Courtyard House: I fish in the heavens, a professional bird abuser.

The sudden illness of Uncle Yi Zhonghai was like a sudden magnitude 8 earthquake, completely shattering the already crumbling power structure of the courtyard house.

The deaf old lady, the true "pillar of stability" in the courtyard, chose to "retire in seclusion" after He Yuanchao publicly humiliated her and made her faint from anger, and never bothered with any of the courtyard's affairs again.

Her room, which remained closed all day, acted like an invisible barrier, completely isolating her from the noisy and filthy courtyard.

After experiencing a series of earth-shattering events, including the chicken theft incident, the cellar adultery incident, and the truth or dare game, the entire courtyard fell into an unprecedented and bizarre power vacuum.

For Liu Haizhong, the second uncle, this vacuum was paradise, a land of happiness, the spring he had longed for and waited for half his life!

He felt like a poisonous mushroom, growing crookedly and twisted, suppressed for half its life by Yi Zhonghai, this "big tree," in a dark and damp corner.

He envied the big tree, envied that it could rightfully enjoy the sunshine and rain, envied that it could be looked up to by everyone. He hated the big tree, hated that it blocked his sky, leaving him to eke out a living in the shadows, ignored by everyone.

Now, the big tree has collapsed with a crash.

Finally, the sunlight pierced through the layers of obstruction, and for the first time, it shone so warmly and realistically on his glossy mushroom cap.

He needs to expand! He needs to grow!

He wanted to use his huge, bloated cap, which exuded the air of antiquated bureaucracy, to shroud the entire courtyard under the "wise leadership" of his bangs!

"Ahem!"

Early in the morning, Liu Haizhong got up very early.

He woke up before dawn, not from noise, but from a deep, exhilarating sense of mission. He opened his eyes, stared at the ceiling, and his mouth involuntarily stretched into a wide grin, revealing a set of yellow teeth. His era had finally arrived!

For the first time ever, instead of squatting at the doorway with pickled vegetables and cornmeal porridge as usual, he solemnly set up his "leadership" posture on his rickety eight-immortal table.

In front of him was a bowl of rare white steamed buns and a plate of scrambled eggs—this was his "start-of-work breakfast" that he had specially asked his second aunt to make.

He believed that the beginning of a great era must have a ceremonial start. This meal was his "coronation ceremony."

He was wearing that blue cadre uniform, a piece he kept hidden away and only wore on important occasions, buttoned all the way up to the top. The uniform was a little tight, bulging tightly around his belly, but this only gave him a sense of fulfillment, as if he were enveloped in power.

His hair was slicked back with hair oil until it was shiny and glossy, and it was meticulously plastered to his scalp. Although it was sparse, he tried his best to create a composed and dignified look like a "big leader".

In his hand, he was also twirling two walnuts of different sizes and shades, which he had somehow acquired. He deliberately left the walnuts untouched, enjoying the rough, gritty feel they gave his palms. With his eyes closed, he slowly rotated them in his palms, making a "crackling" sound.

To him, the sound was not noise, but the music of bells and drums, an incomparably pleasant "voice of power".

"Old man, what's wrong with you today...?"

The second aunt, holding her bowl, looked at her husband's unprecedentedly "official" demeanor and felt somewhat intimidated and uncomfortable. She asked softly, afraid of disturbing her husband's "state of mind."

"Um?"

Liu Haizhong didn't even lift his eyelids, still immersed in the official air he had cultivated. He let out a deep, drawn-out nasal sound from his nostrils, as if he were contemplating some national matter concerning the well-being of the people.

He slowly swallowed the last bite of steamed bun, savoring the taste of power mixed with the aroma of eggs, before finally raising his eyelids and speaking in a tone of "commanding the world":

"You don't understand! A woman needs to have a long-term perspective! These are extraordinary times! The community can't be without a leader! The people can't be without a guide!"

He paused, put down his chopsticks, and continued his lecturing in a affected tone:

"Yi Zhonghai has collapsed, and the old lady has abandoned him. This huge courtyard is in complete chaos, everyone is panicking! At this time, someone has to step up! I, Liu Haizhong, as the only remaining caretaker in the courtyard, have an inescapable responsibility to hold this family together!"

