I am not a literary giant

Chapter 145 I'm Not Here to Give a Speech

"Sister Xiaochun, I'm leaving." Lu Qingxuan stood at the door, holding her skirt. "The symposium has already started."

"Okay, go ahead."

Ning Chunyan didn't even look up, her mind completely focused on her phone. The little prince hadn't replied to her messages for five minutes.

Lu Qingxuan hesitated for a moment before saying, "You still haven't told me when you're coming to work."

Ning Chunyan looked up, then exclaimed "Oh!" as if suddenly realizing something, and said, "You can come over after school, it's a flexible work schedule. Anyway, let's leave it like this for the next few days... after all, we don't have many manuscripts on hand yet."

Lu Qingxuan said, "Should I make an appeal within the department? I can get the students to submit more articles to the magazine."

Ning Chunyan said, "Okay, but I don't want to make the magazine's tone like a campus magazine of Nanjing University, you know? The quality of students varies, and if we receive a lot of rejected manuscripts, you'll still have to put in a lot of effort to review them."

Lu Qingxuan nodded: "I will try to use a stern tone to make them realize their place."

Ning Chunyan was genuinely pleased with her earnestness, but she couldn't bear to criticize her naivety—she had previously worked as a magazine editor and had witnessed firsthand what it was like to receive a flood of manuscripts.

Most passionate writers lack any sense of self-awareness. Ning Chunyan suffered immensely during her time as an editor. After quitting, she casually picked up those "masterpieces" she had previously lost interest in, and reading them was like drinking sweet wine—she couldn't stop. She realized how well these people actually wrote; she had been blind to their talent before.

Footsteps sounded behind Lu Qingxuan. She turned around and saw a familiar face appear in the hallway. It was a girl.

"Is this the office of 'New Appreciation' magazine?" the girl asked, holding her phone.

Lu Qingxuan recalled for a moment: "Diao Yiwen?"

Diao Yiwen took off her sunglasses: "I heard they're hiring part-time editors here, what brings you here...?"

Lu Qingxuan stepped aside and said, "Please come in. I'm also here to apply for a part-time job. Editor-in-Chief Ning is inside."

Diao Yiwen walked into the house, raised her hand and waved to Ning Chunyan: "Long time no see, talented Ning."

Ning Chunyan put down her phone and sat up straight: "Long time no see."

Diao Yiwen sat down opposite her: "I'd like to apply for an editor position."

Do you have an editor's license?

"Yes, I have a junior editor's certificate."

Diao Yiwen handed over the little red booklet with both hands. Ning Chunyan glanced at the date and asked, "Just took the exam?"

"Yes, after all, these past few months since I resigned have been spent either studying at home or taking this certification exam."

Ning Chunyan looked up at her: "You resigned too? What, did you get influenced by Wang Zixu?"

Diao Yiwen carefully chose her words: "How should I put it? I guess I was a little influenced. He's 30 years old and single, and he still has that kind of do-or-die courage. I think I'm so young, I can't be worse than him."

Ning Chunyan's eyes flashed: "Then why do you want to resign?"

After thinking for a while, Diao Yiwen raised her eyes and said, "I don't want to become an ordinary person."

"You can become an extraordinary person without quitting your job."

Diao Yiwen shook her head: "No, in that workplace, the older people all fawned over me, and my peers all fawned over me. At first, I felt very comfortable, but later I suddenly realized that it was because they were all inferior to me. Because they were inferior to me, I felt comfortable. If I want to grow, I have to go to a place where I feel uncomfortable."

"It's like a warm, moist swamp, sucking people in, and over time, you become assimilated. I didn't realize it at first, but then Wang Zixu lost his temper at work, and I suddenly realized that, without knowing when, I had become the same as everyone else at work. I don't want to be like this."

Ning Chunyan took a sip of water: "Your impression on me is completely different from before."

"Has it gotten better or worse?"

"You've become more self-aware," Ning Chunyan said. "A complete person is one who has things they want to do, but it's hard to say whether that's for the better or for the worse, because those things could also ruin you."

Diao Yiwen said, "Thank you. I want to be whole, so this is good for me."

Lu Qingxuan originally wanted to attend the lecture, but for some reason her feet were rooted to the spot and she couldn't move, so she simply sat down and listened to the two talking.

Ning Chunyan asked with curiosity, "What happened to your unit's leaders afterwards? What happened to Zhang Qian?"

