I am not a literary giant

Chapter 126 The Adventure of Finding the Sheep

Wang Zixu read the note five or six times, then slumped down and collapsed onto the soft sofa.

He read the note in the dining room, while the sofa was in the living room. From the time he finished reading the note to the time he sat down on the sofa, he had no memory of the time in between, as if someone had carefully cut off a section of film and spliced ​​the two ends together.

In fact, after reading the note, his perception of time became fragmented. One second he saw light outside the window, the next he found it was dark; he was holding the note in his hand, and the next second it had vanished. He didn't know what he was doing, or what he should do next; the logic of his life was completely disrupted.

His wife left, leaving him with the words, "Don't look for her or contact her."

What happened to her? Why did she leave? Where did she go? Where will she live from now on? How will he live his life?

All the problems left him feeling confused and powerless.

This scene reminded him of when he was a child, and the moment when Comrade Wang Jianguo came home to find a note left by his mother and broke down. He never imagined that years later, he himself would find himself in that situation, and in a different role, becoming the lead actor.

This may be what Nietzsche meant by "eternal recurrence." The universe is a giant rotor.

The feelings of an observer and a participant are completely different when facing the same event. When he was a child, his mother's departure did not cause a particularly big upheaval in his heart. In fact, he could not understand the meaning of this event at the time. It was only later that life slowly taught him what "my mother is gone" meant.

However, when he became the one being abandoned, he felt its destructive power: a black mist, like a leaden weight, loomed over his head, threatening to descend and engulf him at any moment. His wife's departure was not only meaningless, but also a negation of him as a person and of his entire life.

Wang Zixu went to the bathroom to wash his face, sat on the dark sofa to rest, and after a long while, he finally came to his senses and began to seriously think about the matter.

His first thought was: Why did his wife leave home?

The reason my mother left home back then was very simple and quite obvious: she couldn't stand living with Comrade Wang Jianguo and had found a better option.

Before the note that ultimately ignited the entire story appeared, the ending had already been foreshadowed at length. At that time, Wang Zixu remembered that his parents argued day and night, and the family relationship was already on the verge of collapse. Even the neighbors could see that the family was in dire straits.

However, the sudden departure of Prince Xu's wife came without warning and seemed completely inexplicable. Just the day before, they had been enjoying each other's company.

He still remembered that he drove Ye Lan's Audi to pick up his wife, which surprised her greatly. She asked him with a hint of anger why he bought a car without asking her.

He (with a hint of smugness) told her that a friend had lent him the car, and he had brought it over specifically to show his wife. He suggested that if she liked it, they could settle for an Audi instead of a Porsche, thus saving a lot of money. His wife got into the car and was indeed very pleased with it.

Of course, he concealed his friend's gender. The fragrance in Ye Lan's car, the sparkly pendant hanging on the windshield, the cute bear plush toy tied to the seat... all these decorations that indicated the car owner's gender had been put away beforehand.

They discussed whether to have seafood or barbecue for dinner. Prince Xu advocated for seafood, as he had recently made a small fortune and felt he deserved a lavish meal. His wife, however, argued that with Japan's recent discharge of nuclear wastewater into the sea, all seafood was untrustworthy. Besides, she was trying to conceive, a time when trust was most crucial for her.

Wang Zixu said that if seafood can't be trusted, then barbecue can't be trusted either. The real suspects are the Japanese; the fish and shrimp are innocent. Because of his objection, his wife argued with him for a while, but they eventually agreed to go eat Thai food.

His wife asked him again, "You said you made a small profit, how much exactly?" The prince concealed the 800,000 yuan, telling his wife he had made over 100,000 yuan in one go, 100,000 of which was a bonus. His wife covered her mouth in astonishment for a long time, which made him very satisfied.

In short, they had discussed everything from clothing, food, housing, and transportation to preparing for pregnancy, and everything was moving in a positive direction. There was no reason for the wife to disappear.

Although he realized after this analysis that he did have secrets from his wife in many ways, he chose to hide them from her for the sake of family harmony and stability, and he had a clear conscience.

If you tell your wife that your car was borrowed from a woman, that you also lent her money, and that you earned over a million yuan from her, she will definitely be furious. Even if she isn't angry, she will become suspicious. Suspicion can kill a marriage.

