I am not a literary giant

Chapter 199 The Best Time of Life (6000 words)

Chen Qingluo's hands were small and icy cold, taking up only half the space in Wang Zixu's palm.

She took the initiative to lead him over; Wang Zixu had no time to react, nor did he dare to.

In that instant, his brain signed an unequal treaty for him, ceding his hand to her. He just stood there, his hand hanging limply, feeling the small hand in his palm exert a slight pressure.

The rest of the journey was like a dream. After the two walked out the door, they naturally separated. His symptoms of walking on cotton were slightly relieved, and his eyes were able to focus again.

Wang Zixu didn't ask her what it meant by holding my hand, and Chen Qingluo didn't deny that holding my hand meant something. Neither of them spoke.

In this silence, a sense of guilt and remorse was growing.

Who are you? You're the kind of person who can't get too close to any member of the opposite sex! You could lie to yourself before and say you had a clear conscience, but what about now?

Wang Zixu felt he had wronged his wife. But he couldn't bring himself to say it. If he did, Chen Qingluo would become an accomplice. If he was guilty, he would take full responsibility. He didn't want her to be burdened by his guilt.

But Chen Qingluo clearly thought the same thing. This is a thought crime. As long as you have that kind of thought, you've committed a crime. Even though the depths of your mind may be a desolate place where no one will judge you, your conscience will condemn you.

After a long while, Chen Qingluo finally spoke:

How did you meet her?

The prince paused for a moment before speaking:

"It was at a flower shop. I hadn't broken up with Zhang Qian long before, and we got along well and gradually became familiar with each other..."

Ning Chunyan said that you suffered a great blow because of Zhang Qian.

"Did she say that? To be honest, no."

Chen Qingluo turned to look at him: "Is this just bravado or just being stubborn?"

Her breathing had been a little rapid just now, but it had calmed down, and she tried to keep her expression relaxed, as if she were talking about an old friend's embarrassing moment.

Wang Zixu realized that this was the first time he had talked to her about his wife.

"It's not about being stubborn or being defiant; in fact, there's no difference between the two, is there?" Wang Zixu scratched the back of his head. "Actually, I've never known how to explain this, but fortunately, no one has ever needed me to explain."

I want to hear it.

Chen Qingluo stared at him intently: "I want to hear."

The only person in the world qualified to demand an explanation from him was his wife. Chen Qingluo had no right to demand one either. But she said she wanted to hear it. This was out of her own stubbornness.

Since she wants to hear it, there's nothing we can do about it.

"I had just graduated when my dad started pressuring me to get married. Zhang Qian was someone he forced on me like an assigned task."

What is meant by "assigned tasks"?

"He has an unusual obsession with making me date Zhang Qian. If I don't comply with him... the consequences will be very serious."

Why this obsession?

"He believes that men should get married as early as possible and that marriage is the only way to turn their lives around."

"You like Zhang Qian." She used a declarative sentence.

"I don't like it," Prince Xu denied the statement.

"But you two dated for six months."

"It was also because of my father's obsession."

"But you still broke up."

"..."

If it's just the father's obsession, there's no need to continue the relationship; if it's to satisfy the father's obsession, then this breakup shouldn't have happened. Wang Zixu's words contain too many inconsistencies.

At this point in the conversation, even Chen Qingluo herself realized that her tone resembled interrogation, having strayed from the realm of "wanting to hear." She was demanding an explanation from him.

But she couldn't care less about any of that now. She just stared straight at him, seemingly determined to force him to open his mouth.

Prince Xu sighed.

"Because I've been lying to him all along."

I told him that Zhang Qian and I were still dating.

"Even now, he still thinks I'm dating Zhang Qian. I haven't tried to correct his thinking."

Chen Qingluo's gaze held a hint of reproach: "Why did you do this?"

Prince Xu swallowed hard. "I can't say."

"Is it that you can't say, or that you don't want to say?"

"I want to say it. But I can't."

"Not even for me?"

This statement was even more excessive. But Prince Xu didn't mind.

I don't know if I should let you know.

"I thought," Chen Qingluo took a deep breath, "that you came today to apologize to me for not telling me that your article was published in 'Get' magazine."

