Mud beads

Yu Zhu went upstairs very early.

She didn't drink, nor did she play their games. When Ji Yong shoved the controller into her hands, she held the black thing, unable to even distinguish the left and right joysticks. Before the car on the screen even left the starting line, it crashed head-on into the guardrail, exploding in flames. Ji Yong laughed so hard she leaned back, saying, "Sister, this is premeditated murder!"

The living room seemed to be filled with more laughter because of her presence, but she could not immerse herself in joy for a single moment.

She could never figure out the meaning behind those laughs.

Perhaps it has no meaning.

The controller was handed back to the boy, as Song Ban was the winner every time, and the game ended hastily after a few rounds. Ji Yong opened several bottles of foreign liquor, and Yu Zhu sat on the far side, her glass containing only lukewarm water. She listened quietly to their conversation: racing, shooting ranges, gossip about wealthy families. The words fell from a high place, interesting, but far removed from her.

Eshima Toru was a man of few words, occasionally adding a comment.

He was in a good mood tonight, visibly more relaxed. His shoulder leaned against the sofa, his wrist dangling, a glass slowly swirling between his fingers. He laughed when others made funny jokes, his eyes crinkling at the corners, the alcohol giving his face a slightly redder hue than usual.

Yu Zhu noticed his change and quickly looked away.

She couldn't look at him for too long.

Around 10 o'clock, Aunt Wang came to deliver ice cream and casually asked if Yu Zhu wanted to rest first. Yu Zhu immediately stood up, looking relieved, like a convict finally receiving their verdict.

"Then I'll go upstairs."

Zhou Qiyu looked up: "Goodnight, Zhuzhu."

With a piece of ice dangling from her mouth, Ji Yong mumbled, "Goodnight, little sister."

Song Ban raised his glass to her.

Yuejian Tetsu didn't speak. He sat under the lamp, looking down at his phone. Yu Zhu walked to the top of the stairs and couldn't help but glance back. As if sensing something, he raised his eyes slightly and looked over through the swaying figures in the living room.

Yu Zhu immediately turned around.

The noise from downstairs never stopped after she went upstairs.

The glass hit the table, and ice cubes rolled into it. Ji Yong's voice was the loudest, occasionally interspersed with profanities. Zhou Qiyu's laughter was also hearty. Song Ban didn't talk much, but every time he did, someone would curse at him. Yue Jianche's voice was mixed in with the music and couldn't be heard clearly.

Yu Zhu sat at her desk doing her winter vacation homework.

She couldn't concentrate on writing. The words lined up on the paper, then floated away. She went through the day's events in her mind, going over them again and again, almost harshly scrutinizing her own mistakes, but found nothing obvious.

Her feelings were complex. A little disappointed, yet also a little pleased. Disappointed by Zhou Qiyu's full, bright face, the silver necklace, and the black cake. Pleased by Yuejian Tetsu's hand lightly patting the folder.

He said, "I like it very much."

Yu Zhu pressed the pen tip against the paper, her heart skipping a beat.

Around midnight, the gathering came to an end. The sounds of saying goodbye and the door opening and closing rang out simultaneously. Aunt Wang whispered, "Walk slowly, don't trip."

Around one o'clock in the morning, the house finally became completely quiet.

Yu Zhu lay in bed, her eyelids already feeling heavy. She turned off her phone, and just as the room fell into darkness, footsteps echoed in the hallway.

Eshima Toru went upstairs.

The carpet absorbed most of the sound, leaving only the soft rustling of shoes against the fibers. Footsteps came up the stairs, passed the door of the next room, and continued forward without stopping.

Yu Zhu's back straightened slowly as the footsteps drew closer.

He stopped outside her door.

There was a knock on the door.

Yu Zhu's heart skipped a beat at the same time. She quickly switched on the bedside lamp, glanced down at her nightgown to make sure she was dressed properly, and then hurriedly jumped out of bed to open the door.

The door opened, and Toru Etsuma stood in the doorway, his broad shoulders blocking the spotlights from the corridor above.

His face was backlit, the sleeves of his black turtleneck sweater rolled up to his forearms, and a silver necklace hanging at his chest, swaying slightly with his body. He seemed a little drunk; his hair was somewhat disheveled, and the smell of alcohol on him wasn't pungent, but mixed with a faint, cool woody fragrance, giving off a slightly chilly, winter night vibe.

