I'm the King of Curry at Hogwarts

Chapter 162 A Scumbag Who Engraves Everything into DNA

Hagrid's potion... or rather, Madam Pomfrey's potion was very effective; at least the legs of the four people weren't so itchy anymore.

Spider hairs are so stiff that even pants can hardly keep them out; occasionally, a few will sneak through the pants and prick the tender skin.

Not only Hermione, but even Harry and Ron, who were wearing long pants, were a little itchy from the spider hairs. But since they were wearing pants, it was bearable, unlike Hermione's situation.

The good news is that the potions in the magical world are quite potent, with immediate effects and additional benefits, such as completely eliminating spider venom.

Hagrid didn't keep them any longer. After exchanging a few words, he let them return to Hogwarts.

After thanking Hagrid, the three of them took Tifa back to Hogwarts Castle.

And so, the scene that happened earlier occurred.

……

"Well done," Louis nodded approvingly, then said to the three, "In recognition of your outstanding performance, each of you will receive two hundred credits as a reward."

The trio exchanged glances and all felt that the trip had been worthwhile.

Ron, filled with resentment, instantly forgot about the giant spider.

"Yay! Louis is awesome!!!" Ron said to himself, which was quite misleading.

"Alright, I think the three of you should go back, take a good bath, and get some sleep," Dumbledore said. "Fighting spiders is always exhausting."

"We're fine," Hermione said immediately. Her curiosity wouldn't allow her to back down, and she even grabbed Harry, who was trying to leave.

After Hermione said that, Ron and Harry were no longer sleepy. They stared wide-eyed and plopped down in their chairs, looking at Tifa and Dumbledore with longing eyes.

Gossip is human nature, especially for children who are very curious.

Dumbledore and Lewis looked at each other, neither wanting to be the one to be the bad guy who discouraged the three curious children.

Oh well, it's not some shameful secret anyway.

"You..." Dumbledore finally couldn't help but speak.

Hermione, ever quick-witted, immediately said, "Don't worry, Professor, we're definitely not Hagrid!"

Polite Hagrid: You?

However, it's worth noting that Hagrid's big mouth is well-known, after all, his straightforwardness means he can't keep any secrets.

This is known not only to the students at Hogwarts, but also to those in the Ministry of Magic.

Dumbledore was aware of this, but what he told Hagrid was either something he could tell others or something he deliberately told him.

"Alright." Dumbledore gave Hermione a meaningful look, then reached out and poured each of the three of them a full glass of chilled lemonade, along with some snacks.

Watching Dumbledore pop the cockroach candy into his mouth, Louis suddenly remembered something important: "By the way, did any of you bring back a few giant eight-eyed spider corpses?"

"No, what's wrong?" Hermione took a bite of a potato chip, making a crunching sound, then remembered the communication between the eight-eyed spiders and immediately put the chip aside.

Louis instinctively pushed up his glasses, his face beaming with fervor as he said, "Such excellent ingredients, and you didn't even bring them back? Honestly, I thought Hogwarts was going to add a new food source..."

The three children exchanged glances, so shocked by Louis that they even forgot to chew their snacks.

"Spiders...can be eaten?" Ron asked this question. Suffering from severe arachnophobia, he simply couldn't accept this fact.

"Have you ever eaten crab?" Louis asked seemingly out of the blue.

Ron nodded without hesitation: "Of course I've eaten it, I love crab the most... but what does this have to do with crab?"

"I can tell you with certainty that the giant eight-eyed spider not only looks like a crab, but it also tastes almost exactly the same—you know, if you break an eight-eyed spider open, you'll find that its internal structure is almost identical to a crab's." Louis said with a nostalgic look, "Especially the silk sac under its abdomen, it tastes like jelly..."

Ron's face turned ashen, and he involuntarily gagged. Harry and Hermione's expressions also turned pale.

"I need to remind you," Louis said, adopting a serious expression, "that spiders aren't really suitable for steaming. Compared to crabs, spider meat is much oilier, and getting it wet will affect the texture. I personally think spiders are better grilled. And remember to remove all the hairs from the giant spider, preferably by singeing them off with fire. After all, you don't want your throats to itch after eating it, do you?"

"Of course, never deep-fry it. Spiders are naturally rich in oil, and adding external oil will ruin the original texture of the spider meat..."

Even Hermione was starting to break down. She supported Ron, whose face was ashen, and repeatedly tried to stop him, saying, "Don't...don't say anymore...I can't take this..."

"Hey? Don't you love potato chips?" Louis grinned mischievously. "Looks like you really enjoy their crunchy texture, huh?"

Hermione, unaware of the veiled meaning in Louis's words, simply nodded and replied, "I do indeed like the crunchy texture."

"See, here it is." Louis shrugged. "Scientifically speaking, the reason humans like crunchy textures is because our ancestors consumed large amounts of arthropods, with arachnids being the most abundant because they cannot fly and are high in nutrients and calories—this pursuit of crunchy textures is therefore etched into human DNA..."

