My Imperial Advisor is ChatGPT

The dead of winter in Xianyang has not yet passed. Although it is already the beginning of spring, the cold snap is like an invisible icy blade, scraping so hard that it hurts to the bone.

Inside the Qilin Hall, the underground heating system was burning brightly, and the Boshan incense burner in the corner emitted calming ambergris incense. However, today, this warm, fragrant aroma was mixed with an undeniable, even somewhat pungent, odor.

That smells like garlic.

The strong, pungent smell was like thousands of people peeling garlic in the hall at the same time.

Ying Zheng sat upright on the dragon throne, with not memorials before him, but an exquisite glass bowl filled with crushed garlic. His expression was solemn, as if the object before him was not a condiment, but rather the Queen Mother of the West's peaches of immortality.

"Cough cough..." Ying Zheng covered his mouth and nose and coughed violently. The sound of the bellows in his chest was particularly clear in the silent hall.

Although the Northern Expedition was a great victory and infrastructure construction was in full swing, the health of this emperor, who was considered one of the greatest emperors in history, was ultimately showing signs of strain after decades of overworking. Every winter, he would suffer from lung cold, which kept him awake at night.

"Little G," Ying Zheng asked weakly in his mind, "Are you sure this thing... can cure my cough? Can it extend my life by a few years?"

Your Majesty, to be precise, this is called "allicin."

[In the days before antibiotics, this was one of the most powerful disinfectants on Earth. While it won't grant immortality, it can kill bacteria in your respiratory tract and boost your immunity.]

The only noticeable side effect is bad breath.

[Recommendation: Eat raw. For best results, crush and let it oxidize for 15 minutes.]

Ying Zheng looked at the bowl of minced garlic and took a deep breath.

For the sake of the Qin Dynasty, for the sake of seeing the Epang Palace completed, for the sake of seeing Xiang Yu finish building that "Overlord Statue"...

"I want to eat."

Ying Zheng scooped up a spoonful of minced garlic, closed his eyes, and stuffed it into his mouth.

In that instant, the spiciness shot straight to the top of his head, and tears almost welled up in his eyes. But he swallowed it down expressionlessly, then picked up the warm water next to him and gulped down several mouthfuls.

"Li Si," Ying Zheng said, suppressing the churning in his stomach.

At the bottom of the steps, Li Si was holding his breath, his face flushed red. It wasn't from nervousness, but from the overwhelming garlic breath that His Majesty exhaled when he spoke.

"Your subject... Your subject is here." Li Si lowered his head as much as possible to avoid the bio-chemical attack.

"I've heard that many ministers in the court have fallen ill recently?" Ying Zheng asked. "Indeed, the weather is too cold, and everyone is lacking... lacking that thing called 'exercise'."

"I recently learned a method for strengthening the body from a celestial book. It is called... 'The Times Are Calling'."

"Huh?" Li Si was taken aback. "The era...who is it summoning?"

"I'm summoning you." Ying Zheng stood up, stretching his stiff neck. "Little G said that just eating garlic isn't enough; you also need to move around. Life is about movement."

"Issue my decree. Starting tomorrow, all civil and military officials, regardless of rank, must assemble in the square in front of the Qilin Hall a quarter of an hour before the morning court session."

"I'm going to lead you all in aerobics."

……

The next morning, a cold wind was blowing.

On the square of Xianyang Palace, hundreds of ministers dressed in heavy official robes stood bewildered in the cold wind. Some shivered while clutching their ceremonial tablets, while others inquired among themselves whether His Majesty was about to carry out an upgraded version of the "burning of books and burying of scholars."

"Stand still! Line up according to height!"

Hu Hai, dressed in a tight-fitting training uniform, stood spiritedly on the high platform, holding a large tin megaphone in his hand. As the "Director of the Qin Dynasty Sports Bureau," he was clearly very interested in purging these old ministers.

"Father said! Health is the foundation of everything! You're all so fat and bloated, you get out of breath after just a few steps, how can you work for the Great Qin?"

