My Imperial Advisor is ChatGPT

The spring breeze in Xianyang always carries a rough, earthy scent, but this year it has an extra hint of sweet fragrance.

On the east side of the Epang Palace, in a newly reclaimed royal experimental field, the First Emperor of the Qin Dynasty was conducting the annual "Personal Plowing" ceremony.

In previous years, the emperor's personal plowing was a solemn and dignified political show. The emperor would hold the plow once, the Court of Imperial Sacrifices would sing a couple of hymns, and that would be the end of it. But this year is different.

Ying Zheng was dressed in light short clothes, with the trousers rolled up to his knees, and on his feet were a pair of non-slip cloth shoes with rubber soles (Eucommia rubber soles). In his hands, he was not holding a traditional wooden plow, but a curved plow made entirely of steel, gleaming with a cold light.

The plow wasn't pulled by oxen, but by a small steam tractor—"Iron Ox No. 1"—that was chugging black smoke and constantly shaking.

This thing was created by Hu Hai and the Mohists to curry favor with their father, the emperor. They modified a water pump by adding a wheel. Although it was extremely noisy and moved like a drunkard, the speed at which it plowed the land truly astonished the civil and military officials watching.

"Rat-a-tat-tat—"

The "Iron Ox" spewed out a plume of black smoke, its plowshare cutting deep into the soil, stirring up black, oily waves.

"Your Majesty is incredibly powerful! Your Majesty is incredibly powerful!" Li Si stood on the edge of the field, coughing as he loudly flattered the emperor, his handkerchief almost blackened by coal dust.

Ying Zheng stopped the machine and wiped the sweat and dust off his face.

"Divine power my ass." Ying Zheng kicked the iron ox. "This thing made my hand go numb. That brat Hu Hai still didn't do a good job of shock absorption."

He walked to the edge of the field and took the warm water that Zhao Gao handed him.

"Fusu".

"Your subject is here." Fusu, covered in mud, was checking the depth of the plowing in the back.

"Are the seeds I asked you to prepare all here?"

Fusu pointed to several pottery jars with seals on them.

"Father, it's all here. This is 'Champa rice' (although it wasn't called that yet, its characteristics are similar) brought from Baiyue. It's said to ripen every two months and is drought- and flood-resistant. And this..."

Fusu opened another jar, inside which were sections of purplish-red rod-shaped objects.

"This is sugarcane that Liu Bang sent back from Lingnan."

Ying Zheng picked up a piece of sugarcane, disregarding his image, and directly bit open the skin with his teeth, then chewed it.

A refreshing and sweet juice instantly filled my mouth.

"Sweet." Ying Zheng squinted. "Much sweeter than that ridiculously expensive maltose."

"Little G," Ying Zheng murmured to himself, "You mean this thing can turn into pure white snow?"

The screen in my mind flickered.

Yes, Your Majesty.

Sugarcane juice is extracted, clarified, boiled, and crystallized. This is white sugar.

The human craving for sweetness is ingrained in our genes. Once you've tasted white sugar, no one can resist it.

This is a net sharper than swords, capable of locking the palates of the Baiyue people in the south, and even the entire world, onto the war chariots of the Qin Dynasty.

Ying Zheng spat out the dregs and looked intently southward.

"What a sweet trap."

"Send an edict to Liu Bang. I don't want him to be busy selling mosquito nets in Lingnan. Tell him to plant this for me, plant it all over the mountains and fields."

"Tell him that I want the people of Qin to be able to add sugar to their drinking water from now on."

……

Lingnan, Nanhai Commandery (near present-day Guangzhou).

Spring here is much wilder than in Xianyang. The humid air is filled with the smell of decaying leaves and the strong fragrance of unknown flowers.

Liu Bang was lying on a specially made bamboo chair, wearing a silk robe as thin as a cicada's wing, waving a peacock fan in his hand, and a Baiyue girl was peeling lychees for him next to him.

"Lord Liu, this life is so good, I wouldn't trade it for a god." Fan Kuai squatted down beside him, holding a sizzling bamboo rat in his hand, eating with his mouth full of oil.

"Change my ass." Liu Bang spat out a lychee seed, rolled his eyes, and said, "You think I'm here to enjoy myself? I'm 'deep behind enemy lines'!"

Just then, the tent flap was suddenly flung open.

Han Xin walked in with a dark face, holding his ever-present abacus, the beads on it clicking loudly as he moved them.