Diao Yiwen said, "Right after Wang Zixu left, both of them were investigated. Director Gou was expelled from the Party and dismissed from public office; Zhang Qian received some kind of punishment and was put on a long leave. Later, I heard that she was hysterically smashing things at work and seemed to have some mental problems, so she was transferred to a very peripheral unit. After that, I left and didn't know much about it."

Ning Chunyan clapped his hands and laughed, "Serves her right! But Zhang Qian felt too lightly. She's such a despicable person, yet she can still hold a position in the system without any problems."

Diao Yiwen said, "For her, the end of her political career meant that her whole life had lost its meaning. People were saying privately that it was already a miracle that a civil servant could drag two people of such high rank down with her before resigning; she made a great profit."

Ning Chunyan curled her lip: "Profitable? That's practically self-destruction. A suicide attack, one for one, can you call that profitable? Wang Zixu's position is still a position! It's just that they look down on Wang Zixu, right? Just wait and see, in a few years, they'll realize that their little pond is only big enough to raise turtles, and only dragons can fly out."

Diao Yiwen smiled slightly and asked, "Did Wang Zixu also come to apply?"

Ning Chunyan nodded: "He just left. Actually, I told him to focus on his work for the next few months and try to win the Fei Shi Literary Award. He might come to work less often."

Diao Yiwen was somewhat surprised: "He's still planning to compete for the Fei Shi Literary Prize? Didn't you tell him? His opponent, Shi Shuqiu, is Shi Tonghe's son."

Ning Chunyan hesitated and said, "You know too? I don't plan to tell him, I'm afraid it will affect his mindset."

Lu Qingxuan straightened up. Shi Shuqiu was Shi Tonghe's son? This was the first time she had ever heard such shocking news.

Diao Yiwen said, "If I were him, I definitely wouldn't participate this time. I'd save my work for next time. Do you know that there are 'carrot pits' in administrative positions? This is another 'carrot pit'. Knowing it's a 'carrot pit', I still jumped in. I'm just asking for trouble."

Ning Chunyan was torn. Rationally, Diao Yiwen was right, but emotionally, she was unwilling to do so.

In her view, submitting the manuscript despite knowing Shi Shuqiu's background, even if it didn't win the first prize, wasn't a failure; the real failure was avoiding Shi Shuqiu's limelight and waiting until later to publish the manuscript.

Should one cowardly flee, or foolishly die? Humans can never make the right choice between these two options.

……

The discussion moved to the Q&A session.

Prince Xu is still asleep.

The girls in the back row had already started to drift off into daydreams. The girl with the wavy hair asked, "How's the battle going in the front row?"

Don't ask. It's no fun.

The girl with bangs took out her phone and said, "There's a girl from the Foreign Languages ​​Department sitting in the front row. Let me ask her."

After a while, she looked up and said, "Prince Xu has been sleeping the whole time."

A snicker broke out among the girls in the back row. The girl with long eyelashes whispered, "Luckily, Lao Zhang isn't here, otherwise he might have criticized us for our poor conduct and discipline."

Old Zhang is their class advisor. He's a real chatterbox, and he can talk about them for two hours every week during class meetings.

The girl with long eyelashes rested her chin on her hand: "It's boring. Lu Qingxuan didn't come either. I thought Shi Shuqiu was going to perform."

The girl next to her quickly patted her on the shoulder: "Quiet down, quiet down, look, Shi Shuqiu is about to get up."

The host pointed to the first row, and Shi Shuqiu stood up and said into the microphone, "Teacher Yanzishan, I would like to ask you a question."

Yanzishan nodded slightly. He knew Shi Tonghe well, but he had never seen Shi Shuqiu before and did not recognize him.

Shi Shuqiu said, "I am actually a very insecure person..."

At this point, many students in the audience laughed.

Yanzishan looked at the students, puzzled, not understanding the humor. Most of the people present were Chinese literature students who all knew Shi Shuqiu. His statement about lacking confidence was like Shaquille O'Neal saying he wasn't good at shooting—a joke exclusive to a small circle.

Shi Shuqiu continued, "I've written quite a few novels, and perhaps due to a sense of self-love, I always felt my own work was the best. My friends all praised it, but whether it truly resonates with readers, I couldn't judge for myself, nor was I confident. I'd like to ask if you've had similar experiences or feelings? How can one determine if they have a talent for writing?"

