A heretical cultivator in Bureau 749, I'm the fiercest at pulling out tendons and skinning peop

Just then, the tabby cat kicked off with its hind legs, about to transform into a sorrowful, furious shadow and crash into the stone pillar—

It happened in the blink of an eye!

A hand reached out from the side.

Steady, accurate, and ruthless, he grabbed the tabby cat by the scruff of its neck in one swift motion!

"Hey, what's going on here?"

Ji Zuodao, holding the cat that had frozen in place, gave it a shake, his amusement never fading as he uttered sarcastic remarks:

"Brother Cat, Master Cat, is it really necessary?"

"So what if you've lost two testicles? Take it easy, okay? Keeping those things is just a burden, hindering your cultivation, isn't it?"

"Besides, look at your appearance, your fur, so glossy and smooth, you're a total handsome cat! Are those two missing bits preventing you from being dashing? Are they stopping you from eating canned food? No, right?"

"Take my advice, it's better to live a miserable life than to die, especially since you've gained sentience and have a bright future ahead of you..."

"You know nothing!"

The tabby cat, suspended in mid-air, froze for two seconds before bursting into an even more piercing roar, its four paws flailing wildly in the air, tears streaming down its face again.

"Easy for you to say! It's not like you lost your balls! Those are my lifeblood! My dignity! My happy cat life!"

"Without those two darlings, am I even a complete male cat anymore?! Huh?!"

"Will those female cats in the park even look at me anymore?! No way! They'll only look at me with that pitying yet disdainful gaze! Meow—!!!"

"I can't live anymore! I really can't live anymore! Let me go! Let me die! Let me use my blood to protest against this cold, heartless world that only tortures cats' testicles—!!!"

It struggled even more fiercely, and it looked like a tragic scene of "the cat lives, the eggs die" was about to unfold.

The people around also became anxious and started talking all at once:

"Brother Ji! Brother Ji, say less!"

"Cat, calm down! Cat, think about the canned food! Think about the cat treats!"

"Yeah, Brother Cat, Ji Zuodao has a sharp tongue, don't take it to heart!"

Ji Zuodao raised an eyebrow as he listened to the cat-like wailing and howling. The lazy smile on his face faded slightly, but he still maintained his nonchalant attitude.

With a flick of his wrist, he lifted the menacing tabby cat to eye level, staring into its round, tearful eyes, brimming with anger and despair.

He spoke lightly, slowly, and casually:

"Tsk, what's all the noise about?"

"It's just two testicles, isn't it?"

If I were to say…

"Can I cure you?"

"..."

Time seemed to have been paused at that moment.

The tabby cat remained frozen in its comical pose, held by the scruff of its neck, paws slightly outstretched, tears welling in its eyes.

It turned its cat face, which was somewhat deformed from being lifted, and stared intently at Ji Zuodao with its round, tearful eyes.

"What...what did you say?"

Ji Zuodao raised an eyebrow and repeated:

I said, I can cure it.

"It's just an egg, isn't it? Out with the old, in with the new. I'm in a good mood, so I'll get you an upgraded version—more powerful, longer battery life, and better looking. How about it?"

Cihuamao: "..."

It remained silent for a full three seconds.

Three seconds later.

"Big Brother!!!"

A piercing scream, no less intense than the previous howl but with a completely different emotional tone, suddenly burst from the cat's mouth!

Just moments ago, the tabby cat was acting as if it wanted to die and was banging its head against the pillar. Suddenly, its body, which was being held in mid-air, completed a 180-degree twist at an incredibly flexible angle!

With lightning speed, its two front paws grabbed the arm that Ji Zuodao was holding by the scruff of its neck!

It held on tightly, its ten paws digging into the uniform fabric!

The cat tilted its head back, its face a mess of tears and snot.

But those eyes were shining as brightly as a kilowatt light bulb.

"Big brother! Dear brother! You're a living god! You're like my second parents! You're the brightest guiding star on my cat's life journey!"

It spoke so fast it was like it was on double speed, and its spittle, mixed with the tears from earlier, almost sprayed all over Ji Zuodao's face:

"I was blind just now! I looked down on you! I was blinded by anger! I offended you! Please forgive my rudeness! Please don't hold it against me!"

"You tell me how to treat it, and I'll treat it! Just tell me what materials you need! I'll go through fire and water to get them for you! Do you need yang energy? You over there, Wang Dazhuang! Come here! Lie down! Be my medicinal catalyst!!!"

