My Imperial Advisor is ChatGPT

South of Xianyang City, the Qin Dynasty's Royal Trade Zone.

This place was originally an abandoned prisoner-of-war camp used to hold prisoners of war from the six states. But now, after Zhang Han, the Minister of the Imperial Household, led three thousand convicts in a night-long renovation, it has been transformed into the most mysterious, luxurious, and also the most "deceptive" place in the entire Qin Dynasty—the "Tianwaitian" International Top Luxury Goods Exhibition and Sales Center.

There was no signboard at the entrance, only a black granite slab with a line of text written on it in Qin seal script and extremely broken Latin:

"Those who are not billionaires, kings and generals, or exceptionally intelligent are not permitted to enter."

This classic combination of "provocation" and "Versailles-style marketing" precisely hit the weak spot of Rome's chief envoy, Valerius.

At this moment, this senior senator of the Roman Senate was standing in front of that stone, adjusting his priceless Tyrztoga robe (although the color looked like an eggplant to the Qin people), and taking a deep breath.

"Marcus," Valerius turned to his guide and asked, "is this the Qin Dynasty's money-burning den you mentioned? Do they really have treasures more precious than the Roman Pantheon?"

Marcus, who has completely become a "spiritual Qin person," is currently wearing a fitted black stand-up collar Zhongshan suit (the "New Qin Suit" designed by Wang Jianguo), holding a thermos in his hand, and pointing inscrutably to the inside with a profound expression:

"Your Excellency, the Pantheon enshrines idols, but this place enshrines desires. You'll see when you go in. Remember to hold onto your purse tightly—or rather, your purse probably won't be big enough to hold onto."

Valerius scoffed, "What a joke! The gold of my Valerius family could pave the Appian Way in Rome! Lead the way!"

The interior design of the showroom was entirely based on the "modern jewelry store" concept provided by Wang Jianguo.

There were no windows, and the walls were covered with black velvet. The lighting was extremely sophisticated—several sets of concave copper mirrors were used to focus the intense kerosene lamp light into a beam, which was then precisely shone on the exhibit in the center of the booth.

This creates a visual effect: the surroundings are pitch black, with only the treasure radiating a sacred light in the darkness.

"Welcome, esteemed friend from Rome."

A cheerful voice, tinged with a hint of cunning, rang out.

Liu Bang, dressed in a silk robe embroidered with gold coins, emerged from the darkness with a smile, holding two walnuts (actually iron galls) in his hands. His official title was "Chief Trade Officer of the Great Qin Dynasty," but he was popularly known as "The Great Conman."

"Is this the treasure we've been looking for?" Valerius pointed to the center of the display stand.

There was a tray covered with red brocade. On the tray lay ten crystal-clear, colorful spheres, each seemingly sealed with a rainbow spiral inside.

Under the spotlight, these spheres shimmered and glowed, breathtakingly beautiful, as if they were living, moving eyes.

Valerius was dumbfounded.

He had seen glass in Rome, but those were all murky, greenish bottles. This thing before him, however, was as pure as water, as radiant as a flower, and as hard as a gemstone.

"What...what is this?" Valerius asked in a trembling voice, his hand reaching out unconsciously, but then stopping in mid-air, as if afraid of desecrating a divine object.

"Your Excellency has excellent eyesight!" Liu Bang gave a thumbs-up, and without batting an eye, began to fabricate a story, "This is the 'Dragon Pearl of the East Sea.' Legend has it that deep in the East Sea, there lived a divine dragon who had lived for ten thousand years. Every time the moon was full, the dragon would miss its homeland and shed tears. These tears fell into the sea, and after ten thousand years of being washed by the waves and nurtured by a thousand-year-old clam shell, they transformed into this indestructible dragon pearl!"

"Dragon...dragon tears?" Valerius gasped. "And from ten thousand years ago?"

Marcus, standing nearby, exclaimed at the opportune moment, his acting exaggerated: "My God! Is this the legendary 'Seven-Colored Glass Heart'? I've been in the Qin Dynasty for so long, and I've only ever heard of it, never seen it! It's said that putting this thing by your pillow can give you sweet dreams every night, and even... enhance your virility!"

