I am not a literary giant

Chapter 118 You've Grown Taller

Then he crumbled the moment he was met with that gaze.

Chen Qingluo's gaze remained unchanged. There was no exaggerated eyeshadow or glamorous contact lenses. She looked at him like a high school girl looking at her deskmate, without affectation or pretense. She just stared blankly at him, without any pretense or meaning. It was simply Chen Qingluo looking at Wang Zixu.

Even though 12 years, 3 months, 5 days, and one day had passed, a single glance from her brought him back to that summer. He realized how persistent the little things about her were. So many major life events had passed by, and his memories had faded and become blurred, but he couldn't forget her gaze. At the moment their eyes met, he even wanted to say, "I'm back."

Before he knew it, Wang Zixu had been standing there for too long. The host kindly repeated, "Please come up to the stage to accept the award."

Some people thought he was shy and applauded him from the audience. Others grumbled, "Why is this guy so pretentious? Does he think he's not getting enough attention?" Some even laughed, saying he was stunned by the windfall. Still others said, "Aren't these prizes predetermined? What's with the act?"

The most surprised and excited were those who knew Wang Zixu. Especially his former colleagues, who were chattering and making a ruckus, almost turning the place upside down. But no matter how much they argued, it couldn't change the fact that the first-place winner, Wang Zixu, was the same Wang Zixu everyone knew.

Some of the whispers reached Wang Zixu's ears, but he didn't care. At that moment, all those things were meaningless. Even the first prize in the literary competition lost its practical significance to him.

He walked towards the stage, meeting Chen Qingluo's gaze. He tried to appear confident and at ease, as if he had already anticipated winning first prize. This way, he would appear cooler in Chen Qingluo's eyes, or at least not seem so clumsy.

But looking back, the fact that he was 30 years old and still stuck in this small town of Xihe, having his former high school classmates present him with an award, was already incredibly uncool. He felt frustrated and wanted to run away, but unfortunately, he couldn't.

He began to regret not changing into something more presentable like the others. His clothes were wrinkled and disheveled, as if he had just finished a basketball game.

Chen Qingluo stood on the stage, secretly tearing at her lower lip with her teeth. Her eyes held Wang Zixu's gaze.

She tried hard to adopt the dignified demeanor befitting a special guest, putting on a proper smile and trying not to raise the corners of her mouth too high, but her facial muscles stiffened after a while.

She didn't know whether to put her hands in front of her or behind her back, whether to put her weight on her left or right foot, how to react when Prince Xu walked up to her, or whether she should talk to him.

In short, her mind went blank. She felt she must look incredibly stupid and was sure to give herself away to Wang Zixu in a moment. "Wang Zixu, hurry up and come up! I'm so anxious!"

The distance between the two seemed incredibly long only in their own world, but it passed by in the eyes of the onlookers. Finally, Wang Zixu stood on the stage, facing Chen Qingluo. He was 1.79 meters tall without shoes and over 1.8 meters with shoes on, while Chen Qingluo was 1.6 meters tall, so she could only look up at him.

Wang Zixu opened his mouth slightly, as if to greet her, to let her know he hadn't forgotten her, and at the same time to find out if she had forgotten him, but he felt as if something was blocking his throat, and he couldn't make a sound. Chen Qingluo also stared at him, saying nothing. Perhaps both of them were waiting for the other to speak first. Just then, a hostess walked over at the perfect moment, took Wang Zixu's arm, and gently pushed him to a better position for the camera, whispering to him that it was fine to stand there.

Wang Zixu glanced back at Chen Qingluo with a dejected look. He found her looking at him with a similar gaze, and their eyes met again. Wang Zixu felt his heart skip a beat.

He desperately wanted to know: Did she still remember me?

Zhao Peilin said that Chen Qingluo slammed her hand on Professor Zhong's table because of his manuscript, which suggests that she probably still remembers him. However, after slamming her hand on the table, she didn't call him, even though she only needed to borrow Ning Chunyan's phone. This suggests that she might not necessarily remember him.

She shouldn't remember him. So many years have passed, and she hasn't lived the same dull and dreary life he did for ten years. Her life is so rich and colorful. What kind of fool would be so obsessed with a high school classmate who was only his deskmate for two months for twelve years... She must not remember him.

