Honkai Impact 3rd, a simulator of lifelong regret!

How could someone so worthless dare to expect to be saved?

Even if she were to transform into a lewd woman and engage in reverse sexual acts at night, she would only be scolded by the boy, who would think that her ugly body was unworthy of him, and that only that unknown girl in the world could do such a thing.

A useless piece of trash like me...

Abandoned...

Isn't that perfectly normal?

……

……

'Is Mei's mood... a little off?'

Why didn't I feel anger?

Why... am I so desperate?

The intensity of the emotions was so strong that even the Queen of Thunder realized the seriousness of the problem. What was being transmitted from her other self was no longer simply dissatisfaction, chaos, sadness, disappointment, or numbness.

--despair.

That was an emotion that could only be described as despair.

All descriptions seem too farcical.

Only words created by humankind to describe absolute darkness, absolute madness, and utter lack of recourse can truly capture it.

Do not……

Isn't it?

……

215. Queen of Thunder: Mei... what's wrong?

Isn't it just that we know Jiang Cheng's true nature?

Surely there's at least a sliver of hope left.

Jiangcheng shouldn't be that important, right?

Haven't we only known each other for a little over half a month?

Isn't it a bit strange that the relationship has deteriorated to this extent in just half a month?

Even if his father had problems, he wouldn't be this sad and desperate. How could he have become like this just because of Jiang Cheng?

……

Raiden Mei's posture was so desperate, the tears swirling and falling gently from her swollen eyes were so sorrowful, her beautiful pupils lost all color, leaving only an empty reflection of a kaleidoscope image.

Her slender fingertips were clenched tightly, turning her distinct knuckles white, as if she wanted to imprint her fingerprints and all her emotions at that moment onto them.

Unconsciously, she would gently bite down, or her lips, which acted as a barrier between her pearly white teeth, were not caught in the middle for the first time, because her sharp canine teeth had already pierced her delicate flesh with bright red marks in the very first instant—not just for show, but real blood. The act of biting was truly beyond instinct and caused her harm.

This should have been like a person not being able to suffocate; if they suffocated to the limit, they would faint. It was stopped by instinct, and the harm was caused in a subconscious, dazed state that the girl herself did not even realize.

Incomprehensible.

Hard to understand.

Can't understand.

Like a rushing torrent that washes everything away, countless emotions appeared in her mind for the first time in such a chaotic way. Even the voice that lingered in her heart lost its lofty arrogance, leaving only helplessness. That meant one thing without a doubt—the Thunder Queen panicked.

The girl, who thought she could control everything and believed she could return to the past simply by revealing the truth, was thrown into panic for the first time because she felt a despair beyond her comprehension from another version of herself.

It's not the numbness from before.

It wasn't hanging half-dead on the edge of the cliff.

All the sorrows discussed before seem too trivial at this moment, and the despair of death seems more like the mutterings of a dying person.

……

Even if they seem to be the same person, different personalities and consciousnesses are ultimately different in essence. What they care about and what they expect are never the same. At the very least, their perspectives are different, such as the difference between first-person and third-person perspectives.

The reason why I can protect you so leisurely, or at least relatively leisurely, is because the two of us are only connected by feelings and have mutual affection, rather than watching everything with one pair of eyes all the time.

Perhaps it was because of the unusual energy within my body, or perhaps it was something that kept buzzing in my ears, calling itself the Will of Collapse.

The Queen of Thunder often has the freedom to observe everything from her own perspective, witnessing the treatment and harm inflicted upon her other self.

Although we can feel the overflowing sadness in our hearts because we are essentially the same person and share the same vessel, we cannot truly and completely know what the other person is thinking because of differences in personality and outward expression. Even if we can know and empathize, we cannot truly understand from the bottom of our hearts.

Just like some people who, when they see others sad, don't offer comfort but instead stand aloof and say, "Why are you sad about this? I don't think it's a big deal."

It's not just about being out of touch with reality; it's also about fundamental differences in nature and personality that create an irreconcilable gap.

Gentle people and irritable people; people who become more reserved because they have personally experienced hurt, and people who become more irritable after experiencing hurt.

The former cannot understand why the latter, as if forgetting past mistakes, becomes increasingly arrogant. The latter, in turn, cannot understand why the former becomes timid and hesitant after experiencing only a little hardship. Understanding between people is never an easy thing; even with the same person, it is impossible to truly gain their complete respect.

