Casual Heroing

I really don’t understand why people get so hung up on their career. Some people decide to make everything in their life about that. They burn friends, family, and all the other bridges that hold them back in the most ruthless manner.

While I stare at Lucinda, I have the wisdom of a thousand books in me, but I still cannot muster the words needed to make her see the same world I can.

I’m not saying that friends and families are everything. Hell, that’s the same of saying that work is everything. It’s just that the world’s big enough to always find someone nicer, someone, who might give you a good job just on a hunch, who might out you in a house of a friend and feed you just because. It’s rare and, above all, it might be uncomfortable. But it’s real.

And while I look at your disappointed expression, I do wonder why my heart still beats so fast for you, Lucinda.

“It has a few interesting formulas but that’s it. Basic protection enchantments to ward off the wear, but it’s quite weak. It’s barely worth ten golds, honestly.”

The Elf [Enchanter] looks at Lucinda with a shrug.

His words are incorrect and I probably wield a world-shattering artifact that could change many lives. But that doesn’t really matter to me. I just want to enjoy a little slice of the world, a little slice of life. So, I shut up, not willing to invite further examination on the mighty tome that is clearly trying to pass off as a cheap book.

“Should I bill my services to…”

The Elf doesn’t know my name, does he?

“To the Watch,” Lucinda sighs. “This is Watch business.”

The [Enchanter] stares at me again and then nods.

“Let’s go,” Lucinda says with a depressed attitude.

“Thank you for your time, sir. I’ve got to take my lovely girlfriend back now,” I tell the mean [Enchanter], “she clearly needs some comforting.”

Lucinda slaps my shoulders while the [Enchanter] looks at her with wild eyes.

“With a human?” he stumbles on his own words. “I mean, I’m sorry. It’s none of my business, Officer.”

“You know what they say, pal, big human…”

Lucinda kicks my shin so hard I start jumping up and down.

“Ouch! She can’t wait! Oh, man! I’ll bring you a cake as a thank you. What’s your favorite, buddy?”

“Huh, I really like vanilla, but I don’t think there’s a need for—”

“Vanilla cake! Coming right up!” I shout while fleeing the [Enchanter] shop.

Whatever happens in my life, I’ll always buy people with cake. It’s so easy that it should be a legal crime by now. Or is it an ‘illegal crime’?

Lucinda is a bit angry with me and her eyes stare with so many daggers she could build the Iron Throne with them and order my beheading at her beck and call.

“Why are you like this?” she chews out her words.

“You seemed so sad that this bad boy is useless,” I slap the book cover and get a little zap in return, “that I just wanted to cheer you up a little.”

“I don’t need your concern, human,” she says with pure despise.

You know, I have experience with crazy women. And I don’t mean crazy as in ‘oh, she’s such a crazy babe’. No, no, no. I have dated psych-ward material more than once. And I am surprised no woman ever stabbed me, to be honest.

Now, when I hear these words from Lucinda, I compile them in my crazy-to-normal translator and they pretty much say ‘I do like you, but I also want to see you dead’.

I mean, it does sound ridiculous. But see, love is about chasing and getting chased. It’s a hunt. For men and women alike. Until now, I played the hunter and I pushed. But she’s getting too comfortable with my pushing and she just became mean. If I keep pushing, she is going to edge me out of her life. So, I’ll just leave on a high note.

What I do is: smile sadly, sigh theatrically, put a hand over my eyes with the most pathos you could ever imagine.

Hugh Jackman can shine my shoes.

“I just wanted to be nice, that’s all, Lucinda. I’m sorry if I offended you. I’ll just go my way with this useless garbage here,” I say with my eyes almost teary.

Now, this is the pathetic move. It works, man. It works a lot of times.

Women are caretakers and men are garbage. That’s why it works; it’s in our nature.

I start walking away and I feel like she will make me wait at least a few days before—

“Joey,” she calls out.

I raise an eyebrow and smirk, but then I reset my face to sad while turning around.

“Yes?” I already know how this will go and I can already taste victory.

“You owe me the money for the [Enchanter]. Make sure to bring them to me as soon as you get paid. It’s five silver coins.”

She spins around and goes away.

Well.

I smile to her back and shrug.

Let’s give her a couple of days.

See, she wants the money back. That’s a sign she might be interested—

“Oh, wait! You can leave the money at the clerk counter in the Watch!” she shouts at me, already several feet distant.

I throw a look at her with a terrified frown and, before she turns back again, it almost seems that she… smirked?