Genshin Impact: Watch me turn the tables and kill my servants at the start!

Bad news: An enemy from outer space

-

Just as Fanes put the teacup back on the table, the terminal in his pocket vibrated.

Fanes pulled out his phone and saw it was a call from Akoda. Before he could even answer, a barrage of words rained down on him from the other end, spoken as if she had just run back from somewhere.

"Boss! Something's happened here! A girl named Skylark came to me saying her master wants to fight me!"

D'Artagnan, who had been leaning against the window spinning a coin, froze as soon as he heard the name "Skirk." The coin stopped between his fingers, not flipping any further. He whirled around: "...How come my master is with you?"

Fanes raised his hand and gestured towards D'Artagnan: "Young master, don't make a fuss. You're an adult now."

Then he put the phone to his mouth: "Yakoda, give the phone to Skirk and let her explain this clearly."

There was a rustling sound on the other end of the phone, as if the phone had been handed to someone else. Then a cool, somewhat aloof female voice came through the receiver.

"I am Skykirk. My master—that is, Surtroch, you might call him the Extreme Knight over there—sent a gaze upon him while he was recently traversing the stars."

Skykirk spoke at a measured pace, as if stating a fact that had already occurred: "That gaze came from a more distant star system, piercing through the boundaries of Teyvat. He was resting on the edge of a collapsing planet when that gaze swept over him, and he felt as if he had met his match."

Fanes tapped his fingers lightly on the table twice: "So he's planning to come and fight?"

"right."

Skirk's tone was as flat as if he were remarking on the weather. "He hasn't encountered anyone who could elicit this kind of reaction from him in a long time. He asked me to come over first to confirm the coordinates here, and he'll be there shortly."

Fanes tucked the phone under his shoulder and rubbed his hands together: "Good heavens... I'm going to beg the Great Storm God right now!"

A voice came from the other end of the phone: "Boss, why are you in such a panic?"

Fanes took a deep breath: "Because I'm afraid of being caught off guard and losing! And the other side has been fighting in a 500-year-old elimination tournament in space! Can you imagine what it means to have someone who's fought for 500 years and hasn't been killed yet? The number of people he's killed seems to be more than the amount of salt I've eaten!"

D'Artagnan, who had been standing by the window, had now moved to Fanes' side, a dangerous glint in his grey-blue eyes: "What? My master is that strong? Then I must have a good spar with him!"

Fanes turned to look at him, his gaze like that of someone looking at a traveler unaware that he was about to enter a thunderstorm: "Ajax, you'd better remember your main password. Otherwise, he'll slap you to death."

D'Artagnan looked stunned. "...What do you mean?"

Fanes sighed, "Good heavens, I see you've even forgotten your main account! You can't even find the login screen. Are you planning to fight him with your mediocre skills?"

D'Artaglia opened her mouth as if to refute something, but in the end she said nothing. She simply put the coin in her pocket, quietly retreated to the window, and stared at the afternoon streets of Liyue Harbor outside, lost in thought.

Fanes held the phone to his ear again: "Skirk, when will that vicious rider arrive?"

Skirk's voice remained calm, carrying a certainty that "I've already confirmed the schedule": "At most one week more."

"Yakoda!"

Fanes raised his voice slightly into the phone, "Go buy a large insurance policy first! Remember to name me as the beneficiary!"

A confused voice came from the other end of the phone: "You're the beneficiary? Boss, are you serious?"

Fanes said firmly, "Of course I'm serious! If anything really happens, at least I can't lose money. By the way, Skoke, you should also buy a large insurance policy, and get one for your master too."

Silky paused for a moment: "...Why buy insurance for my master?"

Fanes leaned back in his chair: "Because if he actually wins, he might face moral condemnation and civil suits from the Teyvat United Martial Arts Association. Buying insurance beforehand can mitigate the risk. If he loses, at least you can get compensation to treat his injuries and cover his rehabilitation costs."

There was a moment of silence on the other end of the phone. Then Skylark's voice came through again, with a hesitant tone that suggested, "Your line of thinking is strange, but it does seem to have an underlying logic": "...Then where should I buy it?"

"Never go to the First Insurance Company on the Teyvat continent!"

