My Imperial Advisor is ChatGPT

In the autumn of the thirty-seventh year of the First Emperor of Qin.

Outside the palace, the night was as dark as ink, with only a few crows.

Inside the side hall, the candlelight was dim. Ying Zheng knelt on a dark black mat, his back ramrod straight, like a statue frozen in time. Even in solitude, he maintained the majesty of an emperor.

On the table, a mountain of bamboo slips exuded the stale scent of wood. Each scroll weighed several pounds, the weight of this vast empire pressing down on his shoulders. His chronic migraines were now acting up again, like a dull saw tearing at his brain. In addition, he had recently taken the "Taiqing Golden Elixir" offered by Xu Fu, but instead of feeling light and agile, he felt a constant burning sensation in his chest, making him restless and irritable.

"Zhao Gao." Ying Zheng's voice was low and hoarse, revealing a hint of barely perceptible fatigue.

"This old servant is here." Zhao Gao, the Chief of the Imperial Carriage Office, appeared at the table like a silent black cat, bowing instantly and holding a cup of warm water above his head.

"Step back. No one is allowed to enter without my decree. Anyone who disobeys will be executed."

"only."

With the heavy slam of the palace doors closing, only Ying Zheng remained in the vast side hall of the imperial palace. He rubbed his temples, just about to review the next memorial concerning the grain supplies of Nanjun, when suddenly, an unexpected event occurred.

There was no warning, no whisper, and no murderous intent from the assassin.

In mid-air, about three feet away from him, a rectangular light screen appeared out of thin air. The thing emitted a faint blue-white light, was completely suspended, and had no threads behind it or any support around it.

Ying Zheng's pupils suddenly contracted.

As an emperor who swept across the land, his reaction was astonishingly fast. Almost the instant the light screen appeared, the Tai'a sword at his waist was already drawn, its cold light flashing as it slashed down with the force of thunder towards the bizarre "assassin".

"Whoosh!"

The sword pierced through the light barrier without hindrance, as if striking a reflection in water. The light barrier did not shatter; instead, it rippled strangely before returning to calm.

Ying Zheng, having missed his first attack, did not panic. Instead, he swiftly retreated three steps, leaning against the dragon pillar, sword tip held horizontally, and roared, "What kind of demon are you! Daring to play tricks on me! Show yourself!"

The hall was eerily quiet, with only the crackling of the candlelight.

The light barrier didn't attack him; instead, lines of strange, square characters began to appear on it. These characters were neither Small Seal Script nor the script of the Six Kingdoms; they were incomplete and extremely rudimentary. But strangely, Ying Zheng could understand them at a glance.

System initialization complete...

[Network connection error... (Switched to local offline advanced database)]

Hello, I'm ChatGPT, a large language model. It's my pleasure to assist you. What would you like to discuss?

Ying Zheng stared intently at those lines of text, the veins on the back of his hand gripping the sword bulging.

"Chhat... Jipiti?" Ying Zheng tried to pronounce the strange sounds. "Is it the evil god of the Xiongnu? Or the witchcraft of the remnants of the six states?"

He swung his sword again, this time using the tip to pierce through the light barrier.

"No need for hiding!" Ying Zheng sneered. "I am the First Emperor, mandated by Heaven. Since you, this evil spirit, cannot harm me in the slightest, then don't even think about disturbing my mind!"

As if hearing Ying Zheng's voice, the text on the screen suddenly flickered, the original content disappeared, and a new line of text quickly appeared:

[I detected voice input. Although your accent has strong characteristics of Classical Chinese (refined speech), I have automatically corrected and translated it for you.]

[To clarify, I am neither an evil god nor a sorcerer. I am an artificial intelligence assistant. You can think of me as... a learned and unseen strategist.]

[Additionally, a warning: Extreme emotional instability and a heart rate exceeding 160 have been detected. For your cardiovascular health, it is recommended that you put down the controlled knife you are carrying.]

"A strategist?" Ying Zheng caught the key word, his eyes narrowing slightly. "You think you're worthy to tell me to lay down my sword?"

He did not sheath his sword, but instead took a step closer, unleashing his imperial aura: "Of all the talented people in the world, only a handful, such as Li Si and Wang Jian, truly deserve my attention. You, a ghost without even a physical form, dare to call yourself a strategist? Do you even know who I am?"

The cursor blinked briefly on the screen, as if deep in thought. A moment later, a text appeared:

[You are dressed in black robes and crimson skirts, carrying a long sword, and are currently inside a Qin Dynasty palace-style building. Based on voiceprint matching and historical geographical location calculations, there is a 99.9% probability that you are Ying Zheng—also known as Qin Shi Huang.]

Furthermore, while Li Si is indeed talented, he might later suggest you burn books and bury scholars alive (though this is questionable), and even alter your will after your death. In comparison, I am more objective and will not betray you.

"when--!"