"Envoy Liu, stop eating!" Han Xin slammed the abacus on the table. "Something's happened."

"What's wrong? Did the sky fall?" Liu Bang asked lazily. "Or is it that your artemisia juice isn't selling?"

"It's more serious than that." Han Xin pointed outside. "That stubborn old man from the Xiou tribe, named Yi Yusong, detained the agricultural official we sent to teach them how to grow sugarcane."

Upon hearing this, Liu Bang immediately sat up straight: "Deducted? Why? Do you think the wages are too low?"

"It's not about the money," Han Xin sighed. "He said our iron plows destroyed the 'earth's energy,' and our sugarcane drained the 'dragon's blood.' Most importantly..."

Han Xin paused, his expression turning strange.

"He said that the rumbling sound of our steam pumps woke up their guardian deity—the Frog God."

"Now, they are gathered by the river, intending to sacrifice our agricultural official before sunset to appease the frog god's anger."

"puff--"

Fan Kuai spat out a mouthful of bamboo rat meat: "What the hell? A frog god? Are these barbarians' brains filled with mush?"

Liu Bang didn't laugh. He stroked his meticulously groomed beard, a glint of shrewdness flashing in his eyes.

"The Frog God..."

"That's interesting."

Liu Bang stood up and straightened his clothes.

"Han Xin, don't move your troops. This can't be done by force. If we use force, all those glass beads and mosquito nets we sent out before will be wasted."

"What can we do then? Just watch them be sacrificed?"

"Of course not." Liu Bang chuckled, took out a pair of sunglasses (made of brown crystal by Zhao Gao) from his pocket, put them on, and instantly gained an air of unfathomable mystery.

"Fan Kuai, go and carry that newly delivered 'Daqin No. 2' steam engine onto the ship. Also, install that 'high-pitched steam whistle' for me."

"Since they believe in God, let's create a god for them."

……

On the banks of the Yu River.

Thousands of tattooed, short-haired Baiyue warriors, wielding bronze halberds, surrounded an altar. Two trembling Qin agricultural officials were bound to the altar.

The chieftain, Yi Yusong, with colorful feathers in his hair and red paint on his face, was performing a shamanistic ritual in front of a giant stone frog statue in the river.

"Quack! Quack! Quack!"

The surrounding wizards imitated the croaking of frogs, their voices rising and falling, creating a frenzied yet eerie atmosphere.

"The Qin people have blasphemed the gods! They have dug up the earth and severed its veins! Today we offer our blood as a sacrifice to the heavens, begging the frog god to punish us and drown these outsiders!" Yi Yusong raised his stone knife, ready to carry out the execution.

At this critical moment.

"Ughhhhhh!!!"

The sound was neither like a tiger's roar nor a dragon's cry; it was more like an ancient behemoth trapped in an iron cage venting its anger. The sound waves stirred up ripples on the river's surface, causing the leaves on both banks to tremble.

On the altar, the stone knife in the hand of the Great Chief Yi Yusong clattered to the ground. The shamans who had been frantically performing their rituals were now like roosters with their necks choked, mouths agape but unable to utter a sound.

The enormous ship broke through the mist and slowly approached. To the Baiyue people, the iron behemoth at the bow, belching black smoke and emitting a strange "putt-putt" sound, was nothing short of a steel monster from hell.

Liu Bang stood at the bow of the ship, his expression already solemn like that of a charlatan. He did not order an attack, but instead had Fan Kuai pour baskets of sugarcane residue, which had been prepared beforehand, into the furnace of the steam engine.

"Add more fire! Let the divine beast exhale that sweetness!" Liu Bang ordered in a low voice.

As the sugarcane residue burned, a plume of black smoke, carrying a sweet caramel aroma and mixed with water vapor, billowed up towards the shore.

"Cough cough... It smells so good? What's that smell?"

The Baiyue warriors on the shore, who were already too frightened to hold their weapons, were now strangely tempted by the sweet, smoky aroma.

Seeing that the time was right, Liu Bang picked up the large tin megaphone, focused his energy, and began the most brilliant deception of his life.

"Listen up, leader of the Xiou!"

"I am a 'caretaker' sent by His Majesty the Emperor of the Great Qin!"

"This mythical beast is called the 'Cloud-Swallowing and Mist-Spitting Iron Qilin.' It doesn't eat people; it only eats that...purple-skinned sugarcane stalk!"