After much deliberation, Prince Xu finally spoke with difficulty, saying softly:

"Because he has a mental illness."

"My dad, he has a mental illness. Schizophrenia," Wang Zixu repeated.

Chen Qingluo did not speak.

"But his condition is relatively mild, he doesn't have many episodes, and his condition is improving. There's a mental hospital in Xihe, and all the patients they send there become increasingly unrecognizable. I can't bear to send him there. I've talked to him about his illness, but he doesn't always remember. He's happier when he doesn't remember."

After Wang Zixu finished speaking, he gave her an apologetic smile: "He is a very strong-willed person. If everyone knew he was sick, the neighbors would inevitably gossip, which would be even more detrimental to his condition. So I have been keeping it a secret."

Chen Qingluo asked, "Is the obsession you're talking about because he's sick?"

"Yes, paranoia," Wang Zixu forced a laugh. "I told him I didn't like Zhang Qian, and he got really upset, almost killing his neighbor. It even got into his workplace. So I've been lying to him, that Zhang Qian and I have been dating."

After a long silence, Chen Qingluo finally said, "Zhang Qian didn't object."

"She knew about my father's illness. Although she never looked down on me and had all sorts of problems, she never tried to take advantage of my father, so she still had some conscience."

"So you don't hate her."

"I don't hate her," Wang Zixu said, "but her abuse of power for personal gain is a different matter."

"Why Zhang Qian?" Chen Qingluo asked.

"Because Zhang Qian has a permanent position."

This answer sounds absurd, but it's actually quite reasonable. Upon closer reflection, it's heartbreaking.

Although the root cause of my father's illness was sown more than ten years ago, its full-blown outbreak was partly due to Wang Zixu's employment status issue.

He often thought that if he had been more mature back then, if he hadn't said so many hurtful things, if he hadn't had all the blame placed on him, perhaps things wouldn't have turned out this way.

Unfortunately, there are no "what ifs" in this world. What's done is done, and you can only accept it.

Chen Qingluo asked, "Is it alright to leave him alone in Xihe now?"

"I separated from him a long time ago, and his condition actually improved after we separated. His problem lay in his environment. After leaving his original environment, his mindset improved a lot."

"Because the original environment had too many regrets."

"Because the original environment contained too much suffering."

After Wang Zixu finished speaking, he added, "I think I myself am also one of the sources of his suffering."

"You yourself." Chen Qingluo repeated blankly.

"Because I'm a good-for-nothing son," Prince Xu said with a smile. "When he sees me as a good-for-nothing, it's as if he sees himself as a good-for-nothing."

Chen Qingluo lowered her head and quietly looked at her toes.

"It's not that I'm useless."

Wang Zixu forced a smile. This sentence structure has been used too much and become a meme, but even with a humorous explanation, it can't be salvaged here.

Chen Qingluo looked up at him: "He is successful because he gave birth to you; you are successful because... you are you."

Wang Zixu forcefully turned his head away from her, avoiding eye contact to prevent further emotional turmoil. He changed the subject.

"I bought the house he used to rent. He lives there, has friends, and nice neighbors. I asked them to help look after it, and I go back every now and then. That's all I can do."

"Um."

The two walked in silence for a while longer, then Chen Qingluo asked:

Do you love your wife?

"I am very grateful to her. If it weren't for her, I might not have been able to get through that period."

Do you miss her right now?

"It's strange, I don't really miss her. I think about her, but I don't really want to think about her."

Wang Zixu then said, "You must think I'm heartless. I'm surprised myself, why would I be like this? But I really wasn't thinking about her; I was just wondering, where did she go?"

Wang Zixu concluded by saying, "I would be very happy if she came back."

Chen Qingluo said, "I hope she will come back."

Wang Zixu was glad that Chen Qingluo did not continue the topic of mental illness.

If he continued, he would have to bring up the family history of the illness. He felt that he himself also had a mental illness.

He felt that normal people wouldn't see Sartre or Camus squatting next to them all the time.

Across from Qingshan Square is a street called "Here There is Green Mountain". Once you get there, you'll find a fork in the road leading in different directions.

This means they are saying goodbye.

