He Hates Me, He Loves Me Not

Uriel's eyes sting.

It's shameful for him to cry at his age—what tide has he not swam in?—but he can't help it upon seeing Damon's dumbfounded expression. The master of the house called for him to ask if the child left anything behind, so how can he stop himself from being emotional when they're talking about Kaiden?

The wound is still fresh—not enough time has passed for Uriel to talk about Kaiden's memory with a smile. Even Damon is searching for something to remember him by, but he only brings disappointing news.

Uriel regrets not taking a photo with Kaiden when he was still here. The child was always so lovely, smiling at anything and anyone. It would have been so easy to snap a simple picture.. Isn't that why phones are so expensive nowadays?

People pay to have their loved ones immortalized yet Uriel couldn't do that for Kaiden. He's so stupid to take the younger man's presence for granted. Now, Uriel will never see him again.

Unable to hide his grief, Uriel can't focus on what's in front of him. It must've been obvious that he's thinking about Kaiden, his sorrow showing on his face. The more Damon stares at him, the more his confused face morphs into a scowl.

Uriel patiently waits for whatever Damon is about to say next, may it be an order or a question. When Damon says nothing more, they stare at each other in silence.

The Alpha's face slowly returns to a neutral expression, and although Uriel doesn't know what he's thinking about, he notices the way his Adam's apple bobs up and down. Damon looks to the side as if he's averting his gaze, but it only lasts for a moment before a steely look appears in his eyes.

Uriel isn't surprised when Damon dismisses him with a few, short words.

After turning to leave, only then does he release the sigh he's been holding. Even though it doesn't get easier for him, at least he knows he's not the only one who's missing Kaiden.

--

Damon has been staring at his computer screen for the past half hour.

It's not good for his eyes, but there's nothing he can do when there are too many thoughts floating in his head. His top priority is to get to the bottom of this whole drugging business, yet there's a single, relentless thought that keeps on intruding.

He shuts the computer off with a steady hand. Leaning back in his chair, he closes his eyes for a moment to rest. It's not that late in the evening yet he already feels exhausted.

He knows that there are more pressing matters to take care of. He knows he can't afford to laze around like this but his mind refuses to cooperate. It doesn't help that his inner alpha has been restless since a while ago, howling while running in circles inside him. Damon silences that wild animal as best as he can, wearing him out further.

Too distracted, he doesn't notice when Heath enters his study. Not like the Beta is trying to be quiet either. He flings the door open, a grand gesture that's uncaring whether Damon may be in the middle of something or not.

Upon seeing Damon not even flinch at his sudden appearance, Heath stomps over with heavy feet. Only when Heath plops himself on Damon's lap does the Alpha open his eyes.

"What are you doing here?" The question leaves Damon's mouth as soon as he sees teal eyes staring at him.

Heath pouts, unhappy at being questioned. However, instead of answering, he says, "Let's go on a date!"

"I'm busy." It's the truth. Damon has a lot on his plate, he has no time for leisure.

It's an excuse Heath has heard before, so naturally, he won't give up easily. He wraps his arms around Damon's neck, bringing their faces closer. "Come on," he says while brushing the tips of their noses together, "I miss you."

Damon doesn't move, neither moving backward nor moving forward. He lets Heath give him butterfly kisses, enticing him with the promise of more to come.

"Please," Heath says as he lightly massages the back of Damon's head.

Usually, this is enough for Damon to say yes. He will leave whatever work is in front of him to satisfy Heath's request, but not this time. Tonight, Damon says, "I can't."

Heath stops. He slowly pulls his arms back, expression unreadable. He doesn't, however, stand up from Damon's lap. He stares the Alpha down, despite being several inches shorter.

Damon knows that look. It doesn't often appear, but he's familiar with the way Heath gets unnaturally quiet to recognize a volcano on the verge of erupting when he sees one.

As expected, Heath's tone drops several degrees colder when he asks, "You can't?"

Damon knows it will be easier if he surrenders—if he stands up and eats dinner at whichever restaurant Heath picks. He's been stressed lately and spending time with his lover is bound to wind him down. There's also a good chance they'll end up in bed before the night is over.

Truly, he has no reason to refuse, yet he finds himself saying, "I have a lot to do, Heath. Maybe next time."

Heath's face doesn't change but from this close, Damon sees how his pupils shake and how his lower lip wobbles. Then, those teal eyes narrow, brows pulled to a crease. The pleasant curve of his mouth hardens into a straight line, and even his nostrils flare in a huff.

Heath pushes himself off, voice flat when he says, "You don't love me anymore, do you?"

Standing over Damon, it's easy for him to look intimidating. Yet, all Damon can see is how his hand trembles before curling into a fist. Damon reaches out to hold his hand and Heath lets him.

"It's not like that," Damon says with a sigh. "I'm busy so I don't have time right now."

Damon tries to pull Heath back into his lap but the Beta doesn't budge. Heath remains standing.

"It's okay," he says, yet his next words are the exact opposite, "If you don't care about me anymore, you just have to say it."

When Heath moves to leave, Damon doesn't stop him. He watches as his lover's back fades out of view. Alone once again, he brings his large hands to run over his face.

This is a scenario Damon has been in with Heath many times before. Whenever Heath leaves in anger, Damon follows him without hesitation, eager to comfort his lover. It's basically routine at this point. They fight; they kiss; they make up.

This time, however, Damon doesn't have any plans on rushing after the Beta. He's tired, he hasn't slept well, and his chest is stuffy. He's nowhere in the right condition to play cat and mouse with Heath. Is it wrong for him to ask for one night of consideration?

He loves Heath, he really does, but sometimes it gets difficult trying to appease him. Damon doesn't know what happened, but his lover seems to grow more insecure as the years pass. Is this because he brought an Omega with him? After all, they almost broke up before that.

Damon doesn't know. He doesn't want to think about it. He only wants to sleep peacefully for once—a whole night without being woken up covered in sweat, grasping at the sheets, feeling this inexplicable sense of loss inside him. Is that too much to ask?

He grabs his phone on the desk, knowing that nothing will be solved if he doesn't do anything. He resolves to take out the biggest threat first. With a call, he orders his new head secretary to start investigating everyone he's been in contact with for the past year.

He emphasizes how important this task is—perhaps dropping a threat here and there—not once thinking that with a few words, he won't be the only one not sleeping tonight.