This thing about me becoming a girl

The incident has happened until now, and after such a long time has passed, Mariko Sawamura's faith has collapsed, she has questioned herself, she has been desperate, and she has been in pain...

But now, all of these are gone, only confusion remains.

Endless confusion, and even the meaning of his own survival began to have doubts.

Because according to my aunt, even my own birth...was not a natural birth, but a product of my mother's rebellion against...

Although she had known for a long time that her mother might not love her, because her mother seldom came home and seldom talked to her. From kindergarten to now, she has never appeared in her school once, and she even forgot her grade and age. It's just that sometimes I will teach myself some etiquette when I remember it. Maybe I teach this just to keep myself from embarrassing her.

But a mother is a mother after all, and Mari Aoi Sawamura, who has lost family affection since she was a child, still has affection for her.

So after knowing the truth, even though she had long been prepared for her mother not to love her, Sawamura Mari Aoi still felt very uncomfortable.

Because I am just a product of my mother's struggle against my grandfather's will.

Then what is the meaning of surviving.

Sawamura Mari Aoi was confused.

After knowing the truth, she thought more than once whether she shouldn't have been born.

Because she remembered seeing a sentence somewhere.

"Even if it is a hateful person, it is born in the love of others."

And his own birth was not burdened with anyone's expectations.

This is actually not a question that Sawamura Mari Aoi's character should think about, but she has learned too much during this time.

She didn't even know who to hate, who to blame.

Do you hate your mother?But did mother do anything to hurt herself?No, she just doesn't love herself.

Do you hate your father?Hate him for lying to himself?No, Mari Aoi Sawamura can't hate her father, even though he has done a lot of bad things, but it is also true that he spent a good childhood with him and taught himself to grow up.

Moreover, he is his own father.

So do you want to hate Bei Dao Crow who killed his father?To be honest, Sawamura Mari Aoi did it, but Kitajima Crow did nothing wrong.

She just paid back the damage done to herself and her mother.

Some time ago, Sawamura Mari Aoi was like, if she didn't blame someone, she couldn't bear it anymore, and the pressure in her heart was almost breaking her.

But she... didn't know who to blame. Whenever she thought that Bei Dao Ya was the murderer who ruined her life and began to lose her mind, she would think of Bei Dao Jiu's tears again.

She couldn't forget when she boarded the ship, she saw Bei Dao Ya curled up on the ground with blood flowing, and she couldn't forget Bei Dao Jiu collapsed until she lost consciousness, but she was still crying.

This is caused by the father, but also by himself.

Perhaps without themselves and their father, the life of their mother and daughter would be very happy.

Bei Dao students just want to get back their own lives and return all the injustices suffered by their mother and daughter. Did they really do something wrong?

The rope was pulled to the end, and the problem was ultimately with the father.

So in fact... Beidaoya students should blame themselves, what right do I have to blame them.

Thinking of the end, Sawamura Mari Aoi realized that she could only blame herself.

This is also the deepest confusion that makes people feel, because in the end, the only person who can blame him is himself.

In the end, she was left with nothing but confusion.

ps: 4000-word chapters, plus +1, so far a total of ten chapters have been added.

303. Heart clear

In the innermost part of Komachi Street, there are no gray industries lined up outside, and there is no appearance of corrupted neon lights at night. There are only homeless wanderers living on meager government relief funds, cardboard shacks, and even signboards. There are no simple hotels and garbage, which constitute this small area for Tokyo, but it is also an indelible stain for Tokyo.

Even though the murderous ghost incident is raging at night, there are still people coming and going in the middle of the night here.

Or the elderly homeless who want to find a corner to spend the night. After all, they live a life that counts as a meal. If the weather is not getting colder, it doesn’t even matter if they sleep on the street. Life is already gone. What hope, let alone being afraid of murderers.

Of course, if they really appeared in front of them, they would still be afraid, but there was no other way. After all, if they could really sleep in the house, would they still deliberately run out?

In addition to these wanderers, it is self-evident that the remaining people who are still coming and going at this point represent it.

It's as if this is the hideout for all the filth and evil in Tokyo. Drug dealers, villains, renegades, as long as there is no place for them outside, they will all gather here.

And it can only be said that these vicious people are afraid of murderers who have never seen a single face, which can only be said to be an overly childish sense of humor.

After all, the crimes each of them carried on their own may be enough to be shot twice.

And among them, Jiu Xinzun was naturally included.

Jiu Xinzun, as a person who started from the extreme path, may not be able to count the evil things he has done, and the bones lying behind him.

So after the destruction of the Yeheng Group, he also fled to this place, which he thought might be the only place where he would not be caught, and found a basement in an abandoned building where he could hide without seeing the sun all day long.

After finally coming out, knowing the current situation, he was caught directly after thinking about it a little bit.

This also let him know that it turned out that he was hiding in the dark, foul-smelling basement where he lived with mice and cockroaches, not because he hid it well, but because they didn't care about him as a little ant in their eyes.

When he was in the basement, Jiu Xinzun comforted himself that he was forbearance. Now that he thinks about it, he still finds it ridiculous, after all, people don't care about him at all.

After being caught, Jiu Xinzun also expected his own consequences, but after much deliberation, he still felt that death was the most likely.

After all, he really can't imagine what value he has. Even the wild horizontal group that he was once proud of is just a toy that can be broken with a poke, let alone the wild horizontal group that has been destroyed now. He couldn't think of any reason to keep himself alive after being caught.