"Let's part ways here," Chen Qingluo said. "I should go home."

"goodbye."

"When you get to work, tell Ning Chunyan that I'd like to take a long leave."

Prince Xu was taken aback: "What's wrong?"

"I've had a new inspiration. I want to write it down right now," Chen Qingluo said. "Actually, I just want to rush home and then go into seclusion."

A surge of intense panic and impulse welled up within Wang Zixu: he wanted to keep her; he wanted to hear her say, "We'll meet again." He didn't want to say goodbye.

He said, "Okay, then go ahead."

"Yes," Chen Qingluo nodded, looking like a very well-behaved child, "Remember our promise."

"I will always remember."

"Yes." Chen Qingluo nodded seriously again, her face expressionless. "We parted ways at 'Here There Are Green Hills'."

……

Wang Zixu didn't know which promise Chen Qingluo was referring to—the one from "The Brothers Karamazov" or the one about "me and you together."

He pondered for a long time without finding an answer, and finally thought, "I have to remember them all anyway." So it doesn't matter which one Chen Qingluo said.

But there is still a reason. If Chen Qingluo said the former, it means she was telling him to stay true to his place, not to overstep boundaries, and to remain kind and honest; if she said the latter, it means Chen Qingluo was telling him, "I don't care, I'm still with you."

The more she thought about it, the more she seemed like a thick fog, turning into a shadowy figure, leaving behind a faint sorrow in the air that lingered for a long time.

At 8 p.m., he was driving around the city when Pu Yuyang, the editor of "Get," suddenly called, sounding very excited.

"Wang Zixu has officially confirmed that the symposium on 'Spark in the Stone' will be held at Nanjing University!"

Wang Zixu was somewhat dazed, and it took him a while to come to his senses: "Isn't this inappropriate?"

"What's wrong with this? This is clearly a wonderful thing."

"Wasn't 'Yesterday's Star' also having a seminar at Nanjing University?" Wang Zixu thought for a few seconds before coming up with a somewhat inaccurate description: "A head-on sniping duel?"

"Who cares? Nanjing University hosts tons of seminars. If we're going to snipe, it'll be a group fight. As for PUBG, have you even played PUBG Mobile?"

"No." Wang Zixu didn't want to discuss playing games together. "How did it suddenly come to that?"

"Weren't you prepared?"

"Not done well."

"Actually, that's not the best news," Pu Yuyang deliberately kept everyone in suspense, "Some people have already confirmed their participation. Guess who they are? I guarantee you'll never guess."

Wang Zixu was a little tired and didn't want to guess: "If you can't guess, why should I guess?"

"Hey, why don't you get joked around?"

Who wants to participate?

"That's... oh, the very famous—Gu Zao!"

Gu Zao? The leading figure among young authors, Gu Zao? An Younan's teacher, Gu Zao? The Gu Zao whose headline was stolen by him?

I really couldn't have guessed.

Wang Zixu felt she was being a bit too lively and asked, "Aren't you in the editorial department right now?"

The original text can be found at 6#9@book/bar!

"I got off work a long time ago," Pu Yuyang said. "Logically, I should have told you tomorrow, but we're old classmates, so I couldn't wait to tell you and make you happy early."

"Thank you," Wang Zixu said, "but why Gu Zao? Is Gu Zao even willing to come?"

"He's willing, he's quite willing," Pu Yuyang said. "He'd really like to meet you."

Prince Xu recalled what An Younan had said when they met earlier that day and nodded, saying, "Alright."

It seems An Younan wasn't lying. Gu Zao really wanted to see him.

"There's more than just Gu Zao," Pu Yuyang said. "Gu Zao is a representative of young authors. Can you guess who else is there? Hint: lean towards your hometown."

Prince Xu said, "Chen Qingluo."

That was his first reaction, and after speaking, he felt a sense of loss. Her shadow still lingered, radiating intensely at him.

She's already said she's going into seclusion, so she probably won't be attending his seminar.

"No—that's not right," Pu Yuyang said. "Guess again."

"Ningchun Banquet".

"That's not right either. Isn't she your editor-in-chief? If you want her to participate, you can invite her yourself. Guess again."

"Raymond Lam".