Prince Xu was startled awake by the sound. He opened his closed eyes slightly, then closed them again.

Yanzishan pondered for a moment and said:

"You mean you lack confidence, you don't know if your writing is good or not, right?"

Shi Shuqiu nodded, and Yan Zishan continued, "If you show it to others and they say it's good, and they look at it with great interest, it's not just flattery or politeness, but something that resonates with them, then it's good."

Shi Shuqiu spoke into the microphone: "Teacher Yanzishan, I didn't make myself clear earlier. Actually, I still have a little ambition—to make a name for myself in literature and be remembered by people. But how do I know I can write better than others? If literary authorities say I write well, but the public says I write poorly, whose opinion should I listen to?"

The host said, "This student wants to ask a question about the standards of literary value."

Shi Shuqiu pinched his fingers: "It's not just about literary value; I want to ask, as a writer, how should one face one's own works and values? I have created many works, but I find that I easily fall into a kind of nihilism."

The host asked, "Has this student written quite a few works?"

Shi Shuqiu nodded: "Yes, I am currently a member of the Chinese Writers Association."

The host looked surprised, and many students in the audience turned to look at him.

Shi Shuqiu straightened her chest.

Yan Zishan gave him a serious look, but to Shi Shuqiu's regret, he didn't ask his name. Mainly because Yan Zishan also noticed Wang Zixu next to Shi Shuqiu and suddenly realized that he was sitting there sleeping.

Yan Zishan said with a hint of frustration, "Here's what I think. Different people have different preferences when it comes to literature. Everyone reads children's books when they're young, but they stop reading them when they grow up. That doesn't mean children's books are bad."

"My opinion is that if your work can touch the heart of one person, then for that person, your work is the best. If you can touch the hearts of ten people, then it is a treasure for those ten people."

"If you write something that no one else appreciates, but only you can understand it, then at least that story is your own perfect story, it satisfies you, and that's what gives it value."

applause.

Prince Xu seemed to wake from a dream, glanced at the stage in a daze, then looked at Shi Shuqiu next to him, and quickly sat up straight.

Shi Shuqiu then pressed on, "So, in that case, aren't all those literary awards meaningless?"

Yan Zishan said, "Literary awards, including magazines, certainly have their own orientations and tastes. Their task is more about guidance, guiding readers to see works that are worth reading for them."

"I once served as a judge for a literary award. There were several judges, and they disagreed, going back and forth for a long time between first and second place. They even held a separate review session to determine the winners. To this day, I don't think the second-place work is significantly worse than the first-place work..."

At this point, he gave a deep look at Prince Xu in the audience:

"But in the end, I still voted for first place. Because, in all fairness, I think the first place should be seen by more people."

The host asked, "Are you referring to the previous edition of the Jade Awards?"

Yanzishan shook his head: "Actually, the first place winner of that literary competition..."

He was originally going to say that the winner of that competition would sit in the front row, that guy was a living specimen of a writer, and if everyone wrote with his reckless passion, without caring about literary status or anything like that, maybe life would be much happier.

He only got halfway through his sentence before glancing at the top scorer below the stage. Finding him still dazed and half-asleep, he sighed and shook his head, "Never mind."

Shi Shuqiu was standing next to Prince Xu when Yan Zishan glared at her. She thought he was looking at her, and she felt a little confused.

The host signaled for a change of possession, and the microphone was passed to someone else. Shi Shuqiu sat down, feeling very frustrated, which startled Wang Zixu, who was sitting next to her, awake.

The prince asked tentatively, "Is it over?"

Shi Shuqiu's tone was icy: "No."

Prince rubbed his nose, tilted his head, and closed his eyes again.

Another student stood up and said:

"Professor Yanzishan, the question that Shi Shuqiu just asked is also one I wanted to ask. It's about lacking confidence, especially after being rejected so many times. My confidence has been destroyed, and I've even forgotten how to write. I'd like to ask, have you ever experienced rejection? What did you do after your manuscript was rejected?"

Yanzishan said, "Of course I've had my manuscripts rejected, there have been countless rejections. I come from humble beginnings, I have no connections. My parents are not writers or editors, they don't even read books. Their understanding of literature is that being literate is enough. If I didn't bring my royalties home to them, they would still think I'm not doing anything productive."

