Mud beads

I love you?

Yu Zhu was stunned.

The wind was strong, and strands of hair danced in front of my eyes. In my blurred vision, everything swayed in the flickering light, like a dream from which I couldn't wake up. Yet, those three words fell close to my ear, crystal clear, leaving almost no chance of mishearing them.

She had dreamed of Toru Eshima countless times.

Even in her dreams, she dared not entertain any thoughts about those three words.

In her dreams, Toru Echizen is mostly just a distant figure from behind. On rare occasions, he will walk through the crowded streets toward her, bow his head and call her name, a gentle and hazy smile on his face.

In the past, when she dreamed of him, she was always reluctant to wake up. After waking up, looking at the ceiling, she felt an indescribable sense of loss.

She rarely dreams of him now. When she does, she always wakes up quickly, accompanied by intense emotions.

Now, faced with this belated tenderness, her hatred has nowhere to land.

Echizen's arm was still wrapped around Yu Zhu's body.

Unable to get a response from her, he slowly walked up to her and pulled her coat tighter around his neck.

"Let's go back," he said, putting his arm around her shoulder. "The wind is too strong."

There was no disappointment in Echizen Toru's tone; his "I love you" just now seemed like a dream uttered by the wind.

Yu Zhu nodded.

The tide still rose and fell at my feet, and the mud and sand clung to my soles, making each step feel like I was being held back.

Reaching the wooden steps of the boardwalk, Echizen Toru stepped up first. He changed his shoes, lifted Yu Zhu's shoes and socks, and extended his hand to her.

"I'll pull you up."

A strong arm slipped under her shoulder, tightened, and lifted her up effortlessly.

Yu Zhu's feet had barely touched the ground when Yue Jianche grabbed her legs and lifted her up. Suddenly airborne, she instinctively grabbed his shoulders, water droplets trickling down her calves and dripping onto his trouser legs.

Echigo carried Yu Zhu in one arm and walked towards the parking lot.

Yu Zhu sat high up, closer to the sky, and the birdsong circling overhead became clearer. She followed his footsteps, her face turned outwards, her vision still a blurry gray.

For no apparent reason, she thought of Zhou Qiyu's dog.

Those beautifully dressed little animals are pampered and cared for, held affectionately in their owners' arms or perched on their shoulders. They cannot speak, and can only express their emotions through barks and their eyes.

As for the interpretation of emotions, that also lies within the logic of human behavior.

There weren't many people in the parking lot.

Echigo opened the passenger door and placed Yu Zhu on the edge of the seat. Her legs dangled outside the car, her bare feet covered in grayish-brown mud and sand.

Echigo took two bottles of mineral water from the trunk, unscrewed the caps, and squatted down in front of her.

The water wasn't cold, but Yu Zhu still instinctively flinched when it hit the back of her feet. Mud and sand trickled down her skin, forming a small puddle of murky water on the ground.

After rinsing her feet, Toru Koshima held her ankles and took out a tissue to dry them little by little.

He patiently wiped away every drop of water, from his toes to his heels and then to his reddened ankles.

Finally, he helped her put her shoes and socks back on, his long fingers looping around the shoelaces to leave a secure double knot on the shoe.

Yu Zhu lowered her head, her fingers curled up on the edge of the seat.

She couldn't see his expression, only a few piled-up blocks of color in front of her, swaying gently with his movements.

"Thanks."

She spoke slowly.

Echizen Toru's movements paused for a moment.

A moment later, he stood up and slowly closed the car door.

The wind finally subsided.

Moth

Spring has finally arrived.

The withered yellow lawns along the lake shore are now covered with a fine layer of new green, and the bare branches of the willows on the embankment are gradually softening, with plump buds sprouting from their tips. The wind no longer carries only the cold, earthy smell, but occasionally a hint of freshly turned grass and wood.

Yu Zhu's chaotic vision began to have edges.

The sofa was no longer a somber shadow in the living room; the dining table, chair backs, and window frames were gradually emerging from the gray and white. They were still blurry, as if separated by a layer of shimmering murky water, but at least they wouldn't collide with her without warning when she approached.

When the light is good during the day, she can now walk without her cane in familiar rooms. The room she had always imagined finally has a real basis, yet it still feels somewhat unfamiliar to her from time to time.

Liu Zhengyang would call every few days.

He rarely asked about her eyes, always starting with trivial things from school. The physics department had replaced its experimental equipment again, the magnolias on the south side of the library were in bloom, and the casserole restaurant on the second floor of the cafeteria, which always had long queues, was finally rectified after complaints, but the food tasted even worse than before.

In the end, we'll still come back to Liang Xia.

Her life was nothing special, consisting of a few difficult customers and a heartless landlord. Yu Zhu listened to those largely similar stories, but never found them boring.

At the end of the phone call, Liu Zhengyang would always urge her patiently, "Come back as soon as your eyes are better."

Yu Zhu leaned against the window, listening to the sound of papers being turned over on the phone, responding with "uh-huh" and "ah-ah".