He suddenly thrust out his signature potbelly, as if it contained not fat, but a wealth of knowledge and strategies for governing the hospital.

"From today onwards, I am the...number one! The only! Supreme leader of our courtyard house!"

He spoke slowly and deliberately, his eyes shining, his face radiating an almost morbid fanaticism for power.

After finishing this significant "inaugural breakfast," Liu Haizhong's "new broom sweeps clean" spirit immediately ignited.

His first act was to challenge the "rules" in the courtyard.

He believes that without rules, nothing can be accomplished. The first thing an excellent leader should do is "legislate".

He found a broken wooden board from somewhere, still covered in mud, but he didn't care. He personally found red paint and an old paintbrush, and under the watchful eyes of everyone in the courtyard, he crookedly wrote a few large characters on it: "Regulations on the Management of Civilized New Customs in Courtyard Houses (Trial Implementation)".

He wrote each character with extreme force, as if he wanted to pour all the repression and longing of his life onto this broken wooden board.

Then, he solemnly nailed the sign to the most conspicuous wall in the courtyard with two rusty nails. That was the spot where Yi Zhonghai used to like standing when holding hospital-wide assemblies. It was a declaration, a replacement.

The regulations are so detailed and bizarre that they are simply outrageous.

Article 1: In order to maintain the cleanliness of the courtyard, each household shall be responsible for three meters in front of their door, namely, maintaining cleanliness, greening, and order.

Article 2: To ensure neighborhood harmony and prevent noise pollution, the entire facility will observe a "quiet period" from 9 PM to 7 AM the following day. During this time, no loud noises, radio playing, or any "unnecessary" family activities are permitted.

Article 3: To maintain a uniform appearance and enhance the collective image, all households must strictly adhere to the principle of arranging clothes for drying according to color: men on the left, women on the right, underwear in the center, and colors from light to dark. Unsightly phenomena such as dripping water, wrinkles, and holes are strictly prohibited. Violators will receive a verbal warning for the first offense and will be required to clean the public toilets for three days for the second offense.

Article 4...

Article 5...

The dozen or so entries, each one like him, exuded that corrupt, power-hungry, and trouble-making air.

The moment the notice was posted, everyone in the courtyard was stunned. Passersby stopped to watch, initially out of curiosity, then astonishment, and finally, bewilderment.

"My God, what is all this about? Arranging clothes by color to hang them out to dry? Is this everyday life or military service?"

"Men's on the left, women's on the right? Why didn't he say it also has to be according to size? Are my underwear for my man to see, or for him to see in his bangs?"

"The most outrageous thing is that silent period! If a couple wants to whisper something to each other at night, they have to use sign language?"

"He's gone mad! This Liu Lao Er really thinks he's the emperor! Even when Yi Zhonghai was in power, he didn't cause this much trouble!"

Complaints and jeers rippled through the courtyard, but no one dared to say a word to Liu Haizhong's face.

After all, it's easier to see the King of Hell than to deal with his underlings. Right now, he's the undisputed boss in the courtyard. Nobody wants to be the first sacrifice to face his wrath.

Liu Haizhong's second major project was "organizational development".

He understood the principle that "one hand cannot clap," and that a commander without troops cannot stand alone. He needed a team, a team that could support him and carry out his orders.

Therefore, he announced that in order to better manage the courtyard house, a "Courtyard Management Committee" would be established.

He himself naturally assumed the role of "committee chairman".

He nominated his third uncle, Yan Bugui, for the position of deputy director. In his view, Yan Bugui was a cultured man who knew how to calculate. Although he was stingy, he was perfect for managing the accounts. Moreover, scholars were thin-skinned and easy to manipulate.

The committee members included his wife, Second Aunt (responsible for discipline supervision, mainly women's work), Xu Damao (responsible for cultural and sports propaganda; although Xu Damao is currently in dire straits, Liu Haizhong thinks he is quick-witted and still has value), and... Sha Zhu (responsible for... security).

Including Sha Zhu was a well-thought-out decision. Sha Zhu was a formidable fighter, and no one in the compound dared to mess with him. If he could recruit this tiger, his committee would have "armed forces," and who would dare to disobey?

He also wrote the "appointment letter" on red paper and respectfully posted it on the bulletin board, as if it were a real official appointment.