"When I first submitted my work, it was constantly rejected. I was very upset at first because I felt that my writing was just as good as the articles in those magazines, so why was theirs published and not mine? I even doubted whether there was something wrong with my judgment."

"Later I realized that it wasn't me who had the problem. It was that I had no connections. If I wrote as well as them, why should mine be published and theirs not? I had to write better than them to have a chance of being published."

"Everyone lacks confidence at times, unless you have connections. If you don't, then you must have a kind of unyielding integrity—regardless of whether your writing is good or bad, whether there's any reward or not, just keep writing, like Balzac. Keep writing and submitting until you write better than everyone else."

More applause.

Prince Xu turned to Shi Shuqiu and asked, "How much longer until it ends?"

Shi Shuqiu gritted her teeth: "How would I know?"

The prince rubbed his face and stared at the floor with a zombie-like expression. The chair wouldn't do; it was too uncomfortable for anyone to sleep in.

When the host announced the end, many students were still reluctant to leave, except for Prince Xuru, who was granted a pardon.

Shi Shuqiu abruptly stood up and rushed towards the stage, quickly surrounded by enthusiastic students. Although the Q&A session had ended, they still had questions.

The girl with long eyelashes turned her head and said, "Let's go listen too."

Girl with bangs: "Let's go."

The auditorium has a fan-shaped structure, with the podium at the center. Yan Zishan was standing on the podium, surrounded by a large crowd.

Prince Xu, holding a notebook, stood outside the circle, peering around.

"Hi."

The girl with wavy hair patted him on the back. Wang Zixu turned around and recognized her.

The girl said with a hint of teasing, "Were you sleeping the whole time Professor Yanzishan was lecturing?"

Prince Xu awkwardly asked, "Did a lot of people see it?"

The girl said, "Why aren't you listening? Don't you understand?"

The prince was speechless for a moment, then nodded casually: "Yes, I don't quite understand."

The girl said, "Do you know who that person who was sitting next to you just now?"

Before Wang Zixu could ask any questions, staff members came out to maintain order: "Students, Professor Yanzishan has other schedules to attend and cannot stay any longer. Please disperse and allow him to leave!"

Upon hearing this, the students became even more excited. Wang Zixu, who had been asked by Lin Feng to sign an autograph, couldn't let him get away, so he squeezed in like an eel.

"Mr. Yanzishan, could you please sign your autograph for me?"

Yanzishan had already picked up his bag, but when he turned around and saw Wang Zixu, he paused and turned away.

A staff member nearby reminded, "Teacher Yanzishan, they're already waiting over there."

Yanzishan said, "It's okay, I'll just sign my name for him."

After saying that, he looked up at Wang Zixu and said, "You also want my autograph?"

Shi Shuqiu was taken aback and turned to look at Wang Zixu. Judging from his tone, did Yanzishan know this dozing fellow?

Wang Zixu realized that Yanzishan had misunderstood and said, "Then I'll ask for two autographs."

Yan Zishan snorted coldly, took out his pen, and said, "So you really came to the East Sea?"

Prince Xu said, "Yes, I've arrived."

Yanzishan wrote a long message for Wang Zixu and signed his name at the end. Before Wang Zixu could even read what he had written, he exclaimed:

"I have a friend who also asked me to get your autograph. He's the one who came in third place at the last Xihe Literary Competition, named Lin Feng. He wants your autograph."

Yanzishan nodded and casually signed a few more times.

A student nearby immediately shouted, "Teacher, please sign your name for me too!"

The rest of the crowd immediately echoed this sentiment.

Yan Zishan picked up the pen, gently placed the cap on the nib, and put the pen into his breast pocket, indicating that he would stop there.

"Teacher Yanzishan!"

Yan Zishan was not as friendly as he had been when he was speaking. Once offstage, he exuded a cold aura and turned to squeeze through the crowd.

Just as Wang Zixu was about to put his notebook away, he was suddenly tapped on the shoulder by the three girls behind him: "What did Teacher Yanzishan sign for you?"

He opened his notebook, showed it to them for a few seconds, then put it away and hurriedly left the auditorium.

Shi Shuqiu asked, "What did you write?"

The girls looked at each other in shock for a moment, and did not answer him.

Yanzishan's signature reads: "As long as you believe in yourself, you will overcome all obstacles in your path."

(End of this chapter)