Yu Zhu paused for a moment, then immediately lowered her head: "Young... Senior Yue."

Echizen didn't respond, but pushed open the door and strode into her boudoir.

Yu Zhu belatedly moved aside.

Echizen Toru seemed completely uninterested in the furnishings of her room, and went straight to the bed after entering.

The mattress sagged in a bit.

Yu Zhu stood by the door, her hand on the doorknob, her eyes unsure of where to look.

In the dim light, Toru Echizen sat on the bed, his long legs loosely spread apart, his elbows resting behind him, in a languid posture.

"Come here," he beckoned.

Yu Zhu closed the door, hesitated for a moment, and slowly moved over.

She stopped a meter in front of him.

Echizen slowly raised his head, his eyes seemingly dazzled by the bedside lamp, his chin tilted slightly, and his eyelashes fluttered.

Even in the dim light, his skin remained translucent white. A noticeable blush trailed at the corners of his eyes, spreading from his cheeks down his neck and finally disappearing into the line of his collar.

"What's your birthday?"

The alcohol softened his tongue, and his usually emotionless tone now had some strange fluctuations.

Birthday?

Yu Zhu blinked and lowered her head.

This word, which was originally unfamiliar, has become somewhat familiar because it has appeared so many times today.

But it still has nothing to do with her.

She answered honestly, "I don't know... I don't have a birthday."

Echizen tilted his head and looked at her for a while, a faint smile appearing on his lips.

"No," he said. "Even the Song family's cats have birthdays, so you have to celebrate too."

Yu Zhu raised her eyelids and looked at Yue Jianche's unfocused eyes, but didn't say anything.

The room was quiet, save for the sounds of breathing and the slight rustling of the heating. The curtains weren't fully drawn, letting in the sunlight filtering through the snow and falling on the brown, short-pile carpet.

Her heart suddenly ached terribly.

The word "birthday" was unfamiliar to her, but it had at least appeared in her life. However, no one had ever spoken to her about it before.

You have to celebrate your birthday too.

You also have to... have a birthday?

Echizen seemed not to see her expression, raised his long arm, and pointed his index finger at her.

"Don't know? Then tomorrow's your birthday." He gently flicked the messy strands of hair that were obscuring his eyes, his gaze sharpening and then fading. "What gift do you want?"

Yu Zhu didn't know how to answer.

She thought of the candy in the mountains, the red scarf she had long since put away, the egg noodles in Yu Zhaozu's bowl, and the manicures of the girls in her class. Her mind was filled with so many things, so many that she didn't know which one belonged to her.

She could only shake her head habitually: "I don't want a gift."

Echizen's brow furrowed.

"Stop talking nonsense."

Yu Zhu curled her fingers. She treated his words as a command she had never carried out, racking her brains to understand them. It wasn't until her nails dug into her palms that she slowly began to find a clue.

"I...want a computer." Her voice was very soft.

After saying that, he immediately added something else.

"It's needed in many classes—for taking notes, researching, and looking at the slides the teacher provides..."

She hadn't actually finished speaking, but she quickly shut her mouth. She had meant to say that all her classmates had some.

Just because someone has it doesn't mean she can have it.

Computers are expensive. She used to have to beg Liu Guizhen's hand even for a few yuan's worth of exercise books, but now that she's asking for a computer, it's like she's bitten into something she shouldn't have.

Koshima Toru wasn't angry.

He still looked up at her calmly.

"Come here," he said.

Yu Zhu's heart was thrown into turmoil by those two words. She dared not move, but leaned slightly closer to him.

The cool fragrance emanating from Echizen Tetsuya became even clearer, seeping into her nose.

The next second, his hand suddenly gripped the back of her neck.

He pulled her close, their noses almost touching.

Yu Zhu froze. Before her were Yue Jianche's distinct eyelashes and his hazy, light black pupils. His breath, carrying the scent of alcohol, brushed against her face.

"Yu Zhu".

Echizen Toru's slow and deliberate voice rang in her ears.

"You. If you obey, you can obtain everything that others don't have."