"Who?"

"Just tell me directly." Prince Xu felt he was about to collapse.

"Shen Qingfeng".

Upon hearing this answer, Prince Xu immediately woke up.

"what?"

"You're quite influential; I didn't expect you to be so popular." Pu Yuyang laughed heartily. "We had only been in contact with the Xihe Literary Association for a short time when they immediately agreed to let Shen Qingfeng participate."

"Uh, this isn't a good idea!" Wang Zixu said. "To be honest, Shen Qingfeng and I have a bit of a...

"Is that a bit contradictory?"

It's not just a little contradictory anymore; it's a huge contradiction.

"Could we not let him come?" Wang Zixu said. "It would be quite awkward."

"No! Don't worry! It's fine!" Pu Yuyang said. "A seminar is a place where you have to talk about everything, good and bad. It's best if you argue. The more heated the argument, the more topics there will be."

After saying that, she added, "And think about it, Shen Qingfeng has a lot of fans, and he's not exactly... well, you know, in the traditional literary world. You can totally accept his criticism with a smile! You can gain a lot of traffic out of thin air!"

Wang Zixu was somewhat embarrassed: "Since when has traditional literature started to consider online traffic?"

"Everyone needs to eat!" Pu Yuyang sounded in a good mood. "Anyway, you can prepare well... But then again, you don't really have much to prepare."

After hanging up the phone, Wang Zixu remained in a daze for a long time.

what?

Shen Qingfeng is here to attend the seminar on "Fire in the Stone"?

What kind of disaster scene is this?

He could imagine how embarrassed he would be on the day of the seminar.

Unfortunately, Chen Qingluo went into seclusion at this crucial moment. If she had his back, he would be in a better position.

After parking the car on the side of the road, Wang Zixu dialed Lin Feng's number and told him what had happened. Lin Feng was eating when he heard the call; he ran out without even wiping his mouth.

"Huh? Shen Qingfeng went?" Lin Feng was shocked. "When did they submit the application? They didn't even get my permission!"

Wang Zixu was a little worried about his friend, the president: "Aren't you being sidelined?"

"It's unlikely that I've been sidelined. I know about this, but I haven't finalized the official reporting list yet. Shen Qingfeng must have bypassed me and volunteered to participate. So why did they report him without my consent? Oh no, I've been sidelined..."

"..."

On the other end of the phone, Lin Feng comforted him, "I will confront Shen Qingfeng. Even if I can't stop him, I will try to go myself."

"Forget it, don't bother coming," Wang Zixu said. "What's the point of you coming? Are you going to argue with Shen Qingfeng? It makes our Xihe Literary Association look particularly disunited."

"But that old bastard will definitely do you harm if he goes..."

"It's okay, he hasn't published many articles in authoritative magazines, so even if he says something about me, it's just sour grapes."

After listening, Lin Feng thought for a moment and suddenly smiled: "You're right, you're not the same person you used to be."

"We'll capitalize on that massive wave of online traffic."

"Now that you mention it, I'm actually looking forward to him attending your seminar. Good luck!"

"Okay. You keep it up too, don't let yourself be sidelined any longer."

"Isn't it because I need you, the vice president, to help me keep things in order?" Lin Feng complained. "After Teacher Li Tingfang stepped down, even the vice presidents don't respect me, making it very difficult to carry out the work. I really hope you can win the Fei Shi Literary Award. I recommended you for the position, and if you win, I'll feel more confident!"

"Okay, I'll try my best to win an award, and you should try your best to win an award for reportage."

After hanging up the phone, Wang Zixu stood by the river for a while to enjoy the breeze, then headed home.

……

As soon as he entered, Wang Zixu saw Ye Lan sitting on the sofa. The living room lights were off, and an old movie was playing on the projector. On the black screen, a short poem was written in traditional Chinese characters:

That was an awkward confrontation.

She kept her head down, giving him a chance to get closer.

He didn't have the courage to approach.

She turned around and left.

Ye Lan turned to look at him: "You're back. Why are you so late?"

"Are you watching a movie?"

"Yeah, you're back just in time. The movie just started. Do you want to watch it together?"

"What movie?"

"Talking about extramarital affairs."

