A heretical cultivator in Bureau 749, I'm the fiercest at pulling out tendons and skinning peop

Ji Zuodao, with his hands behind his back, hummed an off-key tune and took a step forward.

Behind them, the "Lion Camel Ridge Demons Team Building and Tower-Lifting Picture" froze in a flash, just like the final scene of a movie.

The cold wind got stuck halfway and couldn't be exhaled.

The blood mist condensed into a solid mass, unable to roll any further.

The Leifeng Pagoda was overturned;

Demons reveling in disarray;

A green lion with its mouth wide open, waiting for its meat to be cooked;

Jin Peng, patting his belly and picking his teeth;

And then there was Fahai, bound like a rice dumpling and unconscious...

They're all frozen in place.

A gentle breeze, coming from who-knows-where, lightly brushed against something—

"Whoosh..."

The entire Lion Camel Ridge, soaked in blood and teeming with demons, resembled a sandcastle built by children on a beach when the tide came in.

The wind blew it all away.

It turned into wisps of dark red smoke, mixed with a slightly fishy smell, swirling and silently merging into the surrounding air.

It was so clean that it was as if the whole "Fahai serving food, demons feasting" drama had never happened.

……

The scene before my eyes blurred.

Ji Zuodao's toes touched solid ground again, and a familiar smell, a mixture of dog odor, dust, and a faint stench of blood, entered his nostrils.

came back.

That place where Guan Gouye is located.

"hiss--!"

Before he could even get his footing, Ji Zuodao gasped in shock, not from fear, but from pain.

I looked down and wow!

The "Third Master Zhou Langchen Limited Experience Card" he was wearing had completely expired by now. He wasn't planning to leave and was even thinking of turning the tables and using him as a long-term meal ticket!

The skin felt like it was growing onto his own flesh, with the edges starting to seep into the flesh.

Like the gnarled roots of an old tree, fine, dark red threads were burrowing into the flesh, sucking and licking with obvious delight.

"Hey! You think you're so great, huh? You really think you're the main course?"

Ji Zuodao grinned and didn't hold back. He reached out and grabbed the edge of the skin on his shoulder, which was already sticking together. He clenched his fingers, and a dark red light flashed from under his fingernails.

"Rip—!"

A dull thud, like tearing apart dried parchment mixed with the sound of flesh and blood being ripped off, made one's teeth ache and flesh clench.

The entire human skin, along with several pieces of flesh from Ji Zuodao's own shoulder blades and chest that had been "eaten" away, was forcibly torn off by him!

Fresh blood splattered out with a "whoosh," the wound was so deep that bone was visible, and it burned with pain.

Ji Zuodao merely frowned, as if nothing had happened, and casually picked up the still blood-dripping, slightly twitching skin and weighed it in his hands.

"Tsk tsk, what a pity."

This skin was originally a mischievous treasure, lively and energetic, capable of becoming a spirit and causing trouble on its own once separated from a human body.

But we couldn't stop Ji Zuodao's nonsense just now!

He opened up the realm of supernatural powers, and then he even staged a mythical reappearance. Good heavens, he was like a juicer come to life—squeezing every last drop of juice!

Even the richest family can't withstand such misfortune.

Looking at this skin now, where is there even a trace of evil left?

It was shriveled, withered, pale, and wrinkled, looking like dried pickled vegetables.

It felt incredibly light, barely weighing two ounces, with some charred and curled edges, looking exactly like an orange peel that had been left to dry in the desert for three months.

No, it was more like Master San himself, who had just spent a month partying at that Red Romantic high-class club down the mountain, and was now staggering out, leaning against the wall, swaying, and with weak legs.

His energy and spirit were completely drained, not a drop was left, and he almost turned into a dried-up corpse.

"I've lost money, I'm devastated."

Ji Zuodao was so distressed that he kept clicking his tongue.

"I ruined this excellent 'divine equipment experience card' that my third master had."

"Even if you skinned that bald monk Faming alive, it probably wouldn't make up for the loss. After all, his little bit of skill is no different from a dish in front of those three masters of Lion Camel Ridge, and it's cold dish at that."

"Tsk, let's mend and patch it up, see if we can turn it into a pair of underpants. After all, it came from the Third Master, so even if its spirit has dissipated, the scraps should still be more durable than ordinary fabric."

As he muttered to himself, he haphazardly rolled up the shriveled human skin like he was tidying up a tattered sack and stuffed it into the human skin pocket at his waist.

