I am not a literary giant

Chapter 123 First and foremost, we should be kind (7200)

Prince Xu was once again attacked by the name "Chen Qingluo" at an unexpected time.

He felt very unwell. So he ran away. Only after he ran away did he remember that he still had something to do with Ning Chunyan.

But he didn't want to go back like that, so he walked along the roadside kicking pebbles, stuck in a stalemate with himself.

Today is his fifth day of quitting smoking, but he has no choice but to smoke under these circumstances. It's not that he's making excuses for relapsing; if he could only smoke one day in his life, he would choose today; if he could only smoke one cigarette in his life, he would choose now.

He barged into a small convenience store on the roadside and told the owner he wanted a box of Big Harvest.

The boss slammed the cigarette pack on the table: "Six yuan."

"Six yuan?!" Prince steadied himself against the counter. "Wasn't it three yuan?"

"The price has gone up," the shop owner said succinctly.

"How can prices double like that?"

The shopkeeper slapped the cigarette box: "How can you calculate it like that? In absolute terms, it's only gone up by 3 yuan, right? Liqun used to be 14 yuan, now it's 19, and Hongtashan used to be 8 yuan, now it's 13. Which one hasn't gone up more than Dafengshou? Besides, what kind of cigarettes can you buy with 6 yuan now?"

Wang Zixu had to admit that his boss was right, so he asked the boss for a pack, and after getting the boss's permission, he lit one on the spot, then coughed and stared at the cigarette in his hand with suspicion—

The price increase is acceptable, but how can I tolerate the change in the taste of the cigarette! If even a small cigarette can't maintain its own character, what's wrong with this world?

The boss seemed to have read his mind, and smiled with narrowed eyes:

"The taste has changed, hasn't it? I told you their technology has been upgraded."

Wang Zixu hesitated, took another puff, and frowned in disbelief: "But it can't become so... so devoid of personality, can it?"

The shop owner laughed, seemingly understanding his feelings: "I'm a long-time smoker too. Let me tell you, the taste of cigarettes is constantly changing. Protesting is useless, and once the taste changes, it can never be changed back, even if they use the original factory equipment. There's no need to be upset. You can only blame yourself. Why didn't you take more puffs when you liked it?"

"Smoke while you can, lest you become bored and worry about nothing."

Wang Zixu was speechless. Damn it, the owner of a mere convenience store could actually utter such philosophical words; he was truly extraordinary.

Then, the boss's next sentence made him retract his admiration: "Of course, you can't return it, you've already smoked one."

Wang Zixu walked out of the store with a cigarette in his mouth. When he looked back, he saw that the store's signboard was actually named "White Moonlight Supermarket".

He wasn't paying attention and the cigarette in his mouth fell to the ground. Annoyed, he stomped it out with his foot, picked it up, and threw it into the trash can by the door.

What's the point of calling a tiny 10-square-meter convenience store, without even a refrigerated display case, "White Moonlight Supermarket"? But then he understood why the owner spoke in that tone. "White Moonlight Supermarket," huh, he's a small supermarket owner with a story.

Sunlight filtered through the treetops by the door, casting dappled shadows on the ground. He looked at the swaying shadows and recalled his boss's words. At that moment, he suddenly realized that last night was gone forever.

Time flies like an arrow; good times never come again. There may be stars and moon like those, but there will never be another night as dreamlike as that.

He will remember the banner left by Li Tingfang, and he will also remember Ning Chunyan's beautiful Hanfu. Of course, most importantly, he will remember the few words Chen Qingluo said to him that night.

You've grown taller.

But what's the point of being so tall?

Prince Xu placed his palm on his head and flattened his hair.

It's not his fault that he grew taller; it's a matter of genes and nutrition. That sounds so illogical.

But the phrase kept echoing in his mind all night, causing him to suffer from severe insomnia.

He has indeed grown taller compared to when he was in high school. Chen Qingluo remembers that back then, she could look directly at his nose, but now she could only stare at his Adam's apple.

