Under One Person: Starting with the Dual Cultivation of Body and Soul

Li Chang'an walked out of the classroom and into the courtyard. Although he hadn't slept all night, he wasn't sleepy.

It felt like someone who had stayed up all night was suddenly wide awake at dawn, unable to fall back asleep. So he decided to take a walk in the yard to relax.

Just as I turned the corner of the corridor, I heard a baby crying.

Li Chang'an looked up and saw that his aunt was holding her several-month-old nephew and pacing back and forth in the corridor, patting and coaxing him, but the child just wouldn't listen and cried his heart out, his little face turning red.

"Auntie," Li Chang'an greeted her as he walked over.

His aunt looked up at him, a hint of surprise on her face: "Chang'an? What have you been doing all this time? I haven't seen you much."

Although Li Chang'an's family is known for its extraordinary individuals, not every member is one. This aunt is not, which is why the family didn't specifically tell her about Lu Jin teaching him cultivation.

"It's an old friend of my grandfather's who came to give me some extra lessons and teach me some things," Li Chang'an said without further explanation.

The aunt nodded. She knew a little about the world of supernatural beings, so she didn't ask any further questions.

Li Chang'an looked down at the baby in her arms. The child was crying loudly, his little fists were clenched tightly, his legs were kicking back and forth, and his voice was almost hoarse from crying.

"Auntie, can I hold him for a while?"

"Okay." The aunt smiled and handed the child over. "My arms are getting tired."

Li Chang'an took the baby.

Instead of shaking him, he squatted down a few times while holding the child.

The baby immediately stopped crying and looked at him with its wet eyes.

Li Chang'an sat down on a chair next to him, holding the child.

A huge dressing mirror stood in front of the chair. The frame was made of dark old wood and carved with lotus patterns, while the mirror surface was polished to a shine.

He placed the baby on his lap and played with him face to face.

A baby a few months old has an incomplete physical development, poor motor coordination, cannot hold things, and cannot walk steadily. Their physical experience is fragmented.

Li Chang'an reached out and poked the baby's cheek, and the baby opened his mouth and bit him.

Li Chang'an grabbed the baby's hand and poked it, and the baby bit his hand without hesitation.

Li Chang'an smiled, not at all surprised by the result.

Because infants do not yet have a fully developed sense of self, they sometimes cannot distinguish whether the hand in front of them is their own or someone else's, which can lead to situations where they bite themselves and cry while playing.

"You silly little thing." Li Chang'an gently pinched his nose, then lifted the baby high.

The baby giggled, its laughter clear and crisp, like a cheerful little bird.

Just then, the baby noticed a large mirror not far ahead and froze.

Because there was a tiny figure in the mirror that looked exactly like him.

The baby began to move its body, waving its arms and kicking its short legs, looking at its reflection in the mirror one moment and then turning its head to look at the people in reality the next, as if repeatedly confirming something.

Then he made various movements, raising his hands, shaking his head, and sticking out his tongue. As he made these movements, the image in the mirror also moved.

When the baby noticed that his reflection in the mirror was moving with him, he paused for a moment, then giggled happily, his eyes curving into crescents.

Li Chang'an watched quietly. The baby couldn't speak, but he understood why the baby was happy.

Because the baby recognized that the tiny figure in the mirror was himself.

Li Chang'an suddenly realized that this was the first moment in human life when the self was formed.

But soon, he began to have some doubts: where did this self come from?

Li Chang'an looked at the baby, then at the mirror, and realized that this self was built up through a mirror image, an external, illusory image.

In other words, when an infant first develops the concept of "self," it's actually a misunderstanding. He mistakes the phantom in the mirror for himself.

Is that right?

Li Chang'an thought about it carefully, and a thought suddenly flashed through his mind: if this is how babies develop self-awareness, then what about adults? What about himself?

If the principle here is the same, then am I just like the baby in front of me, never having left this mirror-image stage?

The only difference is that the baby is looking in a mirror, while the baby is looking in something else.

Li Chang'an recalled some things from his past life: a carefree childhood, then going to school step by step, working step by step after graduation, dealing with all sorts of interpersonal relationships, needing a car, a house, and getting married...

Aren't these various aspects of society just a mirror?

Babies need to see their reflection in a mirror imitating them to be sure that it is them.

He needs societal approval to be convinced that this is who he truly is.

What if you don't do those things? What if you don't work, don't socialize, don't buy a car, don't buy a house, and don't get married?

Most people would feel like they've failed, feel pain, and even feel that living is a calamity or torture.

Why is it so painful?

In the past, Li Chang'an would have thought that his suffering was because his life was too unsuccessful.

But now, he has a different answer: it's not because of failure, but because of a lack of recognition.

Just as when a baby moves, the image in the mirror doesn't move along with it, the "self" constructed from the outside cannot be established.

Thinking about this, Li Chang'an suddenly realized that when a baby looks in the mirror, it seems to be showing itself, but in fact it is constructing its self.

Similarly, after adulthood, every action we take in society is actually a way of building ourselves.

Whether it's reading, buying a house, buying a car, or going on blind dates, the essence is to repeat the actions of the infant mirror stage, projecting oneself into an image that society needs, and then recognizing that image as oneself.

But is this "self" truly oneself?

Li Chang'an shook his head. No, no, this isn't me. It's just an illusion, a projection onto society, a false version of myself.

This is not the person you truly want to be, but rather the person shaped by your external environment.

If one cannot become the person the environment molds them to be, they will feel sad and devastated, just like a baby raising its hand but the reflection in the mirror not raising its hand, causing the baby to cry.

So, what's really upsetting isn't bad exam results, not having bought a car, not having bought a house, or not having a girlfriend.

The essence of sadness is actually the lack of feedback and the failure of self-construction.

Thinking of this, Li Chang'an suddenly realized that even though he had lived two lives, he had never truly possessed a self; he had always taken the illusions in the eyes of others as his own.

The person you are now is not the real you; it is merely how others perceive you.

This is undoubtedly somewhat tragic. If the self is an illusion, then what's the difference between it and creating a character in a game?

What is real? Having lived two lives, Li Chang'an suddenly felt lost. What was the meaning of life?