Crazy Nezha

In the middle of the night, Li Tianbao insisted that his mother and aunt leave first, and his uncle drove them all home. Li Liqing rode his motorcycle to work by himself.

In the courtyard, only the boy, the dog, the sheep, and Yin Jianshe's "corpse" remained.

Li Tianbao came to the coffin and looked at his second uncle's peaceful appearance; he was "sleeping" very soundly.

"Since he's in a state of death, his energy expenditure should be very low, or even zero. He probably doesn't need to eat or drink every day, right?"

Xiaotian said, "That makes sense. It might be fine for the first day or two, but what if it goes on for a long time and they really die of thirst and hunger? Are you willing to take that bet?"

Li Tianbao was conflicted. Yes, it seemed that even people in a vegetative state needed to receive nutrient solutions to maintain their lives.

"Why didn't you say so earlier? You need to eat and drink even if you're faking your death!"

Xiaotian looked aggrieved and said, "Third Master, I just thought of that myself. I was just trying to warn you. If he really starves to death, I'm afraid you'll skin me alive!"

"So, you're just guessing, and you're not sure?"

"Anyway, Second Master never experimented on ordinary people."

"Other relatives will be keeping vigil for my second uncle tomorrow night, so there's no chance of him being resurrected during the day!"

Leopard Head suddenly said, "Third Prince, there's no one here now!"

Li Tianbao pondered for a moment, then reached into his second uncle's pants and pulled out the talisman bean called "Stealing Nest"!

A gust of wind blew the shed, and the candles flickered...

Yin Jianshe slowly opened his eyes. Above him was a large light bulb from the ceiling. He stared blankly for a long time, then muttered, "Is this... is this the underworld?"

Li Tianbao said softly, "Second Uncle, this is our home."

Yin Jianshe sat up from the coffin, looked around, and saw a brazier, yellow paper, and several wreaths next to it, with a large character for "mourning" in the middle.

Looking down, I realized I was wearing a funeral shroud...

"I'm so angry, is he blind?! What's going on?! I dreamt I died."

Li Tianbao said in a deep voice, "Second Uncle, you are dead, but you are still alive."

Yin Jianshe was completely bewildered and asked, "What is this...?"

Li Tianbao said seriously, "Second Uncle, no one will sue you anymore, and you don't have to pay back the online loans. Legally speaking, you're already dead."

"I... am dead?"

Li Tianbao: "Second Uncle, it's time to tell you the truth. You need to be prepared."

"Second Uncle, it's a pity my magic power is hidden by the divine embryo and I can't use it for now! Otherwise, I would have sent one flying right away to show you!"

At this moment, there is no need for words. Any more words would be meaningless. Seeing is believing!

Li Tianbao shouted, "Xiaotian! Leopard Head! You two, dance for my second uncle!"

Outside the shed, the husky and the black goat man stood up and walked in like humans...

A dog and a sheep dance gracefully.

The leopard head dances the spinning dance that Chang'e dances in the Lingxiao Palace.

Yin Jianshe's pupils gradually dilated; he was terrified, his forehead covered in sweat, and his heart was pounding!

After spinning around three times, the black goat couldn't keep going. After all, it was a goat, and it was difficult to maintain its balance while standing on one leg and spinning around.

"Third Prince, I'm not good at dancing. How about I improvise a poem?"

Xiaotian was performing a whip-cracking dance, which he invented himself. The dog stood up and imitated the human, swinging the whip back and forth while shaking his head. However, accompanied by funeral music, the rhythm wasn't very strong.

Li Tianbao said, "Second Uncle, I am no ordinary person..."

A look of confusion crossed Yin Jianshe's eyes. "Is that sheep writing with a pen in its mouth?" he asked.

Black Sheep Mountain took a pen from the small table where he collected monetary gifts, tilted his head, and began to write earnestly in the ledger.

The handwriting was difficult to read, but legible enough, and it was in traditional characters. Leopard Head had written a poem, and she looked excited, as if there were tears in her eyes.

The world is mad, unable to distinguish truth from falsehood; how dare the Heavenly Venerable differentiate between good and evil? A fish becomes a cow, a cow transforms into a sheep; when falsehood is taken for truth, even truth becomes falsehood!

"What does this say?" Xiaotian trotted over, head down, and looked at it. He then exclaimed in shock, "Leopard Head!! This is anti-poetry! Change it, change it!"

The black goat flicked its beak, threw the pen away, and said in a deep voice, "Not a single word will be changed."

Li Tianbao opened his palm, revealing a talisman bean the size of a mung bean. He said calmly, "Second Uncle, this is a treasure. It can make someone appear to be dead, just like a real person! Erlang Shen gave it to me."

The second uncle was completely bewildered: "Erlang Shen?"

Li Tianbao said, "I am the reincarnation of Nezha, this dog is the Celestial Hound, and this sheep is called Leopard Head. We are all officially employed in Heaven!"

Yin Jianshe asked, "Nephew, what exactly is going on? Are there really gods in this world?"

Li Tianbao smiled calmly: "Second Uncle, just treat this as a story. Do you remember that bass...?"

