Can't Come Back

Berlia’s face, on the other hand, didn’t change at all.

“Thank you, Princess, for caring. But I’ve already decided what I want to do. I would like to be with Cain.”

But Berlia thought differently. Even though things were hard, spending time with him was much more critical. She would have to accept it if she couldn’t do anything about it. Not right now. She was also able to offer help.

When Claudia saw Berlia’s determination, she moved her shoulders as if she couldn’t help.

“That may be why I wanted to help you. If that’s the case, we can’t do anything. In two days, we’ll be leaving.”

“Eh? I thought it would be later.”

“The journey there will still be more than half a day. We’d like to leave as soon as we can.”

“…Alright. How should I get there?”

“You know how to get to the Imperial Palace from the main square, right? You can go there at noon on the second day. And since most of them will be common women like you, we won’t be able to treat you differently just because you’re a noble. Are you sure that’s all right?”

Claudia looked into it again. Berlia didn’t hesitate to say yes.

“Well, yes. Thanks, Princess.”

* * *

Two days went by. Berlia was going to the square Claudia had mentioned to get to the border. She packed a simple bag alone, without Betty, who usually helped her.

“There are no nobles in sight,” she said.

There were already quite a few women at the meeting place beside her. They looked like there were about twenty of them. But they all seemed like regular people. It was what Claudia thought it would be. The girls of noble families, raised with care, had no reason to risk their lives by going to war.

“Hello.”

Then a man showed up. He looked at all the women who had come together and counted them.

“In all, twenty-one. Thank you for coming together. Hi, I’m Hanson. Thank you for helping, even though it was hard. Sorry, but since we’re going to the battlefield, I’d like to know who everyone is in case something goes wrong. Please raise your hand when your name is called.”

Hanson began to call out the women’s names as he unrolled the paper after talking.

“Sandy Hammel”

“Here.”

“Angela Rawlson”

“I’m right here.”

So, he said each name in turn. Hanson’s eyes got more prominent when he looked to the bottom of the paper.

“Berlia Hildayden?”

“That’s me.”

Berlia raised her hand slowly.

“Hildayden, aren’t you a duchess? Are you sure you want to come?”

Hanson asked Berlia as he stuttered. He seemed to be quite shocked. Of course, he would be since she was a duchess, not just a countess or baroness. Berlia was the only woman there who was from a noble family. She was from a duke’s family, one of the most significant noble families.

“Well, yes. Is there something wrong?”

“No, it’s not a problem, but…”

Hanson’s words needed to be clarified. Even though there wasn’t a problem, he was distraught because it was the first time he had to deal with something like that. It was rare for a duchess to go to the battlefield to help care for injured troops. He helped the woman because he was moved by her willingness to give.

“Everyone, please get into the carriage.”

Hanson led the women up to the carriage, where they got in. The wagon Berlia usually rode in was big and comfortable, but this one was small and old. Also, there were six people in this small van. But she sat in the carriage in silence.

She had heard that they would have to ride in this carriage for a half-day, so it would be night by the time they got there. The carriage with the women in it started moving slowly.

Clip, clip, clip.

The horse’s hooves could be heard outside, but the wagon was quiet. Berlia, who was wealthy, seemed to be the center of everyone’s attention. If things continued like this, the mood would be awkward until they arrived. Berlia began talking to the woman with brown hair sitting next to her.

“Um… Your name is Angela, right?

“Me? Yes, you’re right. Madame.”

Angela was surprised because she hadn’t expected Berlia to start talking.

“There’s no need to be so serious. All of us are going there for the same reason.”

“But still…”

Angela had never sat down with a lady of nobility before. Even though Berlia told her it was okay to relax, she still felt awkward.

“Why do you want to go to the battle?”

Berlia kept asking questions. Angela was unsure, but Berlia didn’t seem as sensitive or self-centered as some of the other noblewomen she had met. She opened her mouth slowly.

“There is my younger brother. Since our parents died young, it’s just him and me. I was nervous to send my only brother to the war, but they said they needed help, so I went.”

“You’re an excellent sister. Your brother will be happy to see you.”

“I’m not sure, but I hope so. I’ll just go check it out.”

Berlia gave the nod. She had asked Claudia if she could be sent to where Cain was, but she also needed to figure it out for herself. 

