I am not a literary giant

Chapter 184 Modernity and Meaninglessness

When Shi Shuqiu found Fang Hanlin and Ji Shaofei, Ji Shaofei had just blurted out such a disrespectful remark.

Ji Shaofei only saw Shi Shuqiu after he finished speaking. Shi Shuqiu was pushing his bicycle through the kumquat bushes and came to his side, the chain making a soft rustling sound to announce his arrival.

Most people would pretend they didn't say those words in this situation to ease the awkwardness; Ji Shaofei was no ordinary person. He pretended that Shi Shuqiu hadn't heard him and even smiled at him, which made Shi Shuqiu hesitate.

"Teacher Fang," Shi Shuqiu said, suppressing her anger and trying to appear polite, "Are you leaving now? My father would like to invite you to stay and catch up."

He emphasized the word "you" (您) to subtly exclude Ji Shaofei. Overall, Shi Shuqiu appears to be a well-educated and magnanimous young man; only this one word reveals that he is only in his early twenties.

"No need, your father has a lot to do, so I won't stay and bother you any longer."

"Alright, then I won't insist. Thank you for your high praise of my work at the seminar. I would like to ask for your feedback on my new works in the future."

Fang Hanlin said, "That's only right."

After saying that, he and Ji Shaofei watched Shi Shuqiu ride away on his bicycle. Fang Hanlin squinted and watched for a long time until the figure disappeared before saying:

"Years ago, Shi Tonghe did the same thing, hopped on his bicycle and disappeared at the end of Binjiang Road—our editorial office used to be on Binjiang Road—how similar this moment is to that moment, it's just a pity that things have changed."

Ji Shaofei ignored Fang Hanlin's sentimental musings. He was still young and didn't have many regrets, nor did he miss the past.

"Teacher Fang, if Shi Tonghe and Wang Zixu were to fight, whose side would we take?"

"Tsk."

Fang Hanlin showed him utter contempt: "We don't take sides. We're editors; we only help others achieve good, not evil."

"To prevent evil from becoming human." Ji Shaofei murmured repeatedly.

Fang Hanlin nodded: "This is the last lesson I will teach you."

"It means you don't want to offend anyone."

"Tsk!"

Fang Hanlin was very strict and angry. He was so angry that even though he didn't know how to criticize Ji Shaofei, Ji Shaofei was too scared to speak.

After a long pause, he finally said, "Your interpretation is very vulgar!"

"Okay, teacher."

Fang Hanlin said, "First of all, Wang Zixu and Shi Tonghe will not fight. Wang Zixu is not the kind of person who beats up the elderly, and Shi Tonghe would not be stupid enough to fight with a young person."

Ji Shaofei wanted to say something vulgar, but he held back.

"We editors are not tools for writers to fight each other. We have our own professional vision and aesthetics. We select, we comment, and we collect."

Fang Hanlin looked at Ji Shaofei and said:

"Writers will fight each other. We are not the ones who start the war, nor can we extinguish it. We are just witnesses."

Ji Shaofei felt touched, something he hadn't felt in a long time.

He rarely talks to people his age anymore. He actually really enjoys talking to Fang Hanlin. He feels that Fang Hanlin possesses something rarely seen in people these days.

"Well, Professor Fang," he said, "if Wang Zixu insists on competing with Shi Shuqiu for the Fei Shi Literary Award, the scene could be quite tragic. Are we just supposed to witness it?"

"If Prince Xu knew perfectly well that Shi Shuqiu was Shi Tonghe's son, and still tried to snatch the Fei Shi Literary Award from Shi Shuqiu's mouth, that wouldn't be considered tragic," Fang Hanlin said, looking at him.

"That could be described as tragic."

……

Shi Shuqiu didn't try to persuade Fang Hanlin to stay, not just because he was being polite. He had more important things to do.

He held onto the handlebars with one hand and his phone with the other, staring at the phone's location, and drove dangerously for nearly a kilometer before finally spotting the figure in the distance.

He braked the car next to that person.

"Sister Mengmeng, what are you doing? Why didn't you go to my seminar?"

Shi Shuqiu's question was so vehement it made Dujuan weep blood, but Xiao Mengyin merely looked up at him blankly.

"Excuse me, I have something to attend to."

"What's wrong with you? What were you doing for those two hours?"

"I'm thinking."

"..."

Suddenly, a bird perched high in the tree started cawing inappropriately. Shi Shuqiu blushed deeply and it took him a long time to utter a word.

"I thought it was something important! You even skipped my seminar!"

"Isn't thinking important?" Xiao Mengyin said. "For a writer, thinking is more important than life itself."

Shi Shuqiu suppressed his voice and said, "But can't we wait until the seminar is over to think about it?"

Xiao Mengyin felt slightly apologetic and patted his shoulder, saying, "Calm down, it was my fault. But I think you have so many heavyweight writers over there, you won't miss one more. Isn't there Yanzishan?"

"We didn't go to Yanzishan either!"

Xiao Mengyin raised her eyebrows slightly, revealing a surprised expression: "He didn't go either? How could he not go? How dare he not go?"

