i'm really rich

Chapter 233 Self Doubt

Women are amazing creatures.

Even if He Yuan has read a lot of psychology books, it is still difficult to understand their train of thought.

For example, why are they suddenly happy and why are they suddenly sad.

Just like now, He Yuan didn't know why Lu Huihui was crying when she was doing well.

Yes.

Lu Huihui cried.

Tears soaked He Yuan's sleeves.

He Yuan didn't know why, nor what to do, so he could only remain silent.

The two of them were very quiet along the way, and He Yuan didn't stop until they reached the gate of Lu Huihui's community.

"Here we are." He Yuan said softly.

Because I haven't spoken for a long time, my voice is a little hoarse.

Lu Huihui raised her head, saw her own neighborhood, and was silent for a while.

"It's here." She raised her head, rubbed her eyes, and her face returned to normal.

"Go back."

"Ah."

After a while, Lu Huihui let go of He Yuan's arm and brushed her hair: "What about you?"

"I'll be back at the hotel in a while."

"Okay, be careful on the road."

He Yuan saw Lu Huihui's expression, thought for a while, and finally said: "When you go back, remember to send me a WeChat message."

"it is good."

After a long silence, Lu Huihui said, "Then, I'm leaving."

After speaking, Lu Huihui turned around and walked in the direction of the community.

Her speed is very slow, I don't know why, looking at her back, He Yuan feels a little bleak.

It wasn't until Lu Huihui's figure completely disappeared that He Yuan took out a cigarette from his pocket and lit it for himself.

After taking two puffs, He Yuan suddenly cursed: "Fuck!"

He is in a particularly irritable mood now, as if he was having an affair with the female student in the next class when he was in school.

"I didn't expect that I would have such an innocent day." He Yuan laughed at himself.

He Yuan always thought that he had changed.

After going through that incident, he tried hard to make himself hard-hearted, and tried hard to make himself "scumbag".

But now, He Yuan has the feeling that a middle school student is in love.

If he knew what he would look like now, then what is the point of what he has worked so hard to do all these years?

He Yuan felt a little confused.

Forget it, I don't want to.

After smoking a cigarette, He Yuan threw the butt on the ground.

He took a taxi and drove towards the nearest hotel.

At night, He Yuan didn't sleep well.

Almost every half hour, he would be woken up with a start.

He dreamed of many people, many things, and many scenes, vividly.

If he is not lying on the bed now, He Yuan must think that he is going through these scenes.

After being awakened for the tenth time, He Yuan simply stayed awake.

He got up from the bed, fumbled for a cigarette by the bedside, and lit it for himself.

In fact, seriously, he hadn't experienced such a situation for a long time.

The most recent time was also when I was in BJ. At that time, I was so worried that I couldn't sleep because of the progress and KPI every day.Usually after waking up, he would turn on the computer, light a cigarette, and then keep swiping the data there. When it was four or five o'clock, he would faintly feel sleepy. After falling on the bed, he would soon Fell asleep.

In my impression, this memory is not very good, mainly because BJ's house is generally more airtight.After all, it is a city with a lot of wind and sand, and the windows are all small and narrow, and it is difficult to open—in fact, few people can open them.

He Yuan once opened it once, and after only one day, the bedroom was full of dust.

After living in such a small room for a long time, He Yuan felt very depressed, and because the room was too small, it was inconvenient to smoke. Even with the windows open, the room also smelled of smoke.

Now that he has been back to his hometown for half a year, He Yuan has changed many habits.

For example, he no longer needs to live in such a narrow house. Whether it is an old house or a new house, they all have one characteristic, that is, they are big and big. Wherever He Yuan wants to go, he can go wherever he wants, and live in whichever room he wants , live in any room.

And now He Yuan has also changed his living habits. Now he doesn't have to think about plans or data every day. He can spend all his time on himself, running, exercising, chatting with Tian Rui, and then growing flowers, walking cats, and spending his free time Time to study how to make new delicacies.

