From a county-level lecture hall to a nationally renowned teacher

一

In the autumn of 2007, Lin Zhiyuan felt that everything was on the right track. His daughter was learning to walk, his wife was steadily advancing in her career at the hospital, and he himself had established himself at Yucai Middle School. The Chinese language scores of Class 5 of the senior year were consistently among the top in the grade, and Su Hang and Chen Hao were making their final sprint for the college entrance examination. He even started planning for next year—after this class of students graduated, he might be able to write a book to organize his teaching experiences over the years.

But life never goes according to plan.

One evening in mid-September, Lin Zhiyuan was grading essays in his office when his phone rang. It was Su Wanqing.

"Lin Zhiyuan, can you come home early today?"

"What's wrong?"

"I have something I want to tell you."

Her voice was calm, but Lin Zhiyuan sensed something beneath that calm. He didn't ask any further questions, simply saying, "Okay. I'll be there in half an hour."

He sped up his grading, stuffed the remaining essays into his bag, and prepared to take them home to correct. By the time he left the school building, it was almost dark; the lights on the playground were on, and several students were running, lap after lap, seemingly never stopping.

When she got home, Su Wanqing was sitting on the sofa in the living room. She didn't turn on the TV or look at her phone; she just sat there. Xiao Siqi was already asleep, and the room was quiet.

"What's wrong?" Lin Zhiyuan sat down next to her.

Su Wanqing was silent for a moment, then said, "My mother has been diagnosed with breast cancer."

Lin Zhiyuan was stunned for a moment. Su Wanqing's mother—that plump, smiling woman who always served him food and told him he was too thin—had breast cancer.

"When was this discovered?"

"This afternoon, my sister took her for a checkup. The results came back malignant."

Su Wanqing's voice remained calm, but her hands were trembling. Lin Zhiyuan grasped her hand; it was cold, her fingertips icy.

"Early or late stage?"

"Mid-stage. The doctor said surgery is possible, but chemotherapy will be needed afterward."

"Then let's have the surgery. If the hospitals in the city can't handle it, we'll go to the provincial capital. Don't worry about the money, I'll figure something out."

Su Wanqing looked up at him, her eyes reddening: "Lin Zhiyuan, I'm scared."

"Don't be afraid. I'm here."

He pulled Su Wanqing into his arms, feeling her body trembling slightly. Outside, it was completely dark; the streetlights came on, their dim yellow light filtering through the gaps in the curtains and casting a thin beam of light on the floor.

two

In the days that followed, Lin Zhiyuan's life was split in two.

Half of the place was a school, and the other half a hospital. Su Wanqing's mother had been transferred to the Municipal People's Hospital, and Su Wanqing went to the hospital to take care of her every day after get off work, while Lin Zhiyuan stayed home to take care of his daughter, prepare lessons, and grade homework. On weekends, he would take Xiao Siqi to the hospital so that her grandmother could see her granddaughter. Xiao Siqi didn't understand what cancer or chemotherapy was; she only knew that her grandmother was lying in bed with no hair, but she still happily rushed over and called out, "Grandma, Grandma!"

Su Wanqing's mother touched her granddaughter's little face and smiled. That smile held weariness and pain, but also an indescribable sense of satisfaction.

"Zhiyuan, you've lost weight," she said to Lin Zhiyuan.

"No, I ate quite well."

"You always say that," she sighed. "Wanqing is lucky to have married you."

"Mom, please don't say that. I'm the one who's blessed."

Su Wanqing's mother smiled but didn't speak again. She closed her eyes, as if she were tired. Lin Zhiyuan carried Xiao Siqi out of the ward and stood in the corridor for a while. People came and went in the corridor—doctors, nurses, patients, and family members—each with a different expression on their face—anxiety, exhaustion, hope, despair. Standing there, he suddenly felt how fragile life truly is. You never know when or who will disappear from your life.

In late October, Su Wanqing's mother underwent surgery. The surgery was successful; the doctor said the cancer cells had not spread to the lymph nodes, and the prognosis should be good. When Su Wanqing came out of the operating room, her legs were weak, and Lin Zhiyuan supported her as they sat on a chair in the corridor for a long time.

"It's alright," he said. "Mom's alright."

Su Wanqing nodded, buried her face in his shoulder, and cried. She cried for a long time, releasing all the fear, anxiety, and repression she had felt during this period. Lin Zhiyuan held her, saying nothing, simply letting her cry.

three

In November, Suzhou and Hangzhou encountered problems.

His grades began to decline. Not a slow, gradual decline, but a precipitous, sudden drop. In the midterm exams, his total score fell from third in the grade to eighteenth. His Chinese score dropped from over 110 to just over 90.

Lin Zhiyuan called him to his office.