"It was barking just now because it was hungry! When it's hungry, it gets angry, and when it gets angry, it tries to drink the whole river dry!"

Yi Yusong was stunned. He looked at the still-smoking "Iron Qilin," then at the river (which hadn't actually decreased, it was just a psychological effect), and then at the sweet smell.

It seems... to make some sense?

"Then... what should we do?" Yi Yusong asked, mustering his courage.

"Easy!" Liu Bang waved his hand. "Release those two on your altar! They're too skinny; the divine beasts won't want them getting stuck in their teeth!"

"What we want are sweet stalks! All those sweet stalks covering this mountainside, cut them all down for me... no, for the divine beast!"

"As long as you feed the divine beast its fill, it will stop causing trouble and will even vomit... vomit divine sand!"

Liu Bang kicked over a box next to him.

The box was opened, and it was filled with freshly made coarse sugar, which was still yellowish in color but already in granular form.

"Look! This is the divine sand that the Qilin produced... ugh, the divine sand bestowed by the Qilin! It's sweeter than honey! Eating it will grant you immortality!"

Under the sunlight, the sugar glittered with an enticing luster.

For the Baiyue people, who relied solely on wild fruits and small amounts of honey for their sugar intake year-round, this pure, sweet crystal held a fatal allure.

What could have been a bloody conflict was transformed into a unique "offering ceremony" by the roar of the "divine beast" and the temptation of sugar.

Watching the Baiyue warriors lay down their weapons and rush to cut sugarcane to feed the "machines," Han Xin sat in the cabin, fiddling with an abacus while shaking his head helplessly.

"Liu Ji, your skill in 'calling a deer a horse' is even better than Zhao Gao's."

"This isn't a war; it's clearly... fooling children."

Liu Bang wiped the cold sweat from his forehead and slumped into a chair.

"Deceive? That's called wisdom."

"Old Han, remember this: there's nothing in this world that sweetness can't solve. If there is, then add a little more sweetness."

……

Three months later, in Xianyang.

The first batch of mass-produced "Lingnan brown sugar" and a small amount of refined "white sugar" were transported along the newly dredged Lingqu Canal, through the Yangtze River, to the Qin Straight Road, and finally arrived at the center of the empire.

Inside a side hall of the Qilin Palace, Ying Zheng was grinning and baring his teeth in front of a bronze mirror.

"hiss……"

He covered his left cheek, his brows furrowed.

"Xia Wuqie, my teeth... why have they been aching lately? Is it... because I'm getting a sore throat?"

Xia Wuqie, carrying a medicine box, carefully approached and used a small silver spoon to pry open Ying Zheng's lips to examine them.

"Your Majesty, this... the gums are swollen and red, and the tooth roots are a bit loose. Also, there seems to be a small black hole in that molar."

"This is... a cavity."

"A cavity?" Ying Zheng exclaimed in surprise. "I have worms in my mouth? Did I drink untreated water?"

"No," Xia Wuqie said with a bitter face, "This is... from eating candy."

Ever since the sugar arrived from the south, even though Ying Zheng, a health enthusiast, tried to control himself, he couldn't resist the chefs in the imperial kitchen making it in various ways every day. Things like sweet and sour pork ribs, candied sweet potatoes (actually yams), rock sugar pears…

Not only Ying Zheng ate it, but all the nobles in Xianyang City ate it.

Sugar, once a luxury, is still expensive, but now it's affordable for middle-class families if they grit their teeth and buy it.

What followed was a precipitous drop in Daqin Oral Health Index.

Especially Hu Hai.

At this moment, Hu Hai was squatting in the corner of the palace, covering his cheek and groaning, while holding a half-eaten lollipop in his hand (made by Zhao Gao using a mixture of maltose and sugar).

"Father, my tooth hurts...it hurts so much..."

Ying Zheng was furious when he saw his good-for-nothing son.

"Pain? Serves you right!"

"I sent you to manage the sugar factory, not to eat sugar like it's food! Look at your teeth, they're as black as coal!"

Ying Zheng turned his head and looked at the light screen in his mind.

"Little G".

"This candy is good, but the side effects are too great. My people of Great Qin can't possibly start speaking with lisps, can they?"

"Your Majesty, this is a 'sweet curse.'"

In the early days of widespread industrialized sugar production, a surge in tooth decay rates was inevitable.