Don't try to engrave everything into DNA! DNA will cry!

Hermione could no longer hold on. She thought of the spider's internal organs that had ripped Ron's body apart and let out a dry cough.

She looked at Louis with a resentful expression, finally understanding what it meant to be a man who defied fate...

Dumbledore's expression stiffened slightly. Having too much imagination isn't always a good thing, but he didn't seem to find the food particularly amazing; rather, he seemed...longing for it. After smacking his lips a couple of times, he turned to Tifa: "Tell me, Miss Lockhart, what's going on?"

His attitude gave Louis the illusion that it looked exactly like he was making Tifa explain her problems at a specific time and place.

Tifa, however, seemed somewhat distracted. She looked at Dumbledore absentmindedly and asked hesitantly, "Am I...at Hogwarts now?"

Her expression and eyes didn't seem to be feigning at all. Louis and Dumbledore exchanged a glance, both looking puzzled.

"Or do you think this is Beauxbatons' headmaster's office?" Lewis retorted with a stern face, pointing at Dumbledore. "You think he looks a lot like Madam Maxim?"

Upon hearing this, Ron suddenly burst into laughter, spraying his lemonade far away.

His imagination was also very rich; he even imagined Dumbledore wearing the everyday clothes of Madam Maxim, Headmaster of Beauxbatons…

"Uh, sorry, I don't remember a lot of things, or I only have some vague memories." Tifa rubbed her temples in distress.

Louis asked, "As far as I know, you seem to be possessed by something... a demon?"

The three little ones' ears perked up. A demon? What kind of gossip is this?

Tifa thought about it carefully, then shook her head: "It doesn't seem so. That power feels balanced and peaceful to me, it shouldn't be like a demon at all... and I actively banished it. If it were a demon, I don't think I could do that."

"I think that's probably true," Dumbledore said, setting the tone. "Hogwarts Castle is covered with demon-repelling spells. Even if a demon possesses an ordinary person, it cannot enter Hogwarts unless it destroys the entire castle wall."

"If it's not a demon, what could it be?" Louis tapped the table, somewhat puzzled.

Tifa recalled for a moment before slowly saying, "It was an angel... Back when I was still in the orphanage before Gilderoy took me away, I always believed in God. Later, just recently when I graduated, a holy voice kept telling me that it could help me so that I wouldn't hold Gilderoy back and could help him in his career..."

"I don't remember which day it was, but I said yes to him... After that, my memories became blurry. I seemed to have entered an ideal world, where I was happy and felt no worries. But then one day I woke up from this dream and saw myself uncontrollably killing Gilderoy... Oh God... What did I do...?"

"Angels? How could angels do such evil things?" Ron was still chewing, but that didn't stop him from being a qualified "ten thousand whys".

Hermione said with a somewhat grim expression, "Ron, there are not only angels in this world, but also fallen angels..."

Dumbledore immediately raised his arm and drew symbols in front of him. Unintelligible runes flashed in the air and were continuously injected into the walls of Hogwarts.

Then, he made a cut in his palm, and a small ball of blood gradually condensed above his hand. To the bewilderment of the unsuspecting onlookers, the blood flew into the wall.

"What are you doing, Principal?" Louis asked, puzzled.

"Oh, nothing, just a few insignificant angel exorcism spells." Dumbledore gently wiped the wound on his hand and said casually, "Miss Lockhart wasn't lying; the fallen angel left her body."

"So, Assistant Tifa, do you know the fallen angel's real name?" Hermione asked curiously. "If you know his real name, you can summon him. I've seen methods for summoning angels in the Hogwarts library."

"First of all, angels might not respond to you; secondly, you're practically a heretic, do you want to summon an enemy?" Louis said with a look of disdain.

He wasn't wrong; after all, wizards and the church were sworn enemies, and the medieval church burned many wizards...

As the church's backers, it would be strange if the angels treated wizards well.

Tifa shook her head, denying it. "He once told me his name was Raphael... I know he's one of the seven archangels under the Lord, the guardian of the Tree of Life in Eden..."

"That's even more impossible. Raphael would never do such a thing, let alone do it himself..." Louis shrugged. "Have you ever seen a leader who does everything personally, especially seducing a human woman... Tsk, only those shameless fallen angels from Satan's side would do something like that."

Hermione nodded, looking like she understood: "That makes sense. Fallen angels are still angels after all, and they retain the characteristics of angels. For example, they can only possess others with permission, and their balanced and peaceful power gives people a righteous impression..."

"In that case, we can't deal with them the way we deal with demons." Dumbledore nodded, setting the tone, and looked at Louis: "You will be learning Enoch, Louis."

"Huh? Enoch?" Louis was a little confused. Couldn't he just not learn a new language?

Learning English was quite difficult back then...

It's not that he's bad at learning new languages, it's just that he's been rather lazy lately and doesn't really want to learn.

