence:
I saw a flower on the road, she didn't have a name, I didn't know her name, but when I saw her blooming, I smiled happily.

Today I said to the little princess (the doll I made myself), wherever I go, you should go too, we will always play together, you are my best friend.

I was probably in third grade then.

Not long ago, I looked back at my diary not long ago and wrote like this;
I don't know what I hate, but I think everything is beautiful, a flower, a grass, they are all so cute.Works hard to germinate, grow leaves, and bloom.So no matter how difficult it is, we must live on and live wonderfully.
All deep fetish people have a low temperature for people inside, and I am one of those people.I always feel that the longer we get along, the deeper the relationship, so I have always been deeply obsessed with the things that are always with me, and I am not willing to change them easily.

Another example is my bangs trimmed.I always go to the same shop and find the same person to cut it, and if that person happens to be away, I'd rather not cut it.Will never change unless absolutely necessary.

I've always been less interested in trying new things, and I don't know if I'm really getting old.

I have been writing a diary, and sometimes I will tear up or delete it all nervously.Because I want to give myself an excuse to start again, but in fact, no matter how I start, I will go back to the original point.

As long as the demon is still there.

Jinnian, do you have the habit of writing a diary? ——
The Park Anho You Don't Know

(End of this chapter)