In any case, she rarely looked up at him. It seemed that in her world, Prince Xu should be the same height as her, so she stubbornly refused to raise her head and look at the position of Prince Xu's eyes in her imagination.

His height hasn't changed for many years. The world he saw when he was still close in height to Chen Qingluo must have been different from what he sees today. He has long forgotten what it was like back then.

With just one sentence, she transported him back to many years ago.

That way, you'll never forget it.

He will always remember that the first thing Chen Qingluo said to him after a 12-year and 3-month separation was: "You've grown taller."

Just as he still remembered the last words Chen Qingluo had said to him 12 years and 3 months ago:

"Most importantly, we should be kind first, and honest second. Promise me you'll do this for the rest of your life, understand?"

Wang Zixu nodded slightly and said he understood. In fact, he didn't understand; he hadn't read "The Brothers Karamazov" yet.

It wasn't until many years later, while showering, that he suddenly remembered this scene and realized what Chen Qingluo meant. By then, he had read *The Brothers Karamazov* a long time ago. He suddenly connected the two. He stood there, frozen, letting the shower water droplets stream down his face.

Chen Qingluo's quote comes from "The Brothers Karamazov," and the original quote is:

"Most importantly, we should first be kind, secondly honest, and thirdly, we should never forget each other."

Yes, this is also one of Miss Chen Qingluo's usual tricks: playing cryptic games.

No one knew what secret thoughts she was pondering as she looked directly at Prince Xu's Adam's apple.

Fortunately, although he didn't figure out the riddle at the time, he still managed to do everything. He didn't forget her.

But even if you do it, so what?

Later, whenever he reread Dostoevsky's "The Brothers Karamazov," he couldn't help but shed tears when he reached the last chapter.

"So first of all, we must remember him for the rest of our lives. Even if we are busy with important things in the future, have a prominent position, or fall into some great misfortune—no matter what, we must not forget how wonderful it was for us to be here."

"A beautiful memory is the noblest, most intense, healthiest, and most beneficial thing in the world for future life. If a person can bring such a beautiful and sacred memory into his life, he will be saved for life."

"A good memory remains in our hearts, and perhaps at some moment, it can be a means of saving us. We may inevitably become bad people, but as long as we think about him, about how much we loved him, that memory will come out and prevent us from doing the worst thing."

"Chen Qingluo, do you remember? The most important thing is that we should be kind first, honest second, and never forget each other."

He couldn't tell whether he was moved by Dostoevsky's writing style or by the beautiful memories he held dear. Those memories of Chen Qingluo were indeed the noblest, most intense, and healthiest things in the world. They had saved him more than once.

He didn't forget. Did she?

The Porsche slowly glided over, the window rolled down, revealing Ning Chunyan's face wearing sunglasses:

"Hey! You rich guy, Wang Zixu, why are you in such a hurry? Aren't you supposed to take Professor Zhong to the high-speed rail station later? Are you planning to walk there by yourself?"

Wang Zixu composed himself, and without saying a word, obediently sat back in the passenger seat and properly fastened his seatbelt.

Ning Chunyan had originally wanted to tease him a bit, but seeing how obedient he was, she couldn't say anything. She just complained, both annoyed and amused:

"Why is it that my first reaction every time I hear the name of a literary giant is to run away? What, are you socially awkward?"

Wang Zixu said, "In a general sense, I should be somewhat socially anxious. But from my personal perspective, I'm just not good at socializing. And I'm afraid of everything I'm not good at."

"You're quite honest."

"I am still kind."

Ning Chunyan gave him some foot oil: "Considering you lent me money, I agree that you're kind. But you just said you wanted to resign, have you really thought it through? At your age, is it really okay to resign? I can guarantee that as long as the magazine doesn't go bankrupt, I can keep paying you, but I can't guarantee that my magazine won't go bankrupt when you're seventy or eighty!"

Prince Xu said, "I haven't agreed to come to your place yet."