But somewhat unexpectedly, he survived and was accepted as a voter.

And since he survived the conspiracy of Baihechuan's former crown prince, Jiu Xinzun also knew exactly what it meant.

Because the person who caught her was the poisonous snake who was hiding in the dark and spying on the former prince of Baihechuan, so she kept the self who expressed the same thought and used it as a knife.

But what Jiu Xinzun really can't figure out is what is the meaning of being a knife now.

After clearly realizing the gap between himself and the Yusanjia, Jiu Xinzun naturally dispelled the ridiculous idea that he could stand shoulder to shoulder with the Yusanjia if he gave himself time.

It is precisely because of a clear understanding of himself that Jiu Xinzun is also sober as never before.

Even Baihechuan, a crown prince who has lost all his power, can't think of anything by himself.

Not even the former self, let alone such a down-and-out self.

So Jiu Xinzun didn't understand why Konoe Yumeko let herself survive, especially after hearing her express such thoughts.

Dead man?Or cannon fodder?

But Jiu Xinzun doesn't think that at Konoe Mengko's level, there will be a shortage of people who will work hard, and they will not betray.

Jiu Xinzun couldn't figure out what the meaning of Konoe Mengko's leaving her was, even if it was aimed at Baihechuan's former prince, would she still play a role?

Jiu Xinzun couldn't figure it out, but what he could know was.

No matter what, there is absolutely no possibility of him surviving.

In a simple hotel on Komachi Street, the five or six square meter room is so simple that it can only be regarded as a shelter from the wind and rain.

Jiu Xinzun sat on the bed, smoking one cigarette after another.

Since the last time I saw Konoe Mengko, he was let go, and no one told him what to do, and no one followed, as if everything just now was a dream, and Jiu Xinzun was free.

But Jiu Xinzun also knows very clearly that he has no freedom, and his fate will be in the hands of others from then on.

So although no one seemed to follow him, after realizing the power of the Yusanjia, Jiu Xinzun returned to Komachi Street, and did not choose to escape, but instead of going to the basement, he just found a simple hotel.

Because if you can't escape, if you can escape, it's just a corpse.

Although he already knew that his end was death, the paradox was that Jiu Xinzun didn't want to die.

The smoke was hot again, and Jiu Xinzun stomped it out on the ground casually. At this time, the ground was almost filled with black and white ash and cigarette butts.

He deliberately opened the cigarette case, but found that there were no cigarettes in it.

After a while, he stood up from the bed, put on a hooded jacket, opened the wooden door that had no anti-theft effect and went out.

Jiu Xinzun didn't want to die, even after experiencing such a major setback and change, he still didn't want to die.

But at this moment, he seemed to have no way out anyway.

Jiu Xinzun is not stupid, nor did he develop the Noyoko Group to its previous status simply by virtue of his ferocity without any background.

So after hearing Konoe Yumeko's blatant malice in wanting to kill Yurikawa's former crown prince, Jiu Xinzun knew that he would die.

Because he knew that he was not worth letting Konoe Mengko save his life.

But he didn't resist, because if he resisted, he would die at that time, but it didn't mean that he would accept his fate.

He can let go of the resentment towards Urihara Mu Wanhua, and even promise to forget the past from now on, and he can do the same.

Being able to take it and let it go is one of Jiu Xinzun's strengths. He always believes that there is no permanent enemy in this world.

But now, he actually hates Konoe Yumeko more than Uranaki Wanhua.

Because in the past Uranaki Wanhua didn't let him die, but now Konoe Yumeko wants him to die.

He is not reconciled, he can be used as a knife, he can be mermaid, but he doesn't want to die.

Even though I'm living with nothing now.

Walking on the dark street with no street lights and only garbage, Jiu Xinzun's hat was pulled down very low, covering his wrinkled but deep-eyed face.

He can only rely on himself, to find a way out by himself.

Although Konoe Yumeko was targeting Uranaki Wanhua, maybe another person would be willing to be used after half his life's hard work was destroyed overnight, but Jiuxin Tun would not.

He has let go of his anger towards the destruction of the Yeheng Group, which he had worked on for half his life, and his hatred towards the main messenger, Yuan Mu Wanhua. He no longer cares about these things, and all he wants is to find a way out on the road that ends in death, and do whatever it takes to do it. .

-------

In a kendo gymnasium, an old man with white hair wearing a loose kendo uniform knelt on the seat cloth, meditating.

He is the well-known existence in the Japanese kendo world, Katsura Miyamoto.

Since he was young, he has exuded an incomparably dazzling radiance. Challenges and final victories are probably the theme song of his kendo life. Then, when he was middle-aged, he created a new sword style, Wu Jianliu.

This inexhaustible is taken from the Infernal Hell, in fact, it can also be called Abi Daoliu.

Although it sounds like a bloody and cruel sword technique, it is actually very calm and resolute.

Uninterrupted, an extremely painful purgatory that cannot be escaped, and the meaning that Miyamoto Gishiki wants to express with it is to survive and inextricably grind one's mind and bones, endure all kinds of hardships and never tire, and finally achieve a positive result.

And Katsura Miyamoto's life seems to be like this. His parents died early, his young wife lost his wife, and his middle-aged daughter lost his daughter.

Uninterrupted interest and fruit, uninterrupted suffering, uninterrupted time, uninterrupted life, and uninterrupted form, entering the phase of Avici, this is inexhaustible.