Fanes raised his voice by a octave, "Because I own that insurance company! If you go there, I'll have to pay out of my own pocket, there's absolutely no room for arbitrage! Go to the second largest one, Liyue Insurance! They just opened recently and are vying for market share, their claims terms are relatively lenient, and their assessment process is much simpler, so it's more cost-effective to buy from them."

Tartaglia turned around at the window: "...Little Twelve, even on your deathbed, you're trying to sabotage your competitors?"

Fanes retorted confidently, "What do you mean by 'trap'? This is a business strategy! It's a way to strategically transfer risk by taking advantage of an impending force majeure event, and also to test the speed and efficiency of Liyue Insurance's claims response. Besides, I'll buy one for myself too."

Faneston paused, as if remembering something important: "By the way, do you remember Daines Reeb, the guy I introduced to you before?"

Yakoda thought for a moment on the other end of the phone: "Is it that dim-witted sucker?"

Fanes said, "That's right! Remember to call him over this time too! Tell him we've found his enemy!"

Yakoda's voice was filled with confusion: "...His enemy? Boss, when did you find him?"

Fanes said confidently, "Isn't this a perfect opportunity? Once you've called him over, I'll explain the details to him. Knowing his personality, he'll come running as soon as he hears the word 'enemy.' Once he arrives, I'll explain the whole story and the follow-up arrangements to him. You just need to get him here for now."

Yakoda paused for a moment on the other end of the phone, as if noting down the priority and order of the instructions, before asking, "Boss, who are you planning to ask for help?"

Fanes stood up, walked to the window, and looked in the direction of the Jade Capital Terrace in the distance: "I'm going to spend sixty Primogems to hire a traveler to take down the Evil Knights."

There was a full three seconds of silence on the other end of the phone. Then Yakoda's voice rang out again, with a hesitant "say that again" tone: "...Sixty Primogems? Boss, that's not even enough for a meal at the Adventurers' Guild, let alone fighting an opponent of the 'Extreme Evil Knight' level? You're really ripping me off!"

D'Artagnan couldn't hold back any longer: "No... what can you do with just sixty Primogems? You're ripping us off! You should at least add another twenty! According to market rates, a regular commission requires several hundred Mora as a basic reward. Sixty Primogems, converted to Mora, is only enough for one medical bill."

Fanes waved his hand: "It's alright! We'll just have Fairy arrange two treasure chests for her! The contents of those chests will definitely be worth far more than those Originium. Besides, she's only been in Teyvat for a short time and hasn't yet developed a complete market valuation system. Sixty Originium might already be a considerable sum for her—after all, she hasn't even finished paying off her mobile phone loan yet, and she's in a sensitive period of saving money to pay it off."

A cheerful voice came from the other end of the phone: "...Boss, you really have a knack for business."

Fanes stood by the window, watching the crowd gradually dispersing from the Jade Palace in the distance: "Of course. Alright, that's all for now. Go and buy the insurance, call Dain, and make sure everyone who needs to be notified is notified. Contact me immediately if there's any new information from Skoke."

Fanes hung up the phone, put the terminal back in his pocket, and stood by the window for a moment. D'Artagnan walked over to him, her voice lower than before: "You really intend to send the Traveler to deal with my master?"

Fanes turned to look at him: "Of course, it's not really about sending her to fight. That's just a prelude. The real plan is to have her stir things up on the spot, making it easier for others to intervene at the right time. She doesn't need to win; she just needs to be there, making the Evil Knights think, 'Oh, there's an interesting little guy here,' and then we'll have the opportunity and room to maneuver."

D'Artagnan took the coin out again and flipped it between his fingers: "...You always manage to make something that seems absurd sound like it actually makes sense. I still don't quite understand what you're up to."

Fanes patted him on the shoulder: "Then don't bother figuring it out. Just remember one thing—if a fight really breaks out, just stand behind me."

D'Artagnan looked down at the coin in her hand: "What if I want to stand in front?"

Fanes thought for a moment: "Then try to remember your main account password first. We'll talk again once you remember it."

Fanes withdrew his hand, turned and walked towards the stairs, then stopped after a couple of steps. "By the way, if there's any new information from Skoke, let me know immediately. I'll reimburse all expenses incurred, and she'll get half of my assets after it's all done!"

Tadalia stood by the window watching his figure disappear around the corner of the stairs, put the coin back in her pocket, turned around and looked out the window again.

"Little Twelfth is actually willing to give half of his fortune to his master? I don't remember him being this generous!"