Hopeless Desire of a Witch

Fairy…if I hide the letter, will the fairy find it? Or, will my voice reach you if I whisper it in my heart?

Even if the fairy can’t find my letter and can’t hear my voice, it’s fine.

Cicadas sing, and the white flowers that welcome the moon and stars dance softly, and the tears of the night moistened the hard ground in my balcony. Thanks to the fairy I had dreamed of that night, I can be brave today too. I can still hold on.

If my hands are tired; If I feel upset, or want to run away, I always ask for the fairy’s name, then everything I want will be there. There will be a big slump table where I can hold a baby bear and put my hands in a jar of honey. You said that you’d take me to a hut full of sweets, where there is a huge cedar tree that my animal friends can play with.

The truth is, it took a long time for them to find me, who was lost when I was young. So, until now, it was still dangerous for me to meet with people.

Besides, I still have a lot to learn because I didn’t learn proper etiquette to conduct myself in front of other people in the countryside. 

It’s hard to see my father and my brother, but for me, we gather once a week for dinner. Every diner, they will ask me if I’m doing well, but I’m still lacking, so I just didn’t say anything anymore. The knife in my hand keeps scratching the plate and the food keeps jumping out of the plate. Every time I make a mistake in class, getting a slap in my palm hurts, and I don’t want to keep getting hurt, so I practice hard. But strangely enough, I keep making mistakes in front of my father and older brother.

I can only do my best next time. Teacher Roxana said that I should be ashamed of myself, and that my father and my brother will laugh at me.

They said they would.

I will learn how to drink tea when I finish writing the letter. I will practice how to walk quietly and softly in high-heeled shoes, and will learn how to say hello in front of the Emperor until I make no mistakes.

I haven’t seen my father and my brother smile yet. But my father and my brother are so handsome that the surroundings will surely shine when they smile. 

Would it make the fairy feel worse if I said that he might be more mysterious and prettier than the fairy who sang lullaby under the moon?

But if the fairy sees my brother, she will just nod her head!

My elder brother’s hair is not a dull color as if it was covered with an old still life like mine, and his eyes are also colored based on the noble bloodlines.