My Imperial Advisor is ChatGPT

The sweltering heat in Xianyang lingered, and even in the evening, the air was still filled with the hot, dusty smell.

Inside the side hall of the Qilin Hall, the atmosphere was even more suffocating than the weather outside.

Li Si, the Prime Minister of Qin, a once-powerful Legalist strategist who assisted the First Emperor in conquering the six kingdoms, was now slumped on the ground, utterly disheveled. His official hat was askew, his gray hair was stuck to his forehead with sweat, and he was completely submerged in a mountain of bamboo slips and scattered Qin papers.

"Your Majesty, Prime Minister! Your Majesty, Prime Minister!"

A minor official from the Imperial Censorate carefully stepped over the pile of papers on the ground, carrying a stack of newly delivered documents. "This is the wage settlement sheet for last month's workers from the 'Great Qin Infrastructure Group,' as well as the tax declaration for the 'Snow Country Train' ice cream shop, and..."

"roll!"

Li Si suddenly raised his head, his eyes bloodshot, and let out a desperate roar.

"Stop showing me! I can't keep up!"

Li Si grabbed a roll of paper and slammed it to the ground.

"Have those merchants gone mad? Before, Xianyang City wouldn't have even a handful of cases a year, but now they're getting eight hundred a day!"

"Zhang San accused Li Si of stealing his cement formula! Wang Wu accused Zhao Liu of selling wool mixed with dog hair! And that popsicle seller, Prince Hu Hai, keeps clamoring to have his accounts checked, saying someone embezzled his candy!"

"I am the Prime Minister! I govern the country, not an accountant to keep their books!"

Li Si collapsed.

With Ying Zheng's "combination punches" of business strategies, the Qin economy did indeed revitalize, but the side effects also became apparent—the overload of the administrative system.

The Qin Dynasty's bureaucratic system was originally designed for "agriculture and warfare," and was simple and brutal: collect grain, conscript soldiers, and kill people.

Now? We have to manage worker turnover, commercial disputes, quality inspection, and tax accounting.

Those civil servants who were used to writing lengthy eulogies or citing laws were completely baffled by these trivial, complex, and utterly uncultured business data.

They could write a report on the "Wang Wu wool adulteration case" that would be three thousand words long, from the creation of the world by Pangu to the teachings of sages, and finally mention "a fine of fifty" in a bunch of nonsense.

The inefficiency was appalling.

……

"His Majesty has arrived!"

As Zhao Gao's shrill voice rang out, Ying Zheng walked in slowly, his hands behind his back.

He was wearing loose linen clothes and wooden clogs, and still holding the thermos containing warm water in his hand. He looked to be in good health.

Upon seeing Li Si buried in the pile of papers, Ying Zheng was not surprised; instead, he revealed a gloating smile.

"Oh my, what kind of divine skill is the Prime Minister practicing? 'Surfing the Sea of ​​Books'?"

When Li Si saw Ying Zheng, it was as if he had seen a savior. He scrambled over and grabbed Ying Zheng's leg.

"Your Majesty! Help!"

"I can't do this anymore! I want to resign! I want to go herd sheep in Shangjun! Or even work on the Great Wall!"

"I can't take this anymore! My eyes are going to go blind just reading all this rambling, nonsensical paperwork every day!"

Ying Zheng looked down at the piece of paper that Li Si was holding.

That was a request for supplies for the renovation of the Epang Palace.

The clerk who wrote this application was clearly a learned scholar, as it began with: "The wood of the Epang Palace was gathered from the Shu Mountains, after enduring countless hardships..." followed by a long series of parallel sentences, and finally, in the corner, a few small words were written: Five hundred pieces of wood are needed.

"He really should go blind." Ying Zheng kicked the paper away in disgust.

"Not only will you go blind, but I will go blind too."

Ying Zheng walked to the table and sat down.

"Little G".

"Yes, Your Majesty."

