Tang Dynasty: Slacking off in the Imperial Kitchen, exposed by Si Zi

Chapter 136 Cocoa with alcohol, the more you drink, the better!

The wind at Da'an Palace was a bit stronger than at Taiji Hall, causing the old locust tree branches in the courtyard to tremble violently.

Although a honeycomb briquette stove was installed, making the room warm and cozy, the deep-seated coldness and loneliness were something that no matter how much the charcoal burned, it couldn't warm up.

Emperor Emeritus Li Yuan was sitting cross-legged on the heated kang (a traditional Chinese bed-stove), holding a playing card in his hand, his brows furrowed tightly.

He has no one opposite him; playing chess with himself is self-torture, and playing cards with himself is loneliness.

If no one is playing Dou Dizhu (a popular Chinese card game), the only way to play this deck of cards invented by Su Mu is to play Solitaire (another Chinese card game).

"Where should we bet on the King of Hearts?"

Frustrated, Li Yuan slammed the cards onto the kang table, grabbed the wine pot next to him, and tried to take a sip, but it was empty.

Just then, a loud commotion came from outside. Before anyone could be seen, a string of silvery laughter entered the house.

"Grandpa! Grandpa! Xizi has turned into a big tabby cat!"

The heavy cotton curtain was lifted by a large hand wearing a black fox fur coat, and then a small, bright red ball of flesh rolled in.

Little Sizi covered her mouth with her two little hands, revealing only her big eyes that were curved into crescent moons. She huffed and puffed as she climbed onto the kang (a heated brick bed) and buried her head in Li Yuan's arms.

Li Yuan's wrinkled old face instantly relaxed, like a blooming old chrysanthemum; he was truly happy.

"Oh dear, my darling granddaughter, where have you been climbing chimneys?"

Little Sizi removed her hand from her mouth, tilted her head back, and proudly showed Li Yuan the circle of brown milk stains that hadn't been wiped clean yet.

"Look, Grandpa! Black beard! My son has a black beard too, just as imposing as Grandpa!"

Li Yuan took a closer look, and his beard stood on end with amusement. He reached out and smacked the soft little face: "That's not a beard, that's just a mouth that hasn't been wiped clean after sneaking a bite! Tell your grandfather, what delicious treats did you go to that young master Su to trick him out of this time?"

Li Shimin, who came in next, shook off the snowflakes from his clothes, placed the tightly wrapped pottery jar on the table, and gave Su Mu, who was leisurely taking off his shoes and getting onto the kang (heated brick bed), a disapproving look.

"This girl insists that this dark soup is delicious and wants to bring it to you to try."

Although Li Shimin complained, there was a hint of boasting in his tone, "Father, this is a good thing, it's the best for warming up."

""

Li Yuan stared at the pottery jar suspiciously, then brought his nose close to sniff it.

"Sweet? And with a... burnt smell?"

Li Yuan curled his lips, looking disgusted. "I am the retired emperor, not a three-year-old baby. I will not drink this cloyingly sweet stuff."

Su Mu wasn't annoyed. He skillfully pulled out the bottle of "Immortal's Intoxication" that he had given to Cheng Yaojin before, which was a highly distilled liquor.

"Your Majesty, this soup is called the Dew of Forgetfulness. Drinking it alone is indeed just to appease children."

As Su Mu spoke, he lifted the lid of the earthenware jar, and the rich aroma of chocolate instantly wafted out. "But if you pair it with strong liquor, it becomes a gentle haven in the graveyard of heroes."

After saying that, he found a wide-mouthed porcelain bowl, poured half a bowl of hot, dark cocoa soup into it, and then unscrewed the bottle and poured in about two ounces of strong liquor.

The wine poured into the soup without causing any ripples, yet it forcefully tore open a sharp, cold wound within the rich, sweet aroma.

The originally sweet and creamy aroma is instantly transformed into a wild one by the evaporation of alcohol, possessing both the gentleness of powder and the sharpness of swords.

"What kind of drinking method is this?"

