First Love × First Love 3

“Eh?”

I heard Senpai’s bewildered voice.
It made my mouth slacken just a little.

I don’t want to show him my uncool side.
I want to remain at least a little beautiful in Senpai’s memory.
Mobilizing my self-control, I showed a smile as beautiful as possible.

Perhaps he didn’t expected my words, as Senpai blinked his eyes.

“Sakura? What are you”
“Thank you for dating me until now. I wish I could have said it earlier, however I presumed upon Senpai’s kindness. But, it’s enough”

I quickly bowed my head.
My eyes blurred. I love Shion-senpai, it’s because I love him that it’s painful.

I can’t yet.
Don’t cry, don’t cry, don’t cry――――.

“… Do you want to break up with me?”

Shion-senpai said just a few words. Desperately resisting my tear glands from loosening, while still bowing I nodded.

“Yes”

I can’t continue going out with Shion-senpai who’s like this anymore.
Since he won’t even embrace me naked, I have no confidence that he loves me, so I can’t properly say what I want to say.
In such a situation it’s impossible for me to stay at his side.

“I understand”

After I heard him sigh, Shion-senpai gave me brief words of acknowledgement.
While feeling relieved I raised my face.

Shion-senpai has his usual expression.
It doesn’t look like he’s particularly shaken.
Somehow, I feel let down.

… I see, he doesn’t think anything about us breaking up.
As I understood that fact, pain spread through my chest.

I look like an idiot.
I had expectations, even if only slight.

―――― I was the only one in love.

It takes two to tango.
Reminded of that again, I told myself that it was for the best.
Since there had been no other choice from the start, I chocked back my tears that welled up.

“… Well then, Senpai. I am grateful to you… Stay well”
“You too”

When I told him that in a trembling voice, he returned only that much.
And then Senpai once again lowered his face and went back to the world of books.

… Ah, see, as expected.
After all I was only that much for Senpai.

Knowing he wouldn’t see it, I once again bowed toward Senpai, and without saying anything quietly left the room.
I had hardly any luggage.

I had no idea about Senpai’s feelings, and was afraid of him breaking up with me, so I didn’t feel like bringing my personal belongings.

I went down the stairs.
Of course, I didn’t hear the sound of being pursued.
Senpai is in the world of books now.
Surely he’s forgotten about me.
Just as she had said, it was only a physical relationship. Our hearts were always distant.

Again I was made to realize that.

Senpai’s apartment that I’d been visiting for a year and a half.
When I went outside, I looked at it once again.

Old outwards appearance. A tiny two-story apartment building, with only half of the ten rooms occupied. I had gone there almost every day.
I had continued going there, hoping one day Senpai would turn around.
In the end, that dream didn’t come true.

“Thank you very much. Senpai. I had fun. I was truly happy… to date Senpai”

I muttered like a soliloquy, and turned my back to Senpai’s apartment.

Senpai’s face as he laughed a little troubledly.
The gentle smile he showed from time to time.
The tense expression he showed when embracing me, I loved every single of them.

I believed I would reach him someday――――.
Still, the reality isn’t so sweet. Hopeless things are hopeless.

My first love came late.
I’d thought it wouldn’t come true, and yet we stayed together for a year and a half… I can only be grateful now.

Thank you, Shion-senpai.
It feels awfully lonely that I won’t be able to see your profile while you’re reading a book, but still, it’s my own choice.
I want to advance without looking back.

I truly, truly loved you.
It was impossible with me, but please one day find somebody you can be happy with.
I prayed for Senpai’s happiness from afar.

Goodbye, Senpai――――.

I cast my eyes down and took a big breath.
I don’t regret it.

I’ve already decided that Senpai is in my past.
I’ll show that I can convert everything about it into beautiful memories.

Firmly nodding, I took a firm step forward for the sake of turning my finished first love into memories.