"Professor, I also want to learn Enoch," Hermione said quickly, she wouldn't miss such an opportunity to learn.

Louis stared at her, wondering who was the "King of Curves" or him.

If you keep being this lazy, it won't fit the image of the King of Scrolls, you bastard!

He took a deep breath and said through gritted teeth, "Fine, I'll learn..."

The great Debütsky once said, "It's all knowledge. Keep learning, there's no end to learning, it's too profound."

"There are only two known ways to restrain angels: Holy Fire and the Angel Exorcism Spell." Dumbledore shrugged. "Unfortunately, our magic is generally not very effective against them."

"Then what's the point of us learning magic?" Ron asked blankly.

Hermione smacked him on the head: "How could ordinary wizards encounter enemies like angels and fallen angels? The most dangerous enemies they could ever face in their lives were Cornish elves..."

"That's true." Ron raised an eyebrow. "Count me in when you learn Enoch."

"Me too!" Harry replied enthusiastically.

Louis looked at the trio, who returned his warm smile.

"We want to be useful too," Harry chuckled, but for the first time ever, Louis felt that he wasn't so stupid after all.

Of course, "foolish" here isn't a derogatory term. Sometimes, being a fool can bring good fortune, and Harry and Ron are a perfect example. Look, the silly Ron managed to marry Hermione, and the silly Harry became a true savior. It wasn't just their hard work, but also their good fortune...

Many people would beg for such a blessing but cannot obtain it.

Dumbledore interrupted the four children's heartfelt conversation and looked at Tifa, asking, "Ms. Lockhart, I need to remind you that Gilderoy's death is inextricably linked to you. Even if we accept the theory of being possessed by a fallen angel, the Ministry of Magic will not believe it."

Louis thought about it and realized it was true. After all, Fudge wouldn't even admit to Voldemort's return, let alone admit to the fallen angels causing trouble.

He most likely pretended the incident didn't exist and banished Tifa, the "culprit," to Azkaban.

"How is Gilderoy...?" Tiffany asked dejectedly.

Louis sighed, stood up, and patted Tifa's soft shoulder: "My condolences. I brought his body back..."

Ignoring her swollen eyes, Tifa abruptly raised her head and looked at Louis.

"Really... Oh, thank you, Mountbatten..." Tifa looked at Louis with expectation in her eyes.

Louis shook his head and said to Professor Dumbledore, "Professor, I suggest you open the window first."

Dumbledore did as he was told, and Lewis released Lockhart from his spatial dimension.

Because of the air circulation, the smell wasn't too strong, but the faint stench still almost made the three little ones vomit.

But someone had already vomited—it was Phineas from the portrait. He vomited all over the portrait, and Principal Delis knocked him unconscious with a blow to the head. Then, together with several other principals, they tied him to a chair.

Upon closer inspection, everyone saw a lump of black feces.

"I'm sorry, when I found Professor Lockhart, he had already become like this..." Louis looked at the blob in front of him with some reluctance.

Tifa let out a piercing scream, clutching her collar with one hand and covering her mouth with the other, her legs buckling as she knelt weakly on the ground.

"Gidero... Gidero..." Tears streamed down her face and fell to the ground, her expression sorrowful.

"What a tragedy..." Louis shook his head.

"Tragedy..." "Tragedy..." "Tragedy..." The three little ones shook their heads in unison. Even though they didn't have a good impression of Lockhart, a feeling of sadness welled up inside them.

This is the kind nature of human beings.

"He was a great writer," Dumbledore concluded.

"A great writer," the four little ones repeated Dumbledore's assessment.

Louis added, "His works will live on forever."

"Forever..." the three children repeated. Hermione had already broken down, and she sobbed softly, unable to bear looking at Lockhart's remains any longer.

"Alas..." Dumbledore sighed.

"Alas..." the four of them repeated in unison.

Just as Tifa was about to get close to the pile of poop, Dumbledore's expression tightened. He waved his hand and turned the toffee next to him into a life-size wooden coffin carved from Lockhart, and put the pile of Lockhart inside.

At the same time, Tifa also rushed onto the coffin.

"Gidero... I'm so sorry, I'm the one who hurt you... How can I live without you..."

Tifa sobbed, her tears soaking the face of the Lockhart sculpture.

"Sigh..." Dumbledore wanted to say something, but didn't know what to say. Just as he was hesitating, there was a knock on the door.

It was Professor McGonagall and three other deans.

"What happened, Dumbledore?" Professor Flitwick spoke first. Caught in the crowd and unable to see clearly, he could only hop around and ask, "I think I heard someone crying?"

"It was Gilderoy. He was devoured by that monster in the Chamber of Secrets." Dumbledore shook his head and sighed. "You've come at the right time. I'll leave Assistant Tifa to you. I have some things to take care of with Hagrid."

After saying this, Dumbledore and his Fawkes transformed into a ball of fire and disappeared from the Headmaster's office.

(End of this chapter)