The Queen of Thunder arrogantly believed that as long as Raiden Mei realized Jiang Cheng's falsehood, everything could go back to the past. She wouldn't need to continue to gain power; one day she could take revenge, defeat all those who hated her, and destroy this disgusting world as the so-called Honkai Apostle.

However, she never realized that the reason she wanted to defeat those people she hated was because those people caused Raiden Mei to torment herself.

Revenge and retaliation are not the process, nor the beginning, but rather the result that only a few can obtain and fall into after everything has settled down.

Perhaps because accepting the truth and acknowledging her own incompetence, the girl realized that it was too difficult for an adult to be a useless person and unworthy of a boy's true feelings. She had come to a standstill, leaving only tears that continued to follow the laws of gravity.

Finally stopping her pursuit of the boy named Jiang Cheng, the Thunder Queen cautiously inquired of the girl.

Humble and sensitive, it's almost like carefully extracting honey from a hive crawling with countless buzzing bees.

'Mea Yi...'

'Are you there?'

'Are you OK? ’

……

……

……

"Why...did it turn out like this?"

Raiden Mei leaned against the cold wall, barely supporting her limp body. She could still feel the night wind. At the edge of her vision, there was a window that was not closed, perhaps because its owner had left in a hurry.

Too hasty... left too hastily.

"It shouldn't be like this, these past two weeks shouldn't have been like this, the end of the date shouldn't have turned out like this..."

She spoke very slowly, repeating the same things endlessly, as if she were slowly recalling something. Her voice, which should have been as melodious as a stream, was dominated by sadness and trembled slightly.

For the first time, the Queen of Thunder felt like she couldn't get a word in edgewise.

Her lips had opened and closed many times, but she couldn't utter a single word. She couldn't find any place to enter the sorrow that flowed slowly like a stream, and she couldn't even jump over it.

Because it wasn't a stream or a river.

—It is the sea.

It is because it has been excessively restrained, bound by the ropes of self and the outside world for too long, that even after becoming the ocean, it still follows the rules.

Just as a ridiculous iron chain, given enough time, can restrain an adult elephant that can be broken with a little force.

—The only thing to do is to shut up.

All we could do was listen, and this was the only thing we did without any sense of crisis... at least the smallest one among us.

A feeling, like a sixth sense, welled up from the bottom of my heart, telling me that if I continued to try to interrupt, something terrible might happen.

The girl was indeed just pouring out her heart, telling her story little by little. Her seemingly numb words slowly released her inner bitterness and sorrow in the night wind.

"Jiang Cheng smiled several times during today's date."

"In the dessert shop, while you're eating the food, you're chatting with me about the egg tart recipe."

"He has always cared about me, and even after he learned about my father's affairs, he never disliked me. This should be absolutely true."

"There's no reason for things to turn out this way between us. Why did he have to leave? Why did he make the mistake of having a strict curfew at night, as he mentioned? I even canceled several of our date plans."

“Mingming Jiangcheng… he has never told me a particularly bad lie. Even if he lied a little when we first met, it was only by saying he had been at school for less than a month. He really didn’t know anything about this school; he hadn’t even been outside the dormitories and classrooms. I also helped him get to know Qianyu Academy…”

"me....."

As I continued speaking, I suddenly found myself unable to continue. The words were stuck between my teeth, bound by morality and shame, unable to move.

It wasn't until she recalled it all that the girl realized that her self-righteous sacrifices were really something worth remembering for the boy.

That doesn't matter at all. For the seemingly omniscient boy, these things are readily available to him if he wants them. No one would dislike a genius who can handcraft an engine from scrap.

A mere rat dares to boast about picking up a few pieces of trash.

Saying such ridiculous things is shameless.

Raiden Mei could only bite her lips hard, the salty, metallic taste spreading clearly in her mouth, yet she seemed completely oblivious to it.

Do you want to cry?

No, that's not it, because the tears have long since dried up, parched in the corner of my heart...

Is it painful?

Perhaps, it's a kind of pain so intense that it feels like you've lost all feeling...

……

……

"what……"

"I was just being presumptuous after all."

"I must look really stupid right now."

The girl finally sat down, her slender fingertips lying on the cold floor as if their bones had been removed, just like her body at that moment, disheveled and pitiful. Her delicate face was clearly looking up at the ceiling due to gravity, but her eyes were downcast and her pupils were dim.

If this posture of looking up at the sky were changed to a different time of day, such as a vast grassland, or a tower, hill, or beach, one could see an extremely stunning scene.