There's only one solution: brush your teeth.

[It's not like just rubbing it with a willow twig dipped in salt; you need to use a special tool and an abrasive.]

"Brush your teeth?" Ying Zheng asked thoughtfully.

He recalled the discomfort of rubbing his teeth with salt on his fingers every morning.

"You mean, like polishing shoes?"

[Uh... the principle is similar. You'll need a 'toothbrush.' Insert pig bristles (of moderate stiffness) into a bone or wooden handle.]

You'll also need toothpaste. Mix it with calcium carbonate powder (finely ground limestone), menthol, and glycerin.

Ying Zheng's eyes lit up.

It's business again!

"Zhao Gao!"

Ying Zheng shouted.

Zhao Gao was wearing a large mask today, not for epidemic prevention, but because he also had a toothache and half of his face was swollen.

"This servant...is here," Zhao Gao mumbled.

"Don't try to hide it. I know you've been secretly eating candy too."

Ying Zheng pointed to the lollipop in Hu Hai's hand.

"Pass down the order. The Imperial Household Department shall immediately establish the 'Daily Chemicals Division'."

"Go and collect pig bristles. The stiff, straight kind. Also, find a bone craftsman to make me a small brush with bristles."

"Also, that chemistry institute, stop focusing solely on oil refining. Prepare me a toothpaste that can be used to brush my teeth. It should be mint-flavored, the kind that leaves a cool feeling in your mouth afterward."

"I've already thought of a name: 'Darlie Toothpaste'? No, 'Qin Bai Toothpaste'!"

"From now on, all citizens of the Great Qin must brush their teeth morning and night. This shall be written into the 'Hygiene Law'!"

Although Zhao Gao had a toothache, his eyes lit up when he heard about the new business opportunity.

"This servant...this servant will go pluck the pig bristles right away!"

……

Having resolved his toothache, Ying Zheng's thoughts returned to the south, the place that haunted his dreams.

Although Lingnan had sugar and Liu Bang's persuasion, it did not mean that it was completely stable.

The climate and environment there remain the greatest enemies of the Qin immigrants.

A report from Han Xin was placed on the desk.

The report contained no complaints, only a bunch of cold, hard data and a blueprint.

"Your Majesty, Lingnan is hot and humid with abundant rainfall, and is teeming with poisonous insects. Our soldiers and immigrants live in tents or wooden huts, where the wood rots within half a month and is extremely prone to termite infestation."

"Your subject requests that 'cement houses' be promoted in Lingnan."

"But not the single-story houses like those in Xianyang. Rather... 'stilted houses'."

Ying Zheng unfolded the blueprints.

It was a strange building. It consisted of concrete pillars that supported the house high up, allowing people to live on the second floor.

"Little G, this house... is it habitable?"

[Your Majesty, this is the most suitable architectural style for tropical rainforests.]

The lower level is elevated, which allows for ventilation, moisture control, flood prevention, and also prevents snakes, insects, and rodents from crawling in.

Moreover, Han Xin was very clever. He made the cement pillars incredibly smooth, so rats couldn't climb them.

Most importantly, he solved a core pain point: the toilet.

Ying Zheng looked down.

At the end of the drawing, a complex piping system was depicted.

The toilet is located on the second floor, and excrement is flushed directly into the biogas digester on the lower floor through cement pipes?

No, it's a septic tank. After fermentation, the waste is discharged into the sugarcane fields as fertilizer.

"This Han Xin, he truly is a master of accounting," Ying Zheng exclaimed. "He even knows exactly where the excrement and urine will go."

"Granted!"

"Have Liu Bang's 'Great Qin Infrastructure Group's' southern branch fully cooperate."

"Tell those Baiyue people, would you like to live in this kind of 'fairy house' that's not dilapidated, not damp, and free of insects?"

"Then let's trade sugarcane! Let's trade our labor!"

……

Lingnan, Nanhai Commandery.

The first "cement stilted building" model house rose up on the banks of the Yu River.

It was no longer the dull, grayish color of cement, but had been painted a festive red (using a color mixed with red clay) by Liu Bang's men. The windows were fitted with bright, clear glass, and mosquito netting hung at the door.

What shocked the Baiyue people the most was that toilet.

A porcelain squat toilet (made from a failed attempt at firing by Zhao Gao), connected to a water tank. Pull the rope, and with a "whoosh," the filth vanishes without a trace.