Shi Shuqiu nodded with a bitter expression. Her slightly messy bangs said it all. If someone who takes his hairstyle so seriously could be so disheveled, it meant that things were serious to some extent.

Yanzishan asked Shi Tonghe for leave and did not come because of some personal matter. Shi Shuqiu did not know what it was, but it was a very legitimate matter and a very legitimate reason. Even if Shi Tonghe heard it, he would say with a serious and concerned expression, "Then you should go and do your thing. It's okay if you don't come. Your business is important."

However, his absence is still quite serious. Yanzishan and Shitonghe are from the same hometown, and in the literary association, people from the same hometown should support each other and be allies.

You can have a perfectly valid reason for not coming today, but if something happens in the future that affects your future, I can also choose not to come. Your matter may be very important, but if you don't come, it means you think that matter is more important than your future, and naturally I don't need to care about your future.

This is an unspoken logic that everyone in this circle must understand. You may not understand it, but if you suffer and then complain, someone will naturally tell you this logic.

Shi Shuqiu was on the verge of tears when Xiao Mengyin patted his shoulder and said, "Alright, alright, his absence won't affect anything. This seminar isn't a battle cry, but a victory song. Just the fact that it's being held means you've already won."

Shi Shuqiu sniffed: "But it's really boring when you don't come."

"Don't be childish!"

She reached out and touched Shi Shuqiu's hair, which made Shi Shuqiu feel much better.

Xiao Mengyin is the kind of woman who, if you imagine the coldest woman you've ever met, the kind who never speaks to you and whose few conversations with you are only meant to mock you for being unfamiliar with her, then you'll understand how strange she is.

So it's no wonder that people who know her secretly call her "Ice Blade".

She only showed this "older sister" feeling in front of Shi Shuqiu. Shi Shuqiu felt that this was not the real her, but she also felt that she was special to him and was very attached to her.

Shi Shuqiu asked, "Sister Mengmeng, what do you think about Wang Zixu's work being published in 'Get' magazine?"

"I don't want to discuss this right now." Xiao Mengyin's tone suddenly turned cold and hard, so cold and hard that he dared not ask any more questions.

"All right."

Xiao Mengyin said she needed to continue thinking and would be walking alone at Nanjing University for a long time today. She hoped that if she saw her again, she wouldn't disturb her. So Shi Shuqiu said goodbye to her, pushed his bicycle for a while, and suddenly felt very tired.

He sat on the stone bench in front of the cafeteria, staring blankly at the passersby. He enjoyed observing girls, especially those dressed in different clothes. Clothing could reveal a person's personality, so he could tell which girls were easy to approach and which weren't worth bothering.

Based on this, he created a rating system from 1 to 5, with level 5 being the easiest to get started with, almost impossible to arrange a date with, and level 1 being the most difficult. Xiao Mengyin initially thought he was level 5, but upon closer inspection, he discovered he was level 0, and he himself had become completely entangled.

So ever since then, he has been refining his rating system. He sat on the stone bench, watching the girls pass by and rating them. One girl was rated level 4 for flesh-colored stockings, another for a plaid skirt, and yet another for black leggings... no, level 4, because her leggings were fake sheer.

Shi Tonghe didn't call. He thought he would call, but he didn't. This showed that Shi Tonghe was very disappointed, extremely disappointed, and in a bad mood.

But he was actually relieved. Because he wasn't in a good mood either. He felt he would cry if Shi Tonghe called again.

A level 3 girl in a long skirt and a level 5 girl in black stockings walked over. The girl's voice rang in my ears: "Senior Shi, what a coincidence! I can't believe I've run into you here!"

Shi Shuqiu habitually looked up with a bright and cheerful expression: "Hello."

"Wow, isn't today a seminar? What are you doing sitting here?"

"The seminar has ended."

The level 5 girl stomped her feet, letting out a swooning scream: "Wow, Senior Shi is so handsome! He's even more handsome up close! Senior, I heard your work has caused a sensation in the literary world this time, you're amazing!"

Shi Shuqiu smiled gently: "It's alright."

At that moment, he suddenly realized that for him, the fact that Yanzishan and Xiao Mengyin did not attend the seminar was a major event, like the collapse of the sky, but in the eyes of outsiders, it was not important.

He remains a leading writer of the younger generation, and no one can shake this result. Even if Wang Zixu were 10 years younger, he could not shake his position, let alone the fact that he is already too old to compete.

Shi Shuqiu regained some of her confidence.

……

Prince Xu squatted by the roadside watching people.

He has a habit of observing people.

This was not originally a habit, but a training: Chekhov taught a technique for training writing in his book, which is to observe people extensively and with all one's might, and to describe them in one's mind in the most concise, brief and vivid language.

Observe the details on them and imagine the stories behind them, so that the characters can stand in the story.

For example, Prince Xu saw a woman wearing macaron blue high heels. The woman wasn't young; she was at least forty years old. The high heels weren't brand new either; they were so old that the uppers had turned black, and the pearls on the surface were drooping down like the ears of an old dog.

