The happiest woman who understands her husband

Chapter 20 Understanding Men's Marriage Psychology (1)
Men's Psychology of Swimming into the "Sea of ​​Extramarital Love"

Like love and marriage, extramarital affairs seem to be a topic that can never be finished, and like the devil, they will never leave love and marriage.It can be said that when it comes to love and marriage, it is inevitable to talk about extramarital affairs.In today's society, it is not uncommon for us to have extramarital affairs.Movies "Sigh" and "Mobile Phone" show people the "poignant" ending of extramarital affairs.In reality, one after another life dramas in which families are broken up due to extramarital affairs and enemies turn against each other are often staged.But people "I'll show up when you finish the show", and the right and wrong dramas of extramarital affairs are always unfinished.

The psychology of men and women in extramarital affairs is very complicated, and there are gender differences.In extramarital affairs, a married man often swears when the relationship is in full swing, promising his lover to divorce his wife, only for the lover alone.However, in the end, very few actually keep their promises.Most men use various excuses to procrastinate and delay in putting their promises into practice.Does the fact that men get cold feet at critical moments mean they are all selfish, treacherous, emotional liars?
In extramarital affairs, there are indeed some men who use their lovers as temporary substitutes and play objects in order to satisfy their selfish desires or pursue sensory stimulation.What's more, some men kill their lovers to completely remove the obstacles when their lovers endanger their career fortunes and cannot get rid of them.But such people are a minority after all.More married men get cold feet in front of the battle, there is a deep-seated unspeakable hidden meaning, and it cannot be generalized as good or bad.

1. In the hearts of most men, family, career and social status are more important than extramarital affairs

Compared with women, social ethics are more tolerant of men's extramarital deviance.Nevertheless, family morality is still an important basis for evaluating personal worth.Even in highly sexually liberated Western developed countries, the state of one's private life still determines one's economic or political future.For extramarital affairs and family, career success or failure and social status, men always pay more attention to the latter, and extramarital affairs are usually only a small episode in their turbulent life.Therefore, if extramarital affairs and their careers can go hand in hand and have the best of both worlds, men naturally don’t want to swim in the intoxicating sea of ​​​​extramarital affairs; once the extramarital affairs reach the point where they may disintegrate their families, hinder their career development, and damage their social status, they have to bear the pain Let go of love and abandon your lover.Few men would sacrifice their families, careers, and social prestige for their lovers, and bear the reputation of being morally corrupt.

2. A man who has an extramarital affair without family problems often feels guilty about his wife and children

In extramarital affairs, many men have no problems in their marriages, but they have poor self-control and "stumble" on impulse. Therefore, they will only be "emotional" but not "enthusiastic" to their extramarital lovers, and they are rarely able to devote themselves to their lovers.In fact, most of these men do not lack basic physical and psychological satisfaction in their families, nor do they lack sweetness and happiness.When they get hotheaded with their lovers or make a promise to "divorce their wives" out of helplessness, they return home to face the reality, and often realize that they are wrong because their wives are competent for the role of the family, and hesitate to speak.In addition, once the wife knows the truth, it is often the husband's lover who is retaliated against.In many cases, the wife will use redoubled tenderness to influence the husband, making the husband feel ashamed and return to her side again.There are also cases where, although the husband and wife have discordant temperaments, the wife is able to share the hardships with the husband, or is kind to him, so the husband cannot bear to hurt the poor wife.

3. Although men are more fiddly than women, they are often more rational and realistic than women when it comes to important decisions
When a married man tastes the forbidden fruit of extramarital affairs, most of them have no purpose of entering into marriage with their lover.Longing for a romantic and exciting extramarital affair does not mean that you will give up the solid and light in-marital affairs; although your lover can bring you the intoxicating freshness and refreshing romance, it is not safe after all; the family flower may not be as good as The wild flowers are gorgeous and mellow, but they are warm and elegant, and they are more attractive and useful.Therefore, extramarital affairs are often just to relax their nerves from their overloaded social competition, or to help them temporarily forget their family troubles, which are just the spices of their lives.Once faced with a choice between the two, most of them will give up the romantic love like a time bomb and return to the calm reality.

Why do men tend to cheat emotionally after marriage?
Why do men cheat?In fact, men are not inherently unfaithful animals. Men's derailment, in the words of Diane Baroni and Betty Carey, two senior copy editors of the famous American magazine "Kombadan", said: "There are too many It’s hard to tell!” For this reason, in the book “Get the Man You Love Back” they co-authored a detailed analysis of the reasons why men cheat emotionally from 9 aspects, including:

1. Want to prove that my charm is still

Men have a period of rebellion between the ages of 40 and 50, which is the so-called "middle-age crisis". During this period, men begin to question life and resist aging.Especially those men who work hard, they always feel that they have missed the best years of their lives.It seems that they have never enjoyed the pleasures of life, and what they really love is these-timely gratification.So, seeing young girls, they wanted to start over.