"Su Hang, what's wrong?"

Su Hang sat opposite him, head down, not saying a word.

"What happened at home?"

"no."

"Are you feeling unwell?"

"no."

"Then tell me, why have your grades dropped so much?"

After a long silence, Su Hang finally spoke: "Teacher Lin, I don't know why I need to study."

Lin Zhiyuan was taken aback. He didn't know how to answer the question. It was a question more difficult than any math problem.

"Didn't you used to study very well? Why do you suddenly not know anymore?"

"I used to study because everyone else was studying it. I was happy when I did better than them," Su Hang said softly. "Now I'm not happy. I feel like these things are useless. No matter how beautiful the laws of physics are, what do they have to do with me? What can I change?"

Lin Zhiyuan looked at him. This boy was fifteen years younger than him, but he spoke as if he were someone who had lived for many years and experienced many things.

"Su Hang, do you know that this is a question many people never understand in their entire lives?"

Su Hang looked up at him.

"I haven't figured it out either," Lin Zhiyuan said. "But I know one thing—learning isn't about changing the world, it's about changing yourself. If you study physics, your perspective on the world changes. If you study literature, your understanding of people changes. These things become a part of you, making you a better person."

Su Hang remained silent for a long time before saying, "Teacher Lin, I want to take a leave of absence from school."

Lin Zhiyuan's heart sank.

"Take a leave of absence? Now? In the first semester of senior year?"

"I want to go out and travel. To see how other people live."

Do your parents know?

"I told them. They disagreed."

"I won't agree either," Lin Zhiyuan said. "It's not because I think your idea is wrong, it's because now is not the time. After you finish the college entrance exam and get into university, you'll have plenty of time to think about these issues. If you suspend your studies now, you'll have wasted this year."

Su Hang lowered his head and remained silent.

"Su Hang, make me a promise. Finish your senior year of high school and take the college entrance exam. After that, you can go wherever you want, I won't stop you. But right now, you have to stay."

Su Hang remained silent for a long time, then nodded.

"Teacher Lin, I promise you."

four

In late November, Lin Zhiyuan received a call from Zhou Haitao.

"Ms. Lin, I've broken up with my boyfriend."

Lin Zhiyuan held his phone, unsure of what to say.

"Her family doesn't agree. They say my family is too poor and not good enough for them." Zhou Haitao's voice was calm, but Lin Zhiyuan could hear the tension beneath that calm.

"Zhou Haitao, listen to me."

"I'm listening."

"You are not unworthy of anyone. You came from Tangcun Township, you were admitted to Peking University, and you are more outstanding than the vast majority of people in this world. If someone looks down on you because of your background, that is their problem, not yours."

There was a long silence on the other end of the phone.

"Teacher Lin, I know. But I'm still sad."

"If you're sad, then be sad. Don't bottle it up. Cry it out, talk it out, it's all good."

"I'm not crying. I just want to talk to you."

"Speak. I'm listening."

Zhou Haitao talked a lot. He said that when he first arrived at Peking University, he felt he knew nothing and was far behind his classmates from the city. He said he studied hard and worked hard to catch up. He said he had a girlfriend and thought he had found someone who understood him, but when her parents found out he was from a rural area in Jiangxi, they didn't even want to meet him.

"Teacher Lin, sometimes I wonder, what am I working so hard for?"

"For yourself," Lin Zhiyuan said. "Not to prove anything to anyone, but to give yourself a better life. Your efforts now will ensure that your future children don't have to suffer the hardships you endured. That's enough."

There was silence on the other end of the phone.

"Zhou Haitao, you will meet someone better."

"Teacher Lin, you always say that."

"Because I believe."

After hanging up the phone, Lin Zhiyuan sat in his study for a long time. He recalled his own experience moving from the county town to the provincial capital, feeling clueless and inadequate. It took him a long time to adapt and find his place. Zhou Haitao's path was even more difficult, as he came from a faraway place and carried a heavier burden.

He picked up his phone and sent Zhou Haitao a text message: "You are the best student I have ever taught. Don't forget that."

After a while, Zhou Haitao replied: "Thank you, Teacher Lin. I won't forget it."

五

In December, Xiao Siqi was able to run.

She was no longer content with walking; she wanted to run. Every evening, Lin Zhiyuan would take her to play in the community garden. She would run around like a little rabbit, chasing cats, dogs, fallen leaves, and even her own shadow. She ran very fast, and Lin Zhiyuan couldn't catch up, so he could only call out, "Siqi, slow down, don't fall!"

Before he could finish speaking, Xiao Siqi fell. She lay on the ground, stunned for a second, then burst into tears. Lin Zhiyuan ran over, picked her up, and saw that her knee was scraped and bleeding.