"Now, listen to my commands! First section: Stretching exercises!"

"One, two, three, four! Five, six, seven, eight!"

Ying Zheng stood on the highest platform, draped in a black dragon robe. His movements were somewhat stiff, but he was extremely serious. He raised his hands, stretching his aging muscles as much as he could.

The assembled officials below were completely dumbfounded.

This...this is outrageous!

The dignified Prime Minister, Imperial Censor, and Court Minister are waving their arms and kicking their legs like a bunch of monkeys.

"Prime Minister Li! Straighten your arm!" Hu Hai shouted through a megaphone, "Don't slack off! Zhao Gao is jumping around more enthusiastically than you!"

Li Si's face flushed red, and he secretly glanced at Zhao Gao beside him.

The old eunuch Zhao Gao, eager to please the emperor, danced with incredible fervor. His fat jiggled wildly to the rhythm, his movements comical yet exaggerated, as he shouted slogans: "Strengthen the body! Defend Qin! Long live Your Majesty!"

Li Si gritted his teeth.

That's enough! For the sake of Qin, and to avoid being treated unfairly, I'll jump!

Thus, at the heart of the Qin Empire's power structure, a scene emerged that would make later historians laugh their heads off, yet was strangely inspiring:

Under the rising sun, in front of the solemn palace, the First Emperor Ying Zheng led the way, with civil and military officials accompanying him in a dance, all while Hu Hai's raspy voice chanted "One, two, three, four," as they collectively performed "The First Set of Broadcast Gymnastics of the Great Qin Dynasty."

The art style is both absurd and full of vitality.

……

After finishing the exercise and working up a sweat, Ying Zheng felt that the tightness in his chest had indeed dissipated considerably.

Back in his study, he drank some hot water and felt much better.

"Little G".

[Yes, Your Majesty. Your torso rotation exercise was performed perfectly. Calories burned: 150 kcal.]

"Stop flattering me." Ying Zheng wiped his sweat. "You've eaten the garlic and danced, but these are just treating the symptoms, not the root cause."

"I can feel that the flame of my life, like the charcoal in this furnace, is still burning, but it is already embers."

Ying Zheng looked at his palms, which were covered with wrinkles and age spots.

"In your time, the average lifespan was eighty years. Besides eating garlic and doing aerobics, there must have been other secret methods."

"I don't want some elixir of immortality, I want... a more potent medicine."

[Your Majesty, the core of modern medicine is 'repair.' If the heart fails, a heart transplant is needed; if the kidney fails, a kidney transplant is required. But you have neither the necessary parts nor the surgeon here.]

【but……】

In the 19th century, a form of "electrotherapy" was popular. While much of it is considered pseudoscience today, moderate microcurrent stimulation can indeed relieve pain, promote blood circulation, and even treat neurasthenia.

We call this: physical therapy.

"Electricity?" Ying Zheng keenly caught the word. "You mean... lightning?"

Well, pretty much. They're essentially the same, just with different voltages. Lightning will turn you to charcoal, but a microcurrent will give you a...tingling, pleasant feeling.

A glint of fanaticism flashed in Ying Zheng's eyes.

Lightning, that is the power of the gods.

If one could draw lightning from the sky into their body, would they gain godlike vitality?

"How do we get electricity?" Ying Zheng asked eagerly.

【You could try 'triboelectric charging'. Or... build a primitive 'Leyden jar' to collect the charge.】

This requires some special materials: amber, silk, or a spinning glass ball to rub the fur.

"Summon Lu Sheng!" Ying Zheng waved his sleeve.

Lu Sheng was a renowned alchemist in the Qin Dynasty. Ever since the great swindler Xu Fu fled, Lu Sheng had lived in constant fear, terrified that Ying Zheng would one day remember him and behead him. Recently, he had been hiding in a corner of Xianyang, making a living by telling fortunes and consulting feng shui masters for nobles.

