Xiangmen Concubine: The Emperor's Abandoned Concubine

Chapter 768 I don’t know that I am a guest in my dream, but I am greedy for joy (6)

Mianmian, I will try to forget you.

getting over You!
As long as I think that I will forget you from now on, my heart is like being torn open by a wild beast, and it hurts abruptly.

I tried to forget about Mianmian, and I drank and laughed with those daughters who my father brought in from the Shizi Mansion every day, listening to them play the piano and compose poems.

My father announced to the outside world that I have been bedridden for a long time and my spirits are low.

And I, in Shizi Mansion, watched all kinds of beauties doing what Mianmian and I did in the small courtyard before.

But whether it is playing the piano and composing poems, or drinking tea and blowing the flute, I can no longer find that feeling.

That feeling of warming the bottom of my heart into a sea of ​​softness with a continuous smile; that feeling of taking the teacup handed over by her, brushing her fingers inadvertently, and feeling the numbness of fingertips spread into my heart.The feeling that she looked up at me, opened her mouth slightly, and said something, and I wanted to bend down and kiss those warm lips... Such a surge of emotion, such an uncontrollable feeling, facing the prince's mansion My daughters, I have no interest in anything.

Even, listening to their qin sounds, it is obvious that some women play the qin better than Mian Mian.But even if it is better than her, it can't catch my eyes or my heart.

In the middle of the night, when I was lying on the bed, as long as I closed my eyes, all kinds of images would come to my mind.

Coquettish, indifferent, cold, angry, disdainful, sarcastic...but with those women every day, I have never seen their shadows in my dreams that time.

Until the news came that you were pregnant, I was painting in my study that day, when Yuan Hua told me the news, the paintbrush in my hand fell to the ground at that time.

Pregnant... What is that concept?

Mianmian, you seem indifferent and distant, but you are extremely affectionate.I understand you, emotion and body, you can never separate.

I also know that you are trying to use honey stalk to prevent pregnancy, so I have been thinking of a way, and I am not willing to lose you.

But now...she is pregnant.

I sat on the chair with a smile, looked at the half-finished landscape painting, and laughed foolishly.

I finally understand, these days, what is the uneasiness that I always hide in my heart, is whether you will be pregnant with Feng Jiuyou's flesh and blood?
If you are such a loving person, if you have Feng Jiuyou's flesh and blood, even if you leave the palace in the future, you will not be able to let go of that child.

I know your weakness, how can Feng Jiuyou not know?No matter what your thoughts are now, he only needs to use one child to bind you for the rest of his life.

How can a person like him allow that you don't have his children?

Drunk, but that's all.I can't hear what the original painting said.I don't know why the father is angry.

Drunk to the point of darkness, drunk to unconsciousness.

Mianmian, if I could sleep forever with you in this drunken dream, how happy would it be?

Yes, I dreamed of you that night.

Unlike in the past, what we dreamed were all our past stories.What I dreamed this time was that we were lying under the big tree on the green grassland outside the city.

We are in love with each other, holding hands and relying on each other, riding horses and whips to get there from sunrise, embracing and watching the sunrise, talking love words, and kissing lingeringly.

You leaned on my lap, looked at the blue sky and said to me: "Changxi, I wish time would stop at this moment. Let's sit here and watch the clouds roll and the clouds relax."

Continuously, we are integrated under this picturesque sky.

The blue sky and white clouds are the proof, and the vicissitudes of life are the oath, I will never marry Ruan Mianmian in my life.

This night, heartily.

When a dream came, it was already the evening of the second day.Yuan Hua came in and looked at me, with blue under his eyes.

I lay on the bed and didn't speak, but looked at the top of the tent, imagining how hearty I was with you last night, only then did I realize that it was just a dream.

"My son, the empress is not feeling well. The emperor asked you to enter the palace to feel the empress's pulse."

My voice was a little hoarse: "I see, let someone prepare hot water, I want to take a shower and change clothes."

Entering the palace, feel your pulse.

You looked indifferent, when you looked at me, it was like looking at a stranger.

My heart seems to have been stabbed severely by something. Let me explain to you, and I ask you to give me another chance.Looking at the coldness in your eyes and your haggard face, I know that such an opportunity will never come again.

I went back to the palace dejectedly, and when I walked out of Jiuyou Palace, I stumbled a bit.

Yuan Hua supported me with a worried face.

I smirked, even if I am exhausted, I will not fall down in front of you.

Entering the palace, checking the pulse, leaving the palace... the cycle goes on and on, and gradually, I can see the changes in you.From your look, I can see the nostalgia and reluctance in your eyes.

Mianmian, is there no place for me in your heart?

You tell me that I can't go back, let me take care of myself, and let me no longer be attached to the past.

Mianmian, you must not know how much I regret, how much I want to hold you in my arms again.

I finally understand that maybe in this life, I will not be able to get your forgiveness.

And you, unknowingly, fell in love with Feng Jiuyou.

And Feng Jiuyou, however, broke the original oath, welcomed Concubine Yun and Concubine Qing into the palace, and confined you in Jiuyou Palace for a year... Mianmian, it's agreed, I am the one who will accompany you for the rest of your life man.

But in your eyes, I can no longer see my shadow.

One day when I entered the palace and returned to the mansion, I sat in the room and found a bright-eyed, innocent girl to sit across from me, and asked her to drink with me.

Those rich ladies, I don't want to move yet.Time is too short, and their family relationship is complicated.If I do sleep with one of them, I must marry her.

It's not that I don't want to get married, but that I don't have any intention to deal with the intrigues and intrigues in the officialdom recently.

The innocent and clean little girl is cuter, even if I occupy her body, it will be more worry-free to stay by my side.

Mianmian, I want to forget you.

If I want to forget you, if I can't pull you out of my heart all at once, then let me dirty my body first and lose the qualification to love you.

From now on, I can tell myself that I can never give you the promise of being a couple forever.If you are unhappy in the palace, if you want to leave, I will still help you as before.

I will be by your side and take care of you for the rest of your life as a close friend.

Cup after cup, I used alcohol to anesthetize my nerves and anesthetize my five senses.I know that if I am sober, I must not try to accept other women.

If my consciousness is fuzzy, as long as I am a woman, as long as I am a woman, as long as I have been there once, as long as I have been there once, it will be fine.

Squinting my eyes, I looked at the little girl who was in a daze in front of me, I smiled at her, and hooked my fingers...

Mianmian, wish me a sweet dream...

(End of this chapter)