The slipper in Wang Zixu's hand fell to the ground: "An extramarital affair?"

What's wrong with me today? Why bother looking into extramarital affairs?

Then, Maggie Cheung's face appeared on the screen, and Prince breathed a sigh of relief: "In the Mood for Love."

"Hey! Right! How did you know? You've seen it before? How did you recognize it at a glance? Wow, you're amazing!" Ye Lan was very excited, her eyes sparkling as she looked at Wang Zixu.

Wang Zixu changed into slippers and walked over, plopping down on the sofa: "Is today 'Wong Kar-wai Day'?"

"No, today is 'Tony Leung Day.' I was searching for movies online, and they said this one is a beautiful film about extramarital affairs, so I chose it."

"Why did you suddenly decide to watch 'Adultery'? You're not even married yet, why would you watch this?"

"I don't want to watch a police thriller! So I'll choose this one. I'm tired of regular romance movies, I want something more exciting."

Wang Zixu felt that Ye Lan would definitely be disappointed in the end, but he didn't tell her that, as it would be particularly discouraging.

After sitting down next to her, Wang Zixu realized that his behavior had been a bit hasty.

Miss Ye Lan was dressed too casually, wearing a long T-shirt on top and bare legs on the bottom, her long, white legs gleaming as she stood on the sofa. Fortunately, the lighting was dim, so nothing could be seen clearly, and there was no need to worry about whether she was wearing a bra under her T-shirt.

He was about to get up and leave when Ye Lan said:

"You still haven't told me why you came home so late today."

"I talked to the editors of The Get magazine, and they said they wanted to hold a seminar for my book, Fire in the Stone."

"Wow, congratulations." Ye Lan said emotionlessly, her eyes fixed on the screen.

"What's a bit awkward is that Shen Qingfeng is also coming," Wang Zixu said with a wry smile. "I wonder how he'll mock me then."

"What's there to be afraid of?" Ye Lan stared at the screen, picking at her toes. "If he dares to mock you, just declare on the spot that you're the little prince and teach him a lesson."

"Huh? Why?"

"Shen Qingfeng recently started live streaming, praising The Little Prince every day, and he's gained a lot of viewers," Ye Lan said. "If he dares to criticize you, just reveal your identity directly. If he still insults you, he's just contradicting himself."

"Thank you for your suggestion. However, if I reveal my true identity on the spot, Shen Qingfeng won't be the only one criticizing me."

What a joke, Professor Chung Chun-min will also be there.

If he dared to call himself the Little Prince, Professor Zhong would return him on the spot.

After saying that, Wang Zixu casually made up an excuse: "It's my turn to take out the trash today, I'm going downstairs."

"Why don't you rewatch it? This movie has a really high score."

"No need, enjoy the film."

Dressed like that, Ye Lan definitely wouldn't be able to concentrate on watching a movie together. If you know you can't resist some temptations, then you should avoid getting close to them.

I'm sorry, miss, I only have one ticket. I don't need to worry about anything too complicated.

As the prince carried the trash downstairs, he muttered that classic line: "If I had one more ticket, would you come with me?"

Stepping out of the building, a cool breeze blew in his face, and Wang Zixu felt his mind calm down a little.

He had experienced too much today, leaving him overwhelmed and unsettled. Shi Tonghe's threat, Chen Qingluo's promise, Ye Lan's allure, Zhang Manyu's cheongsam... these images swirled in his mind like a curtain of smoke.

He threw the trash into the trash can, when suddenly someone patted him hard on the shoulder.

Suddenly, someone stood behind him, completely silent, and in an instant, his legs went weak with fear.

"Who?"

"You must be Mr. Wang Zixu?" A tall, thin man stood behind him. "Could you please come with us for a moment?"

"Who are you?"

The tall, thin man's tone was somewhat authoritative, which displeased Wang Zixu.

"You don't need to ask these questions, just come with us."

"I don't have a habit of going with strangers without knowing why."

The tall, thin man stood with his hands behind his back, his neck held high.

"I'll relay Miss An Younan's words to you: She said that she insisted you come over, and she also said that you would gladly accept the offer after hearing it."

(End of this chapter)