The night is glazed with warm light

Chapter 186 The Change of Lu
"Mom!" The three-year-old Xiao Lu Qingnuan could already speak, she was carved in pink and jade, and she was wearing a small pomegranate red dress. When she saw Meng Xu coming back, she happily ran up to her with staggering steps and then Stretch out a short, fleshy hand.

Meng Xu did turn her head when she heard the sound, but instead of squatting down and gently hugging Lu Qingnuan into her arms, she gave her an extremely indifferent, even disgusted look.

"Mom?" Xiao Lu Qingnuan was frightened by such eyes, took a step back, clenched her two small fists in front of her chest, raised her head, and looked at her cautiously with her big almond eyes. There was fear in her innocent eyes, There is confusion, but more... is desire.

Meng Xu was unmoved, and directly looked away and asked Aunt Wu who was standing in the distance in a cold voice, "Who told you to bring her to me!"

"Ma'am..." Aunt Wu was taken aback by the indifferent eyes, her voice trembling, "Miss, she... wants to see you very much."

"Take me away now!" Meng Xu gave Aunt Wu a cold look as if she hadn't heard the last sentence.

"Yes." Aunt Wu hurried over to hug Lu Qingnuan.

Lu Qingnuan was also frightened by Meng Xu's cold appearance, she was in a daze, and only realized when she was picked up by Aunt Wu, her small body suddenly struggled, "Don't, don't, I want my mother, I want my mother!"

"Miss is obedient, Madam is going to work, let's not disturb her." Aunt Wu coaxed.

"No... I want my mother... woo..." Seeing Meng Xu getting farther and farther away from her, Xiao Lu Qingnuan cried aggrievedly, and kept wiping her eyes with the back of her small hand, her pink cheeks were already wet Became one piece.

"Miss, don't cry...don't cry..." Aunt Wu also panicked, patting her on the back in distress to coax her.

But no matter how Aunt Wu coaxed her, tears kept flowing from her eyes.The little hands wiped away a string of teardrops and rolled down another string, the whole little face was wet.

The little girl felt very uncomfortable in her heart, why didn't her mother want to hug her?She looked very angry just now, did she not like her... Is there something wrong with her?

But Xiao Xiao couldn't think too much in her heart, Xiao Lu Qingnuan cried and cried, and fell asleep after crying.When she fell asleep, her little fist was still tightly clenched on her chest, and there were several tear stains on her little cheek.

Aunt Wu sighed and wiped her face with a hot towel.

"Mom!" When Meng Xu came back the next day, Xiao Lu Qingnuan seemed to have forgotten what happened yesterday, and ran over happily again.

Never thought that Meng Xu didn't even look at her this time, and went upstairs impatiently.

Xiao Lu Qingnuan froze on the spot before reaching out her hand, biting her lip, tears gradually accumulated in her eyes, and she couldn't shed them.

When Meng Xu's figure disappeared around the corner, tears still rolled down.Xiao Lu Qingnuan raised her hand, and wiped it off with the back of her hand silently...

In the indifference and rejection again and again, the little heart was covered with layers of haze.

When she was eight years old, Xiao Lu Qingnuan plucked up the courage to knock on the door of Lu Qing's study.

"Come in." A cold and majestic voice came out.

Xiao Lu Qingnuan was a little scared, but he opened the door and walked in.

"Father." Xiao Lu Qingnuan stood in the middle of the big study with a small body, with timid almond eyes, looking a little pitiful.

The man who was working with his head down saw Lu Qingnuan who was only a little higher than the desk, he was surprised, and then asked her indifferently, "What do you want from me?"

"Father..." Xiao Lu Qingnuan raised his face, and asked what he had been thinking about for a long time, "Can I go down the mountain?"

As soon as she finished asking, she found that her father's face turned cold, with impatience, boredom, and anger, "What are you doing out there?"

"I..." Lu Qingnuan flinched a little, "I just... want to go out and have a look."

"Go out and have a look? Is there anything to see, just stay in Fengshan for me, and you are not allowed to go anywhere!"

At that age, Lu Qing was only a young man in his twenties, and he didn't know how to restrain his hostility at all.It only scared Lu Qingnuan for several days, and he didn't dare to speak, and he didn't dare to mention the matter of going down the mountain.

