I Don’t Want to Be Loved

Chapter 43: Fear Must Be Overcome

“Let me guess,” the crown prince rubbed his chin, “You want me to free Dimitri from prison? Or maybe you’re pleading that I not send you to Arundell? Did I hit the mark?”

“If I ask you of that, Your Highness, would you accept my request?”

“Impossible,” he snorted. “If this is your sole reason for coming here, go back home. I accepted your visitation request as I thought you’d have anything special to say, but how utterly disappointed I am.”

“Arundell’s king asked for Princess Helena. You know that.”

“You’re Helena’s friend but you are her servant, first and foremost. As her servant, you’re to make sure you keep her away from harm at all times. This is how it works.” Then he smiled, raising the corner of his lips upwards. “But of course, it’s not like there’s no way out.”

His gaze swept through Rihannan’s chest and waistline. She looked pleasing to the eye.

Rihannan saw through his lewdness and greedy thoughts. He looked at her like a delicious prey. She wanted nothing but to run and escape, but she persevered. She clasped her hand and dug her fingernails on her skin.

 

“You’ve interrupted a good time with my lover so why don’t you make it up for me. Actually, I’ve had you in my mind for a while, but much to my dismay, I could not touch you. Now, you better use your body to good use and I’ll decide whether to send you to Arundell or not.”

And slowly, he rose from his bed and shuffled towards Rihannan. He looked ready to put his words into practice.

Rihannan looked straight at him and smiled. “No, you don’t have to. I will go to Arundell instead of the princess.”

The crown prince, dumbfounded, did not expect to hear Rihannan utter those words. 

“…Just now… what?”

“I will go to Arundell instead of Princess Helena. But before that, I ask that I have a moment alone with Arundell’s king.”

“A moment alone? Why?”

“To persuade the king.”

The crown prince knitted his brows. “Persuade him from what?”

“For him to choose me, not the princess, in regards to the national marriage.”

 

“Why do you want to persuade him?”

“Everyone knows the person the king seeks to marry is the princess. But do you think he’ll let you go once he learns the truth, that I’m no princess, just someone associated with royal blood? And what do you think he’ll do to me? He won’t let me go. It’s not good for me nor for you and Chrichton. I’m aware Chrichton seeks peace with Arundell. This can only happen if he decides to choose me as queen, not the princess.”

“And how will you persuade him? Your beauty?” His voice was full of ridicule. He doubted that she had the means to succeed.

“There are many ways to persuade a man. If you just give me time alone with him, I’m sure I’ll succeed.”

“What if you fail?” His voice was threateningly low. “If I feign ignorance and send you as the princess, then come the wedding date, he’ll have no choice but to make you his queen. And, moreover, he had never seen the princess. This works to our advantage. But if you meet him and fail, he’ll ask for Helena’s hand in marriage right away. Wouldn’t we be at a disadvantage instead?”

“You won’t fail. I have my own ideas.”

“What is it?”

“I apologize, but I can’t tell you.”

“You won’t tell me?”

“Yes.” Rihannan nodded.

 

“Heh. Then why should I believe in you?”

“This is the best outcome for all parties, for you, for me, for the princess, and for the kingdom.”

The crown prince looked at Rihannan. She had always stood at Helena’s side and was never the kind of woman to speak nonsense. She was quiet and rarely spoke. He never knew what went on her head.

Sighing, he said, “Alright. I’ll give you a moment alone with Arundell’s king. Go and persuade him. Have him choose you, not the princess. If you fail, your cousin, Dimitri, will die.”

Rihannan’s cold sunken eyes were directed at him. She had expected this much.

“Yes, Your Highness.”

“Get an answer out of him by the end of the day. And he should be here soon. Go to the harbor of Sheviet right now. I’ll prepare guards and attendants to journey with you.”

“Thank you for your consideration, Your Highness.” Rihannan bowed.

The crown prince, who watched her, smiled. “Whenever you see me, you always tremble like a rat in front of a cat, but now you stand here chatting with me so admirably. Are you not afraid?”

Rihannan stared at the door briefly before staring straight into his eyes. She did not avoid his gaze. 

 

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“…For someone who has made extreme choices, fear must be overcome.”

He won’t know. 

What is it like to take your own life? What are the fears of a man who had already ended his life with his own hands?

She was only experiencing her second death.

This much was nothing.