I was just fishing, how did I become a Great Old One?

Koprulu Sector, Char Planet, High-altitude orbit.

UED flagship, Alexander, bridge.

This is a steel fortress filled with a cold, austere atmosphere. Unlike the rough style of the Terran Federation, which is covered in oil stains and patches, the UED fleet from Earth exhibits an almost obsessive-compulsive industrial aesthetic. Pure white armor, uniformly neat uniforms, and tactical AI that shows no emotion.

"Has the analysis report been released yet?"

Marshal Duger stood with his hands behind his back in front of the holographic command console. His imposing gaze pierced through the screen, fixed on the red, spreading "poison cloud" below.

"Reporting to the Marshal."

A science officer in a white lab coat saluted, his voice tinged with confusion.

"Spectroscopic analysis shows that the gas contains extremely high concentrations of... volatile organic compounds."

"The main components include: a alkaloid with an extremely complex structure (capsaicin), high-temperature animal fat particles, and some kind of... high-energy gas residue."

"Toxicity assessment?" Dougel asked.

"Extremely high."

The science officer adjusted his glasses.

"If this gas is inhaled into the lungs, it can cause severe burns to the respiratory tract, over-excitation of nerve endings, and even... mental confusion (being overwhelmed by the spiciness)."

"Furthermore, a high level of psionic energy (Tal'darim) was detected on the target platform (the Overlord)."

"Conclusion: This may be a new type of hallucinogenic gas weapon developed by the Zerg in collusion with the Protoss, targeting the human nervous system."

……

"absurd."

Duger snorted coldly.

"Insects colluding with charlatans? That's biologically impossible."

"However, since they're blocking our flight path, let's clear them out."

Duger waved his hand, as if shooing away a fly.

"Dispatch the Valkyrie frigate squadron."

"Use HALO cluster rockets."

"Disinfect that red mist..."

"Yes, ma'am."

……

Response to the "poison gas" center.

【warn!warn! 】

[High-energy missile detected and locked on!]

[Quantity: 128 pieces! Estimated contact time: 15 seconds!]

Alice's voice boomed from the back terrace of the King Bug (Mike).

Jiang Li, who was cooking tripe, didn't stop eating.

He simply looked up at the dense cluster of rockets hurtling towards him in the sky, trailing white plumes of flame.

"That's really unethical."

Jiang Li sighed.

"They didn't even ask a single question, just jumped right in and started yelling?"

"Is this how Earthlings treat guests?"

He turned his head and looked at Tadarin, who was sitting next to him, frantically stuffing red fried tofu into his mouth.

"Hey, electrician."

"Stop eating."

"Get to work."

……

"I'm not called an electrician!"

Tadarin swallowed the last piece of tofu, and his entire body surged with blue light.

The pungent, stimulating sensation had put his psionic energy at a frenzied, peak state.

"I am a High Templar! I belong to El..."

"Okay, okay, Al's light bulb."

Jiang Li pointed to the sky.

"Did you see those fireworks?"

"They came for your tofu."

"If you get hit, the soup will spill."

"What?!"

Tadarin suddenly stood up.

At this point, he had been completely "brainwashed" by the red oil tofu (or rather, controlled by dopamine).

In his logic: pot = energy source = happiness.

To overturn the pot is to cut off his food supply, it's murder!

"Unforgivable!"

Tadarin looked up at the sky and roared.

"Feel...the rage of spiciness!"

……

[Skill: Psionic Storm - Red Oil Enhanced Version.]

Tadarin raised his hands high.

The originally pure blue psionic energy now had a strange purplish-red tinge due to the excessive intake of hot pot steam.

"Void... Feedback!"

"Psionic...Shield! Maximum power!"

"Buzz————————!!"

A massive, hemispherical psionic barrier instantly enveloped the entire Ohmu.

Followed by.

Tadarin made a grasping motion in the air as he faced the swarm of missiles in the sky.

"burst!"

That was a detonation targeting the energy core.

The guidance chips and propulsion fuel inside those Valkyrie missiles short-circuited and overloaded the moment they came into contact with this violent psionic energy.

"Boom! Boom! Boom! Boom! Boom!"

In the sky.

A spectacular fireworks display was staged.