"Although that old man Li Si loves to complain, this is indeed a problem."

"The Qin Dynasty is currently experiencing an explosion in data volume. I need a method... that can instantly organize all this chaotic information."

"How did you handle such massive amounts of data in your time?"

[Simple. Excel.]

Your Majesty, the way humanity processes information has evolved from 'articles' to 'lists', and then to 'multidimensional tables'.

Modern Qin officials write reports like they're writing essays. This is a huge waste of information density.

You need to forcefully implement "document reform."

[Core idea: If you can fill in the blanks, don't write an essay. If you can draw a table, don't speak.]

Several modern form templates popped up on the screen:

"Daqin Material Statistics Form", "Daqin Personnel Mobility Registration Form", "Daqin Tax Declaration Form"

The lines are straight and the grid is clear. Each column is labeled with "Name", "Quantity", "Unit Price", and "Total".

Ying Zheng's eyes lit up when he saw the neat grid pattern.

This is the beauty of order!

This is even more satisfying for obsessive-compulsive people than Small Seal Script!

"Li Si, stop howling. Get up."

Ying Zheng picked up a pen and drew a large "well" character on a blank sheet of Qin paper.

"Prime Minister, today I will teach you a new 'spell'."

"This technique is called—'Table Technique'."

……

Half an hour later.

Li Si held the paper covered in grids, his despair turning into shock, and finally into ecstasy.

"Your Majesty...this...this is simply divine skill!"

"You just crammed those three thousand words of nonsense into these few boxes, and it's perfectly clear at a glance?"

"Zhang San, selling fifty catties of wool, adulterated, fine fifty."

"What used to take the time it takes to brew a cup of tea can now be done with just a glance?"

Ying Zheng took a sip of water and said calmly:

"This is the 'new rule' I want."

"Pass down the order."

"First, abolish all lengthy official document formats. From now on, all counties and prefectures must use these 'standard forms' that I have issued when reporting on taxes, population, and cases."

"Anyone who dares to write nonsense outside the form will be fined one penny for every word they write."

"Second, let's give this table a name, 'Great Qin Statistics Table'."

"Third," Ying Zheng pointed at Li Si, "you establish a 'Statistics Department.' Recruit people who are good at arithmetic and have small handwriting. Don't recruit Confucian scholars, recruit accountants."

Li Si was overjoyed, holding the paper with such excitement that his beard trembled.

"I'll take care of it right away! I'll go and give those clerks who write prose a good scolding!"

Seeing Li Si's fully recovered figure, Ying Zheng nodded in satisfaction.

"Little G".

"Yes, Your Majesty."

"This form is helpful, but it's also troublesome to fill out, especially for illiterate people."

"I think this is another business opportunity."

[Your Majesty is wise. In the future, this will be called an "agency" or a "tax firm."]

……

The entrance to the Afang Palace Commercial Street in Xianyang West Market.

This place is now the liveliest spot in all of Xianyang. Countless merchants, artisans, and even nobles who want to buy houses gather here, holding all sorts of complicated new forms issued by the government, looking completely bewildered.

"What's this? A 'taxpayer identification number'? I don't have one!"

"A 'family balance sheet'? I know about liabilities, like owing money. But what about assets? Is my wife an asset?"

"Oh dear, this is so frustrating! If I fill out the form incorrectly, the government won't stamp it, and without the stamp, I can't buy a house!"

Just as everyone was in a panic, a simple thatched shed was set up by the roadside.

A wooden sign hung on the shed, with several large, crooked characters written on it:

Liu's Consultation Office

Filling out forms, running errands, taking the blame

Professional team, guaranteed pass!

Liu Bang, dressed in a long robe and holding a writing brush, was sitting behind a table with his legs crossed.

Xiao He sat next to him, with an abacus and a pile of official forms in front of him.

