I Think The Genre Has Changed

Engraved (2)

Should I then tell my parents that I’m not the son you used to know? I’m just someone else from outside this novel, so even if you treat me as a son, it’ll be hard for me to treat you as a parent, I’m sorry. Should I just say that?

…It’d be better to not be treated as a madman.

I smiled to myself and turned slowly after looking at Dawoon.

“I’ll be going.”

That was all I said. No ‘thank you’ or ‘I’ll tell you’. Just ‘I’ll be going’. That was all.

When I arrived home, the air felt strange.

It felt unfamiliar. It was as if this house didn’t feel like a home. I closed my eyes, sensing that the house was clearly different. I recalled Kang Sihyun’s parents sharing their worries about me.

It was suffocating. I’m sure I was the only one here who wasn’t welcomed or understood. I laid down in bed, my weak body hitting the soft mattress and staring at the ceiling. I felt empty. I was starving, yet had no appetite.

Everything felt unfamiliar.

I could be sure that no matter what I said, people wouldn’t understand how I felt. Even the first born child in this world would recognize its own baby bottle. In comparison, everything I owned belonged to someone else. Not a single thing is mine.

It was the perfect daily life created by a stranger. That’s why everything was unfamiliar and difficult for me. Even the breaths that were exhaled in such a space felt like it belonged to another person.

I raised my arm and covered my eyes, suddenly remembering the main characters in fantasy novels possessed by books I sometimes saw.

How can everyone behave so naturally? How could you accept it so calmly and live and breathe like that?

I was sensitive to change.

Reacting aloofly to people around you and being sensitive to a person’s senses were different.

While Sihyun didn’t have any lingering feelings about human relationships, he wasn’t a human with who was okay with his feelings.

I clearly knew this from possessing his body. The heavy silence continued in the room. The  main characters in the novel, who lived by taking the lives of others as if it were their own, usually swam in their own heads.

How could you act like that?

Maybe they weren’t in danger of dying right away, but I was. After thinking about it, I smirked and chewed my lips, squeezing my eyes with your hand.

I was very detached because there was no danger of dying. Everything about ‘Kang Si-hyun’ was overwhelming and suffocating.

Of course, there must have been some desperate moments, just like the main characters in the novel. I also had some moments where I would live desperately, focusing only on the moment.

It was to avoid Yoo Seo-woo, to run away to Dawoon, and to defeat the Four Great Heavenly Kings. I was desperate for that ‘moment’. It was fleeting when you looked at the essence of being desperate.

I was desperate because I wanted to live quietly.

Even if I returned to ‘Yoo Si-hyun’, I did not want to harm ‘Kang Si-hyun’. I didn’t want ‘Kang Sihyun’ to feel the way that I felt, so I was desperate in its own way.

Suddenly, a bitter taste lingered in my mouth, causing me to roll my lips in.

The clearer the sense of belonging to others becomes, the more obsessed you miss yours and become greedy. Even if it required my death, I still would crave for it.

It wasn’t even a happy life.

Swallowing my breath, I curled up under the blanket.

My original body may already be dead. However, I had no doubt that I would choose to return to my dead body if the opportunity came.

All I’ve ever done is create a paper world that didn’t even have a gram of weight.

The ticking of the clock existed as the only sound in the silent room. Breathing out in a hypnosis-like sound, I leaned back. It was very early for me to sleep, but through the past month, I had mastered the art of sleeping nonstop.

Slowly, as you close your eyes and wander for rest, your consciousness slowly subsides. It was a sleep that I chose as if I were running away from the harsh reality.

***

“…”

Endless darkness spreaded out. Stepping blindly in the dark darkness where I could not see an inch ahead, I found a small light turning on in the distance and moved there like a person possessed by something.

Slowly.

A small fire approached as I took slow steps. It was all dark and damp all around, and one person was seen in the space that looked bright and warm alone.

As I increased my speed, the distance from the person who was standing grew closer. When the face of the visible person in the bright space was finally identified, I involuntarily inhaled and stopped in the dark.

My blue eyes widened slightly.

In a very bright light, there stood a boy with the same face as mine.