How can I chat?

Chapter 11 It's All About "Improvisation"

Rules of impromptu drama performance: Wonderful impromptu drama performance is a natural creation in the current situation. Any fixed program and pre-set outline will make it difficult to develop this kind of independent creation.

Improv performers sometimes perform with partners around a pre-determined theme, but the performance still inevitably involves a great deal of audience participation.And that's one of the joys of watching improv—you feel like you're part of the outcome, that you've made your own contribution to the whole show.

Great improv performers move their audiences, not be influenced by them.They are able to do this because their performances are improvised, without any template or pre-planning.They cannot predict the audience's response, so there is no need to plan or outline in advance.

Impromptu drama performance is actually reading the signals sent by others, processing them on this basis, and responding.The nature of impromptu drama performance is a process of cooperation, a kind of cordial communication between the improviser and the audience.

How does understanding these help you improve your chatting skills?

Professional improv performers are able to communicate smoothly, dynamically, and wittily with their audience because they are flexible and ready to accept any situation and direction that may arise.To do this, you first need to let go of any prior planning of how and where the interaction will go.The feeling of being unprepared can be unsettling, but once you realize that you can do it easily, you'll feel more comfortable doing it.

And, in fact, you are not completely unprepared.For example, the general interaction style, the general content and themes you want to involve can all be prepared in advance.

The secret to start a pleasant chat and let it go smoothly is to learn to only prepare a general framework without making too many restrictions, and then adapt to the person you are chatting with. This is the essence of improvisation.

Setting the flow for chat can be suspicious

You have to remember this, the point of the chat is the chat itself, not what you want or the flow you set or what you expect from the other person.

Guess what happens when the other party finds out about the process you set up?They will shut you up.Because you immediately become very suspicious, as if you are planning something.If you happen to be selling, once people find out that you have set up a process in advance, the sales will only be more difficult.This feeling that someone wants something from me is really unbearable.

It is therefore extremely important to always listen and identify with the other person.Let the other party feel that you are also setting the chat flow, and let the other party feel that your chat is a two-way street.And when you stop and listen patiently to the other person, the conversation actually becomes a two-way street.People like to feel valued.

If you want to build better relationships with people, become better conversationalists, and lead conversations effectively, you need to make people feel like you've heard them.The best way to do this, of course, is to actually listen.

imagine the opposite
The exact opposite direction to the above, of course, is to set the flow for the chat in advance.Doing so has the following drawbacks.

First, it is very clear that you are merely waiting for your turn to speak, not listening.

People may have told you something, but you didn't even pay attention to it, and just kept talking.In fact, the other party will soon find out your purpose, and then stop talking to you.What else do they have to talk about with someone like you?
Second, if you plan the process in advance and then go to chat with people, if you deviate even a little bit from the established track, you will lose your way.This is bound to happen when having a real chat, the conversation will never go the way you set it to, unless you're just doing a one-man show.

When you set the flow, you remember and rely on it.So once you deviate from the flow and can't go back, what do you do?In the rest of the conversation, you'll be overwhelmed by the loss of dependency.

And if you only set some flexible chat points, you can at least have a large range of maneuverability, allowing you to have a little sense of control over yourself in the conversation.Or, it would at least keep chats organized and less aimless.This is not the same thing as setting a fixed direction and flow for a conversation beforehand.

appear to be controlling
Another pitfall of setting up a fixed chat flow beforehand is that it can appear like you are controlling.

Doing so can easily give the impression that you are trying to dominate the chat.Or worse, the other person will think you have ulterior motives.This is a serious problem, and even if it isn't, you can appear to have other agendas.The chat immediately turns negative, because most people don't like being manipulated, controlled, or falling into a trap.

Still, chatting online is easier to set up a routine beforehand than chatting face-to-face.It will be easy to communicate step by step according to the prior process to communicate through email or chat tools, and it will not spoil the interest of the other party.In face-to-face chat, it is very difficult to talk according to the pre-set process without spoiling other people's interest.

loss of autonomy
Many of the good things in life cannot be prepared for in advance.They arise precisely because we step out of the box and explore things we wouldn't expect.The results were mostly surprising.

If there's one more reason a conversation shouldn't be programmed beforehand, it's that it stifles human autonomy.The result is like putting a corset on the chat.

You may feel that while chatting loses possibility and autonomy, major failures can be avoided.That may be true, but you're also limiting the possibilities of where the conversation can go.

Chatting in the true sense does not have a fixed destination.It's not about changing someone's mind, impressing someone the best, or winning over someone, it's about getting people to know each other and connect with each other.

practise:

Let's practice how to not set the flow for the chat in advance. I hope you can understand that the flow set in advance is not necessary, and even if the result is not satisfactory, it is not so bad.

Choose five topics that you know nothing about, discuss with your friends one by one, discuss each topic for at least 5 minutes, try all the angles and ways that can make the chat interesting, and try your best to keep it going.In particular, pay attention to how to relate to other topics, and experience whether it is easy to digress to other topics.

(End of this chapter)