Even if his wife discovered these secrets, she wouldn't have left without a word, bidding farewell to his life and denying him even a chance to explain. He didn't deserve such a fate.

"It's simple, she cheated on me."

Sartre emerged from the darkness, a small pipe dangling from his mouth, and greeted him: "Long time no see."

Wang Zixu glanced at him, disagreeing with his conclusion from the bottom of his heart, and showing no enthusiasm towards him as one would one would show to an old friend.

Sartre said, "Of course, using the word 'infidelity' isn't quite accurate. Your relationship with your wife is somewhat similar to my relationship with Simone de Beauvoir; there's no legal contractual relationship. In Chinese terms, she 'changed her mind.'"

Prince Xu said, "Impossible."

Sartre took a drag on his cigarette and said, "If you deny this only possibility out of male pride, I think my experience might be helpful: I've always believed that marriage isn't sacred; it's just an institution. And as with any institution, there will be a day when it's legislated and another when it ceases to be practiced. The stone pillars of law still stand, but Babylon is nowhere to be seen."

"That's what Simone de Beauvoir and I did. I agreed that she had many other partners, and she agreed that I did the same. She was openly called a 'slut' by many people, but I didn't care at all and still regarded her as my one and only soulmate for life."

"Passion is passion, and companionship is companionship; I keep these two things very separate. I want to remind you that the bloom of sexual attraction is very short-lived and will soon disappear as you get older. As for you, this age is exactly the golden age when you are most attractive, the stage when you should be plucking flowers."

"No time to wallow in despair. Get dressed up, comb your hair, change into clean and tidy clothes, and head out now. Pick a girl you like and start a new life with her. Let those who leave go; be ready to welcome new people at any time. As long as you keep up with the pace, life's sorrows will never catch up with you."

Wang Zixu turned to him, spreading his hands in a gesture of rebuke: "I think you're incredibly dishonest. I'm a very honest person. If I had known that Simone de Beauvoir was burdened with that kind of infamy because of me, I wouldn't have dared to say anything. Marrying her would have been the right thing to do. I don't know why you keep bothering me. We're not on the same wavelength. I'm already annoyed, and you're making me even more annoyed!"

The Little Prince said, "Tell him to calm down. Not everyone can accept your theory."

Well, here comes another one that seems to have appeared out of nowhere.

Sartre said, "Perhaps I took too big a step, but my intention was good; my aim was to save him from the brink of inner collapse."

The Little Prince said, "Come on, philosophy can never save people. Reason is the enemy of emotion. When you have inner wounds, the more rational you think, the easier it is to hurt yourself. In his case, the only thing that can truly heal his heart is a warm hug from a woman."

Sartre shrugged: "I'm sorry, but I'm a man, and physiologically I don't have that ability."

The two started chatting at Wang Zixu's house. Wang Zixu ran his fingers through his hair, his thoughts were in turmoil, and he only managed to sort out a small part of his ideas by concentrating.

The most obvious thing is that his wife left. Just like his mother left his father years ago. The reason is unclear, the cause unknown. She simply left.

The wife left a note, meaning her disappearance was voluntary. She also said not to look for her or contact her.

Wang Zixu took out his phone, intending to call his wife, but was told the number was not in service. He also tried contacting his father-in-law and mother-in-law, but no one answered the phone. No one was willing to step forward and give him an explanation.

On the bright side, however, part of his salary and savings are in his wife's bank account, including her own savings. Since she has money, there's no need to worry about her; she'll take good care of herself.

The only problem is that I'm left all alone.

Wang Zixu gave a wry smile. Damn it, isn't this just like Haruki Murakami's novel about searching for a wife?

Several of Haruki Murakami's books begin with his wife leaving him, and then the protagonist embarks on his own adventure. If he had used this as a starting point, he might have been able to write a book like "The Wind-Up Bird Chronicle" or "Killing Commendatore."

Of course, if this were to become a novel, the wife's departure would only be a motive; the focus would be on the adventure that followed. He had an idea: he could have the protagonist retrace the steps of his wife's life, allowing him to explore her past and gradually approach the core of her being (which is also the core of their marriage), thus connecting the changes in China over the past 20 years along the protagonist's journey.