"Everyone, hold on! Line up!" Fan Kuai maintained order like a gatekeeper. "Fill out a form, five coins! Get a certificate, fifty coins! Honest and fair!"

A sweating merchant squeezed through the crowd and slammed a crumpled tax form on the table.

"Mayor Liu! Help! I've filled out this form three times and it's been returned every time! They say the format is wrong!"

Liu Bang chuckled, took the form, and glanced at it.

"Tsk tsk tsk, Old Zhang, your handwriting is way out of bounds. The government is now emphasizing 'standardization,' and this is considered an illegal structure."

"What should we do then?"

"Simple." Liu Bang pointed to Xiao He. "I'll have my brother fill out another one for you. I guarantee the handwriting will be neat and the data accurate. And..."

Liu Bang lowered his voice and said mysteriously:

"We have connections in the statistics department. As long as we fill out the forms, we don't need to queue; they get them stamped directly."

The merchant was overjoyed: "Really? Five coins? I'll give you ten!"

"Alright! Next one!"

Business is booming.

Liu Bang's strategy of "the middleman earning a service fee" was a game-changer. He used his position as "market magistrate" and Xiao He's expertise to build a toll-based bridge between the government and the people.

As Xiao He filled out the form, he sighed, "Liu Ji, isn't what we're doing... abusing our power for personal gain?"

"What kind of selfish scheme is this!" Liu Bang counted the money, speaking with righteous indignation. "We're improving administrative efficiency! We're helping His Majesty relieve his burdens! Look how relaxed Prime Minister Li is now! He doesn't have to look at those scribbles anymore."

"Besides, the little money we make isn't even enough to buy drinks for the brothers."

Xiao He shook his head, but his pen continued to flow. He had to admit that Liu Bang's seemingly rogue tactics had become the most effective lubricant in the face of the drastic changes and transitions of the Qin Dynasty.

……

Xianyang Palace, back garden.

Ying Zheng was taking a walk after dinner.

Hu Hai followed behind, holding a freshly made "Qin Dynasty Ice Cream" in his hand, licking it as he reported on his work.

"Father, that 'Snowpiercer' ice cream shop made 800,000 coins last month."

"Hmm, not bad." Ying Zheng nodded. "Remember to pay taxes."

"I paid! That scoundrel Liu Bang personally led his men to collect it, and not a single coin was shortchanged!" Hu Hai said indignantly. "He even said my ice cream had too little milk and too much water, which constituted 'false advertising,' and fined me a thousand coins!"

Ying Zheng smiled. Liu Bang was wielding this weapon with increasing ease.

"Father," Hu Hai suddenly leaned closer, "there's something else. It seems there's trouble at Brother Fusu's textile factory."

"Trouble?" Ying Zheng stopped in his tracks. "Not enough wool?"

"No. It's because the wool is too mixed."

Hu Hai pulled a dark, furry ball from his pocket.

"Look. This is wool sent by those grassland tribes. It's mixed with sand, rotten grass, and even dried sheep droppings."

"They sell by weight, and to increase the weight, they stuff all sorts of things in."

"The sweaters my brother brought back are so dirty they can't even be washed properly. They smell like shit. These days, even the nobility are demanding refunds."

Ying Zheng took the ball of wool and frowned.

This is human greed.

When there are loopholes in the rules, someone will inevitably exploit them. This applies to everyone, from nobles of the six kingdoms to nomadic herders of the grasslands.

"How did you deal with Fusu?" Ying Zheng asked.

"My elder brother is soft-hearted," Hu Hai said, pursing his lips. "He said those herders were pitiful and he felt embarrassed to refuse them, so he had people pick out the dirty stuff. In the end, it was not only a waste of labor, but also a loss of money."

Ying Zheng snorted coldly.

"Kindness is sometimes weakness."

"This can't be done this way."

Ying Zheng threw the dirty wool on the ground.

"Little G, give me a 'quality inspection standard'."

[Received. Establish the "Daqin Wool Purchasing Grading Standard".]