Ning Chunyan glared at him: "Stop being so arrogant, you socially awkward jerk! What will you do when you become famous and successful, and you'll have to get to know a lot of literary bigwigs?"

Ning Chunyan assumed his avoidance of Chen Qingluo stemmed from his fear of advanced peers. It wasn't that she was too stupid to guess that Chen Qingluo and Wang Zixu were old acquaintances; it was mainly because both Chen Qingluo and Wang Zixu insisted they didn't know each other. Given her personality, she couldn't believe there were such people in the world, let alone two.

Wang Zixu shook his head and changed the subject, saying, "Let's go to my workplace first; I have some things to pick up."

Today is a wonderful Saturday, a day off. His workplace is closed, so he figured he wouldn't run into many people. Since it was on his way, he thought it would be a good opportunity to go back and take care of some personal belongings.

When he arrived at work, he found a large crowd of people there, apart from the few on duty, a far cry from what he had imagined. By the time he realized how lively it was, it was too late. Diao Yiwen was sitting in her office, their eyes met, and she caught him red-handed.

The girl was taken aback, clearly not expecting him to come to her office, but she didn't say anything. Wang Zixu thought to himself that if he turned around and left now, he would be looked down upon, so he strode forward with his head held high. As he passed the director's office, the door opened, and Gou Yingbiao came out with a water glass. The two bumped into each other.

For a moment, Gou Yingbiao was extremely embarrassed, but Wang Zixu was alright. He only paused briefly before striding past him with his head held high. He no longer needed to greet him; having given up on even a pittance, he naturally had no need to bow down.

Gou Yingbiao, however, greeted him with a beaming smile and a very respectful attitude: "Wang Zixu, you're here to work today? Isn't today your day off?"

"Um."

Prince Xu nodded and turned to leave.

Since the other person greeted him, he instinctively returned the greeting. But as soon as he sat down in his office, he regretted it. He felt he had been too polite.

Gou Yingbiao is a two-faced scoundrel who constantly resorts to underhanded tactics; why bother with him? He even replied with a simple "hmm." He shouldn't have needed to say a single word.

The more he thought about it, the angrier he became, and he had an urge to point his finger at Gou Yingbiao and yell at him again. But firstly, he had already yelled at him last time, and the saying goes that one crime cannot be punished twice, so this time he would have no legitimate reason to do so; secondly, Gou Yingbiao had not started any trouble, so if he yelled at him this time, it would be his fault if word got out.

He could only smooth his hair and remind himself, "First and foremost, we should be kind."

"Prince Xu".

As he was packing his things, Gou Yingbiao appeared at his door like a persistent ghost, and eagerly came over to talk to him.

"Congratulations on winning first place in the literary competition this time!"

He had witnessed firsthand Gou Yingbiao's ability to change his stance depending on the situation. Wang Zixu lowered his head and continued packing his things.

"Oh, not at all. I'm just someone who got eliminated in the preliminary rounds, and I even had to attend a company-wide criticism meeting to give a self-criticism. I only managed to get first place this time by sheer luck. Director Gou, you don't need to flatter me."

Gou Yingbiao's face flushed red and then turned pale as he was ridiculed in front of him, but unusually, he didn't get angry at all. He said in a low voice, "Not at all, you're being modest. I asked a lot of people and inquired about what happened at the judging session that day. They all said that your first place was well-deserved. They all said that you are extremely talented."

Prince Xu's mind raced, and he knew that Shen Qingfeng must have tipped him off again. The old man was now filled with anxiety, fearing that if he gained more favor from the higher-ups, they would speak ill of him behind his back.

Wang Zixu raised his voice: "How can I compare to your talent, Director Gou? The poems you posted in the group are unparalleled and rare in the world. Your amazing talent has been in the unit for so many years and you haven't discovered that I, this fake gem, have any talent. Other people's comments must just be for show, I don't believe them."