"A miracle! This is a miracle!"

Chief Yi Yusong squatted in that toilet and took the most dignified defecation of his life, so excited that tears welled up in his eyes.

"I'm willing to submit to the Great Qin! As long as I can live in this house and use this... this 'water tap' every day!"

Liu Bang stood downstairs, fanning himself, and smiled like a kind old farmer.

"That's right."

"National righteousness and ancestral rules are all meaningless in the face of a flush toilet."

"Xiao He, write this down." Liu Bang turned to Xiao He behind him and said, "From now on, this house will be our stronghold for ruling Lingnan."

"Give each of those obedient leaders a set. Let them live in them and enjoy themselves, so they can distance themselves from the barbarians at the bottom."

"Once they get used to glass windows and flush toilets, they can never go back to the days of eating raw meat and drinking blood."

Xiao He looked at the cement building that seemed out of place in this era, yet represented advanced productivity, and sighed deeply.

"Liu Ji, you're... attacking my spirit."

"However, this is a good way to punish the heart."

……

Under the dual offensive of sugar-coated bullets and concrete houses, the situation in Lingnan finally stabilized completely.

The continuous supply of brown sugar, spices, and timber began to nourish the economy of the Qin Dynasty.

Ying Zheng stood on the terrace of Xianyang Palace, looking at the ever-increasing fiscal revenue report in his hand, feeling pleased with himself.

But he was not satisfied.

Because his gaze had already crossed Lingnan and was directed towards something much more distant…

north.

And the Northwest.

"Report—!"

A secret agent from the Black Ice Guard rushed onto the terrace, covered in dust. His clothes were tattered, clearly indicating he had traveled a long distance.

"Your Majesty! Urgent report from the Hexi Corridor!"

"We discovered a strange caravan on the edge of the desert west of Dunhuang."

"They are neither Xiongnu nor Yuezhi."

The spy pulled a gleaming gold coin from his pocket and presented it with both hands.

"This was obtained in exchange for them."

Ying Zheng accepted the gold coin.

It's heavy and made of pure gold.

But what made Ying Zheng's pupils shrink was not the gold itself, but the pattern on the gold coin.

Those were neither the square-holed round coins of the Qin Dynasty, nor the knife-shaped or cloth-shaped coins of the six states.

There was a human head printed on it.

A profile of a man with a high nose, deep-set eyes, curly hair, and wearing a strange floral wreath.

On the reverse side of the gold coin was engraved a string of tadpole-like characters that Ying Zheng had never seen before.

"This is..." Ying Zheng's fingers caressed the portrait.

"Little G".

"Yes, Your Majesty."

"Who is this?"

The screen flickered, seemingly performing a database comparison.

[Your Majesty, this is a... 'Stater' gold coin.]

The person in the portrait is most likely one of Alexander the Great's successors, or a Hellenistic king of Bactria.

This means...

[That Maodun you drove away wasn't idle in the west. He not only annexed the Yuezhi, but may even have already made contact with these western civilizations...]

Ying Zheng held the gold coin in his hand, a look of unprecedented solemnity flashing in his eyes.

He always believed that the world consisted only of the Qin Dynasty and the surrounding barbarians.

But this gold coin told him: beyond the mountains, there are more mountains. Beyond the people, there are more people.

Moreover, they were "civilized people" who knew how to mint such exquisite gold coins.

"Charges per person..."

Ying Zheng sneered.

"So ugly."

"My square-holed round coins are still the best looking. The round heaven and the square earth represent the great way."

He tossed the gold coin into the air and caught it steadily.

"Now that they've come, I can't pretend I'm not hearing."

"Pass on the order."

"Let Hu Hai, who is currently building ships, stop for a moment. Although my East China Sea Fleet is important, the 'guests' from the west seem to be in a more urgent situation."

"I intend to form a 'Western Regions Mission'."

"We need not only soldiers and merchants, but also... artists."

"I want to see what the person printed on the coin looks like. I want to see if the country that can produce this gold coin can withstand my Iron Cavalry."

A storm begins with a single ripple.

A small gold coin, like a key, opened the door for the Qin Dynasty to the world.

On the other side of the door lies both opportunity and unprecedented challenge.

Ying Zheng turned around and threw the gold coins to Zhao Gao.

"Take it and melt it down. Turn it into the base of a... globe for me."

"I want this entire world to revolve around my desk."