Upon hearing the words "aphrodisiac," Valerius's eyes instantly turned red, and his breathing became heavy as a bull.

"An aphrodisiac? Really?" He stared intently at the glass beads.

"Not only that," Liu Bang said in a low voice, mysteriously, "this thing can also ward off evil spirits. Look at the spiral patterns inside; those are the traces of the Heavenly Way, capable of sweeping away all misfortune! Has Rome been rather turbulent lately? Is Caesar planning another dictatorship? Buy a few to ward off evil spirits and ensure your official career flourishes!"

Although Valerius only partially understood what was being said, he did understand the meanings of "warding off evil" and "promotion".

"How much?" Valerius waved his hand dismissively. "I'll take them all!"

Liu Bang looked slightly troubled and sighed, "Alas, this is a national treasure. His Majesty originally forbade its sale, saying he wanted to keep it as a slingshot for the princes... cough cough, as a family heirloom. However, since the envoy is an old friend of ours, for the sake of friendship between our two countries..."

Liu Bang extended one finger.

"A thousand gold coins?" Valerius asked tentatively.

Liu Bang shook his head: "Your Excellency, you are insulting the dragon. It's ten strong laborers (slaves) for one."

"What? Slaves?" Valerius was stunned.

In his view, slaves were everywhere in Rome. They'd captured tons during the Gallo-Gaul Wars, tons more on the Germanic borders, fed a lot but done little, and constantly threatened with rebellion. Ten "talking animals" for a single tear from a ten-thousand-year-old dragon?

This is simply... such a great deal!

"Deal!" Valerius roared. "I have five hundred bodyguard slaves, and I'll trade them for fifty! Marcus, go to the ship and drag those barbarians off!"

Backstage.

Zhao Gao was directing several eunuchs to place baskets of colored marbles, which had just been picked out from the defective glass factory, onto a tray.

"Hurry! Pick out the ones with bubbles! Lord Liu said the ones with bubbles are called 'Breathing Dragon Balls,' and they'll sell for double the price! Remember to wipe them clean, don't leave fingerprints!"

The second area of ​​the exhibition center takes a sudden turn in style.

The place was draped with pink gauze curtains, and the air was filled with an ambiguous fragrance of orchids and musk.

As soon as Valerius entered, he felt his face flush and his heart race. He saw several extremely thin, almost transparent silk garments hanging on the rack.

It's less like clothing and more like a collection of erotic lingerie pieced together from several pieces of fabric.

Actually, this wasn't a design at all. It was fabric woven by the Daqin Textile Factory No. 1 because the steam engine was running too fast and there was a miscontrol of the warp and weft threads, resulting in a sparsely woven cloth that turned into a "sieve." It was originally intended to be used as a fishing net or for filtering soy milk.

But in Liu Bang's words, it became a special supply for the Qin royal family—"cloud gauze".

"Your Excellency, please feel it." Liu Bang picked up a piece of "cloud gauze," gently blew on it, and the fabric floated up. "This is what is called 'light as if it were nothing.' Wearing it is like being wrapped in clouds."

Valerius reached out his rough, large hand and touched it; the silky smooth texture sent a shiver down his spine.

"This...is this even wearable? It's all see-through." Valerius blushed.

"Hey! That's what you call not understanding romance!" Liu Bang gave him a "you're so unsophisticated" look, pulled him aside, and said mysteriously, "Think about it, your wife at home, usually wrapped in those heavy linen clothes, looks like a dumpling, how boring! But if she changed into this cloud gauze...so alluring, so hazy...how wonderful...hehehehe."

Liu Bang let out a laugh that only men would understand.

Valerius imagined the scene. While Roman noblewomen were certainly open-minded, their fabrics were undeniably too rough. If he could bring this back…

"This is the same style worn by the imperial concubines in the Qin Dynasty's harem," Marcus added from the side. "In the Qin Dynasty, only the most favored concubines are qualified to wear this. It represents nobility, it represents 'the emperor's favor'."

"The emperor's favor..." Valerius murmured to himself.

