My Imperial Advisor is ChatGPT

Although the lingering heat of late summer still lingers in Xianyang, the commercial street of Afang Palace is even hotter than the weather.

Ever since Liu Bang's "Western Regions Anti-Counterfeiting Team" returned laden with spoils, the entire city of Xianyang seemed to have been dyed golden overnight. Not because the ginkgo leaves turned yellow, but because—there was too much gold.

The kingdoms of the Western Regions nearly emptied their treasuries to purchase silk, porcelain, tea, and the "Red Jade Ginseng" that had been hyped up as a panacea from the Roman Empire. The chests of gold coins engraved with human heads brought by the Roman Marcus flooded the markets of Xianyang like a torrent.

In the back room of the "Liu's Import and Export Trading Company", Liu Bang was lying sprawled on a mountain of gold coins, holding a glass of grape wine with ice in his hand, laughing like a 300-pound fat man.

"Old Xiao, listen to that sound." Liu Bang grabbed a handful of gold coins and scattered them, listening to the crisp clinking sound. "This is called 'large and small pearls falling onto a jade plate.' I used to think being an emperor was just about using a golden hoe to till the land, but now it seems like it's like using a golden toilet... cough cough, anyway, it's awesome!"

Xiao He did not laugh. He sat at the table to the side, his brows furrowed into a deep knot, and the abacus beads in his hands were about to spark.

"Liu Ji, stop laughing. Something terrible has happened." Xiao He slammed the account book on the table. "Look at the current rice prices."

"Rice price? What's wrong? It's gone up?" Liu Bang waved his hand dismissively. "So what if it goes up? We have plenty of money."

"Prices have tripled!" Xiao He roared. "And the prices of cloth, oil, and salt! They're all skyrocketing! You brought back too much gold, but there's only so much in the market. The common people, holding Qin half-ounce copper coins, used to be able to buy a peck of rice, but now they can only buy nothing!"

"This is called...inflation."

Although Xiao He didn't understand this modern term, as a top-notch logistics manager, he keenly sensed the stench of excess money.

"If this continues, we'll be crushed by this pile of gold before the Xiongnu even kill us. The people won't be able to afford food; they'll revolt!"

Upon hearing the word "rebellion," Liu Bang sobered up somewhat. He tumbled down the mountain of gold coins, his face filled with terror: "What should we do? Throw away the gold?"

"Throw a fart."

A dignified voice came from the back hall doorway.

Ying Zheng, dressed in casual clothes and wearing sunglasses, slowly walked in, carrying two huge ornamental walnuts. Behind him followed Li Si, who had a distressed expression.

"Greetings, Your Majesty!" Liu Bang and Xiao He immediately knelt down.

"Get up." Ying Zheng found a chair and sat down, kicking aside a Roman gold coin at his feet with disdain. "Liu Bang, this is called a 'nouveau riche mentality.' Too much money is a burden, don't you understand?"

"Little G," Ying Zheng murmured to himself, "how do we break this situation?"

[Your Majesty, this is a classic case of imported inflation. There are two solutions: one is to increase the supply of goods, and the other is to withdraw currency from circulation.]

Since the money in the hands of ordinary people is worthless, you must create something "worth a lot of money" to draw back the gold from the hands of wealthy merchants and nobles and lock it in the national treasury.

This kind of item must be: extremely low cost, extremely high selling price, and able to represent status.

For example: luxury goods.

Ying Zheng's lips curled up slightly.

"Li Si".

"Your subject is here."

"Send word to the Imperial Household Department. That glass factory, stop making windows. Make me mirrors too."

"I want a full-length mirror that's as tall as a person. The back should be coated with the finest mercury, the frame should be carved from rosewood, and a few gemstones from the Western Regions should be inlaid."

"A mirror, priced at... 100,000 coins. Or 100 Roman gold coins."

Li Si gasped, "One hundred thousand coins? Your Majesty, that's just a piece of glass! The cost is less than five hundred coins!"

"I'm not selling glass," Ying Zheng pointed to his face. "I'm selling 'narcissism.' Who in this world doesn't want to see what they look like? Especially those noblewomen."

"And another thing," Ying Zheng pointed at Liu Bang, "your 'Great Qin Gas Company' should offer me a 'Supreme VIP' service."

"Anyone who pays one thousand gold coins in a lump sum will be granted the title of 'Honorary Gentleman of Qin.' Not only will they have priority access to natural gas, but they will also receive a pure gold plaque inscribed with 'Family of Accumulated Virtue.'"

"I want the rich people of Xianyang to know that having money but not spending it makes you a bumpkin. Spending money to buy my expensive goods is what makes you respectable."

Liu Bang was stunned, then gave a thumbs up: "Brilliant! Absolutely brilliant! Your Majesty is openly robbing... oh no, you're robbing the rich to help the poor!"

……

A few days later, an unprecedented "consumption frenzy" swept through Xianyang.