……

After dealing with the "scrapped equipment," Ji Zuodao finally looked up and surveyed the familiar cage.

Their gaze quickly fell upon Faming.

It's not really a search, because that bald monk Faming hasn't moved an inch.

It's not that I don't want to move it, it's that I can't.

The old monk was sitting there cross-legged, in a very proper posture, just like when he was meditating.

But its appearance was truly unbearable to look at.

His entire body, from head to toe, was completely red!

It wasn't a shy red, but the red of a cooked shrimp, with wisps of white smoke rising from it, carrying a burnt smell.

The most amazing thing was that his seven holes—eyes, ears, mouth, and nose—were now like chimneys from a small stove, constantly emitting small plumes of thick, black smoke.

Occasionally, a few small, bluish flames would suddenly appear.

The air was filled with... well, the smell of overcooked sweet potatoes, with a strange, slightly burnt, hairy smell.

"Oh?"

Ji Zuodao chuckled, raised an eyebrow, took two steps closer, and examined the object with great interest.

"Is this the arrival of the Three Calamities?"

Instantly, the image of the rhyme his master had forced him to memorize when he was a child—a rhyme supposedly containing the ten levels of the new cultivation path—popped into his mind:

"Open all the orifices, and each orifice shines with light, illuminating the spiritual platform."

The two meridians open, and the flowing qi draws in.

The Sea of ​​Spiritual Enlightenment, a sea that embraces a thousand rivers, condenses true meaning.

The Ling Palace stands tall on the Ling Sea, its majestic palaces guarding the primordial embryo.

The Dharma image is condensed, and divine light shines brightly above the palace ceiling.

The Dharma image sits in the spirit palace, its power capable of dispelling all dust with a single thought.

The spiritual sea is still, as calm as the still waves of a majestic mountain.

Supernatural powers arose from this, and could easily overturn rivers and seas.

He plucked supernatural powers and merged them with his own Dao; the Dao transformed into divine essence, concealing his physical form.

The divine treasure nurtures three thousand powers, which break through shackles and tread the cloud steps.

He is unafraid of the three calamities, including thunder, fire, and wind.

Overcoming the five difficulties, all inner demons and karmic obstacles are shattered.

Having endured countless tribulations, I am now cleansed.

"I'm carefree and at ease throughout the world!"

Enlightenment, unblocking meridians, spiritual sea, spiritual palace, Dharma form, supernatural powers, divine treasure, three calamities, five difficulties, freedom.

This is the "compatible" path of cultivation that the brilliant "programmers" of the Ming Dynasty managed to cobble together for later generations on the ruins of the old world after the separation of heaven and earth.

Although it has a lot of bugs, at least it can run, right?

It's better than a complete "404 NOT FOUND" error, right?

However, because he took a shortcut and borrowed some divine power to cultivate, it was much more difficult for him to reach the top than in the old version.

The old version was just struck by lightning and that was it, but the new version has to endure three calamities plus five tribulations!

The three calamities are easy to deal with: fire, wind, and thunder, which come in turn to subdue all kinds of disobedience.

The fifth difficulty is mysterious; what kind of calamity one encounters depends entirely on one's character and fate.

If you're lucky, you might stumble upon a "love tribulation" and even have a romantic encounter.

If you're unlucky and face a life-or-death ordeal, then you can basically prepare for a feast.

Judging from Faming's current state, he is clearly on the verge of the Three Calamities. His karmic fire is about to erupt.

That's strange.

Ji Zuodao stroked his chin, looking at him with an expression as if he were an idiot.

"Logically, anyone who comes close to the three calamities should find a secluded mountain forest, set up layers of restrictions, and cower like a turtle, waiting to be struck down... oh wait, should I say, to undergo calamity relief?"

"That bald monk, he's practically spitting fire from his throat, instead of finding a place to hide, he has the nerve to come out and provoke my dog-master?"

"Is it tired of living, or does it think it's not crispy enough on the outside and tender on the inside?"

"Um……"

Ji Zuodao narrowed his eyes, and the smile on his lips slowly turned cold and dangerous, like a venomous snake eyeing its prey.

"Although I don't know what's going on..."

"But..."

He strolled slowly toward the red shrimp monk sitting cross-legged and emitting smoke.

"Strike while the iron is hot and kill him."

"If I don't do it now, when will I?"