Yan Bugui was calculating his grocery money for the month in front of his window when he saw his name as soon as he stepped outside. He was both amused and exasperated.

He had no desire to get on Liu Haizhong's shabby ship; wasn't this a job that would obviously offend someone? And there wasn't a single penny to be gained. But he couldn't afford to offend this newly appointed "top leader" to his face, so when Liu Haizhong approached him for a talk, he could only vaguely respond: "Oh, Haizhong, look at my health... hehe, let's talk about it later, let's talk about it later."

When Liu Haizhong, heavily pregnant, went to Shazhu's house to "convey the appointment," he was thoroughly rebuffed.

He stood at the door of Sha Zhu's room, cleared his throat, and was about to speak in an authoritative tone: "Comrade He Yuzhu, after deliberation by the Hospital Management Committee, it has been decided..."

"roll!"

Inside the room, only a hoarse, impatient growl from Sha Zhu could be heard, followed by the sharp sound of a wine bottle being smashed to the ground and shattering into pieces.

The violent aura contained in that voice made Liu Haizhong tremble, and the fat on his stomach shook three times.

He was given the cold shoulder, his face turning pale and then red, but he dared not retaliate. He could only leave dejectedly, muttering to himself, "Ungrateful! A boorish fellow, utterly hopeless! He deserves to be a bachelor for life!"

After repeated setbacks, Liu Haizhong's third attempt finally targeted his most desired and least daring target—He Yuanchao.

He knew better than anyone that the small fry in the courtyard could do whatever they wanted with them. But as long as He Yuanchao refused to obey him and didn't respect him as "Director Liu," he wouldn't feel secure in his position as the "top leader," and would feel like he was sitting on pins and needles.

After much deliberation, he decided to approach the issue from the most "justifiable" angle—security. It was a serious matter that everyone had to accept.

That afternoon, Liu Haizhong, with his hands behind his back, led his eldest son, Liu Guangtian, who was equally obsessed with officialdom and eager to use others' power, to the cadre building of He Yuanchao.

He didn't go upstairs directly; that would seem too unrespectable. He wanted everyone to see that it was he, "Director Liu," who was "inspecting the work."

He stood in the courtyard downstairs, straightened his collar, and facing He Yuanchao's second-floor window, he opened his raspy voice and shouted in a very official tone:

"Ahem! Um... Comrade He Yuanchao, who lives in room 201! Are you there? This is Director Liu from the Campus Management Committee! I have something important to discuss with you regarding fire safety!"

He emphasized his identity as "Director Liu" and raised his voice as if afraid that the neighbors upstairs and downstairs wouldn't hear him, which was exactly the effect he wanted.

Upstairs, He Yuanchao, who was reading a book, frowned slightly when he heard the familiar, annoying noise.

"Who is it? Why are you making so much noise?"

Lou Xiao'e was knitting a sweater nearby when she heard the loud noise. Somewhat annoyed, she peeked out the window and saw Liu Haizhong's comical behavior.

He Yuanchao put down his book, walked to the window, and opened it. He showed no impatience, but looked down at the pregnant figure below, trying to strike a leadership pose, his eyes calm and unwavering, as if he were looking at a clown.

"Director Liu?" He Yuanchao's voice drifted down from the second floor, devoid of any emotion. "What brings you here?"

Upon seeing He Yuanchao appear, Liu Haizhong's spirits lifted, as if an actor had stepped onto the stage. He immediately produced his prepared speech and loudly "reported" on his work:

"Comrade He Yuanchao! It's like this! After careful study and investigation by our institute's management committee, we have discovered that your residence has serious fire safety hazards!"

He pointed towards He Yuanchao's balcony. Although it was impossible to see what was on the balcony from downstairs, it didn't stop him from performing.

"Your honeycomb briquette stove! It's right there on the balcony! That's so dangerous! Autumn and winter are dry seasons; if a spark ignites flammable materials upstairs or downstairs, causing a fire, who will be responsible?!"

He paused, and seeing that He Yuanchao didn't react, he changed to an even more "earnest" tone:

"And another thing! Your bicycle! It's parked in the hallway every day! It's seriously blocking the public fire escape! This is a matter of life and death! If an emergency occurs and it affects the evacuation of people, can you bear the consequences?!"