Unexpectedly, the imperial edict still arrived.

……

Next to the construction site of the Epang Palace, there is a newly completed, secluded courtyard.

A new sign hangs here: Daqin High Energy Physics Institute.

Lu Sheng, dressed in a Taoist robe and holding a compass, looked at the things piled up in the room with a look of despair: baskets of amber, rolls of silk, and several bewildered Persian cats.

"Your Majesty..." Lu Sheng knelt on the ground, his voice trembling, "This humble Taoist...this humble Taoist only knows how to refine elixirs, he doesn't...he doesn't know how to catch the Thunder God!"

Ying Zheng sat on a couch, holding a glass rod in his hand, and vigorously rubbed it on a piece of rabbit skin.

"Who gave you permission to catch the Thunder God?"

Ying Zheng brought the rubbed glass rod close to some scraps of paper.

"Sizzle—"

The paper scraps were instantly attracted to the glass rod, and faint blue-purple electric sparks could even be seen.

Lu Sheng's eyes widened: "This...this is magic?!"

"This is physics," Ying Zheng said coldly. "It's called 'static electricity'."

"I command you to use these things to create a magic array... no, a machine, that can continuously generate this 'electric spark'."

"Little G provided the blueprints, which were called 'Hand-cranked Static Electricity Generators.' It was basically a large glass plate that you would spin to rub against a leather pad, and then conduct electricity into a glass bottle lined with tin foil."

Ying Zheng pointed to the huge Leyden jar model next to him.

"I'll give you one month."

"Once you create it, I will bestow upon you the title of 'Great Qin Thunder God'."

"I can't build it..." Ying Zheng pointed to the lightning rod on the roof. "I'll tie you up there and wait for a thunderstorm so you can go up there and catch the Thunder God yourself."

Looking at the design drawing filled with "technology and ruthless work," and then at Ying Zheng's unquestionable eyes, Lu Sheng had no choice but to grit his teeth and kowtow.

"This humble Taoist priest... obeys the decree! This humble Taoist priest will go immediately... to clean the glass!"

……

In the days that followed, strange noises were heard every day from this so-called "physics institute".

"Spin! Spin it fast! Shake it hard!"

"Meow—!" The Persian cat's protest as it was being rubbed.

"Ouch! It's numb! It's numb!"

Lu Sheng and his apprentices worked day and night, shaking the enormous glass disc. The air was thick with the smell of ozone.

Hu Hai was a frequent visitor here. He was filled with curiosity about this invisible force that could "bite".

"Master Lu, is this bottle really electrified?" Hu Hai asked, pointing to the Leyden jar filled with static charge.

"Young master, don't touch it! Please don't touch it!" Lu Sheng, sporting an afro, cried out in terror. "Yesterday, one of my apprentices touched it and immediately fainted. He's still foaming at the mouth!"

"That powerful?" Hu Hai was even more excited. "What if... we connected this thing to Zhao Gao's chair..."

A beautiful image instantly flashed into Hu Hai's mind.

……

Meanwhile, on the other side of the Epang Palace.

The Afang Palace Comprehensive University officially opened today.

This is the first "secular and technological" institution of higher learning in the history of the Qin Dynasty, and even in the history of humankind.

At the school gate, there are two huge stone tablets.

The inscription on the left reads: "The Confucian School of Broad Learning".

The inscription on the right reads: "Empirical Mohism / Science".

The chief priest, Chunyu Yue, dressed in a brand-new, crisp robe, stood at the school gate to welcome the first batch of students.

The students came from an extremely diverse background. There were sons of nobles from the former six states, sons of merchants, and bright young men selected from construction sites.

"Ahem." Chunyu Yue cleared his throat, looking at the group of students of varying abilities, feeling a mix of emotions.

He was a Confucian scholar, a man who dedicated his life to "self-discipline and restoring propriety." But now, what is His Majesty making him teach?