Before, she would stand on the balcony of Limbo's second floor, gazing at the school through the darkness, and feel that it was the place that truly belonged to her. Now, standing in the bright sunlight, she inexplicably feels that everything is very distant.

She and Echizen Toru met less and less often.

Echizen rarely stayed in the house all day. He left early and returned late, and even when he didn't go out, he was always on the phone. He no longer slept in the bedroom regularly. Sometimes, when Yu Zhu woke up in the morning, she would smell the lingering smell of cigarette smoke from the night before in the living room.

Neither of them mentioned the words spoken on the mudflats again.

Moth

In the afternoon, Yu Zhu went to the lakeside rest area as usual.

Sunlight filtered through the branches, casting dappled warm white light before my eyes. The newly sprouted leaves were still small, and when the wind blew, tiny shadows swayed back and forth in that patch of light.

She was still some distance from the bench when she heard the kill notification in the game.

Zhao Jie has arrived.

She sat in a black electric wheelchair, its surface covered with a jumble of stickers. A gourd-shaped water bottle hung from the armrest, and her phone lay across her face, her thumbs rapidly tapping the screen.

Hearing the sound of the white cane tapping the ground, she maneuvered her wheelchair to the side, making way for Yu Zhu to reach the bench.

"You're here?"

Yu Zhu sat down following the voice: "So early today?"

"My mom is criticizing me again."

Zhao Jie didn't even raise his head; his body leaned forward as the team battle in the game progressed, and his wheelchair slid forward a little.

Yu Zhu put away her white cane and placed it horizontally on her lap.

Why?

"It's just about school, isn't it?" Zhao Jie's voice, mixed in with a series of skill sound effects, was clearly impatient. "She's been subtly hinting since breakfast that the spring sports meet is coming up soon and our class's marching team can wear cosplay costumes. Doesn't she even consider what I can cosplay now, some weird species?"

Yu Zhu frowned: "You're really rude."

"Abnormal Titans" are a type of Titan in the Japanese manga "Attack on Titan," who like to run around naked and eat people. She knew this term because Zhao Jie would tell her about the anime every day.

"Can the marksman please stop being so reckless?"

Zhao Jie ignored her.

Yu Zhu shifted her position, moving closer to her: "You listen to me talk about Chinese every day, what's the difference between that and listening at school?"

"Wait a minute."

Zhao Jie put his mouth to the phone: "In a high-level game, you pick a caveman? How am I supposed to protect you? You don't deserve to win."

As soon as she finished speaking, a cold female voice came from the screen.

DEFEAT.

Zhao Jie stared at the darkened game interface for two seconds, then casually put his phone on his lap and turned away.

"Your teaching style is better than that of the school teachers."

Yu Zhu's relaxed brows slowly furrowed again: "You have a prejudice against the school."

"At least you don't have occupational diseases."

"What kind of occupational hazard?"

"Smart people have already started taking notes."

After Zhao Jie finished speaking, he couldn't help but laugh.

Her laughter was loud, almost disproportionate to her overly thin frame. The wind blew through her oversized coat, and her loose trousers swayed gently below her knees.

Zhao Jie is fourteen years old this year.

Two years ago, she and several companions climbed into an abandoned factory and accidentally touched high-voltage equipment that had not been completely de-energized. By the time she was taken to the hospital, both of her lower legs had already been lost.

After recovering, she went back to school for a period of time.

Her classmates took turns pushing her wheelchair, her teachers provided her with psychological counseling from time to time, and the cafeteria staff would bring her food—with everyone's kind and loving care, she survived two suicide attempts.

Her parents eventually arranged for her to take a leave of absence from school and brought her home. At home, she played video games and watched anime, and occasionally when she went out, she drove her electric wheelchair like a small SUV.

She first met Yu Zhu by the lake.

One was in a wheelchair, the other with a cane; the two blocked each other's way for a long time on the narrow path. Zhao Jie angrily pounded on the armrest of the wheelchair and asked her if she was blind. Yu Zhu nodded and said yes.

From that day on, Zhao Jie considered them to be kindred spirits.

As long as the weather wasn't bad, she would come to chat with Yu Zhu almost every day, or ask her some questions about literature.

Zhao Jie exited the game and casually stuffed his phone into his coat pocket.

"I read the chapter where Xiaolongnu and Yang Guo paid their respects to heaven and earth yesterday, and it was quite touching."

Yu Zhu nodded: "Yes, I also really like that part; it's quite romantic."

Zhao Jie maneuvered his wheelchair around halfway, facing the lake: "What Wang Chongyang dared not do, Yang Guo dared to do. So what if Wang Chongyang was the best in the world? He couldn't even overcome his own inner demons."

"You can't overcome it either, can you?" Yu Zhu laughed.

"I'm different from him," Zhao Jie argued confidently. "I just haven't had enough fun yet."

A warm breeze blew by, and the fishy smell on the lake's surface faded considerably. Nearby, some people were flying kites with their children, the reels making a soft rustling sound as they turned. Further away, several birds landed on the newly sprouted grass, their calls clear and melodious.