More than a hundred cluster rockets exploded in mid-air, 500 meters away from the Queen Worm.

The firelight illuminated the sky and the wine glass in Jiang Li's hand.

……

"pretty."

Jiang Li took a sip of the strange dragon blood wine.

"It seems that in the future I can not only be an electrician, but also an air raid shelter."

"This tofu wasn't wasted."

……

The shock of the Alexander.

"What?!"

Marshal Duger's pupils contracted sharply as he watched the missile formation on the screen being wiped out in an instant.

"That's... a psionic storm from the Protoss?"

"And this color..."

The adjutant standing beside him, Lieutenant General Alexei Stukov, put down his pipe.

A hint of amusement flashed in his deep eyes.

"marshal."

"The energy analysis just now showed..."

"In that psionic fluctuation, besides the psionic energy of the gods, there also seemed to be another..."

"Heat energy?"

"and……"

Stukov pointed to the enlarged image in the corner of the screen.

In the scene, the Protoss standing on the back of the Ohmu, blocking all the missiles, seems to be holding a bowl in his hand?

"This doesn't look like a fight."

"Stukov said in a low voice."

"It's more like...we're disturbing other people's meal."

……

Communication from "poison gas".

Just as the UED executives were filled with doubt and uncertainty.

The Alexander's communication channel was suddenly forcibly cut off.

There were no hacker alerts or signs of any breach.

It was as if the other party had always had the highest authority over the ship (in fact, Alice used a vulnerability in the old code of the Terran Federation to conduct a low-level protocol handshake, after all, although the UED system was advanced, it was also derived from the early code of Earth).

"Sizzle sizzle..."

On the big screen, snowflakes flashed by.

A young man's face appeared.

The background is billowing red mist (steam from a hot pot), and a Protoss figure is ravenously eating tofu.

……

Good evening, fellow Earthlings.

Jiang Li smiled and raised his glass to the camera.

"I am the manager of Deep Blue Cafeteria."

"Were those big fireworks shots considered an opening ceremony salute?"

"It was quite lively."

"But what if you put dust in my soup again next time?"

"All I can do is use this extra-spicy chili oil..."

"It collapsed in the ventilation duct of your flagship."

……

"Who are you?"

Marshal Duger stepped forward and questioned him sternly.

"Humans? Why are they mixed up with the Zerg and Protoss?"

"Are you a rebel of the Terran Federation? Or a Raynor Ranger?"

"Neither."

Jiang Li shook his head.

"I'm just a cook."

"As for why they're hanging out together..."

Jiang Li turned to the side, revealing the huge table behind him.

The iron plate of Leviathan, the raw marinated drunken worms, and the red oil hot pot on the table were revealed.

"Because everyone is hungry."

"And I can make sure they have enough to eat."

……

Jiang Li's gaze passed over Dugel and landed on Stukov behind him.

"That officer who smokes a pipe."

"Judging by your rank, you're a lieutenant general, right?"

"Judging from their accent... Slavic?"

Stukov paused for a moment, then nodded.

"That's right."

"That's great."

Jiang Li pulled out a very old-looking glass bottle without any labels from under the table.

The liquid in the bottle was clear and slightly viscous.

"In this godforsaken Koprulu sector, everyone drinks mixed synthetic beer."

"I happen to have a bottle of... a strong liquor whose name I don't know."

"It's made from tuberous plants (similar to potatoes) found underground on Star Char."

"After three distillations, it is then filtered using Protoss crystals."

"Alcohol content...96%."

Jiang Li shook the bottle.

"We call it... [Water of Life - Interstellar Vodka]."

"Are you interested...?"

"Want to come down for a drink?"

"By the way, shall we talk about... this misunderstanding?"

……

"trap!"

Duger flatly refused.

"Alexei, don't listen to him. This is definitely some kind of psychological manipulation."

however.

Stukov looked at the bottle.

His Adam's apple moved very noticeably.

As an expeditionary force tens of thousands of light-years away from home.

As a Slavic tough guy who loves alcohol.

All the alcohol he drank in this sector felt like mouthwash to him.

That is torture for the soul.

And the bottle of wine in Jiang Li's hand...