Li Yuan's eyes widened, and his Adam's apple bobbed up and down.

"Please try it."

Su Mu pushed the bowl over, "This wine is too strong; drinking it alone will hurt your stomach. This soup is too greasy; drinking it alone will upset your mind. Mixing the two together creates a balance of strength and gentleness, which is perfect for relieving your old, cold legs and chest tightness in this snowy weather."

Li Yuan picked up the bowl with some skepticism.

The bowl was scalding hot; when I placed my palm on it, it felt like all the meridians in my arm were flowing smoothly.

He tentatively took a sip.

The first taste is incredibly silky smooth, a gentle touch from the melting of milk and cocoa butter, like walking on cotton on a cloud.

But then, a domineering spiciness rushed up the back of my tongue and straight to my throat!

The strong liquor, stimulated by the hot soup, surged exponentially in potency.

boom!

A fireball exploded in Li Yuan's stomach, quickly climbing up his spine and instantly burning the top of his head.

His previously cloudy old eyes suddenly lit up with two sharp glints.

"ha--!

Li Yuan exhaled a heavy breath of hot air, carrying the aroma of wine and milk. His face instantly flushed red, and fine beads of sweat appeared on his forehead.

"That feels great! That's fucking great!"

He slammed the bowl on the table and burst into laughter: "This tastes right! It's interesting! It reminds me of when I raised my army in Jinyang, drinking wine wrapped in a fur coat on a snowy day, but without the harshness, and with a pleasant aftertaste! So comforting!"

Seeing how happily the old man was drinking, the little ox's craving was also aroused, and it stuck out its little tongue to try and lick the rim of the bowl.

"Go away, kids will stunt their growth if they drink this."

Su Mu scooped the little girl up and stuffed a leftover cotton candy into her mouth, saying, "You eat the cloud."

Li Shimin sat beside his father, watching his father's blissful expression, feeling a pang of unease.

He only drank the pure hot cocoa in the imperial kitchen, but this version with added ingredients—it certainly smelled better.

"That—Su Mu."

Li Shimin coughed lightly and pushed his empty cup forward. "I feel a bit cold, give me one too—"

"That's all."

Li Yuan reacted quickly, grabbing the earthenware jar and wine bottle like a mother hen protecting her chicks. "Second Prince, you're strong and healthy, why are you drinking tonic soup? This is a gift from Su boy to this old man. You should drink plain water."

Li Shimin's hand froze in mid-air, and his face twitched twice.

"Father—I carried this jar here myself—"

"What's wrong with carrying a jar? I didn't complain when I carried you on my back when we were running away!"

Li Yuan glared, displaying the authority of the retired emperor.

Li Shimin was instantly speechless, and could only look at Su Mu with resentment.

Su Mu shrugged, looking helpless: "Your Majesty, respecting the elderly and caring for the young is a virtue of the Tang Dynasty. You are neither old nor young, so being caught in the middle is indeed awkward. How about—you have an orange?"

As he spoke, he took an orange with a charred peel from the stove and tossed it to Li Shimin.

Li Shimin held the scalding orange in his hand, looking at the old man, the child, and the rogue, and suddenly felt that he was a bit superfluous to be the emperor.

Li Yuan ate several more large mouthfuls, and the half-bowl with added ingredients was almost empty.

As the alcohol took effect, he started talking non-stop. He leaned against the wall, which was warmed by the kang (heated brick bed), and gazed somewhat unsteadily at the snow falling outside the window.

"Young Su, you put it well when you said 'a balance of strength and gentleness'."

Li Yuan let out a burp, pointed out the window, and said, "Back then, I conquered the world by force, by cutting through countless blades."

Later, when I ascended the throne, those civil officials insisted that I learn some kind of gentleness, but I couldn't learn it, nor did I want to. That's why—"

He paused, not saying the part about how Erlang had taken the throne, but the atmosphere in the room clearly froze for a moment.

Little Sizi was munching on a cotton candy when she sensed something was off. She blinked and looked at her grandfather, then at her father.