However, it's unlikely that she doesn't remember anything at all. She probably still remembers some things, but certainly not as much or as much as he does.

He still remembered the many walks they took together on the playground; her neatly trimmed sideburns and fair neck were vividly imprinted in his mind. He could even accurately describe the temperature that day, whether it was hot or cold, and what kind of floral scent the wind carried. He knew exactly which class the teacher had taught, what they had talked about, and what he had written between the lines that made her laugh, even if it only lasted for half a second…

He once thought that these memories not captured in photo albums would gradually fade away, but now that he's 30, the most unforgettable things in his life are still these trivial matters. These things are more solid than he imagined; they have become the underlying code of who he is, his origin, and what he is striving for.

Sometimes, caring too much about someone can drive you crazy. Perhaps he's already gone mad without even realizing it. Normally, who needs to win the Nobel Prize in Literature to earn 600 million yuan? He's been planning for years, maybe just so he can smile and mention it when he reunites with her, you know? We all have 50 more chances to win the Nobel Prize in Literature. That's his reason for standing here.

Unfortunately, times have changed, and he no longer has the chance to say "I miss you".

The host interrupted his thoughts: "Please let our guests present the award to the author."

A hostess gracefully approached carrying a tray containing a silver medal of unknown material, with a bright red ribbon.

Chen Qingluo took the medals out of the tray, holding one end of the ribbon in each hand. She looked up at the towering Prince Xu, looking puzzled for a moment. A hostess next to her tried to help, but Chen Qingluo glared at her and pushed her away.

She walked up to Wang Zixu, stood on tiptoe, and Wang Zixu obediently lowered his head. She placed her hands on his shoulders, as if tying a tie for him, and clasped them together behind his neck.

This was the closest they had been in all these years, and one of the few times they had had physical contact. He craved the warmth of her breath, wanting to hold onto this moment forever, and then suddenly he heard her whisper:

"You've grown taller."

Prince Xu's body trembled.

"But what's the point of you being so tall? It's such a hassle."

Wang Zixu thought he was hallucinating. He turned around in shock and saw Chen Qingluo's eyes sparkling, her gaze fixed only on him. Meeting his gaze, she immediately rolled her eyes at him.

Chen Qingluo quickly retreated, returning to her expressionless state, as calm as if everything that had just happened was a hallucination. Only the medal hanging squarely on Wang Zixu's chest remained.

"..."

The two controlled their movements very carefully, and although thousands of eyes were watching them, no third person noticed the exchange of glances between them.

Wang Zixu turned around and saw Ning Chunyan looking at him as well. He waved his fist at him in congratulation. Then he saw Lin Feng, who was staring at him with great surprise, his eyes seemingly asking, "Why didn't you tell me sooner?" Wang Zixu returned a slightly apologetic look, intending to explain to him later.

Of course, the most surprised look came from Diao Yiwen beside him. The girl's face was flushed, seemingly unable to accept losing to him. The way she looked at Wang Zixu had a strange meaning in it, quite intriguing, but Wang Zixu was too lazy to ponder it.

Li Tingfang walked to the front of the stage and began her speech. The host walked to Wang Zixu's side and whispered, "Ready to speak?"

Prince Xu was taken aback: "What statement?"

The host said, "The big leader will be speaking in a bit. After he finishes, I'll do a brief interview with you."

The prince asked tentatively, "In what aspects?"

The host smiled and said, "It's mainly about things people want to know, like when you started writing, how many years you've been writing, and what you plan to do with the prize money. I'll keep the pace of the conversation and avoid sensitive topics or steer it too far off track."

After saying that, she turned and glanced at Chen Qingluo, who was a typical negative example.

Prince Xu nodded, appearing very obedient.

Shen Jianqiu's speech was not lengthy. The interview, as the host had mentioned, was about to begin. The stage was handed over to him, and his seat was placed in the most conspicuous spot under the lights, where he could see the foreheads of the high-ranking officials in the first row with just a glance down.

This was the first time Wang Zixu had spoken in such a grand setting. The thought of himself standing there in his wrinkled clothes, making the serious atmosphere so unserious, made him want to laugh.

He saw Zhang Qian in the second row, staring at him with a complicated expression. This woman was probably still contemplating something terrible, but he didn't care anymore. His mood suddenly improved; he was no longer afraid of anything, no longer hated anyone, and no longer cursed the world.