The book's title is tentatively set as "The Adventures of Finding My Wife." It sounds rather corny, and in fact, it is. It's a tribute to Murakami's "A Wild Sheep Chase." "Finding Sheep" and "Adventure" together create a somewhat linguistically unfamiliar feel, while "Finding My Wife" just doesn't quite fit the bill. So this is just a tentative title and will definitely be changed later.

He roughly estimated the word count: if he were to be more conservative, he could write 20 words; if he were to further streamline it, he could cut it down to 15 words, but that would inevitably raise the reading threshold. That would make the book harder to sell.

Wang Zixu snapped out of his reverie and gave a bitter smile. His wife had already left, and he was still here pondering how to write his novel. What would his wife think if she found out? He slapped himself hard across the face.

The phone rang, and I quickly answered it, only to see that the caller ID on the screen was Zuo Ziliang.

"What are you doing? Why haven't you replied to any of my messages? Tonight is the last live stream before the terms are changed, you set the time, did you forget?"

Wang Zixu felt a chill run down his spine: "I'm coming right now."

He stood up, felt dizzy, and lay back down on the sofa.

"No, I probably can't make it today. I've run into an emergency. My wife has run away from home." Wang Zixu lay on the sofa with a bitter smile.

"Your wife ran away from home?"

Zuo Ziliang was shocked, but then calmed down and asked, "Did you call the police?"

"She left me a note telling me not to look for her or contact her."

There was a moment of silence on the other end of the phone, then Zuo Ziliang said, "Do you know why?"

"I have absolutely no idea. I have no clue whatsoever."

"Cheating?"

"Unlikely, I've never seen her interact with other men."

Did she take any of your property?

"The majority of my assets are in my own hands."

Zuo Ziliang thought for a moment and said, "Then you should come over."

"What?"

"Today is the final blow to the Qingyan app. You have to come in person," Zuo Ziliang said. "The fact that your wife left is not important. She wanted to leave, you didn't force her. If you really want to find her, you can do that later. But tonight is the last live broadcast. If you miss it, can you afford to lose?"

Wang Zixu found it utterly unbelievable. He used to think that Zuo Ziliang was just a bit too rigidly rational, but not inherently bad. He was the type to exploit people when necessary, and to delegate power and benefits when appropriate—a man with the character to accomplish great things. But he never expected him to say something like this.

He can calmly say "it doesn't matter" when someone else's wife leaves him. If this doesn't matter, what does?

"Do you know what? If it weren't for my wife, I would never have met you, I wouldn't have become a scriptwriter, and I certainly wouldn't have chosen to be the Little Prince. A friend of mine said that family is a safe haven in life. I didn't understand it before, but I only started to feel it after my wife passed away. How can you be so heartless?"

Zuo Ziliang said, "Bullshit! What kind of safe haven is family? You don't want to be a scriptwriter, but do you think I want to be a businessman? If it weren't for being forced by my family—all those aunts, uncles, and relatives—if it weren't for a bunch of whining good-for-nothings weighing you down, would you be willing to work hard? Now that your safe haven has collapsed, so what? Even if your wife runs off to the ends of the earth, you won't die!"

Wang Zixu hung up the phone and sat quietly on the sofa.

Sartre said, "You know what? He's right."

Prince Xu said, "Shut up."

Half an hour later, Zuo Ziliang arrived downstairs at his apartment building, honked his horn in the courtyard, and shouted:

"Little Prince! Get down here!"

Wang Zixu hurriedly ran to the balcony and made a shushing gesture to Zuo Ziliang downstairs, telling him to be quiet. Zuo Ziliang smiled coldly, then went upstairs and knocked on his door.

He knew there was no going to be any peace and quiet today, so he opened the door and let Zuo Ziliang in. The bald man, wearing a leather jacket, immediately pinched his nose as soon as he entered.

"What's that smell?"

"Stop talking nonsense and come on in. I don't want the neighbors to see you standing at my door."

Zuo Ziliang's appearance is suspicious. If Wang Zixu woke up tomorrow and the neighbors asked him who the little prince was, he would even have the urge to kill.

Zuo Ziliang strolled in, his hands behind his back: "Where's the light? Why aren't the lights on in your house? I thought you weren't home."

He casually pressed the switch next to him, and after seeing the scene inside, he gasped in shock.

(End of this chapter)