"Elementary Physics", "Geography of Daqin", "Basic Chemistry of Cement", "Postpartum Care of Sows... Oh no, Animal Husbandry".

"Your Excellency, the Chief Minister," a young nobleman from Wei, dressed in brocade robes, asked with bowing, "May I ask, can we learn the principles of governing the country and bringing peace to the world here?"

Chunyu Yue glanced at the proud and arrogant young man and remembered Ying Zheng's entrustment.

He sighed and pointed to the construction site in the distance.

"Governing a country and bringing peace to the world is not something that can be achieved by mere words."

"Here, you will learn how to make an acre of land yield an extra 100 catties of grain, how to make a road last an extra 50 years, and how to turn a catty of iron into the sharpest knife."

"This is the way the Great Qin Dynasty governs its country."

"Furthermore," Chunyu Yue said sternly, adopting the authority of a school principal, "the school cafeteria is on the east side. Today's lunch is... garlic mutton with steamed buns. His Majesty said that garlic is a school dish, and everyone must eat three cloves every day. Anyone who dares to spit it out will have points deducted!"

The students were in an uproar.

"Eating garlic? That's so unrefined!"

"How could we nobles eat such spicy food!"

Just then, a group of fully armed guards in black armor walked over, led by Liu Bang.

Liu Bang, holding a clove of garlic and crunching it loudly, grinned with a face full of fat:

"What? You have a problem with that?"

"This is the same one His Majesty uses! It kills bacteria, prevents disease, and keeps your delicate stomachs from getting diarrhea!"

"If anyone doesn't want to eat, they can come with me to the 'Daqin Entrepreneurship Park' over there to work as a laborer. You don't have to eat garlic there, but you have to eat whips."

The noble youths shrank back as they looked at the butcher's knife at Liu Bang's waist and smelled the suffocating stench of garlic.

"Eat...can't we just eat?"

……

The continuous spring rain nourishes the land of Guanzhong.

In this cold early spring, the Qin Empire presented itself in a state of extreme division yet inexplicable integration.

In the imperial court, officials would get up early every day to do exercises, and the entire court reeked of garlic.

In the workshop, the alchemists no longer refined elixirs, but instead, with disheveled hair, they shook glass plates, trying to capture lightning.

In the school, the Confucian scholars put down the Book of Poetry and began teaching students how to mix cement and how to hybridize rice.

Ying Zheng, sitting atop the highest pavilion of the Epang Palace, surveyed everything below.

He coughed every now and then.

"Little G".

"Yes, Your Majesty."

"Tell me, with all this meddling, what will become of the Great Qin Dynasty in the end?"

"I can't figure it out either, Your Majesty."

Your playing style is unique, even in my database.

You are forcibly dragging a classical empire into the steampunk... oh no, I mean the 'garlic punk' era.

However, data shows that the incidence of influenza in Xianyang City decreased by 40% this spring. Garlic certainly played a significant role.

Ying Zheng smiled.

"As long as it works."

"As long as I live, as long as the Great Qin continues to move forward."

"Whether it's eating garlic or catching a landmine, I'm willing to try."

However, Ying Zheng was unaware that his eagerness to "catch the thunder" was pushing the Qin Dynasty to an extremely dangerous edge.

In that "Institute of High Energy Physics," Lu Sheng looked at the Leyden jar, which grew larger and larger and whose electric sparks became more and more frightening. The fear in his eyes had turned into a gambler's madness.

"Your Majesty needs a strong medicine..." Lu Sheng muttered to himself, "This static electricity is too weak. If... if only we could draw down the lightning from the sky..."

He glanced at the towering lightning rod on the roof.

"If I can attract heavenly lightning, His Majesty will surely reward me handsomely! At that time, I, Lu Sheng, will be the number one immortal master in the Great Qin!"

Greed triumphed over reason. Science, in the hands of those who only have a superficial understanding, often becomes a disaster.

Outside the window, the first rumble of spring thunder could be heard.

A real storm is about to erupt over the Epang Palace.