He could almost see himself returning to Rome, presenting the item to the most powerful mistresses in the Senate, and instantly becoming a "friend of women" in Roman social circles.

"I want it!" Valerius waved his hand dismissively. "I'll buy as much of this...this 'cloud gauze' as you can!"

"Not many, just five thousand pieces." Liu Bang quickly pulled out an abacus. "The craftsmanship of this is too complicated. It would take a weaver for forty-nine days under the moonlight to weave just one piece. Considering you bought the Dragon Pearl, I'll give you a package deal—one piece of cloud gauze for one ounce of gold."

"So expensive?!" Valerius was heartbroken.

"Expensive?" Liu Bang sneered, casually tossing the defective silk garment on the ground. "Marcus, pick it up and burn it! Since the Romans don't know its value, let's not sell it. Let's keep it for His Majesty to wipe his feet!"

"No, no, no! I'll buy it! I'll buy it, okay!" Valerius was heartbroken; that was a foot towel... no, it was silk gauze!

If the first two items were somewhat aesthetically pleasing, then the items in the third exhibition area almost made Valerius call the police.

There's a pile of junk here.

Yes, junk.

There were twisted earthenware jars, porcelain plates with patches of black and white glaze, and even a few vases with large cracks.

These are all defective products that were ruined by the Daqin Porcelain Factory, that is, products of failed "kiln transformation".

"Lord Liu, what's this...?" Valerius pointed to a pot with its spout askew, "Was this thing kicked by a donkey?"

"Shh!" Liu Bang exclaimed in alarm, quickly covering Valerius's mouth. "Watch your words! Watch your words, Your Excellency! You are blaspheming art!"

"Art?" Valerius was bewildered.

"This is called 'Wabi-Sabi'!" Liu Bang didn't know the term would later originate from the Japanese, but he used it fluently now. "This is called 'imperfect beauty'! This is called 'following the natural way'!"

Liu Bang carefully picked up the crooked-necked pot, his gaze as affectionate as if he were looking at his first love:

"Look at this curve, it's so wild, so unrestrained! It's fire and earth dancing freely under high temperatures! It's a miracle that cannot be replicated by human hands! Ordinary perfect porcelain is made by craftsmen; but this is made by heaven!"

"Look at this black spot," Liu Bang said, pointing to a charred patch of glaze. "Doesn't it resemble a black hole in the universe? Doesn't it resemble loneliness in the dead of night? This is not just a pot; it's a philosophy, a realization about the impermanence of life!"

Marcus nodded frantically, tears welling in his eyes: "It's so touching... Looking at this pot reminds me of my lost youth in the Colosseum. This sense of fragmentation is so sophisticated."

Valerius was completely bewildered by all these sets of terms. He felt that if he said this thing was ugly, it would be tantamount to admitting that he was uncultured, lacked depth, and did not understand philosophy.

"I see... I see." Valerius wiped his sweat, feigning sudden realization. "Indeed, upon closer inspection, this pot... its crooked shape has a certain character. Symmetrical beauty is too vulgar; this crookedness is... is truly elegant!"

"That's right!" Liu Bang slapped his thigh. "These kinds of 'unique pieces' are fought over by the scholars and writers of our Great Qin. They're never put out for sale normally; they're kept hidden in their studies for their own enjoyment. It's only because I met a connoisseur like you today that I had to reluctantly part with them."

"A kindred spirit! I am a kindred spirit!" Valerius was thrilled; he felt his artistic appreciation had instantly risen five levels.

"I'll take this crooked pot! And that cracked plate, I'll take it too! I'll take it back and put it on the lectern in the Senate to teach those common folk a lesson!"

Ultimately, Valerius traded the pile of pottery shards, originally intended for use as roadbed filling, for three chests of jewels.

Watching Valerius carefully carrying the broken jar from behind, Liu Bang couldn't help but sigh, "Indeed, art is used for laundering money... oh no, for cleansing the soul."

Three days later, at Xianyang Palace.

Ying Zheng sat on the dragon throne, with a thick list in front of him.

The list details the results of this "trade war":

The following items were received: 80,000 ounces of gold, 200,000 taels of silver, and five chests of various jewels.