But she still doesn't understand, they can go down the mountain every day, why should she be locked up here?Except for Aunt Wu, no one here said a word to her.

When Xiao Lu Qingnuan was 14 years old

"Miss, today is your birthday, and Aunt Wu made a cake for you."

At this time, the baby fat on Lu Qingnuan's face disappeared a lot, and her figure gradually became more marked, but she was not as lively as when she was a child.

She glanced at the cake, and smiled back quietly and sensiblely, "Thank you, Aunt Wu."

"Hey, no thanks, come and eat, do you want to light candles?"

Lu Qingnuan stared at that beautiful little cake for a while, then an idea came to her mind.

Holding the cake, she knocked on the door of Meng Xu's room.

Meng Xu opened the door and glanced at her and the cake in her hand indifferently, "What are you doing?"

Lu Qingnuan was a little scared, but still mustered up the courage to ask, "Today...today is my birthday...I think..."

Before Lu Qingnuan finished speaking, she was interrupted by Meng Xu's sarcastic words, "What are you thinking? Do you want me to celebrate with you? Oh, you probably don't know that you are the most unworthy person in the world to celebrate your birthday. Lu Qingnuan .”

Lu Qingnuan froze in place, looking at the closed door, her big eyes were full of disbelief, how could her mother say such things to her?She doesn't deserve to celebrate her birthday... Is it because she shouldn't have been born?

Lu Qingnuan found a corner, picked up the spoon silently, when he took the first bite, the accumulated tears rolled down from his eyes, and when he took the second bite, another one fell down, and at the end of the meal, he Already in tears...

After that time, Lu Qingnuan didn't speak at all, instead she had a feeling of suffocation from time to time, at first it was just for a moment, and then it lasted longer and longer, she breathed desperately, feeling a dull pain.

Fengshan is so quiet, so quiet.

She didn't understand why there was so much loneliness and hopelessness in this world?

Why is she alive?Stay in this empty place all day.

What if she can't go out for the rest of her life?
Lu Qingnuan stared blankly at the distant mountains, feeling that she was going crazy...

Aunt Wu saw that Lu Qingnuan was always sitting somewhere alone, she didn't say a word, her eyes were dull and empty, through those eyes, Aunt Wu saw a shocking silence.This kind of deathly silence made her frightened, unknowingly, she got farther and farther away from her...

Finally, on the day when she was 15 years old, Lu Qingnuan looked at the cake on the table, and the thought that had been hanging in her heart for a long time finally came to the fore - she wanted to end all of this.

She ate the cake bite by bite in seriousness and silence. Aunt Wu didn't pay attention and quietly took the sharp fruit knife from the kitchen.

She went into the bathroom, put a tub of warm water, and lay down in it without taking off her clothes. She watched the blade slide through the artery, and felt a pain.

Seeing the blood flow away from her body little by little, Lu Qingnuan's lips gradually turned pale. She smiled, and instead of feeling uncomfortable, she felt that this kind of pain made her feel comfortable, as if all the uncomfortable feelings that had been suppressed in the past were flowing along the bright red blood flowed away...

She can finally get rid of that terrifying feeling of suffocation...

Just as the consciousness gradually became blurred, the bathroom door was pushed open vigorously, and a black figure walked in quickly, and the bleeding wrist was quickly entangled by something.

The vague consciousness was pulled awake a little bit, and her slack eyes fell on the black shadow, Lu Qingnuan felt as if she saw Mu Gu...

After waking up, Meng Xu told her that she could go down the mountain.

Lu Qingnuan was lying on the bed. Hearing the news, for some reason, she didn't feel happy at all...

Having died once, her eyes have changed from dead silence to coldness, and her aura has also changed from tranquility to coldness and indifference, as if she doesn't care about anything and has no desire for anything...

Mo Gu asked her if she wanted to learn from him, she agreed, although she didn't know what to learn, but she didn't care because she didn't know what she should do...

"Qingnuan?" Ye Lizhi looked at Lu Qingnuan who was in tears streaming down his face in his sleep, frowning tightly.

(End of this chapter)