2. On a whim
You said he just slept with a woman because he happened to be going to a meeting with her.Yes, this kind of thing happens far more often than most women think.For many men, having one-nighters is no big deal, and it has nothing to do with their feelings for their wives.While this is hard to face, it is the truth.Just want to get rid of the boring life.When a man feels that his life has become the same and remains the same, locked in boredom and loneliness, he will begin to yearn for change and eager to seek adventure.These men are not going out looking for anything that is lacking in their marriage, but just for fun, to spice up their ordinary lives.

3. Avoid stress
Married men often fall in love when they cannot bear the pressure of reality.Falling in love is just to avoid dealing with certain issues in your life, because being in love is like losing your mind for a while.

4. Fear of intimacy
Some men are uncomfortable with real intimacy, so drama, suspense, and the thrill of a double life are very attractive to him.Such men usually come from families where the roles of men and women are clearly divided-the father is the provider of the family economy and the mother is the housewife, and their relationship is not too close.

5. Loss of enthusiasm for life

Psychologists point out that the loss of enthusiasm for life and depression will make a man feel helpless, incompetent and unable to do anything in his heart.So the easiest solution is to find an empathetic sexy woman - to escape the real situation that frustrates the man.

6. Revenge
If a man suspects that a woman is unfaithful to him and cannot forgive her, showing off his romantic history and taking revenge on her will become an irresistible thought for an angry man.

7. Add passion to sex

Sex life in marriage is often neglected by couples who are submerged in daily chores, and is relegated to a relatively unimportant position.When a man needs more sex and can't satisfy it at home, an affair becomes a new attempt at pleasure.

8. You don’t care about him enough
Maybe you have become so used to your man's existence, just like the old oak tree in the backyard, that you have almost forgotten that he is also a fragile person who needs companionship, praise and comfort.If you can't find these at home, he may bypass you who "turned a blind eye" to him and go outside to find other women.

9. Naturally affectionate
It's also possible that your man is a natural flirt, which is not the same type of guy who uses an affair to escape intimacy.These amorous bums often feel great about themselves, but not at all good about marriage.Some young and middle-aged men seem to focus all their energies on sexual escapades.They even avoid all responsibilities for themselves, work, family and society, but have a strong desire for "sexual exploitation".They even did not hesitate to be punished, transferred to work or demoted to lower their salaries.But why don't they always accept the lesson and refuse to change after repeated admonition?Their own reason is "everyone does".These men hurt others or themselves so badly that their wives can't stand it.This isn't about the man who occasionally goes off the rails under tension and pressure.There is a fundamental difference between men who occasionally and habitually use "sexual" behavior to avoid responsibility.Some people indulge in repeated affairs at the expense of their marriage; some spend a lot of time and energy chasing escapades instead of doing their duty; some may jeopardize their jobs; Still in the stage of studying, but had to drop out of school because of moral corruption.

It can be said that these people have major psychological disorders to varying degrees and must undergo detailed psychological and psychiatric examinations.Their psychological characteristics are:
- Lack of means to strengthen self-esteem.They are also particularly sensitive to loss of self-esteem.

- They are perfectionists who set unrealistic standards for themselves.

- They have such radical value judgments about the lives they lead that even small setbacks can cause them great pain.

- When emotionally disturbed, they tend to let loose instead of assuaging their psychological turmoil by calmly examining themselves and their situation.

- They may present a very real and serious childhood problem.

- Since many of them lack any sense of the seriousness of their dangerous, destructive behavior, they will further confuse the situation.Some of these men are not immoral, dedicated to playing with women's feelings.The latter often have conditions that make it easy for women to be hooked: powerful, rich, outstanding in appearance, professional, good at speaking, etc.Perhaps, they do not have the above-mentioned psychological barriers, but they are more scheming.The latter should be strongly condemned and punished, while those men with psychological barriers should be given more help and treatment.

Clues and signs of a man's emotional infidelity
When men get together, almost at a certain time, the mobile phones of the men with families will ring at the same time, and they will smile embarrassedly at each other and say, "The one at home is checking the post again."

Because they are worried about men like "greedy cats", checking the post is the usual method of wives. Some women, in addition to keeping track of their husband's whereabouts at any time, will also conduct other more thorough searches.When a woman calls every day, you must ask who is it and why are you calling?Get to the bottom of it, nothing is missed.Sometimes I even touch the pockets of my husband's suit to see if there are any suspicious objects; when shopping together, I found that my husband took a few more glances at the women's accessories in the store, so I asked what he wanted!

It's already very sad for a woman to be reduced to this point, she can't even grasp the mind of the person next to her pillow, it's a bit too dull to say the least.It is impossible for a cheating man to have no clues at all, and he can hide it from others, but not from his careful wife.

When a man has the following behaviors, it means that his heart is no longer at home.

(End of this chapter)