Clearly, this woman was not wealthy; the worn-out condition of her high heels contrasted terribly with their bright, vibrant color, making them look even uglier.

But the prince only imagined. He could picture the scene when the woman first bought the shoes: how elegant they looked, and the joy she felt when she brought them home, and how much she loved them.

Time can obscure everything. He could imagine the woman carefully putting on those shoes at the door, perhaps out of numbness to life, or perhaps out of resistance to life, or perhaps just out of inertia.

Thinking of this, he suddenly felt a deep sadness and couldn't help but burst into tears. The woman's joy when she bought the shoes and the numbness of wearing dirty shoes now overlapped in his imagination. She walked towards him, looking at him with some strangeness, wondering why he was crying for her.

He then saw another woman, dressed in a stark contrast to the first woman, walking towards him. From her hair to her clothes, everything about her was impeccable, and even her figure was flawless, with a magnificent mountain range on her slender waist.

Upon closer inspection, Wang Zixu stopped crying and became depressed: It turned out to be Xiao Mengyin.

He was puzzled as to why Xiao Mengyin hadn't attended the seminar; she looked thoughtful. But he didn't intend to greet her.

But Xiao Mengyin walked straight toward him. So he had no choice but to stand up and plant the cigarette butt in his hand into the soil of the flower bed.

"Did you come out early?" Xiao Mengyin asked.

"You didn't go?"

"I'm thinking about something."

"I also came out to think things over. But it's probably all over by now."

"How is it?"

"Fortunately, since they're all ambiguous statements, they're not very informative."

Xiao Mengyin pouted and said, "You've become so picky. I'm afraid you'll hardly even get the chance to receive such a pointless comment."

The prince stretched lazily: "I don't know why they would invite those very famous writers, the kind you see everywhere on TV and in the newspapers, the kind who comment on everything, but I can't even recall a single one of their works. Yet they're famous, isn't that strange?"

Xiao Mengyin did not answer his question, but instead said abruptly, "I've been thinking about you."

"what?"

"I think you must be a very talented person," Xiao Mengyin said.

"Oh..." Prince Xu didn't know how to answer. He felt that receiving praise from this woman was not a good thing; it had a hint of conspiracy.

Xiao Mengyin said, "Because I haven't read your work yet, I can only give a rough estimate. I can make a judgment after I've read it. So don't worry, I will definitely read it."

"Um...I..."

"You don't need to express your opinion. I'll just talk and you can listen." Xiao Mengyin was a bit domineering. "I admit I was a little defensive before because I thought it was impossible for you to be featured in 'Get.' Because I didn't get featured in 'Get,' it's not arrogance. Just listen..."

Wang Zixu wanted to show an expression, but Xiao Mengyin snapped him back, saying:

"Because I felt that the reason I wasn't featured in 'Get' was because I wasn't qualified enough. Your qualifications are even less than mine, yet you were featured. That means things aren't as I thought, so I'm a bit defensive."

Prince Xu understood and nodded deeply.

"So it wasn't because I hated you or disliked you that I broke down; it was because of my own internal reasons, because of my own problems," Xiao Mengyin concluded. "It wasn't because of you."

Prince Xu said, "I see."

"But you should understand by now, through this seminar," Xiao Mengyin said.

"Understand what?"

"I understand that no one will announce your victory," Xiao Mengyin said. "You may be expecting to sit there after being featured in 'Get,' and use your success to prove Shi Shuqiu's failure."

Prince Xu said, "To be honest, I went there just to prove that I haven't disappeared."

"You've managed not to disappear, and you're living on in a repulsive way—to those two from the Shi family, you've disgusted them terribly," Xiao Mengyin said.

"That's a real shame."

"It's a pity, but even more regrettable is that, in the eyes of outsiders, you never existed from the beginning," Xiao Mengyin said. "Our world is not a novel; it doesn't have those dramatic conflicts, the good people living and the bad people dying, and everyone being happy. Our reality is modern."

"Modernity," Prince Xu repeated.

"Shi Shuqiu will go and announce his victory next. No one will announce your victory, or rather, it's meaningless," Xiao Mengyin said.

Wang Zixu was annoyed by her words: "So it's meaningless for you to declare my victory."

"Yes, it's like how I thought my mother would be a winner in life after getting rid of that cheating father, but she could only feel the echoes of a failed life over a long period of time, watching how a person repeatedly licks their wounds, causing everything to deteriorate beyond control. There always has to be someone like a crow bringing bad news to end the pointless illusions."

"..."

She suddenly uttered some very heavy words, so heavy that Prince Xu couldn't catch them and just silently watched them fall to the ground.

Xiao Mengyin seems to have a side that is different from what he imagined.

Xiao Mengyin glanced behind him and whispered, "Come to Renzhi Bridge tonight, and I'll talk to you some more."

Before Wang Zixu could react, he turned around and saw Ning Chunyan and Chen Qingluo rushing towards him. When he turned around again, he could only see Xiao Mengyin's back.

(End of this chapter)