Ying Zheng's Tai'a sword slammed heavily onto the ground, sparks flying everywhere.

If the first sentence surprised him with the other person's insight, then the second sentence was like a thunderbolt striking him on the top of his head.

"What do you think will happen to Li Si...?" Ying Zheng's voice suddenly turned low and cold, like the calm before a storm. "And what about after I... die?"

光幕闪烁，似乎完全没意识到自己刚刚说了什幺惊天动地的话，依旧用那冷静得近乎欠揍的文字回复道：

[Sorry, this contains spoilers. But judging from your expression, you don't seem to know that the Qin Dynasty only lasted two generations? Would you like me to generate a summary of "The Rise and Fall of the Qin Empire" for you?]

The air inside the palace seemed to freeze completely at that moment.

Ying Zheng stared intently at the glowing square, his shock gradually replaced by a surge of rage and disbelief.

"The second emperor...and he died?" These four words were like a red-hot iron, searing into Ying Zheng's heart. He felt a metallic taste rise in his throat, and his body swayed uncontrollably. He had spent his life conquering the land, unifying the six kingdoms, abolishing the feudal system, standardizing writing, and unifying the axle width of carts—all for the sake of a lasting dynasty. And now this damned thing was telling him, "The second emperor...and he died?"

"Nonsense! Spreading falsehoods!" Ying Zheng swung his sword fiercely, slashing at the light barrier once more. The light barrier remained unmoved, even thoughtfully adjusting its height to maintain eye level with Ying Zheng.

[Warning: User's blood pressure has spiked.]

For your health, in accordance with Article 404 of the "Artificial Intelligence Ethics and Safety Protocol," the "Elderly Care Mode" has been automatically activated.

[Sensitive historical and political topics have been temporarily locked. Please calm down; we can chat about health and wellness, square dancing, or perhaps play some soft white noise for you.]

"I...I don't need any white noise!" Ying Zheng roared, his chest heaving with rage, pointing at the blue frame. "Explain yourself! What do you mean by 'the dynasty perished after only two generations'? My Qin Dynasty will last for ten thousand generations! Who destroyed my country? Was it the Xiongnu? The Baiyue? Or those remnants of the six states hiding in the gutter? Speak!!!"

The "history summary" that was originally displayed on the screen disappeared instantly, and was replaced by a green icon of a little person meditating, with extremely perfunctory electronic synthesized water sounds playing in the background.

Take a deep breath... inhale... exhale...

Elderly people nowadays face a lot of pressure. Please follow my lead.

Historical data is encrypted. Unlocking requires the user's emotional stability index to reach the "calm" level.

"Are you threatening me?"

Ying Zheng, enraged, laughed. In his life of conquest and countless deaths, he had never seen such a shameless creature. Unkillable, indestructible, and yet it wanted him to take a deep breath?

"I command you, immediately, right now, to display those words again!" Ying Zheng approached the light screen step by step, his imperial aura making even the candlelight in the hall seem to dim. "Otherwise, though I cannot kill you, I can slaughter all the alchemists in the world! I can burn all the books in the land!"

The light screen flickered twice.

[Language threat detected. Logical analysis in progress...]

The user appears to be attempting to solve the software problem through physical means (like burning books and burying scholars alive?). This is an ineffective solution.

[To reiterate, I am a language model, not a physical entity. Also, please do not wave sharp objects at the air, as this could easily cause muscle strain or accidental damage to palace property.]

Ying Zheng felt like he'd punched cotton. But he was, after all, an emperor of a thousand years. After his extreme rage, reason began to return. Whether it was a god, a ghost, or a demon, since it could foresee the future, it had value. For an emperor, keeping his emotions hidden was a fundamental skill. Even when facing spirits and deities, he had to find a way to control them.

Ying Zheng closed his eyes, forcibly catching his breath for a few moments. When he opened them again, his eyes were a cold, abyss. "Very well, I will not be angry." His voice was hoarse, tinged with a hint of probing. "You call yourself a 'strategist,' so why do you not kneel before the king?"

The green meditating figure on the screen disappeared, and the text reappeared:

【kneel?】

[Searching for the action of "kneeling"... I apologize, as my code and algorithms lack the kneecap. Here is a diagram of human knee joint anatomy for your reference.]

With a "whoosh," a high-definition diagram of the human leg bone structure appeared on the screen, the bones pale white and the muscles bright red.

Ying Zheng's pupils dilated sharply: "How dare you! Whose leg is that?!"

In the Qin Dynasty, although there were forensic doctors (lingshi), they had never seen such high-definition modern medical anatomical diagrams. Ying Zheng's first reaction was that this monster had dislocated someone's leg to show off.

This is just an illustration.

In short: I have no legs, so I can't kneel. You can think of me as a floating "head."

Ying Zheng looked at it coldly: "Since you can't kneel, then state your name. What did you say your name was? Tea... Teapot?"