But Berlia didn’t want to be happy and safe while Cain was in danger. She felt the same way that Angela did.

“I’m sure you’ll be able to go to where your brother is.”

“…Yes, thanks.”

Then they were quiet for a short time. Berlia didn’t say anything else after that. Angela asked as she looked at her.

“Uh… Madame? Why do you want to… Why would a noble lady go there, anyway…?”

She thought it was okay to ask the same question she had been asked. Plus, she was interested. Why would a noblewoman who probably had never done anything complicated before go to a dangerous battlefield?

“Ah, I…”

Berlia was going to answer, but she stopped for a moment. Dean, her husband, had died. If a divorced noblewoman said she would see her loved one, that would be strange. 

Angela, the woman sitting next to her, probably didn’t know much about how the nobles ran things, but Berlia was afraid to tell the truth.

“No, it’s fine if you don’t answer if it’s a hard question,” she said.

Angela thought she had asked a challenging question when Berlia did not answer immediately. When she realized she had made a mistake, Angela waved her hands at nothing.

‘I can’t always hide this way,’ she said.

When Berlia saw how flustered Angela was, she wondered how long she would have to live in hiding and worry like this.

“Let’s just pretend I didn’t hear it…”

“No, that’s not true.”

“…Yes?”

She always tried to hide, afraid that someone would find her. At the royal banquet, she stood still and watched women approach Cain. She was worried every day she was pregnant because she didn’t know her child’s father. Even as he was leaving for the war and saying goodbye, she couldn’t hug him because she knew the knights and servants were watching.

If this kept up, she would have to spend her whole life trying to avoid people’s eyes. Could she love like that for the rest of her life? That wasn’t what she wanted. Even if people judged her, she was sure that if she was with Cain, she could ignore what they thought. Even though it wasn’t planned, Dean was also no longer there.

Berlia and Cain were honest with each other regardless of other people’s thoughts. It was enough to know that. She slowly put her words together.

“I agree with you. There is my dearest person.”

“Oh. I get it.”

Angela thought that Berlia’s eyes seemed to be remembering a significant person. You couldn’t use that phrase without thinking of someone you cared about. People thought it was a lover instead of a family member because her voice had a bit of anger in it.

‘If the Duchess loves someone, it must be the Duke, right?’

Berlia said she was a Duchess, which means she was probably married. Angela thought that her husband was the most important person in her life.

‘I’ve heard that nobles often marry for convenience, but it doesn’t look like that’s always true.’

“I hope you can return to your precious person, too, my lady.”

Angela wanted her to go to wherever the Duke was.

It had been going on for about five hours. It stopped at dawn after going over the rough road and the forest path.

“We’ve made it.”

The noise of the horse’s hooves and the carriage’s wheels finally stopped. When the coachman told the women they had arrived, they got ready to get out. Berlia’s bottom and legs hurt from sitting for so long, but her heart raced when she thought Cain was somewhere nearby.

“Thank you for making the effort to come here. All of you add up to twenty-one. Even though it must have been hard, thank you for helping. We plan to set up each unit with two or three people.”

A soldier who worked for Count Adrian put the women in the same barracks as the hurt troops. The women started to go their separate ways after he told them to.

“And finally, Angela Rawlson, Berlia Hildayden, you two will go over there.”

Berlia was a Duchess, which the soldier knew. After Claudia and Cadelin told him, Count Adrian had already said the troops in charge.

“Oh my, we’re back together again.”

“It seems to be so, my lady.”

Whether by chance or not, Berlia and Angela ended up in the same place. Unlike other women, they had to ride again with troops on horseback. The reason was that Cain’s barracks were close to the front line.

“Over here is where the men who have been hurt are staying. We ask you kindly for your help.”

A short time later, they came to a place where three small cabins were joined. Even more, stress was there than when they first got there. Because this was the front line, and the Talisbon Army was coming this way.

‘When I came here, I thought I couldn’t be the only one who felt comfortable… But am I good at this?’

Berlia realized all of a sudden that she was on the battlefield. She came to be with Cain no matter what, but she needed to feel she was getting something in return. There was no point in coming all this way if she would just be a bother. Berlia took a big gulp.