The host said, "Hello Wang Zixu, you won first prize at the Xihe Literary Festival today. Everyone is eager to know more about you. When did you start writing?"

Wang Zixu said, "Third grade."

The host asked, "Did you start trying writing so early?"

"The teacher forced me to write an essay. It wasn't something I did on my own initiative."

A burst of laughter erupted from the audience. The host glared at him and said, "Are you serious?"

We agreed not to go too far.

"So, when did you start actively trying to write, especially serious writing?"

"Twelve years, three months, and five days ago."

A burst of laughter erupted from the audience.

The host asked, "So precise?"

Wang Zixu said, "Precision is the primary requirement of writing."

The host, sweat beading on his forehead, asked, "What motivates you to write?"

Wang Zixu said, "Royalties."

Another burst of laughter followed.

The host asked, "Besides the royalties?"

"There must be other reasons, but I can't say them openly. But the main reason is the royalties."

Another burst of laughter erupted from the audience. The host, feeling a chill run down his spine, said dryly, "At least you sound honest."

"Honesty is one of the most valuable qualities a writer can possess."

After Wang Zixu finished speaking, Ning Chunyan covered her mouth and laughed. This statement was exactly the same as what Chen Qingluo had said in a previous interview. The host dared not ask any more questions, because if they continued to follow up, it would be another live broadcast disaster on par with Chen Qingluo.

"The judges praised your writing as both sharp and elegant. What are your unique secrets to improving your writing style?"

The prince thought for a moment and said, "Heartbreak."

"A trial?"

"Heartbreak".

A burst of laughter erupted from the audience.

The host asked, "Which heartbreak are you referring to?"

"It's that kind of heartbreak," Wang Zixu said. "Ideally, you'd be in a relationship and then get dumped."

"Why?" The host was genuinely curious this time.

"Because literature is primarily an art form geared towards those who have failed."

After he finished speaking, the audience stopped laughing.

Wang Zixu also said: "Our country's greatest writers and poets all lived very unsuccessful lives. Qu Yuan, Li Bai, Du Fu, Cao Xueqin... Their works contain the joy of triumph and unrestraint, but overall they are tragic. Their own lives were miserable."

"People can only extract something from suffering and then express it to others. This kind of emotion, which is gathered through failure, is like wine produced after grain fermentation, which forms a strong spiritual force."

"Life is always full of failures. Even successful people have had many dark moments of failure, even more than the average person. The content contained in literature can repeatedly stir up the emotions they have experienced, an experience that only literature can provide."

"Of course, I'm not saying that only people who fail read literature. Everyone here is a literature enthusiast, and I wish you all success and that you can live the life you desire. What I mean is that everyone experiences failure; it's a part of life."

"Everyone wants to succeed, but success and failure are two sides of the same coin. It's hard to separate failure from everything. It doesn't necessarily have to be the kind of failure that Du Fu experienced, like the fall of his country and the destruction of his family. But everyone will experience some pain. Literature is the best medicine for healing this part. It allows us to distill something from the pain, and this stuff can support our spirit."

"There are many kinds of books in the world: reference books, self-help books, technical books, educational materials... But literature, from fairy tales to poetry, from 'The Little Match Girl' to 'Romance of the Three Kingdoms,' what touches people's hearts is the theme of eternal failure. These are the contents that can shape our souls. Only by understanding them can we know what happiness is."

The host seemed thoughtful, then asked, "Then why is it heartbreak...?"

"Because in modern society, heartbreak is often the first failure people experience," Wang Zixu said. "I dare say that before a breakup, many people can't even understand the articles in their Chinese textbooks."

The host said, "I actually think there's some truth to what you said."

"That makes sense."

……

The interview ended quickly, and Wang Zixu returned to the corner, secretly glancing at Chen Qingluo, but always attracting the attention of Ning Chunyan beside her. This sunny and lively girl interacted with him cheerfully, making Wang Zixu feel very embarrassed.

But Chen Qingluo didn't even glance at him.

After the awards ceremony, the high-ranking leader left, and the host asked him and several award winners to wait in the government office reception room, saying that the high-ranking leader wanted to meet and talk with them.

Once they reached the reception room, he finally had a chance to talk to Lin Feng about his affairs, but Diao Yiwen came over to talk to him first.

(End of this chapter)