Cangmang Asks the Way 1: Guardian of the Lamp

On September 1st, a red banner reading "Welcome New Students" was hung at the entrance of Jixian Middle School. A morning breeze blew, and the banner fluttered lazily like a flag. Cang Tianci stood at the school gate, looking at the words, and vaguely felt as if he had stood in the same spot at this time last year. Back then, he carried a bag, his acceptance letter for the gifted youth program tucked in his pocket, full of youthful vigor. However, a year had passed, and his mindset had undergone a tremendous change.

He followed the flow of people inside. Students in blue and white school uniforms passed by him in twos and threes, chatting and laughing. No one gave him a second glance. He kept his head down and quickened his pace.

The teachers' office was on the first floor of the teaching building. The door was open, and several students had already arrived to register. Cang Tianci stood at the door and saw Xu Wenyuan sitting at his desk by the window, filling out a form for a girl. A stack of forms was spread out on his desk, and next to him was an enamel teacup with the words "Excellent Class Teacher" printed in red on the inside, most of the paint of which had already peeled off.

After the girl left, Cang Tianci went inside and stood in front of the desk.

"Teacher Xu, I'm here to report for duty."

Xu Wenyuan raised his head, looked deeply at Cang Tianci, and said, "You're back."

"Um."

Xu Wenyuan put his glasses back on, lowered his head, pulled a form from the drawer, and pushed it in front of Tianci. It was a return-to-school registration form, with Tianci's name and student information already printed on it.

"How is your recovery going?" He looked up at Cang Tianci and asked with concern.

"Much better," Tianci said.

"That's good. Your seat will still be in the last row. Sit here for now, and we'll rearrange the seating according to your grades after the midterms. You've fallen behind in your studies, so figure out how to catch up on your own. If you have any questions, ask your respective teachers."

He paused, then added, "Tianci, you are a promising talent. I hope you can learn from this experience and know how to choose in the future."

"Okay, Ms. Xu. I'll be going now."

"Hmm," Xu Wenyuan responded, then lowered his head to work again.

Cang Tianci walked out of the office and headed towards the classroom of the gifted youth class.

As expected, dozens of eyes converged on him when he entered the classroom.

Before, those gazes carried weight and warmth. He could discern the kindness, the coldness of disgust, the piercing curiosity—each one distinct, like a finger tracing the surface of water, every ripple clearly imprinted in his mind. Now, those gazes remained, but it was as if they were seen through a window washed clean by rain—he could see the light, he could see the figures, but the details were blurred. He couldn't tell which gaze was Song Wei's concern, which was Zheng Tao's scrutiny, and which was Wang Yaowu's hatred.

He simply stood there, letting those gazes fall on him and then drift away.

No rush. This is what his master taught him. Rushing won't help. His perception isn't gone; it's just temporarily dormant, like a snake burrowing deep into the soil in winter. When spring comes, it will awaken on its own. Until then, he doesn't need to see every gaze clearly. He only needs to see the path beneath his feet.

He started walking towards the last row. His steps were neither fast nor slow. The pocket watch ticked on his chest, tick-tock, tick-tock, tick-tock.

As soon as she reached the third row aisle, Song Wei was the first to react. She rushed from her seat to Tianci, looked him up and down, and excitedly exclaimed, "Tianci, are you all better?"

"Okay, all done. Thank you for visiting me in the countryside during the summer vacation!" Tianci said to her with a smile. Then he turned his gaze to Lin Ruoxi and Wang Xiuzhu, who were sitting quietly in their seats, and nodded with a smile, saying, "Thank you both too!"

Lin Ruoxi nodded slightly, a slight smile playing on her lips, but remained silent. Wang Xiuzhu blushed and lowered her head.

Finally, he looked at Lin Wanqing, nodded to her, and then walked towards his seat in the last row.

The buzzing of conversation in the classroom was like a disturbed beehive. Some people craned their necks to look, some whispered to each other, some turned to look at him, and some greeted him with smiles.

In the front row by the window, Zheng Tao was looking down and flipping through an original English book.

Cang Tianci walked past him. Out of the corner of his eye, he caught sight of the thin figure's back, and the corner of his mouth twitched slightly, the curve of which looked like a smile, or perhaps a sigh.

He already knew.

He learned of Cang Tianci's serious injuries and coma on the very day Cang Tianci was admitted to the hospital. When his father, Zheng Guofu, brought it up at the dinner table, his tone was as indifferent as if he were talking about something trivial.

He didn't say anything at the time, but simply picked up a piece of food with his chopsticks and chewed it slowly.

From that day on, he rarely thought of Cang Tianci anymore. Occasionally, when his father mentioned the Cang family at the dinner table, he would only grunt in response, as if listening to old news that had nothing to do with him. In his eyes, the opponent who once required his careful calculations had become a thing of the past, not worth his time anymore.

He refocused his attention on Lin Ruoxi.

Before the start of the school year, he asked his father to get him a deluxe edition of the Oxford Advanced Learner's English-Chinese Dictionary. It had a dark blue hard cover, gold lettering, and was quite heavy; holding it felt like holding a brick. He planned to give it to her on the first day of the new semester. He carried the dictionary in his schoolbag from home to school, and then from the school gate to the classroom. All the way, he pondered how to bring it up.

