You are a cat demon

The big black dog is dead.

Its inexplicable behavior towards you during its lifetime has become a mystery, a mystery you may never be able to solve.

Out of consideration for our ten-year friendship, you hastily dug a hole in the lily field and buried it, a task that took you half a day just to dig. After doing everything you needed to do, you returned home alone.

You and the big black dog disappeared for a whole day, which must have worried the Zhang Qingshan village chief's family terribly. I just wonder what they would do if they found out that the big black dog would never come back.

You know, humans are creatures of deep emotions, and they are far less detached from matters of birth, aging, sickness, and death than monsters. In the past ten years, you've seen how, whenever someone dies in a village, whether it's an elderly person, a young person, or a minor, their family members always mourn for days and nights, playing the suona (a traditional Chinese wind instrument) loudly. Even strangers who have no connection to the deceased will join in the commotion.

You don't understand, but you are deeply moved.

Living is what gives you a life; once you're dead, you're just a pile of flesh. This is the first time I've seen someone guarding a pile of flesh, not eating it, but mourning it. Isn't that just being a busybody?

Of course, the big black dog wasn't human; it was just a domesticated animal. Many dogs had died in the village; the entire generation of hunting dogs that grew up with the big black dog were all gone. Their owners never seemed particularly heartbroken; they just bought new, younger, stronger, and more useful hunting dogs, rekindling their passion for them. New faces appeared in Sakura Village every year; you were used to it by now.

No malice intended, but you actually hope that Zhang Qingshan's family can also be more open-minded, get out of their grief as soon as possible, and not be so sad and upset, and not... throw all their snot and tears all over you!

You complained incessantly.

Your once smooth, satin-like fur, which you lick hundreds of times a day, is now almost matted.

They probably already guessed the big black dog's fate. Village Chief Zhang Qingshan appeared outwardly calm, saying nothing more, but his eyes reddened as he turned to leave. And that silly girl, Ruoye, clung to you tightly, crying incessantly, sobbing and repeating, "Don't go, don't leave too," as if you were dead.

Why are you crying?

What are you crying about?!

Others may not know, but you know it best. You are a cat demon, albeit a weak one, but your lifespan is at least several decades. You won't leave this world so soon…

But what about decades from now?

As if struck by lightning, your whole body stiffens, your limbs turn ice-cold, and your mind goes blank.

What about decades from now?

At this moment, what you care about most is not whether living for so long will arouse suspicion from Village Chief Zhang Qingshan and the others (it's obvious that they will). What you worry about most is the death that will inevitably come decades later, or even worse, you might not even live to see that time.

Death, death! That word is all you can think about now, and you can't shake off this terrible shadow no matter what!

Yokai have no concept of time compared to humans. Some powerful yokai can live for hundreds or even thousands of years. Their way of life is to live one day at a time, taking things as they come, worrying about tomorrow as it comes, and almost never considering the philosophical question of "death." For yokai, thinking about these things is meaningless; at most, it's just a matter of closing their eyes and going to sleep, and at worst, they'll be reborn into a better life. Not only yokai, but many animals live this way.

They don't think about it.

Humans think. They think about the past, the present, the future, and many, many things. The more they think, the more worries they have. They yearn for all the unknown, yet fear all the unknown; they are emotional, yet rational. They might be moved by a single flower, leaf, or Bodhi tree, or they might spend their entire lives toiling for the livelihood of their family.

Human beings' fear of death is undeniable. Some people, even in the prime of their youth, are filled with uncertainty about the future.

You're becoming increasingly strange. After spending so much time with humans, you seem to have picked up a lot of human traits. You've even started thinking about so many things that used to be meaningless to you, and because of these things, you're starting to panic.

You were held in Ruoye's arms, your front paws gently resting on her arm. The feeling was no longer as soft as snowflakes—snowflakes are cold, but humans have warmth—and her body was gradually becoming stronger. You once again felt the passage of time so vividly.

Having lived for so many years, this is the first time you've felt a pang of heartache, but you don't know who it's for.

You've changed.

You've completely changed since the big black dog died.

You begin to feel anxious about your future. Everyone says that you never know which will come first, tomorrow or an accident. You are even a little afraid of tomorrow. You don't want to see the sunset or the sunrise. So you stay anxiously in a corner, shutting yourself off. Before you know it, you have spent another boring and uninteresting day doing nothing.

Death itself is not frightening; what is frightening is the process of waiting for death.

You know in your heart that if you continue to waste your time like this, what you can't escape will eventually come...

Perhaps it's not impossible.

Monsters can cultivate, improve their cultivation level, and thus extend their lives. Once they reach a certain level, they become true great monsters and no longer need to count the days on their fingers.

But the question is, how exactly do those great demons cultivate?

All you've ever seen are the imposing appearances of those great demons soaring through the clouds, but you know nothing of the efforts they make behind the scenes to gain greater power and advance their bloodlines to a purer state. Besides, it's obvious to anyone that this isn't as easy as eating and drinking; the effort and reward are often disproportionate, and thankless work is the norm. Even after enduring a long period of cultivation, to become a god or immortal, one still needs to undergo tribulations; without sufficient perseverance, one is reduced to ashes in an instant. If cultivation were easy, great demons would have long since become rampant, and this world would probably have become their domain.

Even if you have the determination and perseverance, the key is that you have no idea how others cultivate themselves!

You cat demons have always been passive thinkers; how could you possibly consider something that involves suffering? You've never even heard of a cat demon who can cultivate into a great demon known to everyone! And you've certainly never heard of any cultivation secrets!

Just when a glimmer of hope appeared, cruel reality dealt you a heavy blow, and the bubble of your ideals ultimately turned into a mirage.

However, once you've thought of this, you just can't bear to let go of the idea. It becomes an obsession, an obsession that almost drives you mad.