In the shop windows of the Epang Palace commercial street, there were those floor-to-ceiling mirrors that gleamed like mirrors. Countless noblewomen crowded around, just to see their reflections in the mirrors, and then without hesitation, had their servants bring out chests of heavy gold coins.

"Buy it! Buy it for me! With this mirror, I'll be the coolest kid on the block!"

At the same time, the doors of the Qin Dynasty's treasury slowly opened, like a colossal beast devouring everything, continuously sucking in the gold that was flooding the market. The imperial court then used this gold to transport large quantities of grain from Sichuan and Jiangnan to stabilize prices.

An inflation crisis that could have destroyed the empire's economy was thus averted by a few panes of glass and a few gold plaques.

……

Having resolved his financial issue, Ying Zheng felt much better. He decided to experience the newly completed "Qin Royal Bathing Center."

This was a massive project built specifically to welcome the Roman envoy Marcus and to promote hygiene concepts.

The enormous bath, constructed of white marble, was filled with hot spring water from Mount Li. Amidst the swirling steam, hundreds of naked Qin men were soaking in it, emitting blissful groans.

Ying Zheng, of course, wouldn't crowd into the large pool. He was in a VIP room on the second floor, looking down at the lobby through a one-way window.

"What about Marcus?" Ying Zheng asked while sipping his red tea.

"Your Majesty, she's over there," Zhao Gao pointed to a corner downstairs, "being given 'special treatment'."

The blond, blue-eyed Roman centurion was lying on a specially made bathing bed, like a white pig waiting to be slaughtered.

Standing next to him was Wang Dachui, a burly and experienced bathhouse attendant transferred from Liaodong. Wang Dachui's hands were wrapped in rough loofah, and his eyes revealed a craftsman's focused and ruthless expression.

"From Rome?" Wang Dachui chuckled. "I heard you use oil scrapers to bathe? That's so sissy! Today I'll show you the 'divine cleaning techniques' of our Great Qin!"

With that, Wang Dachui mustered all his strength and swung his hand.

"Sizzle—"

A sickening scraping sound.

"Ahhhhhhh——!!!"

Marcus let out a piercing scream that pierced through the steam and even drowned out the roar of the boiler.

"No! No! It hurts! Help me, Jupiter!"

Marcus struggled desperately, but Wang Dachui held him down tightly like a chicken.

"What are you doing, moving around! This is called 'getting muddy'! It won't get you clean unless it hurts!" Wang Dachui slapped Marcus's white buttocks. "Bear with it! If you're a man, don't yell!"

A few minutes later, Marcus stopped barking.

He lay on the bed, his eyes unfocused, his whole body glowing with an eerie pink hue, as if he had just had a layer of skin peeled off.

But next to him was a pile of dark gray "mud strips".

"Look! How dirty!" Wang Dachui pointed disgustedly at the pile of mud. "Roman nobles, huh? They're dirtier than my donkey."

Marcus reached out and touched his skin, his hand trembling.

slip.

That's fucking slippery.

An unprecedented sense of clarity emanated from his pores. He felt as if he had lost two pounds, as if he had been reborn.

"Is...is this magic?" Marcus murmured to himself. "The process was like hell, but the result was like heaven."

Ying Zheng, watching this scene from upstairs, couldn't help but laugh out loud.

"Cultural export".

"Hey G, does this kind of body scrubbing count as cultural export?"

[Absolutely, Your Majesty. This is called 'painful social interaction'.]

When Marcus returns to Rome, he'll extol this mysterious Eastern bathing method to the skies. Then, the Roman senators will fight tooth and nail over a bathhouse attendant from Liaodong.

Ying Zheng nodded.

"It seems that my Great Qin will not only conquer the world with its iron cavalry, but also with its bath towels."

……

Just as Xianyang was immersed in the joy of bathing and shopping, the waves of the East China Sea became increasingly treacherous.

The steam paddle steamer "Qin Shi Huang" led two other warships and, after a half-month voyage, finally saw the outline of land.

That's Fusang Island.

Xiang Yu stood at the bow of the ship, letting the sea breeze tousle his hair. He carried the "Breaking Formation" giant sword on his back and held a telescope in his hand, observing the coastline.

"Something's not right." Xiang Yu frowned slightly.

According to intelligence, this place should be a wild and undeveloped land, inhabited only by the few thousand people Xu Fu brought and the local natives.

But what he saw was a... city.

A sizable city built against the mountain. Although the city walls are of earth and wood construction, they are quite well-built. The most eerie thing is the flags fluttering on the city walls.

That's not the Black Water Dragon Banner of the Great Qin Dynasty.

It was a white flag with a red sun painted on it, and in the middle of the sun, there was a large, crooked character that read "Qin".

"What kind of scribbling is this?" Long Qi cursed from the side. "Is this an insult to the writing system of our Great Qin?"

"No." Xiang Yu put down his binoculars, a cold glint flashing in his double pupils.

"This is called 'usurpation'."

"That old bastard Xu Fu seems to really think he's an emperor."

The fleet slowly approached the port.