Grade 1 wool: pure, free of impurities, and with long fibers. Purchase price: high.

Grade 2 Wool: Impurities less than 5%. Purchase price: Medium.

Grade 3 wool: Contains more than 5% impurities. Rejected or disposed of as waste.

[In addition, a "random inspection mechanism" will be introduced. Three bundles will be randomly selected from each bundle of wool. If sand is found to be mixed in, the entire bundle will be returned, and the user will be placed on a "blacklist," permanently banned from trading.]

Ying Zheng nodded.

"Transmit my oral decree to Fusu."

"Tell him that doing business is not charity. The money of the Great Qin does not support unscrupulous merchants."

"Make him accept the wool according to this standard. Anyone who dares to mix in sand will be made to pick out every single wool from that pile of sand, and he won't be allowed to leave until he's finished."

"Furthermore," a glint of light flashed in Ying Zheng's eyes, "have Liu Bang send someone to take a look around the grasslands."

"Tell those tribal chiefs that if they can't manage their herdsmen, Great Qin will find a new 'agent'."

"There are plenty of people who want to make money from the Qin Dynasty, we don't need these few."

……

Several days later, at the border market of Shangjun.

The previously chaotic trading site was suddenly fitted with a row of fences.

Several officials wearing vests with "Da Qin Quality Inspection" on them were carrying iron hooks and were ruthlessly piercing and inspecting the wool bales brought by the herdsmen.

"This package! It's mixed with stones! Reject it! Get out!"

"This bag! It's wet! Trying to scam money off water? Dry it up before you come back!"

"This package... hmm, clean and fluffy. Top quality! Here's the tip!"

The herdsmen were dumbfounded. The easy-going Prince Fusu was gone, replaced by cold, impersonal officials.

Several troublemakers, who were about to draw their swords, were glared at by the Ironclad Guards patrolling nearby and were frightened into retreating.

In the crowd, Liu Bang was putting his arm around the shoulder of a tribal chief, smiling as he promoted his new business.

"Brother, look. It's so much trouble for you to wash the wool yourselves. How about this, you can drive the sheep directly to my 'sheep washing factory'."

"I'll cut it for you, wash it for you, and pack it for you. I guarantee it's all top-quality."

"Of course, I only charge a tiny... commission."

The tribal chief looked at Liu Bang's grinning face and knew it was definitely a trap, but seeing the miserable state of those who had been rejected, he could only grit his teeth and nod.

"Okay! I'll do as you say!"

……

That autumn, the officials of Xianyang finally learned how to draw tables. The Qin textile factories finally produced high-quality sweaters without the smell of excrement. Driven by both "tables" and "intermediaries," the Qin's administrative efficiency barely kept pace with economic development.

Ying Zheng sat in the newly built library of the Epang Palace, watching the yellow leaves falling outside the window.

He was holding a freshly filled-out "Personal Health Monitoring Form" in his hand.

Blood pressure: 130/85 (within normal range).

Heart rate: 70 (stable).

[Weight: Lost 5 pounds (target achieved).]

Ying Zheng put a checkmark on the form with satisfaction.

"Little G".

"I believe that everything in this world is actually a table."

"Fill it in correctly, and it's a prosperous era. Fill it in incorrectly, and it's a chaotic era."

Your Majesty possesses profound philosophical insights.

However, a reminder: winter is approaching. Your chronic bronchitis from last year... it's time to stock up on your medication.

Moreover, according to intelligence, there seems to be news from Xu Fu's side.

Ying Zheng's hand suddenly paused.

Xu Fu.

That old charlatan who swindled three thousand boys and girls from him and then fled overseas to live a life of freedom.

"Alright." A cold glint flashed in Ying Zheng's eyes.

"Once I've recovered from this winter, I'll be in top physical shape."

"I will personally go to the East China Sea and fill in the last line of data on this 'form'."