First Love Never Dies

He said:

“I thought you weren’t feeling well yet, but you look pretty well.”

“…yes, probably because many days have passed.”

He looked at me in a subtle way. I followed him and answered calmly.

“Thank you for your concern. I’m relieved to see that Your Excellency also appears to be flawless.”

It was a formal reply. I wonder if Alyssa would have answered like how I did just now. I wanted to imitate her as much as I could, but it was hard to be completely the same. I can’t help it. Even if I had Alyssa’s memory, I wasn’t really “Alyssa”, so it was hard to talk and act like her.

“You feel much relieved?”

Rashid’s brow slightly frowned. No way, did I choose the wrong reply? But it was a very ordinary answer, so I continued on nervously.

“Yeah, I’m worried that something was going on…because of what I did.”

“You, me?”

He looked down at me coldly. It was a gruesome and sharp look, as was the moonlight of this world once looked.

“Why?”

Asked Rashid. His look of contempt sharply stared down at me, as if he would find out what I truly meant as if trying to find  my true intentions.

The pressure he was exuding was about to choke me. Do you doubt me? What did I do? Are you wondering what kind of tricks a woman who married you at the emperor’s order would do? Or maybe you even noticed that I wasn’t Alyssa?

I replied cautiously, trying to repress my anxious heart.

“Because…I’m your wife.”

“My wife.”

Recounting on what I had said, Rashid smiled a corny smile. But not everyone whose lips are curved up are smiling. The emotions on his face clearly showed distrust and doubt.

“I wouldn’t blame you if you told me honestly that you wouldn’t mind if I didn’t come back.”

“What?”

“My wife is so kind.”

His mouth is smiling softly, but not his eyes. The bright yellow eyes now looked like a wild animal at night. Feeling like a prey in a game, I ducked my head to avoid him.

“I hope you’re more concerned about yourself rather than me.”

Rashid’s voice rang over my head. I wasn’t foolish enough to think it was true.

The apparent indifference and the little bit of hostility he showed was perplexing. It’s not that I didn’t understand why he married Alyssa, but what I do know is ‘Alyssa, Rashid’s First Love’ in the novel

But what’s the situation now? I was so confused by the much harsher and sharper attitude than I had imagined.

It was a story that made sense if you asked me to worry about myself. And it was certainly absurd for the weak woman who almost drowned to be worried about the comfort of Rashid Fenvernon, the owner of a powerful power.

‘But…I can’t believe that I’m acting this way to a person with such an attitude..’

As I thought over and over again, my anger soared.

As if to keep up with the beat, Alyssa’s past days that were spent in agony began to rise up. Things like fear, sadness, sorrow, grief, inferiority, and loneliness caught my ankle. I raised my head up and said:

“No.”

I quietly opened my mouth. My cold and subdued heart that came out of those feelings rose and the voice that came out of my throat came out calmly, unlike before.

“I don’t care if I don’t wake up. Because it’s harder for me to be affectionate to a husband who won’t tell me how he feels honestly.”

Rashid narrowed his eyes at the words I retorted back to him.

“Are you angry, Madam?”

There was a small stir on his face, but he was still as calm as he was before. Although it was a very subtle vibration, I still noticed it. This was probably the first time his wife has ever treated him like this.

Alyssa Fenvernon, whom Rashid knew, was a gentle and weak duchess. She was a quiet, timid woman who understood her own situation very well. In this politically arranged marriage, she didn’t try to go against his feelings and decisions.

But this time, Alyssa certainly did. (go against his feelings)

So let it be.

“No way. I’m just grateful. I’m afraid that I’m causing you to waste your time. After all, it’s hard for you to take care of your wife because you’re so busy.”

“You’re angry.”

“Do you think this is something to get angry about?”

“I don’t think it’s like you.”

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It was an overly typical line.

“Do you know what I’m like?”

“…”

“Is it really like me?”

How much does Rashid know about Alyssa? Is it really the ‘Alyssa‘ he knows? He couldn’t be so sure, but he goes on and says, ‘It’s not like you‘.