Wang Dazhuang, whose name was mentioned, twitched at the corner of his mouth. This cat really is a dog.

Ji Zuodao was caught off guard by the sudden enthusiasm and the cat hugging his arm. He tried to pull his arm away, but the cat held on tightly, as if it were an extension of itself.

"Get lost! You've got snot on my sleeve!"

"No way! I'd rather die than give up! Big brother, from now on I'll be your cat! I'll serve you tea and water, warm your bed and feet, and I'll be the first to charge into a fight! I can even do a backflip! I'll show you!!!"

As it spoke, the cat actually tried to twist its waist in the air, performing a difficult move to show its sincerity.

"Okay, okay! Stop! That was enough!"

Ji Zuodao quickly stopped the overly excited cat demon, and with some effort, he managed to "tear" it off his arm, but still held it by the scruff of its neck to prevent it from touching the ground.

"This matter should fall under the jurisdiction of the Demon Management Department. Let's handle it there. I'll take you to pick out some eggs; there's bound to be one that suits you."

"Alright! Brother, please go ahead!"

The tabby cat instantly switched to its most docile mode, not forgetting to turn around and bare its teeth at the onlookers:

"What are you looking at? Haven't you ever seen a harmonious doctor-patient relationship? Everyone disperse! My brother and I have important business to attend to! And that Wang Dazhuang, he has no sense at all, lead the way."

Knowing that the best part of the fun was over, the people present, still savoring the moment, dispersed in twos and threes.

"That's it, that's it, the show's over."

"Sigh, what a pity. I thought I was going to witness a tragic incident where a cat demon's blood splattered across 749."

"What are you thinking? This is a legitimate workplace, after all. Do you think we can let it actually run into us?"

An older office worker, carrying a thermos, nudged his younger colleague who was engrossed in his phone, lowered his voice, and his eyes gleamed with the shrewdness of a seasoned gossip enthusiast:

"Sigh, that kid Ji Zuodao claims he can cure it! His testicles are gone, and he can reattach them? It sounds so far-fetched!"

The young colleague looked up from his phone screen, adjusted his glasses, glanced around, and furtively tilted the phone screen towards the older office worker, lowering his voice even further:

"Here, take a look at this. It circulated in the group last night. It's a clip from the 749 Grand Martial Arts Competition. Don't spread it around."

The old clerk squinted his presbyopia and leaned closer to take a look.

Inside was a video of Ji Zuodao treating that unfortunate prisoner.

"..."

Wait a minute, what's that?

Is that a shower head?

He slowly straightened up, took off his reading glasses, rubbed his eyes vigorously, then snatched the phone and slowed down and zoomed in on the last few seconds.

That's right.

It's a shower head.

It's grown down there.

"Holy...holy shit?!"

The old clerk struggled for a long time before finally managing to squeeze out two words through gritted teeth, his hands trembling slightly.

"This thing... a showerhead?! Where is it located?! Am I supposed to pee or spray water when I go to the toilet?!"

The young colleague quickly snatched the phone back, locked the screen, and put it in his pocket, looking quite shaken.

"Keep your voice down! See that? That's what that guy does! He can even connect a showerhead, with an automatic water function! Changing an egg is a piece of cake for him, just a tap!"

Another investigator, who was passing by and was as big as a bear, had been listening intently, but he couldn't resist any longer and leaned in over in a muffled voice.

There was a suspicious blush on his bronze face. He rubbed his hands together, making a sound as soft as a mosquito's buzz.

"Well, lately, I've been feeling a bit dissatisfied... about the size, you know what I mean. Look at Master Dao's skill, it's incredible! Do you think if I brought a generous gift and begged Master Dao to upgrade me to the top-of-the-line model... there'd be a chance?"

The veteran office worker and his younger colleague exchanged a glance and remained silent for three seconds.

Then the young colleague, with a serious expression, patted the muscular man's arm and spoke with utmost sincerity:

"Hmm... Your idea is very bold and daring."

"As your brother, I suggest you—"

"burn one's boats."

"First, cut yourself."

He made a clean and decisive downward cutting motion.

"Clean and efficient, don't hesitate. Oh, and..."

"Don't throw away that thing you cut down. I'm thinking of going to the moat to fish for catfish. I heard that it's really effective as bait."

The burly man: "I'll f*** your grandpa!"

"Ha ha ha ha!"