The more he talked, the more convinced he felt he was in the right, and his voice grew louder and louder, as if He Yuanchao had become the biggest safety hazard in the entire cadre building, and he was the hero who would save everyone.

"Therefore! On behalf of the College Management Committee, I am officially informing you!"

He deliberately emphasized the word "notification," adopting an attitude that left no room for argument.

"First, immediately move the honeycomb briquette stove from your balcony to the designated safe area downstairs! Second, immediately move your bicycle, which you parked in the stairwell, to the public parking shed in the backyard! This is for everyone's safety! We hope you will actively cooperate with our committee's work! Otherwise, you will be fully responsible for all consequences!"

Liu Haizhong finished speaking in one breath, his belly protruding, his head tilted back, and his face solemn with the air of "enforcing the law impartially," waiting for He Yuanchao's "obedience."

In his view, his words were reasonable and well-founded, occupying the moral high ground of "safety" and "collective interests." Even if He Yuanchao was a great hero, he wouldn't dare to openly defy such a major matter concerning the lives and property of all the residents in the building, right?

Upstairs, He Yuanchao listened quietly to Liu Haizhong's flawed performance, his face remaining completely calm.

He didn't even twitch his eyebrows.

He simply watched calmly the clown-like, self-satisfied figure downstairs.

Then, he slowly began to speak.

The sound wasn't loud, but it was like a cold awl, easily piercing through all the pretense and bravado in Liu Hai's hair, echoing clearly in the small courtyard below the cadre's building:

"Liu Haizhong".

He didn't call him "Second Uncle" or "Director Liu," but addressed him by his first name. These three simple words were like a slap in the face, instantly freezing the smug expression on Liu Haizhong's face.

"First," He Yuanchao held up a finger, his voice icy, "my honeycomb briquette stove is on my balcony. My balcony is my private property. It's none of your business if I cook in my own home. You're worried about sparks? Then why aren't you worried about the fumes from your cooking killing people? Should I set a rule for you, so your family will only be allowed to eat the northwest wind from now on?"

"Secondly," He Yuanchao held up a second finger, a hint of sarcasm in his eyes, "my bicycle is parked at the corner of the stairwell in front of apartment 201. That's the most spacious platform in the whole building. It's more than enough space for a stretcher, let alone someone to walk across it. How can you say it's 'blocking the fire lane'? Instead of worrying about my bicycle, you should clear away the pile of junk that's taking up half the stairwell in front of your apartment! That's the real safety hazard!"

"Third," He Yuanchao's voice suddenly turned sharp, like a drawn sword, carrying a chilling aura, each word striking Liu Haizhong's heart, "and this is the most important point. Who do you think you are, Liu Haizhong? Do you even have the right to 'notify' me? Your so-called 'Institute Affairs Management Committee,' was it appointed by the street office? Or approved by the factory union? Does it have official documents? Does it have an official seal?"

He paused, looking at Liu Haizhong's bloodless face, the sneer at the corner of his mouth almost tangible, and declared, word by word:

"A self-proclaimed 'mountain king' whom even the beasts in the courtyard might not take seriously dares to come to my cadre building and act like a tyrant? Liu Haizhong, are you still dreaming about being an official and haven't woken up yet?"

"This is my last warning to you."

He Yuanchao's gaze was like two cold searchlights, fixed on the chubby face in the bangs that turned from red to green, and then from green to white.

"Stop with your ridiculous bureaucratic airs and don't get in my way again. Otherwise..."

He didn't continue.

But the coldness and threat in those eyes chilled Liu Hai to the bone more than any vicious words!

"Bang!"

After He Yuanchao finished speaking, he closed the window directly and decisively.

That crisp sound, like a thunderclap, completely shut out "Director Liu," who was frozen in place downstairs, his face deathly pale, as if all his bones had been removed, from his own world.

Liu Haizhong stood downstairs, the evening breeze blowing, and he felt cold all over. The cadre uniform he had specially worn to make a good impression was now soaked with cold sweat and clung tightly to his back.

Around him, from behind several windows, came suppressed snickers. The laughter was like red-hot steel needles piercing his eardrums and his pride.

He felt his face burning, as if he had been slapped countless times in public.