"Don't cry, don't cry, Daddy will blow on it." He blew on the wound, and Xiao Siqi's crying subsided a little, but she was still sobbing.

"Siqi, are you still going to run away or not?"

"Run," Xiao Siqi sobbed.

Lin Zhiyuan smiled. He held his daughter and sat on the garden bench for a while. It was getting dark, and the streetlights came on, casting a dim, yellowish glow over the garden. In the distance, someone was walking their dog, the leash stretching long in the setting sun.

"Dad," Xiao Siqi suddenly called out.

"Um?"

"Love you."

Lin Zhiyuan was stunned for a moment. This was the first time he had heard his daughter say "I love you." Not "I love you," but "I love you." One word was missing, but the meaning was the same.

"Dad loves you too," he said.

Little Siqi smiled, revealing a few tiny teeth, then nestled on his shoulder and fell asleep. She was tired and had fallen asleep. Lin Zhiyuan carried her and slowly walked home. The streetlights shone one by one, casting their shadows long and thin.

六

In mid-December, Su Wanqing's mother was discharged from the hospital.

The surgery and chemotherapy are over, and the doctor said the recovery is going well; all that's needed is regular checkups. Su Wanqing brought her mother home to stay for a while to make it easier to care for her. Xiao Siqi had a lot of fun playing with her grandmother, pestering her to tell her stories every day. Since her grandmother couldn't tell stories, she sang nursery rhymes from their hometown to her.

When Lin Zhiyuan came home from get off work, he often saw this scene: Xiao Siqi sitting on her grandmother's lap, her grandmother swaying her and singing: "Moonlight shines on the ground, shrimp jump, fish swim..." Xiao Siqi couldn't understand the lyrics, but she listened very carefully, her eyes shining.

"Mom, you sing so beautifully," Lin Zhiyuan said.

"What's so nice about it? It's so rustic." Su Wanqing's mother laughed.

"Simple and rustic sounds better. I don't understand the songs these days."

Su Wanqing's mother looked at him with gratitude and heartache in her eyes.

"Zhiyuan, thank you for your hard work these past few days."

"It's not hard work. Please don't say that."

"Wanqing marrying you is the greatest blessing of her life."

Lin Zhiyuan smiled but didn't reply. He went to the kitchen, poured himself a glass of water, and drank it by the window. It was already dark outside, with scattered lights in the distance, like stars scattered across the night sky.

Su Wanqing came out of the room and stood next to him.

"Lin Zhiyuan."

"Um?"

"Thank you."

"You're here again."

"Thank you so much this time." Su Wanqing rested her head on his shoulder. "Without you, I don't know how I would have made it through."

Lin Zhiyuan reached out and put his arm around her shoulder. She was very thin, and the bones in her shoulder pressed against his arm.

"Su Wanqing, we are husband and wife. Between husband and wife, there's no need for thanks."

Su Wanqing didn't speak. She buried her face in his shoulder, and Lin Zhiyuan felt that it was wet.

Seven

December 31st, the last day of 2007.

Lin Zhiyuan sat alone in his study, flipping through his diary from the past year. January: Chen Mingyuan was hospitalized. February: Su Hang won first prize in the provincial competition. March: Chen Mingyuan passed away. April: Xiao Siqi learned to crawl. May: Xiao Siqi learned to walk. June: Su Hang won a national silver medal. September: Su Wanqing's mother was diagnosed with cancer. October: Surgery. November: Su Hang said he wanted to take a break from school. December: Su Wanqing's mother was discharged from the hospital.

This year has brought losses and gains, sorrow and joy. He closed his diary, leaned back in his chair, and stared at the ceiling. The sound of firecrackers outside the window began, at first sporadic, then growing louder and more frequent.

Su Wanqing pushed open the door and came in, holding Xiao Siqi in her arms.

"Dad, set off firecrackers!" Xiao Siqi pointed out the window.

"Yes, firecrackers. The New Year is coming."

"New Year!" Xiao Siqi repeated the word, not knowing what it meant, but knowing it was a good thing.

Su Wanqing placed Xiao Siqi on Lin Zhiyuan's lap and sat down on the chair next to him. The three of them squeezed into the small study, listening to the sound of firecrackers outside the window.

"Lin Zhiyuan, will next year be better?" Su Wanqing asked.

"Yes," Lin Zhiyuan said. "Definitely."

He didn't know what next year would bring. He didn't know if Su Hang could recover, if Su Wanqing's mother would relapse, or if Zhou Haitao could overcome his heartbreak. But he knew that no matter what happened next year, he would be here. At school, at home, wherever he belonged.

He held his daughter in his arms, looking at his wife, while fireworks outside the window bloomed one after another, illuminating the night sky with flickering light.

2008 has arrived.