Zhao Jie was quiet for a moment, then asked, "Tell me, when did Little Dragon Girl fall in love with Yang Guo?"

Yu Zhu thought for a moment.

She watched "The Return of the Condor Heroes" in bed when she was in junior high school. A lot of time has passed, and many memories have become blurry.

"I must have fallen for him quite early."

Zhao Jie asked earnestly, "What about love?"

"It was probably under the Dragon-Slaying Stone that Yang Guo, despite having a chance to escape, chose to live and die with Xiaolongnu."

Zhao Jie turned around: "So you think Xiaolongnu was moved, and that's why she fell in love with him?"

"Not entirely." Yu Zhu pressed her palm against the white cane, rolling it back and forth on her leg like rolling dough. "Two shrewd and selfish people, one with a ruthless instinct to kill betrayal, the other with an instinct to flee from danger, yet both chose each other against their instincts in a life-or-death situation—"

She paused for a moment, then added, "I think love that has been carefully considered is more genuine."

Zhao Jie tilted his head and pondered for a moment: "If you were Yang Guo, would you fall in love with Xiaolongnu?"

"Probably."

Yu Zhu answered naturally.

"She was strong and beautiful. Although she seemed aloof, she was never stingy with Yang Guo. At that time, Yang Guo had no relatives or friends, and suddenly someone appeared—"

Her voice suddenly stopped.

Seeing that she didn't speak, Zhao Jie turned the wheelchair around and asked, "Why aren't you saying anything?"

Yu Zhu opened her mouth, her thoughts in turmoil.

Young, lonely, and without any relatives or friends.

He was taken in by a powerful and beautiful person who taught him skills and gave him a place to stay temporarily. That person then became his mentor, teacher, relative, and lover, obscuring everything his eyes could see.

Yang Guo had been out of the Ancient Tomb for many years, passing through Xiangyang and the Valley of Heartbreak, and meeting many people. But all his paths ultimately led only to Xiaolongnü.

Yu Zhu hesitated for a moment, then slowly said, "I don't like Yang Guo."

"You don't like Yang Guo?" Zhao Jie's shock carried the exaggerated tone typical of a teenage girl. "Handsome, devoted, intelligent, highly skilled in martial arts, and also a yandere—and smells amazing!"

Yu Zhu raised her head and looked towards the lake.

The embankment stretched across the horizon as a hazy shadow, while the willows along its banks formed a swaying green ribbon. Sunlight fell upon the lake, shattering into countless flickering mosaic pixels.

"I just feel that... a life that only follows one person is a bit narrow-minded."

Zhao Jie stared at her for a moment, then wrinkled his nose.

"My mom also says I'm narrow-minded."

"Because you don't go to school?"

"Hmm." Zhao Jie leaned back in his wheelchair, crossing his arms over his chest. "She said I'm fragile and short-sighted. I only care about my current comfort and don't think about the future at all."

Yu Zhu couldn't comment on that.

She knows that "for your own good" is sometimes truly good, and she also knows that when a person is driven to a dead end, good or bad no longer matters so much.

"I think reading is about giving people more choices," she said slowly. "But once you've made a choice, others can't say you haven't thought it through just because they don't like the answer."

Zhao Jie's smile faded slightly: "So you think I can skip school?"

Yu Zhu smiled and asked, "Do you think this is a choice you won't regret?"

Zhao Jie raised his hand, scratched his hair irritably, and did not answer.

"I—have a friend." Yu Zhu lowered her eyes, her hand rolling her cane gradually stopping. "His family wasn't well-off, and he got excellent grades on the college entrance exam, but he still gave up on studying. Later, he achieved some success through other means, but he always had regrets about going to school."

Zhao Jie stared at Yu Zhu's face and raised an eyebrow: "If you think it's a pity, just take the exam again. It's not like you've missed your chance."

Yu Zhu's heart skipped a beat.

She instinctively pressed her hand to her chest and let out a long breath. Quickly, she looked up and smiled: "Sometimes you only get one chance."

"Why?" Zhao Jie pressed on relentlessly.

"Because... he already has another path to take."

The wind shakes the treetops above, and sunlight filters through the leaves.

The previously chaotic blocks of color in front of Yu Zhu suddenly trembled slightly, and the gray and white quickly receded to both sides, revealing a young face that emerged from the light without warning.

Very thin.

Her hair was disheveled by the wind, her eyebrows were thin and arched, and a few faint freckles dotted the bridge of her nose. Her eyes weren't as rebellious as Yu Zhu had imagined; they were dark and bright, with a hint of bewilderment lingering in their depths.

The clarity lasted only a moment.

The next second, Zhao Jie's eyebrows and eyes melted back into a shimmering light and shadow.

Yu Zhu stared at her blankly.

My heart started pounding again in my chest.

"What's wrong?" Zhao Jie asked.

Yu Zhu slowly withdrew her gaze.

"It's nothing."