He Yuan almost lived the life that he could only imagine in his dreams before.

But for some reason, He Yuan often feels a little emptiness.

Just as he often dreamed of returning to his senior year in high school before, now He Yuan also often dreams of his previous days in BJ.

However, it shouldn't.

I am living so leisurely and rich now, why do I still think about those things, I should feel very happy.

Thinking about it, He Yuan suddenly felt his cheeks a little wet.

I touched it with my hand, and I don't know when, I actually cried.

He Yuan got up from the bed, took a glass of mineral water from the table, unscrewed the lid, gulped half of it, then poured the mineral water into a disposable paper cup, and threw the cigarette butt into the cup.

After finishing these, He Yuan checked the time, and it was only four o'clock in the morning.So he went to the bathroom and washed his face.

With a wet face, He Yuan raised his head, just as he was about to get the towel on the shelf beside him.Unable to defend himself, He Yuan saw himself in the mirror.

Although he had watched it many times before, He Yuan watched it very carefully this time.

Compared with the memory, the self in the mirror has a little more flesh on the face than before, not fat, but looks a little bit stronger, a little less delicate like a slapped face, and a little more tough and middle-aged Rich.

His complexion didn't look as fair as before. After all, He Yuan hadn't used those whitening facial cleansers, masks, and skin care water for several years.

At that time, he felt that he was too white and looked like a sissy, especially unmanly. At that time, many friends joked that He Yuan looked like "Xiao Shou", especially feminine.Although He Yuan didn't say anything, he was also a little unhappy in his heart, so he also consciously made himself messy.

Now, although he is still not dark, but due to staying up late for a long time and eating irregularly, his complexion has become sallow. He looks not much different from other people, and he is barely out of the category of sissy.

He Yuan took a few steps back, allowing the mirror to show his upper body.

I used to be very thin, very thin, 1.7 meters tall, only [-] catties, except for the face, there was hardly a trace of fat on the body, and the collarbone was protruding, which looked particularly obvious.Even though He Yuan exercises regularly, plays ball, does sit-ups, push-ups, and develops six-pack abs.But if there is no meat on the body, it is just a pile of ribs, without the beauty of muscles at all.

But now, although the weight has dropped to about [-], there is still a distance of about [-] catties from the peak period.But after this period of exercise, the muscles on his body have regained their contours, and they are no longer as thin as before, but have a muscular beauty.

Because he had just washed his face, the bangs on his forehead were wet and stuck to his face. Coupled with the muscular contours that had just formed on his body, he began to look a little "masculine" in He Yuan's mind.

Yourself.

in fact.

Changing all the time.

Become what you imagine in your mind.

He Yuan stretched out his fingers and stroked himself in the mirror.

Obviously, he should feel happy, but for some reason, a huge sadness suddenly rose from the bottom of his heart.He Yuan's nose became sore, his eyes suddenly turned red, and tears flowed out uncontrollably.

"Why am I sad? I obviously should feel happy." He Yuan tried hard to pull out a smile, but he smiled, but the self in the mirror was so ugly.

Snapped!
He Yuan punched the wall hard, making a muffled "bang".

There was a "click" sound from the bone, and the whole fist was instantly numb, and no pain could be felt.

He Yuan leaned against the wall and slowly fell to the ground.

"Why am I crying? I should be happy. I have a house, a car, a girlfriend, and I'm about to have my own career. I should be very happy." He muttered to himself, and began to hug live by yourself.It's like when I was a child in my memory, when I was wronged and felt sad, I hid in a corner alone and hugged myself to keep warm.

"Obviously you should be happy."

"Obviously there shouldn't be tears."

"How long has it been since I cried, primary school, junior high school?"

"But why, why am I not happy at all, why."

He muttered there, as if he was just asking someone a question.

Unfortunately, in the silent bathroom, he was the only voice.

Yes.