Wang Zixu deliberately raised his voice, and the chatter in the corridor stopped. It seemed that someone had come out to investigate the situation. Gou Yingbiao felt panicked, afraid that Wang Zixu would lose control again and give him a good scolding.

However, he also knew how to save face, chuckling and saying, "It seems you're not in a good mood today. I'll have a proper chat with you another time."

Prince waved his hand dismissively: "Director Gou is extremely busy, so there's no need to trouble you with my psychological counseling. I plan to submit my resignation soon, so please hold a meeting to review it as soon as possible."

Gou Yingbiao's face turned pale: "You want to resign?"

"Um."

Why?

Prince Xu did not speak. He was not required to explain the reason.

Gou Yingbiao gritted his teeth and lowered his voice, saying, "Wang Zixu, I heard that you had a long private conversation with the big boss that night. What did you say to him?"

Wang Zixu knew that he had been dodging the question for so long just to get to this point, so he sneered, "You've been chatting about everything under the sun."

Gou Yingbiao said, "I just asked directly, 'Have you told your superiors anything about me?'"

Wang Zixu looked up at him and said, "What I said to the leader and what the leader thinks are not things you should be considering, Gou Yingbiao."

Gou Yingbiao's face immediately turned ugly. Only then did Wang Zixu notice that Gou Yingbiao's face seemed to have more wrinkles, which was caused by excessive thinking and mental exhaustion. He looked very bad and probably hadn't slept at all last night.

Gou Yingbiao gave a pleading look: "Wang Zixu, perhaps you've misunderstood me. I'm actually very forgiving towards you. I'll gradually compensate you for your past losses in your future work. Is it really necessary to make things worse?"

Wang Zixu revealed a mocking smile: "You're tolerant? Where are you tolerant? You just can't do anything about me."

He added, "Gou Yingbiao, do you think I don't know about your little tricks? You're plotting to use my wife as a pawn against me behind my back. Do you really think you can get away with it without anyone noticing?"

"Gou Yingbiao, I have never seen anyone more disgusting, despicable, and as stupid as you. Whether the fish die or not is unknown, but the net is definitely going to break. Just wait and see."

Gou Yingbiao felt a chill run down his spine: "How did you find out about this? Who told you?"

Prince Xu said, "If you don't want others to know, then don't do it in the first place. You shouldn't be unaware of this principle, should you?"

Gou Yingbiao panicked. The other methods were all out in the open, but this one, if it got out, would be the worst blow to his reputation.

He began to mentally investigate who had betrayed him, but after much searching, he discovered that everyone present that day was a suspect. Even Shen Qingfeng was a suspect.

Just then, Diao Yiwen pushed the door open and came in, startling Gou Yingbiao.

"Don't you knock before coming in?"

Diao Yiwen was taken aback by Gou Yingbiao's harsh words, but quickly regained her composure. This puzzled Gou Yingbiao greatly. Although Diao Yiwen had a powerful background, she was not usually as rigid or even apathetic as Wang Zixu.

"Director Gou," Diao Yiwen handed over a piece of paper, "this is my resignation letter."

Her words startled both of them, and Gou Yingbiao exclaimed, "You're resigning too?"

"also"?

Diao Yiwen noticed the details in Director Gou's words, glanced at Wang Zixu, and said, "I have other plans for my career."

Gou Yingbiao lowered his voice and said, "Xiao Diao, don't make a sudden decision. Have you discussed it with your parents? You still have a service period to serve."

Diao Yiwen said, "My probation period is not over yet, so please speed up the process. My probation period should be over in another month."

Gou Yingbiao suddenly became nervous. He realized that the current situation was very unfavorable to him.

The first and second place winners of the literary competition came to the office to resign collectively the day after the awards ceremony. How bad would this look if word got out? Especially for him, wouldn't it leave the leader with the impression of "poor personnel management"?

Of course, there's something even more troublesome: Wang Zixu might have whispered something in the boss's ear. If both of them resign at this juncture, even if they weren't the problem, they'd become one.