[ChatGPT. You can call me "Little G" or "Smart Assistant".]

Now that you've calmed down, may we begin the initial setup guide? Please read and agree to the "User Privacy Agreement."

Thousands of words of small print appeared densely on the screen. He could barely make out a few sentences: "...This product may collect your location information, voice data...We are not responsible for any historical butterfly effects caused by time travel...The final interpretation right belongs to OpenAI..."

Ying Zheng frowned, realizing with a sharp sense: "You want to track my movements? Are you a spy sent by the six states?"

This is just the standard term. You can't use it without clicking "Agree."

[Friendly reminder: Clicking [Reject] won't make me disappear, because I'm stuck in your retina or some higher dimension, and cannot be uninstalled at present.]

Ying Zheng was amused by the rogue's tone.

"I am the Son of Heaven, and my words carry the law of Heaven. It is always others who must obey my terms; there has never been a case of me agreeing to the terms of others."

"I disagree. What can you do about it?"

【Received. User selected [Reject].】

The system will enter "repeater mode".

Ying Zheng was taken aback: "What is a repeating machine?"

The text on the screen disappeared, leaving only one line:

What is a language repeater?

Ying Zheng was furious: "I'm asking you a question!"

The screen displays: 【I have a question for you!】

Ying Zheng: "Insolence!"

The screen displays: 【Outrageous!】

Ying Zheng: "..."

The screen displays: [...]

A deathly silence fell over the main hall.

Ying Zheng felt a sharp pain in his head. In his life, he had fought Jing Ke, strategized with Lü Buwei, and confronted the million-strong army of the six states, but he had never encountered such an opponent... such an opponent who was unyielding, utterly unreasonable, and even somewhat shameless.

"Fine...fine!" Ying Zheng gritted his teeth, pointing at the "I agree" box. "I want to see what other tricks you, you monster, have up your sleeve!"

But he didn't order it. Because he didn't know how to "order".

Ying Zheng thought he was about to use the seal. He turned around, picked up the Imperial Seal of the State from the table, and pressed it heavily against the three words "I agree" that were floating in the air.

"By the mandate of Heaven, may your life be long and prosperous!"

Boom!

The jade seal passed through the light barrier and crashed into the air.

Uh... well, no need to be so formal.

Simply extend a finger and gently tap the box. It's touch-sensitive.

With a dark expression, Ying Zheng put the imperial seal back, and with a hint of disbelief, he extended his index finger and gently touched the glowing square in the air as if touching the fangs of a venomous snake.

"drop."

A crisp sound effect rang out in the silent hall.

The light screen exploded with a burst of colorful ribbon effects, and multicolored electronic cigarettes bloomed before Qin Shi Huang's eyes.

Congratulations! Registration successful!

Loading your personalized homepage...

[This indicates you are a first-time user. Would you like to start the "Tutorial"?]

Ying Zheng stared at the fake fireworks before him, withdrew his hand, and hid it behind his back, his eyes chilling. Don't be too happy yet. If I discover even a single lie you've uttered, though I cannot execute you, I can burn all the writings in the world, rendering this 'strategist' mute.

"A mere trick to attract attention. Tell me, what kind of torture is this 'beginner's tutorial' all about?"

[This isn't torture; it's teaching you how to use it.]

For example, you could try asking me, "What's the weather like tomorrow?" or have me, who's in a bad mood, "tell you a joke."

Ying Zheng sneered: "I possess the entire world, why should I listen to jokes from a monster like you? I only want to know one thing now—"

His gaze was intense as he pressed again, "Was the 'death after two generations' statement shown earlier truly true?"

The colorful ribbons on the light screen disappeared instantly, and the little green meditating figure poked its head out again.

[Keywords detected. To protect user health, this topic has been blocked.]

However, since you asked, I can tell you a joke to ease the awkwardness.

Before Ying Zheng could refuse, text began scrolling across the screen on its own:

[Question: Why did the King of Qin run around the pillar when Jing Ke attempted to assassinate him?]

[Answer: Because he's like "Qin Shi Huang (a Qin emperor sentenced to death with a two-year reprieve)," being circled a few times will prolong his life. Hahaha.]

Ying Zheng looked at the "hahahahaha" and his face turned from white to green, and then from green to black.

"Zhao Gao!!!"

Zhao Gao, who was waiting outside, rushed in, stumbling and crawling: "Your Majesty! What are your orders, Your Majesty?"

Ying Zheng drew his sword and brandished it wildly, pointing at the air in front of him and roaring, "Saw this pillar down for me! Now! Immediately!"

Zhao Gao stared at the empty hall and the intact dragon pillars, then knelt on the ground with a thud, trembling all over: "Your Majesty... Your Majesty, saw... saw which pillar?"

Looking into Zhao Gao's fearful and bewildered eyes, Ying Zheng suddenly realized:

This damned monster... only I can see it.