Obviously you should be happy.

Why is he so sad.

He Yuan returned to the room in despair and collapsed on the bed.

Looking at the ceiling above his head, He Yuan was stunned.

It took a while for He Yuan to come back to his senses, picked up the charging phone, unplugged the charging cable, and started to read the news.

In the dead of night, there are always times when I suddenly want to chat with someone.

But there are so many WeChat friends, as many as thousands, and none of them can chat.

Former colleagues cannot chat, partners cannot chat, classmates cannot chat, friends cannot chat, family members cannot chat, and close people cannot chat.

After counting and counting, there is actually no one to talk to.

In the past, no matter how poor or unlucky I was, there were at least a few funny people who could chat in the group, talk about things, and have fun together, even if that kind of fun was just being silly together.

But at least there are people we can talk to.

Now there is no one to chat with.

He Yuan is worse than before.

Is this a step backwards?

He Yuan doesn't know.

He put the phone on his chest and started to be dazed again.

Although it seems a bit hypocritical, He Yuan is indeed in a state of confusion now.

Just like those depressed patients, the whole world thinks they are happy, only they know it. When they are standing on a tall building, they do not know how many times they want to jump off the building and end their lives.

He Yuan used to be in such a state, and now he has come out.

But now, he fell into a deep self-doubt.

He didn't know why he felt sad, and no one came to tell him how to not be sad.

He walked into his own strange circle and didn't let anyone come near him.

This is a kind of escape, but also a kind of self-protection.

After a long time, He Yuan remembered something, took out his mobile phone, opened WeChat, and found the name.

Seeing that familiar yet unfamiliar nickname, He Yuan hesitated for a long time.

Finally, he pressed his finger.

"Are you there?" He Yuan sent a message.

As soon as the news was sent, He Yuan covered his phone on his chest, as if doing so would slow down his heartbeat.

This feeling is like when I was in school, secretly texting with the girl I love, then turning off the phone screen, putting it aside, and then waiting there anxiously, and guessing the other person's psychology.

Did she read it, how did she read it; did she reply, how did she reply; was she interested in me, or would she feel disgusted with me because of this text message.

Of course, the current He Yuan naturally doesn't have such small thoughts. He doesn't believe in these things, and it's hard to feel in love.Just like what he said to Lu Huihui, his current attitude towards women can only be divided into two types, those who can be used and those who cannot.

Other than that, flushing and rapid heartbeat are all the result of hormone secretion and have nothing to do with feelings.

He's just plain shy now.

After all, when he thought of the questions he was about to ask, He Yuan felt a little ashamed and flustered.

Of course, He Yuan didn't really expect the other party to reply.

After all, at this point, normal people should be sleeping.

He Yuan just wanted to do something urgently to disperse the restlessness in his heart, otherwise he was worried that he might really fall into depression.

It's just that He Yuan didn't make him wait for long. Almost as soon as he put the phone on his chest, the phone vibrated suddenly. When he picked it up, a message popped up.

"What's wrong."

Seeing this news, He Yuan was taken aback for a moment.

The speed of the other party's reply was a bit beyond his expectation.

After being stunned for a while, it took about several seconds before He Yuan realized that he should reply to the other party's message.

But what do you want back?

He Yuan racked his brains and even sat up from the bed, leaning the pillow on his back.

After hesitating for a long time, He Yuan replied: "Are you still asleep?"

After these words were sent out, He Yuan's face started to burn again.

MD, at such an age, still treats himself like an innocent virgin.

It's not an appointment on the Internet, it's just a normal communication between ordinary friends, how can it be like an underground affair.

Really poor.

But, having said that, those who should be ashamed should still be ashamed.

After all, He Yuan is just a veteran driver with a mouthful of guns. In terms of actual combat experience, it is almost zero.

The other side was silent for a while, about 1 minute, and then replied with a message.

"I was asleep, but I woke up again when I heard the text message."

(End of this chapter)