Human Resources: A labor import contract was signed, and Rome and its surrounding vassal states would provide 50,000 strong slaves (mainly for railway construction and mining).

Exports: 10,000 glass marbles, 5,000 pieces of defective silk, 300 cartloads of waste pottery shards, and a large quantity of expired canned luncheon meat.

"Jianguo, this..." Ying Zheng looked at the list, his expression complex. "Why do I feel like we're being scammed?"

Wang Jianguo adjusted his glasses and said seriously, "Your Majesty, this is not fraud, this is 'pricing power'."

Wang Jianguo walked to the huge world map and pointed to the location of Rome.

"Your Majesty, you see. The Romans have gold and people, but they lack advanced industrial products. What we sell to them, though inexpensive in cost, is a rare treasure in their eyes. It's as if we exchanged a handful of dirt for a piece of their gold, because our dirt shines."

"Moreover," Wang Jianguo's eyes sharpened, "the real killer move in this trade is not how much money was made, but 'structural destruction'."

"What do you mean?"

"First, the addiction to luxury goods. When Roman nobles became accustomed to wearing silk, playing with dragon balls, and using porcelain, they became extravagant and lost their martial spirit. Their wealth would flow continuously to the Qin Dynasty, and in order to maintain this consumption, they would have to intensify the exploitation of the lower classes, thus triggering internal conflicts."

"Secondly, monetary hegemony. Liu Bang insisted on not accepting Roman silver coins (dinamos) this time, only accepting gold or slaves. This would lead to the depletion of gold reserves within Rome, the devaluation of silver coins, and severe inflation. At that time, the money in their hands would be worthless, while the 'Qin Yuan' (fiat currency) issued by our Great Qin would become the world's only hard currency."

"Third, the hollowing out of industry. They sold all their labor (slaves) to us, so who will farm? Who will serve in the army? The foundation of Rome will be hollowed out, turning it into an empty shell that only sells resources and buys luxury goods."

After listening, Ying Zheng remained silent for a long time.

He picked up a glass marble and twirled it in his hand. This tiny marble suddenly seemed more terrifying to him than a thousand troops.

"Killing without shedding blood... and the other party even smiled as they stuck their head out." Ying Zheng muttered to himself.

He raised his head and looked at Liu Bang: "Liu Ji, you have made a great contribution this time. I hereby confer upon you the title of 'Marquis of Guannei' and bestow upon you the golden plaque of 'The Great Qin's Number One Deceiver'... oh no, 'The Great Qin's God of Trade'."

Liu Bang chuckled and rubbed his hands together: "Your Majesty, forget about the God of War, but could you please settle the outstanding payment for that batch of 'cloud yarn'? The textile factory is pressing me for it."

"Granted." Ying Zheng waved his hand. "Furthermore, issue the order that from now on, no defective products shall be thrown away. Establish a 'Great Qin Art Development Department,' specifically responsible for creating stories for these rubbish pieces. After the Romans buy them all, there are the Parthians, and the Mauryans… I will make the whole world pay for Great Qin's 'art'!"

A gentle sea breeze blew as Valerius stood on the deck, clutching the crooked-necked terracotta pot tightly in his arms.

He watched the eastern coastline gradually recede into the distance, his heart filled with satisfaction and pride.

"This mission was a great success!" he wrote in his diary.

"I have fulfilled my mission. I not only forged a friendship with the powerful Seris, but also brought back countless priceless treasures. Those foolish Qin people actually sold me the Dragon's Tears and the Emperor's Undergarments for nothing more than some slaves who only knew how to eat and heavy gold!"

"When I return to Rome, I will hold the grandest banquet ever. I will wear a sheer veil (though it's a bit see-through), hold the Dragon Pearl, and show everyone the mystery and grandeur of the East. I, Valerius, will be the most knowledgeable man about art in Rome!"

After finishing writing, he picked up a glass marble and held it up to the sun.

Sunlight streamed through the glass, refracting a rainbow of colors that dazzled the Roman senator and illuminated the old world that was about to be swallowed up by consumerism.

Deep in the ocean, a group of fish are circling around several fallen glass balls, seemingly mocking human folly.