"Ruoxi, I don't need this dictionary. You're good at English, so I'll give it to you." — Too deliberate.

"Having an extra copy of this dictionary is a waste of space." — That's so fake.

"My dad's workplace gave it to me, I don't need it." — The most natural response.

He thought of seven or eight different ways to phrase it, going over each one in his mind several times, like rehearsing lines. But when he sat down and saw Lin Ruoxi's quiet profile, all those words got stuck in his throat.

Lin Ruoxi wore a white short-sleeved shirt with a small silver brooch at the collar—it was in the shape of an orchid, very simple and understated. Her hair was a little longer than last semester, falling to her shoulders with slightly curled ends. She was looking down at her English text, sunlight streaming in through the window, falling on the open pages of her book and on her fingers holding the pen. Her fingers were slender, and her nails were neatly manicured.

Zheng Tao unzipped his backpack a little, then zipped it up again. He turned his head, wanting to say something, but didn't know how to start.

They'd been deskmates for months, and she always maintained a lukewarm attitude towards him. Only when dealing with class affairs would she speak a few more words, her tone like reading official documents, not a word more, not a word less. Yet he clearly remembered that last semester, when she was deskmates with Cang Tianci, she would proactively discuss problems, lend him magazines, and even speak up for him during class debates—though she said, "It's not for you," her tone, her eyes… Thinking of these things, the pen in his hand felt slightly hot from gripping it.

He recalled the three phone calls he had made to Lin Ruoxi that summer. The first was in mid-July, when he asked if she wanted to go to the provincial capital to see an art exhibition. She said she had something to do and couldn't go. The second was in early August, when he asked if she wanted to go to Xinhua Bookstore to check out the new textbooks. She said she had already bought them. The third was in mid-August, when he suggested a get-together with classmates before the start of the semester. She said she wasn't available. The three calls totaled less than a minute. Each time he hung up, he sat at his desk, staring at the receiver for a long time.

He didn't understand. He didn't know where he had lost—in terms of family background, grades, and looks, in what way was he inferior to that country boy? So why would Lin Ruoxi rather take a two-hour bus ride to the countryside to see him than go to an art exhibition with him?

He was conflicted, but he closed the book, mustered his courage, turned his head to look at Lin Ruoxi's profile, and said, "Ruoxi, this dictionary..."

"Hmm?" Lin Ruoxi raised her head and looked at him indifferently, her eyes devoid of any warmth.

Seeing that look in his eyes, the fire in his heart felt like it had been doused with ice water. His pride prompted him to change his words, saying, "It's nothing."

He zipped up his backpack; the dictionary was still inside. It was heavy and digging into his legs.

Zhao Xiaohu was sitting in the second-to-last row by the window. When he saw Cang Tianci walk in, his pen paused for a moment, then he lowered his head and quickly scribbled something on the draft paper before erasing it. He looked up at Cang Tianci, then looked down again, then looked up again at Zheng Tao in the row in front of him. Zheng Tao was turned to the side, talking to Lin Ruoxi, and wasn't looking at him. He looked away, his lips pressed into a thin line.

Wang Yaowu sat next to Zhao Xiaohu. The moment he saw Cang Tianci, he instinctively clenched his fist. Under the table, that fist clenched and unclenched repeatedly. He remembered the day his father was arrested; the yard was full of people, his mother collapsed to the ground in tears, and his sister held her, crying along with her. From that moment on, he went from "the village secretary's son" to "the son of a criminal." Those who had once fawned over him now avoided him. Those relatives who had once greeted him with smiles no longer answered his calls. He hated Cang Tianci. He hated everyone in the Cang family.

That day, when he heard that Cang Tianci was injured and unconscious, possibly never to wake up again, he was so excited that his body trembled. Later, when he returned to the village and saw the amnesiac Cang Tianci, he was overjoyed for the entire summer vacation. He prayed that Cang Tianci would stay like that forever. But fate had other plans, and his memory returned. It was all that damned Lin Wanqing's fault; if she hadn't shamelessly gone to Cang Tianci's house, Cang Tianci might never have woken up.

"That cripple!" he cursed inwardly, his venomous eyes fixed on Lin Wanqing in the front row like a snake.

She was hunched over the table writing something, her back slightly bent, like a blade of grass bent by the wind. She was completely unaware of anything.

Cang Tianci walked to the last row and sat down in his seat. It was the seat he had requested from Teacher Xu at the end of last semester. A thin layer of dust covered the chair; he wiped it with his sleeve, took out his textbook from his bag, and opened it.

Zhang Hao, who was sitting next to him, stood up somewhat awkwardly and said with a smile, "Tianci, congratulations on your recovery."

Cang Tianci smiled at him and said, "Thank you!"

After Cang Tianci sat down, Zhang Hao leaned closer and whispered, "Tianci, you've missed more than a month of classes. If you don't understand something next time, you can ask me."

Cang Tianci turned his head and glanced at Zhang Hao. His gaze was peaceful, without scrutiny or resentment. He smiled again and said sincerely, "Zhang Hao, thank you! I will."