Even through the screen, he could almost smell the aroma of burning esophagus.

"marshal."

Stukov straightened his collar.

"In order to understand the strengths and weaknesses of potential enemies."

"For the benefit of the Earth."

"I think it's necessary for me to...go and investigate personally."

Dugel: "..."

If you want to drink, just say so.

……

He went to the meeting alone.

Five minutes later.

A small UED transport plane, escorted by two Valkyries, slowly landed on the platform on the back of the Ohmu (Mike).

The hatch opened.

Stutkov, dressed in a crisp black overcoat and wearing a military cap, came out alone.

He had a pistol tucked into his waistband and was still holding the pipe in his hand.

But the pipe wasn't lit.

Because the air here is filled with the smell of chili oil.

Welcome!

Jiang Li was already waiting at the table.

He specifically cleared out a clean spot.

A small crystal glass was placed there.

Next to it was a plate of... black, crystal-clear granular substances.

……

"This is?"

Stukov walked over, but instead of sitting down, he first glanced warily at the black object on the plate.

"This is a snack to go with the drinks."

Jiang Li explained.

"There is caviar on Earth, which is the roe of sturgeon."

There are no sturgeon here.

"but……"

Jiang Li pointed to the King Insect at his feet.

"We have alien insects."

"This was extracted from the hatching sac of a Queen-class Zerg..."

"【High-energy extract of unfertilized insect eggs】".

"It has been salted and treated at low temperatures."

"Taste... bursting boba, salty and savory, with a sweet aftertaste."

"We call it... the Abyss Black Pearl."

……

A devastating blow to the soul.

Stukov looked at the plate of "Zerg Caviar".

I glanced again at the glass of "Interstellar Vodka" that had just been filled and was still clinging to the glass.

He sat down.

Pick up the wine glass.

"Hurrah!"

Without any unnecessary words, he drank it all in one gulp.

"Cough—ha!!!"

A stream of fire burned down his throat into his stomach, then exploded instantly, turning into countless warm currents that surged through his limbs and bones.

This is not ordinary alcohol.

This is a super spirit containing trace amounts of psionic energy and bioactivity.

That instant.

Stukov felt like he wasn't on Char.

Instead, it's about sitting around a campfire on the Siberian ice fields, watching the aurora borealis.

"Good wine."

Stukov's eyes welled up with tears (from the spiciness, but also from being moved).

He scooped up another spoonful of "black pearls" and put it in his mouth.

"Pfft—Pfft—"

The fish roe burst in my mouth.

That ultimate umami flavor, mixed with the lingering aftertaste of alcohol.

This completely broke through the defenses of this iron-willed lieutenant general.

……

Name your price.

Stukov put down his spoon, his eyes becoming incredibly serious.

How much of this liquor do you have?

"not much."

Jiang Li smiled.

He knew that he had won the negotiations.

"But I can build it."

"As long as there is enough... equipment."

Jiang Li pointed to the UED scientific ships floating in the sky.

"I heard that your science ship has the most advanced medical transport technology and molecular analyzers in the entire universe?"

"My restaurant... happens to be short of a few professional doctors to detoxify the customers (after all, some of the ingredients are poisonous)."

"And what about those radiation cloud technologies..."

"I think it would be good for... a microwave oven."

……

Special trade agreements.

Ten minutes later.

Stukov returned to the Alexander reeking of alcohol (along with a barrel of vodka and two jars of caviar).

"How is it going?" Dugel asked.

"The threat has been eliminated."

Stukov was talking nonsense with a straight face.

"After a 'thorough' investigation."

"That platform is not a biological weapons base."

"It is a... neutral supply depot."

"and……"

Stukov let out a burp.

"They possess a strategic resource... that can boost morale and restore sanity (vodka)."

"Marshal, I suggest..."

"Establish long-term trade relations with them."

"For the Earth."

(So ​​that I can drink alcohol every day from now on.)

……

Duger looked at his adjutant's rosy complexion and the relaxed expression he had never seen before.

He was silent.

Although I felt something was off.

But since even the most trusted adjutant said that…

"approve."

Dugel gave the order.

"But add one item to the trade list."

"I need a sample of that so-called... strategic resource."

"I want to try it too."