Wang Zixu watched as Gou Yingbiao sweated profusely with anxiety, then smiled slightly, stood up, and shooed them away: "You two should go outside to talk. It's a day off today, and my office is about to close."

Before leaving, he took one last deep look at his workstation, then locked the door and left.

The resignation process isn't going to be quick; now is not the time to say goodbye.

After going downstairs, Ning Chunyan waited in the car and asked, "Why were you so slow?"

"I ran into some people on my way upstairs."

He had just sat in the passenger seat when Diao Yiwen caught up from behind, stood by his window, and said, "I have something to tell you."

The prince lowered the car window slightly: "With me?"

Diao Yiwen nodded, then said, "Yanzishan asked me to pass on a message to you. He said, go to the East China Sea."

"To the East China Sea?"

Prince Xu repeated the four words, then he and Ning Chunyan looked at each other in bewilderment.

Ning Chunyan looked at him: "You still recognize Yanzishan?"

Wang Zixu shook his head. He hadn't even read much of this senior writer's work. Because he wasn't on the "list of writers who have won the Nobel Prize," and he wasn't in the top tier of the "list of writers who have a chance to win the Nobel Prize."

Diao Yiwen said, "He said, 'You'll understand.'"

Wang Zixu looked bewildered. He felt that Yanzishan might have overestimated him.

Diao Yiwen stared at Wang Zixu for a while, and suddenly felt a little angry at his clueless expression.

She wanted to shout it out loud: Do you know who you beat at the literary competition? It was Yanzishan! Your work even surpassed Yanzishan's and took first place!

But she wouldn't tell. Prince Xu would never know he had such an honor. No one but her and Yanzishan himself would know.

Wang Zixu noticed her strange expression and asked, "Are you alright?"

Diao Yiwen shook her head, turned around, tossed her braid aside, and walked away.

Ning Chunyan stared at him with a strange expression: "What did you do to me?"

Prince Xu said, "Nothing's wrong with me!"

"Why are you so agitated if nothing's wrong?"

"I've been wronged, am I not even allowed to get a little emotional?"

"I didn't say anything about you, how did you get framed? See, you're feeling guilty, aren't you?"

"I feel guilty, I feel guilty."

"You'd better remember this," Ning Chunyan shook her finger, "you're married, you can't just lay a hand on a young girl."

Wang Zixu felt a tightness in his chest, remaining silent as he cosplayed as a Buddha in the passenger seat. Ning Chunyan chuckled to herself; this guy was too easy to manipulate.

After driving fifty meters, Wang Zixu suddenly blurted out, "Does that mean you can just make a move on a young woman like that?"

Ning Chunyan nearly slammed on the brakes: "You've been racking your brains for ages, and this is all you can come up with?"

"No, I thought of it from the beginning, but I was too ashamed to say it."

"How dare you say that now?"

"I really can't hold it in any longer."

He wasn't telling the truth. It wasn't that he couldn't hold back anymore, but rather that he used his seasoned ability to read people to discern that Ning Chunyan intended to let him go, which is why he dared to escalate the conflict.

Secondly, we should be honest. But I think such a small lie shouldn't be considered dishonest.

Ning Chunyan indeed let him go. After a while, she asked, "What does 'going to the East Sea' mean?"

Prince Xu said, "I don't know."

Ning Chunyan said, "Didn't Yanzishan say you knew about this?"

Wang Zixu said, "I'm not familiar with him."

After saying that, he added, "I've been wondering what that means too. I can think of two allusions related to this sentence structure. I wonder which one he's referring to."

Which two?

"One is Virginia Woolf's novel, To the Lighthouse."

"Oh! Right, to the lighthouse." Ning Chunyan nodded, then looked troubled. "Have you seen it before?"

"To be honest, it's not easy to understand," Wang Zixu said. "Her stream of consciousness is a bit unique, and I don't quite understand it. So if Yanzishan's words imply this meaning, I probably won't quite get it."