Instead of panicked flight, a group of warriors in strange armor gathered at the harbor. They showed no fear of the steamship; on the contrary… they were cheering?

"What are they shouting?" Xiang Yu asked the Japanese guide he had captured.

The guide lay trembling on the deck: "General...they...they're shouting 'The Divine Ship!' They're shouting 'The Great God Xu Fu has appeared!'"

"The great god Xu Fu?" Xiang Yu laughed in exasperation.

It turned out that the old swindler had already brainwashed these natives. He prophesied that fire-breathing black ships would come from the horizon to guide believers, and that he was the owner of these black ships.

"What a clever scheme," Xiang Yu sneered. "Does he think we're his honor guard?"

"Since that's the case..."

Xiang Yu drew his "Breaking Formation" sword from his back and pointed it at the group of warriors on the shore who were still performing a shamanistic ritual to welcome him.

"Then let's give them a 'divine punishment'."

"fire!"

The catapult at the bow of the "First Emperor" ship roared.

A huge explosive charge shot out, tracing a deadly parabola through the air before landing precisely in the most densely populated area of ​​the crowd.

"BOOM—!!!"

Flames shot into the sky, and limbs flew everywhere.

The cheering crowd instantly turned into a scene of carnage. Those warriors who thought it was a divine miracle only realized, after being blown to pieces, that the "divine ship" brought not blessings, but destruction.

"Log in!"

Xiang Yu gave the order.

Several small boats, fully loaded with "Marine Corps" personnel, sped toward the beach like arrows.

These soldiers carried repeating crossbows, wore hand grenades, and were dressed in light leather armor. They were elite troops specially trained by Ying Zheng for this cross-sea campaign.

The battle was a one-sided massacre.

The bamboo armor of the Japanese samurai was like paper in front of the Qin crossbows, and their samurai swords (which were made of bronze) could only leave white marks when they struck the shields of the Qin army.

Xiang Yu was the first to jump ashore.

He didn't even need to use a knife; he simply kicked a charging samurai away and then crashed into the crowd like a tank.

"Where is Xu Fu?!"

Xiang Yu grabbed a leader by the neck, lifted him up like a chick, and roared in the Qin language.

Although the leader couldn't understand, he was so frightened by the double pupils that his pants got wet, and he pointed with trembling hands at the city in the distance.

"There...the palace..."

Xiang Yu threw away his leader and looked at the counterfeit "Xianyang City".

"Brothers! Keep up!"

"Tonight, we're going to that so-called palace to eat at that old swindler's feast!"

……

Deep within the city walls, inside a replica of the "Qilin Palace".

Xu Fu was sitting on the dragon throne, holding a cup of sake in his hand, listening to the explosions outside, his hands trembling like he had Parkinson's disease.

"They're here...they're really here..."

He wasn't stupid. He knew what that black smoke was—it was the steam engine he'd dreamed of stealing in Xianyang.

"Master! It's terrible! Those 'heavenly soldiers' have stormed in! Our warriors can't hold them off!" A young disciple tumbled in.

Xu Fu took a deep breath and forced himself to calm down.

He was, after all, a master conman who had fooled people his whole life; his mental fortitude was truly remarkable.

"What's the panic!" Xu Fu slammed his wine cup down. "We still have a trump card up our sleeve!"

"Our trump card?" The apprentice was stunned. "What trump card do we have? Those bamboo spears?"

"No." A hint of madness flashed in Xu Fu's eyes.

"Take me to the back mountain! To that... 'divine pit'!"

"Since the Qin people want this island, let them see what's buried beneath it!"

Xu Fu stood up and took out a sealed lead box from a hidden compartment behind the dragon throne.

It contained the strangest thing he had ever found on the island.

A type of stone that emits a faint green glow.

He sent some locals to dig up the stones, but within a few days, they all died from festering sores all over their bodies.

Although Xu Fu did not understand nuclear radiation, he knew that it was a "curse" that was a hundred times more poisonous than poison.

"Ying Zheng, you want to arrest me?"

Xu Fu, clutching the lead box, ran towards the back door.

"Then let's die together!"

……

At this point, Xiang Yu had already reached the city gate.

He looked at the tightly closed wooden door and smiled disdainfully.

"Break the formation."

He raised the heavy black greatsword in his hand.

"Open it!"

Xiang Yu did not use explosives. He wanted to use the most primitive and violent method to declare the conquest of Qin.

He took a deep breath, his muscles bulged, his waist and abdomen became one, and like Pangu creating the world, he slashed fiercely at the city gate with his sword.

"Boom—Crack!"

The heavy nanmu city gate was actually split open by this one strike, creating a huge crack, and then collapsed with a crash.

Amidst the rising dust, Xiang Yu entered, sword in hand.

"Xu Fu! Come out and face your death!"

However, what awaited him was an empty hall and a strange box that was emitting a green light...

Xiang Yu stopped in his tracks.

An unprecedented, chilling sense of crisis instantly enveloped his entire body.

That wasn't murderous intent.

That is... some kind of unseen death god.