Inside the shed, the uncle and nephew sat side by side on the coffin, with a dog and a sheep lying beneath them on each side.

The nephew was talking, the uncle was listening, occasionally interjecting with a question, while soothing funeral music played in the background, and wisps of incense smoke drifted from the candles...

Li Tianbao talked for over an hour, explaining the whole story clearly. As Yin Jianshe listened, he became engrossed, and a completely new door opened up in his mind.

It was already past 3 a.m.

After hearing this, Yin Jianshe lay back down in the coffin, his feelings indescribable; he needed some time to process them.

"Is this not just my imagination? Am I having a mental breakdown, and is all of this just my mind?"

Li Tianbao said earnestly, "Second Uncle, at first I also thought it was my hallucination, until I ate that sea bass!"

Yin Jianshe pondered for a moment, then asked, "Should this matter be reported to the state?"

Li Tianbao said, "I've been considering this issue too. After your funeral, I'll have Jiang Baiyue hypnotize me again to see if I can still go to the Realm of Illusion. I need to ask Erlang Shen!"

Yin Jianshe nodded, then suddenly asked, "Nephew, if you're Nezha, then who's Li Tianbao?"

"Second Uncle, which one do you think is me?"

Yin Jianshe replied without hesitation, "I only want my nephew, I don't want Nezha!"

Li Tianbao inexplicably recalled Jiang Baiyue's words: Respect your own heart.

"Second Uncle, are you hungry?"

Yin Jianshe: "I didn't feel anything. Once the bean went in, I didn't know anything anymore."

Li Tianbao nodded in relief. "Are you thirsty?"

Yin Jianshe said, "Well, it's fine whether I drink it or not."

Li Tianbao said, "Keep faking your death, Second Uncle. I'll find some time tomorrow to revive you again. If you want to eat or drink, just tell me."

Yin Jianshe shook his head repeatedly, "Forget it, how about I just lie there and pretend to be dead?"

"Playing dead will be discovered!"

"Alright then."

After Yin Jianshe finished speaking, he struck a pose and said softly, "Be gentle."

"Yes, I'm here."

The next moment, Yin Jianshe died again.

Xiaotian sneaked into Yin Jianshe's room, and with his sharp beak, skillfully opened the second drawer at the bottom of the cabinet. From a pile of clothes, he bit out a toy. He chuckled and amused himself.

Li Tianbao was chopping carrots in the kitchen when two little lambs looked up and bleated.

Leopard Head watched with satisfaction, a happy smile spreading across his face.

"Third Prince, thank you."

"After all, he's my own nephew."

Li Tianbao stroked the fluffy heads of the two lambs, fed them, and smiled gently. At that moment, he felt very happy.

"They don't have a father. If their uncle doesn't treat them well, what a mess it will be. Leopard Head, I will raise these two little lambs. If I become an immortal in the future, I will take them to heaven with me."

……

The next day, early in the morning.

Li Tianbao went to look at cemetery plots with the owner of the funeral company, making sure the act was convincing. Xiaotian insisted on going along.

The man and the dog got into the funeral home's vehicle and drove away.

Inside the mourning hall, several of Yin Jianshe's old friends from his youth were greeting people, and Yin Guizhi had also taken leave. Many relatives and friends had also come.

In the yard, several children were squatting in a circle, feeding two lambs grass.

Li Linqing walked in, picked up two lambs, and headed out.

"Uncle! Where are you taking the lamb?" a seven or eight-year-old child asked, looking up.

Li Liqing said, "Mengmeng, your uncle will treat you to steamed lamb for lunch!"

The little girl, who was called "cute," burst into tears.

Li Liqing twitched the corners of his mouth, picked up the two lambs and walked outside, deliberately shaking them as if afraid the mother lambs wouldn't see them.

Black Sheep Mountain charged forward with a frenzied roar.

Li Liqing hurriedly ran outside the courtyard. He didn't want to catch the sheep in front of his relatives and friends, so as not to waste too much time talking to them. He deliberately lured the ewe out to catch it.

The black goat chased after them, but just as it reached the alley entrance, someone lassoed its neck.

He is a member of the urban management brigade who specializes in catching stray dogs; he is very experienced.

"Hey, Captain Li, this sheep is strong."

Li Liqing said, "Send it to Old Song at the bridgehead, he'll process it into a whole roasted lamb, and we can have it for lunch."

Many relatives and friends came to the funeral to give gifts and help out, so it's only right to treat them to lunch.

A team member said, "There probably isn't enough time to roast a whole lamb now. Braised goat is much tastier."

"I'll have a whole roasted lamb; I've already made the reservation!"

When Li Liqing saw that the sheep was shrinking its neck and backing away from the rope, he took out his electric baton from the car and stabbed it directly.

Leopard Head was shocked by the electric shock and his whole body trembled. He quickly lost consciousness.

Li Liqing kicked the ewe a few times and said, "Xiaochun, your business skills need improvement. You almost let it escape."

The two men loaded the sheep onto the cart and headed towards Old Song's earthen pot rice.