Wang Zixu was being very honest. Generally, people who discuss literature wouldn't dare admit they don't understand Woolf. If you don't even understand stream of consciousness, how dare you talk about literature? In general, when discussing literature, if you say you don't understand stream of consciousness, you're at the bottom of the social hierarchy and risk being looked down upon.

So people usually claim to know a lot about literature. The more difficult the author—Proust, Faulkner, Woolf, Joyce—the more dismissive and disdainful they are, the more they'll say, "Too simple. These are such popular authors, and you haven't even read them?"

Wang Zixu was one of the few people who frankly admitted to Ning Chunyan that he didn't understand Woolf very well, yet his reading comprehension was indeed extremely high. Therefore, Ning Chunyan was deeply moved and touched by his statement. She said:

"To be honest, I don't really understand it either. I even did a study of Can Xue's work for my graduate thesis, which really gave me a headache. Just reading the book made me feel like I was going to die."

The prince nodded humbly and sincerely: "Canxue is indeed difficult to understand. Compared to it, Kant seems simple."

Ning Chunyan turned her head: "Wait, how did we get onto the topic of Kant?"

Wang Zixu said, "Canxue's brother is Deng Xiaomang."

Deng Xiaomang is a well-known scholar of Kantian philosophy in China.

Once Wang Zixu's thoughts started to wander, it became difficult for others to keep up. Ning Chunyan could barely keep up; this kind of conversation was still within her comfort zone, and she even found it quite enjoyable.

"By the way, you just said you could think of two allusions for this sentence structure, what's the third one?"

Wang Zixu said, "Another one is 'Go to America' from 'Crime and Punishment.' This is even more intriguing. Because 'Go to America' in the book symbolizes depravity and is a metaphor for suicide."

"I've read 'Crime and Punishment.' Dostoevsky was very patriotic. He believed that 'going to America' was a betrayal of his Russian mother, and that America symbolized a place of depravity that breeds evil. From this perspective, does Yanzishan think that the East China Sea is a place that breeds depravity? Hmm... that's possible, after all, the East China Sea is so decadent and extravagant."

Wang Zixu said, "But Yanzishan himself has long resided in the East China Sea."

Ning Chunyan nodded: "Yes. They don't quite look alike."

Prince Xu closed his mouth. Actually, if we analyze it literally, Yanzishan's words have a bit of a prophetic feel to them. Because the core of his life going forward was indeed "going to the East Sea".

During this period, Wen Ai is planning a big event. He will soon be moving to Donghai. At that time, both his work and life will be completed "going to Donghai".

But Yanzishan certainly didn't know any of this, so why would he send himself "to the East China Sea"?

Difficult to understand.

Ning Chunyan stopped at the entrance of an unfamiliar residential area. Wang Zixu looked around and asked:

"Isn't Professor Chung at the Plaza Hotel?"

"yes."

"This shouldn't be the Plaza Hotel, right?"

"Of course not, who said this is?" Ning Chunyan said, "This is my home."

Prince Xu asked cautiously, "May I ask why we've come to your house?"

"Tsk." Ning Chunyan raised her chin at him. "Who would invite a married prince like you to my house?"

"Oh, I was just being presumptuous. But what are we doing in your neighborhood?"

Ning Chunyan made no attempt to explain. She unbuckled her seatbelt, stretched lazily in the driver's seat, and let out a comfortable yawn, arching her back like a cat. Her slender waist curved into a youthful arc, a sight that startled Wang Zixu. He quickly averted his gaze.

After stretching, Ning Chunyan said, "We've invited Professor Zhong here, so it's our turn to send them back. That's what you call finishing what you started."

"The two of us?"

Prince Xu made a questioning sound, and soon he realized that the "two of us" she was referring to did not include himself, but someone else.

Because he saw that, in the distance, Chen Qingluo, expressionless, was moving quickly toward them.

The young lady has really arrived.

(End of this chapter)