After he finished speaking, he abruptly released his grip and pushed her away. Then he fell to the ground, crashing onto the bed.

Yu Zhu stumbled as he pushed her, as if she had been pushed down from the clouds, falling a few meters before landing on another cloud.

"Yue... Senior?"

Her heart was pounding so fast that she felt dizzy. She tried calling his name, but her voice trembled and she received no response.

She quietly took another step closer.

Toru Echizen was already asleep.

His face was half buried in the soft blankets, and a thin layer of red tinged the corners of his eyes and the area around his ears. His usually relaxed brow was slightly furrowed in his sleep.

She noticed a tiny gray mole on the side of his nose.

He usually stood far away or sat in a brighter spot, his features as clean as glass. She had never imagined that Etsuya Toru's face also had such small, asymmetrical features.

Yu Zhu stood there, the skin on the back of her neck still burning.

She didn't really know much about Eshima Toru. Just like she had thought Eshima Toru's hands would be cold, but Eshima Toru's palms were clearly dry and warm.

Yu Zhu looked away and tiptoed toward the door.

She turned up the temperature on the air conditioner panel a little. She didn't dare wake Etsuya, nor did she dare cover him with a blanket. She was afraid that he would think her things were dirty, just like his classmates did.

She didn't dare to call Aunt Wang. Yuejian Che was asleep in her bed, and this matter itself was like a secret that couldn't be told to anyone.

She returned to her desk, carefully pulled out a chair, and sat down, pressing her burning face against the surface.

The room was quiet, and the snowflakes on the carpet changed shape from time to time.

Echigo's breathing was very light.

As she listened, her eyelids slowly drooped.

When I woke up the next day, it was already bright outside the window.

Yu Zhu suddenly raised her head, her arm numb from being pressed down, and a red mark from the cuff of her sleeve on her cheek. She looked at the bed—empty, the blankets untouched.

She slowly stood up, hesitated, walked to the bedside, and leaned down.

There was a faint, almost imperceptible woody scent on the quilt cover.

Moth

When Yu Zhu washed up and came downstairs, Aunt Wang was setting out breakfast in the dining room.

"Where is the young master?" she asked, only to realize she had asked too quickly.

Aunt Wang didn't think much of it: "She went out after breakfast, saying she was going to play ball with Ji Yong and the others, and she won't be eating lunch at home."

Yu Zhu nodded.

She sat down to eat. She peeled the egg; the egg white was tender, and the yolk was still slightly moist. She ate slowly; the back of her neck was no longer hot, but she still felt a hand gripping it.

The doorbell rang halfway through the meal.

Aunt Wang went to open the door.

Two deliverymen stood outside the door, pushing a small cart behind them. The cardboard boxes were stacked one on top of the other, the seals neatly applied, and English printed on the outside that she couldn't understand. After checking the address, the deliverymen asked Aunt Wang to sign it.

"Young Master ordered this." Aunt Wang glanced at the order form, then turned to Zhuzhu. "It's for you."

Yu Zhu walked over.

The delivery driver said he needed to open the boxes to inspect the goods. The cardboard boxes were carried into the living room one by one, and then opened one by one. Inside were a tablet computer, a desktop computer, and various accessories—keyboard, mouse, headphones, and stylus.

The items were piled on the carpet, crammed together, like a small, cold, metallic forest suddenly growing in the living room.

Yu Zhu stood to the side, her fingers tightly gripping the cuffs of her loungewear.

All she said last night was that she wanted a computer.

Echizen gave her a bunch of things.

Aunt Wang smiled and said, "Young Master has equipped everything for you. We'll have the installer come upstairs and set it up for you later. Shall I put the tablet in your room for you first?"

Yu Zhu did not answer immediately.

Looking at the cardboard boxes, she felt a surge of warmth at first, but quickly followed by panic. Excessive joy always seemed to be accompanied by unease for her.

Toru Koshima said that if you are obedient, you can obtain everything that others do not have.

It turns out it was true.

Yu Zhu slowly reached out and touched the edge of the cardboard box closest to her.

The cardboard box was very hard, and the sharp edges pricked my fingertips.

She withdrew her hand and whispered, "Thank you."

Aunt Wang didn't hear clearly: "What?"

Yu Zhu lowered her head.

"It's nothing."